Trains Galore...
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I spent another long morning down at the rail yard. I hiked all the way from where the old train station used to be to the end of that old dilapidated cotton mill. One thing about walking the tracks is you get to see the backside of town. I did get to see two trains which thrilled my soul. I waved vigorously at the engineer as one train passed. Helen is already here. She is washing my sheets and comforter. Soon, she will get supper started. She is frying pork chops and preparing rutabagas, mashed potatoes, pear salad, and cornbread muffins. My mouth is already watering....
Source: The 4th Avenue Blues - May 16, 2008 Tags: Writing Railroads Blogging Helen
Progress?
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I didn't talk with my "online friend" at all yesterday. This is a big step for me. But it took a little bit of work. I was playing and he logged on as soon as he got home from work. I don't know if he didn't want to say hello or he didn't have a chance to see that I was online (it was only about 60 seconds that he had logged on), but I heard the garage door open for Mark, and I immediately logged off.We got dinner, did some things, and it was quite awhile before I logged back on which is NOT typical of me at all. Before I logged back on, I took all of my nighttime meds (and tripled my Seroquel dose), and he wasn't on. It t...
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 16, 2008
Week Two in the Process: Evaluating the Importance of This Blog
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In which Douglas contemplates his binary navel.One thing I noticed now that I've mentally put my blog on the back burner is that I am awfully dedicated to something that doesn't do anything for me. I refer, of course, to earning money, the universal validator of purpose and relevance. However, if I wanted to blog for money, I certainly wouldn't blog here. I know you folks don't click on the Google ads. If I just wanted money, I'd update my Bear Grylls blog which earns money through Google ads and Amazon.com affiliate purchases each and every month. But I don't update that blog. Instead I blog here.That doesn't sound smart....
Source: The Splintered Mind by Douglas Cootey - May 16, 2008 Tags: Blogging Musings
How goes, peeps?
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I'll TELL you how it goes here: unable to get to fucking sleep!I had an incredibly nasty migraine earlier which has fortunately passed, but my sinuses are screaming at me that they just might decide to exert enough pressure to induce another one at any moment. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that I give two shits (so long as I am able to crawl in to work in the morning, that is). I am very good right now both physically and emotionally, and I dare anyone or anything to wrench the positive feelings from me.I know I owe a few friends phone calls, and I'll gladly get around to it over the next few days. In the meantime, p...
Source: Weird Cake: Treats from a Bipolar Mind - May 16, 2008 Tags: assorted life
I Walk The Line
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Hell fuckin' YEAH I love this song, and I was listening to it earlier in the evening during a very special phone conversation with P.; of course, I'm sure that some people may be pissed off to hear that, but I am in a unique place right now which doesn't require that I mind who I do or do not piss off. Does that make me bad? Hell no, it simply makes me REAL.(Johnny Cash)I keep a close watch on this heart of mineI keep my eyes wide open all the timeI keep the ends out for the tie that bindsBecause you're mine, I walk the lineI find it very, very easy to be trueI find myself alone when each day is throughYes, I'll admit that...
Source: Weird Cake: Treats from a Bipolar Mind - May 16, 2008 Tags: assorted music
I worked a week. I even used my flex time this week.
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I did leave work half an hour early on Wednesday and then worked an extra half hour yesterday. I did manage to go the camping store and did also manage to not spend too much. I did not buy things...
Source: My life's Adventure - May 16, 2008 Authors: petert Tags: Working
Song for Rachael Leaving
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It hurts to see her go, but six and a half years is a pretty good run. Rachael Myers is leaving the lead organizer position at Real Change to take the ED job at the Washington Low Income Housing Alliance. I remember her interview in late-2001 for the organizer position. She was the stand-out in a weird field. There was bizarrely over-qualified guy who dropped out because the pay was too low.
Source: Apesma's Lament - May 16, 2008 Authors: Tim Harris
the face of depression
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008 Tags: Benzo Withdrawals beat depression
More astroturfing from the USA - SAVE.org
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Bob Fiddaman at Seroxat Sufferers writes about a patient organisation in America called Suicide Awareness Voices Of Education (SAVE).
This organisation is a fantastic example of astroturfing. For those of you unfamiliar with the word, astroturfing is a term for formal public relations campaigns… that seek to create the impression of being spontaneous, grassroots behavior. Hence the reference to AstroTurf (artificial grass) is a metaphor to indicate fake grassroots support.
The goal of such a campaign is to disguise the agenda of a client as an independent public reaction to some political entity—a politician, political...
