MedWorm.com provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 6000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest items from the 'Fading from Memory' source. Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:37:37 +0100 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/10/31/Amateur-Hour The NSW Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages has just convinced me that New South Wales is a bad place to die. I think it was on 10th October that I contacted them to say that dad's death certificate was full of errors, and I was told that some form was being sent out to me. Well, that never arrived. So, I called the Registry again today, waited the obligatory few minutes while inane 'messages' were spoken at me, and then explained the whole story once more. This time I was told that a form could be sent out, no problem about that, but that there was rather a backlog and we would not get a corrected death certificate for about three months. I was instead advised to take the original document, in person, to the Registry office in Sydney, and wait in line. Apparently, if I get there earl... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1921050 Thu, 30 Oct 2008 23:54:47 +0100 1921050 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/10/30/Reappearances2 Last weekend a woman in England contacted me to say that her recently deceased father had been on the same ship as my father, when they were torpedoed during the Second World War. After a couple of email exchanges, she sent me a photograph of the survivors. My father is among them, standing at the back, but nearly a head taller than everyone else, looking young, confident, fresh-faced and excited by life. This is a photograph that none of us have ever seen before, yet it was so clearly dad, so easily identifiable, that when I forwarded it to Greg, Rachel and Derek there was no need to point dad out. It was nearly 67 years ago. It staggers me to think that that photograph has been in existence, in the custody of strangers who had quite independent reasons for preserving it, but that it has... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1918072 Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:46:14 +0100 1918072 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/10/23/More-threads Going through the paper work is a big job. After reading everything related to, say, a life insurance policy, I make notes of the questions and most vital pieces of information I have. Then I call the insurance company, whose name has invariable changed since the policy was taken out. I explain the situation, and the person I talk to always says, 'I am sorry for your loss.' I always reply, 'It's OK.' And it is. They don't need to say anything, and in fact that would be preferable. The other thing that seems to be invariable is that every company, whether a phone company or an insurance company, has the equivalent of a 'deceased account process', which always begins with them sending me a 'pack' or, at minimum, a form. Not one of these packs has arrived yet, and I still haven't received the... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1901660 Fri, 24 Oct 2008 02:11:18 +0100 1901660 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/10/10/Unnecessary-complications Dad's death certificate arrived, and is full of errors. I don't know who is to blame for this, but I am pointing the finger at the undertaker. She could so easily have given us the form to fill out, but instead insisted on providing 'the service'. Some of the errors are potentially complicating. Dad's name is misspelt. So is the place of death (and residence), the number of years spent in Australia is inaccurate by about a quarter of a century, and the place of his marriage to mum is about 10,000 miles off target. On top of all that, Rachel's name has been spelt wrong. Too many assumptions were made. We weren't asked how long dad lived in Australia; we were asked when he arrived here. That was 1951, but he lived overseas many years since then. Dad lived in Australia about 34 years, not 5... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1865545 Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:06:36 +0100 1865545 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/26/Follow-ups The crematorium called Greg this week to ask him what he wanted to do with the ashes. They offered a couple of alternatives: placement behind a brass plaque for $1,000, or scattering in their surrounding gardens for $180. Neither of these options means much to either of us. I asked Greg, 'how much does it cost to give them no answer?' Ever since I learnt that the residual material can include remnants of the coffin, is often mixed up with ashes from other bodies, and is actually the result of fire plus pulverisation by large steel balls, my interest in ashes has fallen from zero to something less. Sentimentally, I think I would now have preferred a burial, but that is more a throwback to the past, where gravestones were the only record. I am thinking of the interest I've shown recently in... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1829220 Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:56:23 +0100 1829220 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/25/Clearing-up As I sit here at the computer, I am surrounded by my parents' papers, lying all over the floor like pack-ice. I have been tip-toeing over the various stacks of paper for a day and a half now. I've made a path through the middle so I can get from the kitchen to the desk. Although I have been filing mum and dad's papers for about two years now, everything needs to be collated and re-examined. Many of their affairs involve money, which they owe to others, which others owe to them, and which they have in several places. Now that dad is dead, several things change - pensions, life insurance, and so on. Other services such as his broadband and gas, telephone and burglar alarm maintenance, are no longer needed. The picture in my spare room is somewhat similar except that there there are icebergs... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1825879 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 04:23:54 +0100 1825879 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/18/Excavations It is astonishing to think that a week has gone by since the funeral. I have slowly felt things getting back to normal and, just as astonishingly, this has seemed to happen very quickly. I've been back to work, and meeting friends, only two of whom know about dad's death. I feel no need to tell others about it. In fact, I would rather not endure their awkwardness or sympathies. Instead, I have begun to sort out the loose ends that surround the death. Derek, who is now back in the UK, has been in touch with the relevant government departments and Rolls Royce to find out what we need to do about dad's pensions. I've provided him with the pension numbers and various other bits of bureaucratic gobbledygook that they need. We still need to organised notarised copies of the powers of attorney ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1802787 Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:46:32 +0100 1802787 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/11/Last-night Greg and I went to the airport to meet Derek and Janet, Rebecca and Connor, who had all flown in from points European on the same flight. Before they emerged fro mthe immigration gates Greg and I had a long talk about dad. Greg seems to be having a much harder time than I am. He is preoccupied with how we might have done things differently, perhaps even tortured over the question. I eschewed the usual soothing noises, this situation not being one that I feel sits comfortably with me, and probably not with him either. Instead, I simply stated that if I had been blessed with foresight there were two things I would have changed - the medication dad received and the trips to the hospital. The medication, however, was part and parcel of the deal I thought we made with the home. We knew, I ma... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1782734 Thu, 11 Sep 2008 11:16:00 +0100 1782734 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/11/And-today I got up in plenty of time and dressed in black clothes for the funeral. I have so much black, it was not at all a strange thing to do. The day was very bright and sunny, almost blindingly bright, and several people commented on it. How much worse things would have been had it been raining. Greg had managed to make contact with the minister of mum and dad's church. He remembered them both, and agreed to conduct the service. One of the elders of the church had asked to say a few words about dad (ironically, this is the man who once wiped out all the speed-dial numbers in dadd's phone and left him sithout his lifeline for a couple of days). A half-dozen of the congregation wanted to attend, too. So, there were about twenty of us there altogether. The crematorium is a big place with four ch... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1782733 Thu, 11 Sep 2008 02:11:52 +0100 1782733 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/05/Funeral-set Id been warned that the necessities of dealing with the funeral come at exactly the time one least wishes to think about such things, and it is so true. We at least seem not to disagree too much about how the affair should be conducted. When I arrived at Greg's house he told me that he and Rachel would prefer not to have the church service and instead just have the service at the crematorium. I agreed immediately. I look askance at our parent's church. After over two decades of attendance and contribution to it, they have been all but ignored by it. I would be very cynical about anyone from the church who now turned up at the funeral to show how much they cared. We met with the undertaker, and what ensued was one of the most excruciating meetings I have ever attended. She addressed us in... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1764009 Fri, 05 Sep 2008 01:14:20 +0100 1764009 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/04/The-arrangements-begin Since staying up all night with dad I have been sleeping during the day and awake all night. I went to bed at about 8 am this morning and woke at about 4 pm. A hard black thought intruded like a stab in the soft cloudiness of waking: 'my dad is dead'. I've avoided contact with friends today; only two of them know about the death, one local and one in the USA, and right now I don't want to talk about it, so I won't be telling anyone else soon. I've just tried to stay quiet. I've talked to all my siblings by phone today, about the schedule, and distributed an email telling most of our cousins about the death - and that is about it. I must say that I want nothing to do with the flood of details that now pop up. None of the questions such as whether to hold a service, when, in what form, and... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1759958 Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:36:58 +0100 1759958 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/04/Aftermath Although I needed to sleep quite badly, I instead got ready to go and see dad one last time. I made sure I had breakfast first, then drove up to my office to get the funeral papers. From there I drove across Sydney to the retirement home. noting with some amusement that I took a slightly longer route than I should have. Obviously my mind is not entirely on what I am doing. I often wondered how I would feel at this time, and now I know. The unexpected aspect is the variability. One moment I feel perfectly composed and practical, and the next I have a lump in my throat and am fighting back tears that I never thought I would shed. I kept saying to myself 'my dad died this morning', but it seemed almost to have no import. When I got to the retirement village I gave the undertaker's contact d... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1759959 Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:48:00 +0100 1759959 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/03/Overnight-vigil 21:15 I arrived. Flute music was playing on the radio. Dad's breathing was rapid and rasping (46 breaths per minute). His eyes were open. 21:36 Breathing 46/min. Blinking maybe once per minute. He groaned. 