Source: seroxat secrets... - May 15, 2008 Authors: admin Tags: Anti-depressant Big Pharma Drug Marketing
beating depression
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008
the blankie
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008
today in my garden
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008 Tags: today in my garden quotes
the terror of depression
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008
Hard Step in the Right Direction
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I know I just wrote a post, but I felt this was important enough to write another one.I'm living in a "fantasy world". I somehow need to disconnect myself from the online game. I can't do it completely, I know that, but I can play less. Somehow. Someway. As for my online friend? I don't think there needs to be a "break-up" talk, so to speak - just light discussion, kept brief and formal. Do I think I can do this? I don't know. If I can get past my online friend, maybe I can get past the game altogether. It's so ridiculous, his idea of us actually meeting, or even moving to where he lives, and me actually listening to it. I...
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 15, 2008
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I went to ward round yesterday as arranged t three o'clock. Ward round would take place at three thirty I was then told.I was shown in to a room and Sam was brought to me. We chatted a bit. He found it hard to stay on the same subject. He kept giggling. He couldn't answer questions.Then suddenly they appeared. The consultant psychiatrist, his ward doctor and Sam's new named nurse.I talked of what had happened on Friday and how it had come about. I tried to involve Sam but he couldn't keep on the subject. his answers were about something totally different. he ended up only able to giggle and not talk at all. He kept leaving...
Source: 'schizophrenia' <p>- a carer's journal</p> - May 15, 2008
Emptiness?
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Today is Mark's birthday, and I was SO tired (probably because of the Abilify), that I forgot to wish him a Happy Birthday before he left for work. I've called him several times, but he hasn't answered his phone. I need to bathe and go get him a card and something small. Perhaps be prepared when he gets home to go to dinner for a change....Finally Mark made his point last night, although I think he's made it before now. He said he doesn't like me "chatting" while playing the online game. I do giggle sometimes, but not always because of my "online friend". I don't think he appreciates it. Although he plays the game himself,...
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 15, 2008
Witch's Cauldron...
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I have a big pot of titillating beef stew bubbling away like a witch's cauldron on the stove this morning. My house smells wonderful. I made enough to feed an army and will freeze most of it. Also, today I am making a pan of cornbread like my mother always made it. You heat the oil in an iron skillet till it is smoking and pour in the cornbread batter. It fries and makes a crunchy crust on the outside. This morning was my injection and that was routine. Tim, one of my fellow employees, picked me up and took me. I don't feel well enough to drive lately. I managed to talk Dad into giving me a little money for breakfast this ...
Source: The 4th Avenue Blues - May 15, 2008
Slightly Belated Welcome
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Source: The Trouble With Spikol - May 15, 2008
real
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 15, 2008
Woe To the Unrighteous
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From Chapter 22. Another Jeremiah gem courtesy my friend Donna.
13 "Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness,
his upper rooms by injustice,
making his countrymen work for nothing,
not paying them for their labor.
14 He says, 'I will build myself a great palace
with spacious upper rooms.'
So he makes large windows in it,
panels it with cedar
and decorates
Source: Apesma's Lament - May 15, 2008 Authors: Tim Harris
America The Medicated Nation
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A report out by Medco Health Solutions, a pharmacy benefits management company, claims that over half of all insured Americans are taking prescription drugs of some kind. That's the first time the percentage has ever passed 50 percent.
The most commonly used drugs according to Medco were blood pressure and cholesterol drugs. That goes against what IMS Health reported earlier this year when its own figures showed that anti-depressants were the most widely used class of drugs in America. I assume they are looking at different datasets of drug use. I wasn't able to locate a copy of the Medco report.
Anyhow, America has sure...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 15, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: American Culture
Sexual Dysfunction On Anti-Depressants Higher Than Thought, Longer Lasting
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Thanks to CL Psych who flagged this issue the other day and posted one academic paper acknowledging that not only are there weird problems such as genital anesthesia--such a polite term--connected with anti-depressant use in some cases, but that the rate of sexual dysfunction on the happy pills isn't very happy at all. In fact, it's much higher than doctors have commonly assumed and than pharma companies have been willing to admit. There's a reason of course: admitting that taking Prozac, for example, could cause sexual dysfunction in a high percentage of cases would utterly crater sales.
Let me offer a disclaimer before ...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 15, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Depression
Mich. Judge Tells Young Man To Commit Suicide
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I've run into stories over the years of judges saying remarkably stupid things to people in court, but this one utterly takes the cake:
"Novi District Court Judge Brian MacKenzie said Wednesday his office still is looking into comments made April 10 by Judith Holtz.
"Holtz had told Michael Robert Dickey of Farmington Hills that it would be cheaper, faster and less painful for the people who cared about him if he took his own life.
"Court transcripts obtained by WXYZ-TV in Detroit show Holtz suggested Dickey jump from the roof of his house or slash his wrists as she chastised the 20-year-old for a third charge involving ...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 15, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Suicide
Leading Bipolar Disorder Researcher Refers To Me As "Doctor"
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Some of you may recall that in late 2006 I wrote a series of posts casting doubt on some of the statistics in the BOLDER II trial of Seroquel. The trial was a part of the drug's approval for bipolar depression. You can read these posts here and here.
As it turned out, I submitted a letter to the editor of the Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology, which published the study, asking for clarification of the statistics from Michael Thase, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh and lead author of the study. It took almost 18 months--man, academic publishing moves far too slowly in the Internet age--but I'v...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 15, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Bipolar Disorder
for that matter: Psychiatry at it's worst
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 14, 2008 Tags: arrogant doctors
no one fights like i do
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 14, 2008 Tags: arrogant doctors
Responding to the ECT Discussion
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Sue Clark-Wittenberg, who I mentioned yesterday, wrote in and had this to say:
Hi Liz, I am Sue Clark-Wittenberg the woman you're writing about in Canada. Electroshock always causes brain damage according to Dr. Harold Sackeim. He did an ECT study in 2007. Dr. Peter R. Breggin wrote an article called
"Disturbing News for Patients and Shock Doctors" see www.breggin.com. His section called "blogs" and see this article. Also Dr. Breggin wrote a book called Electroshock: Its Brain Disabling Effects. See Leonard Roy Frank's quotationary at endofshock.com
Google "Dr John Friedberg Testimony" a neurologist who talks about damag...
Source: The Trouble With Spikol - May 14, 2008
Back on Abilify
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First of all, I ran out of Zyprexa and Geoden, and went a night without it. Yesterday, I felt kind of sick, had it refilled, and slept most of the late afternoon/early evening away.When I called to get refills, I had them refill my Abilify. What the heck? My online computer game usage is out of control, I have this online "friend" that I can't seem to shake the feelings I've developed, and need to gain some order back into my life. If Abilify isn't the answer, what is? I don't shower daily, I play the game constantly, hoping he'll come online, and waiting for him to say something to me. I've even become "moody" to him now....
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 14, 2008
sorting it all out
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 14, 2008
ruby me
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 14, 2008 Tags: ruby
US Government Ignores Human Rights, Injects Immigration Deportees With Antipsychotics
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This is an official holy-shit story from the Washington Post:
"The U.S. government has injected hundreds of foreigners it has deported with dangerous psychotropic drugs against their will to keep them sedated during the trip back to their home country, according to medical records, internal documents and interviews with people who have been drugged."
I first wrote about this phenomenon last October when the Los Angeles Times reported on similar doings in the LA area. I'll be blunt: what's going on here is a major human rights violation, regardless of what one thinks of immigration issues:
"Involuntary chemical restraint...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 14, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: American Culture
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My mouth sores are gradually healing and I'm now being weaned off lentil soup onto semi-solids like macaroni cheese. Wow, soon I'll be almost as independent as a toddler. God I'm dying for some real food. I've been tired and lethargic all week spending much of the time sleeping. This is a real bummer as my wife is on holiday this week and we had planned to go away for a few days. Instead of a nice break in the highlands, she has been left to do the garden, shopping, etc. and nurse me in between.I haven't had a drink since last Thursday afternoon, almost a week. No shakes, no problems, not missing it at all, can't be arsed ...
Source: Bipolar Mo - May 14, 2008 Authors: Mo
Mad Pride Article Gets More Responses
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A couple other voices on the 'Net have weighed in on Sunday's New York Times on folks with allegedly serious mental illnesses writing about such matters online. I wrote about the piece the other day.
John Grohol at PsychCentral.com smartly critiques the article, especially its underlying set of assumptions about mental health care:
"The article only refers to psychiatrists as being responsible for treating people with mental illness, which is an unfortunate oversight. Psychiatrists make up the smallest profession responsible for the treatment of mental illness — it would have been more balanced to refer to 'mental heal...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 14, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Media
Two more days of work done.
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I worked Monday and Tuesday. I did not sleep Monday night. Yesterday was bad I was very tired and slept as soon as I got home from work. I did good work though. I had my year end review and...
Source: My life's Adventure - May 14, 2008 Authors: petert Tags: Working
Seroquel Approved As New Lithium, Depression Next
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AstraZeneca announced today the FDA has approved Seroquel, its $4 billion year in sales atypical antipsychotic, as a maintenance treatment for bipolar disorder used in conjunction with either Lithium of valproic acid (aka Depakote). Getting the drug approved as a maintenance treatment is tantamount to the FDA declaring it the new Lithium, the longtime "gold standard" maintenance drug for bipolar disorder. I congratulate AZ on getting this nasty little drug approved in such a way that they can now market it as a "forever" treatment and cannot wait to see the new ads. It's a drug the company has been researching for literall...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 14, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Bipolar Disorder
Looking at buying computer stuff but instead buying camping stuff and paying bills
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I am still trying not to buy stuff. I just spent about twenty minutes surfing the web site of a local computer store realising they have very good prices for hard drives. I will be planning on buying there but...
Source: My life's Adventure - May 14, 2008 Authors: petert Tags: Shopping
Things Fall Apart
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"Daddy's peeing out of his mouth," laughed Mica. "No he's not," defended Kay. "Yes he is! It's going into the toilet, so he's peeing." "No he's not!" "Yes he is!"
The commentary of my five-year-olds raged back and forth as I sat on the side of the tub projectile vomiting for about the sixth time today. Nothing stays down. Even Pedia-lite.
This has been one of the suckier days of my life.
Source: Apesma's Lament - May 14, 2008 Authors: Tim Harris
1,500th Post
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I'd just like to take this opportunity to let you all know that this is the 1,500th post on this site. That's kind of a landmark. To date, those 1,500 posts have gotten about 8,900 comments, or about 6 comments per post. Considering that not many people commented the first year or so that this site was in existence, that's purty good. Keep 'em coming. And thanks.
Just for fun, this site's first post on Sept. 25, 2005 was gloriously entitled "Testing 1...2...3." Yes, it was a test post.
Source: Furious Seasons - May 14, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Media
Teenage Depressionland, Circa Now And Then
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SAMSHA--and I can never make myself type out that acronym--released results of a survey yesterday asserting that 8.5 percent of American teens experience a major depressive episode each year from 2004 through 2006. That loosely tracks with the national average among adults of about 7 percent.
According to USA Today, 12.7 percent of teen girls experienced depression compared to 4.6 percent of boys (the SAMHSA study the paper links to doesn't break out the gender differences). That's fairly close to the adult dynamic also--i.e., depression affecting women more than men until later in life when it evens out. Not that it's a ...
Source: Furious Seasons - May 14, 2008 Authors: Philip Dawdy Tags: Depression
i know you
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008 Tags: ruby
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008
excuse me while i scream 3
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008 Tags: ruby
excuse me while i scream 2
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008 Tags: ruby
excuse me while i scream
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008 Tags: ruby gold
Happy Birthday to me!!!
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Indeed, I turned 37 yesterday at 2:15pm CDT...take care all, and I'll post again later! :-)
Source: Weird Cake: Treats from a Bipolar Mind - May 13, 2008
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What happened on Friday just takes us back to square one with Sam's leave.We had been fighting so long to get his leave back after the events before Christmas. At last we got leave with him on our own again and ...it all goes wrong.So what next?Did Sam not realise the effect his actions would have? I believe not. He had certain imperatives going through his mind and just acted upon them. If he had been susceptible to reason then he wouldn't have gone off.But his actions had a huge impact on so many other people. He came back safely of his own volition - but after so much trouble for so many people. If we don't recognise th...
Source: 'schizophrenia' <p>- a carer's journal</p> - May 13, 2008
ECT, Canada, and Saying the Unthinkable
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Many people know I had ECT and it didn't work for me and I think the industry that promotes it is wildly corrupt and I'm deeply suspicious of its use. However, I must say that I have seen people respond to it -- especially those who have been catatonic or close to it.
The procedure has had consistently popularity in Canada as well as the U.S. From this week's CBC News:
A report in the Canadian Medical Association Journal last week shows the procedure is commonly used to treat drug-resistant depression in seniors.
However, critics of the procedure believe its usage should be stopped, and it is a painful procedure that le...
Source: The Trouble With Spikol - May 13, 2008
time lapse
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Source: soulful sepulcher - May 13, 2008
At What Cost?
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Serious mental illness cost the U.S. at least $193 billion a year in lost earnings, estimates a new study by the National Institute of Mental Health. This staggering figure just begins the scratch the surface of the financial toll schizophrenia and other serious illnesses cause.In fact, we know this study included very few people with schizophrenia. Nor did it access people in hospitals or prisons. The number is undoubtedly much, much higher. This leads to some obvious question:Why did a NIMH study leave these patients out?How much higher could the real figure be? Twenty percent? Fifty percent? Double?And, most importantly...
Source: Treatment Advocacy Center - May 13, 2008
Sorry!
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Sorry for my outburst this morning. I am just not feeling well and tend to use the blog to vent. I feel badly and better at the same time for writing that post. Misery loves company as they always say, and I just don't want to be alone. I feel so alone these days.
Source: The 4th Avenue Blues - May 13, 2008