22:30 Two nurses came in to turn dad and swab his mouth. I saw that the discolouration of his legs went 2/3 of the way up his shins. 22:40 Breathing getting harder. 23:10 Breathing 46/min. 23:18 I wonder how long he can keep this hard breathing up. It is as if he has finished a long-distance race, but cannot ever recover like a runner would. Every few minutes his breath catches and he takes a bigger one. 23:35 I had a snack. 23:55 A nurse moistened dad's mouth with the swab and applied lip balm. 00:15 I took a short video of dad, using my phone. 00:20 I got a small reaction out of dad wh... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1754809 Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:25:28 +0100 1754809 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/02/Saying-goodbye When I spoke to Greg this morning, he was already in dad's room, and said he would wait until I got there. When I arrived, dad was lying with his head turned to the room, brathing hoarsely, but continuously and fairly evenly. His eyes were half-open, but unblinking. Two of the staff had just finished tending to him and they told me that a morphine patch had been applied to his back. His head was very skull-like, due, no doubt, to the dehydration, since he is neither eating nor drinking much at all now. Later, as I was on my way out I stuck my head around the manager's door and she told me that when it gets to this stage, when food and drink cannot be administered normally, then it is usually less than forty-eight hours until people die. She had been surprised, she said, that dad was still... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1750294 Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:05:32 +0100 1750294 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/09/01/A-step-closer Greg called today. The manager of the section that is looking after dad had called. She said that dad was going to be put on morphine, to try to relieve his restlessness, which, it is thought, is caused by mounting discomfort. She told Greg that she thought that things would be 'sooner rather than later' (the sort of vague metaphors that start to pepper dialogue concerning someone about to die). Greg decided to go and see dad this evening. Apparently, the manager had called Rachel earlier in the day, but Rachel has been too upset to speak to either Greg or me, and the manager had then called Greg and asked him to pass the information on. Greg asked me when I was going to visit, and I said I would go in the morning. He seemed not to like this answer, asking 'what are you doing now?' I ca... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1750295 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 12:13:00 +0100 1750295 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/29/Good-visit When I entered dad's room this afternoon, he barely reacted. The room was warm and the curtains were drawn. It seemed clear that dad had been left to sleep. I bent over and touched him, and told him who I was and that I'd come to visit him, that he just needed to rest and get well, and that we were all looking after him. No reaction. I counted his breaths and timed the pauses. No change. Then something quite surprising happened. Dad was struggling to move his arms, trying to push them under the sheet, perhaps. 'What's up, dad?' I asked. And in a voice barely audible, I heard him say: 'I don't know what's wrong.' Probably one of the truest things he's ever said. It then occurred to me that it might be a good idea to bring mum in again. I went next door and looked for her. At first it look... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1742825 Fri, 29 Aug 2008 19:38:09 +0100 1742825 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/27/Fading-picture I received a call from Rachel at 8:30 this morning, to say that the retirement village had called her with the news that dad had gone into renal failure. Rachel sounded upset, and was getting ready to go over to see dad straight away. I resolved to do the same thing, and we arrived there about the same time. Dad was flat on his back in bed, his bed extension was in place. He was slightly restless, not much. And he showed almost no signs of recognition when we spoke to him and announced that we were there. Over the next 90 minutes, we watched him. His breathing pattern has shifted somewhat - for the worse, I think. He is breathing maybe 9 to 15 times and then not breathing for 45 seconds. Towards the end of this spell he often started to raise his arms high off the bed, as if to get somet... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1734100 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:53:49 +0100 1734100 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/24/How-to-mess-it-all-up-in-20-mins Busy on Wednesday, I postponed my visit to see dad until Thursday. The drive takes about 40 minutes to an hour, so I always hope that there is going to be some reason for the visit to be prolonged more than a few minutes, otherwise the journey seems excessive. I aimed to get to the retirement village at 4 pm. I walked in and was pleased to see dad sitting in the common room, dressed in a bright red flannel shirt and looking relatively normal compared to the others around him. There was evidence that he had wet himself, and that the nappy that all the residents wear was leaking a bit. He recognised me and immediately said hello, and then, 'I want to get out of this place.' I couldn't look him in the eye. I said 'you are going to have to get a bit better first, dad.' He didn't understand thi... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1729491 Sat, 23 Aug 2008 22:51:13 +0100 1729491 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/18/Dad-s-prognosis I went see dad, and mum, today. As I arrived, dad was just being put to bed. He'd been up and sitting in the common room, had been able to support his own weight on a frame, and had been eating a bit more too. One of the staff told me that he had heard dad say several words clearly. Everyone agrees that dad has improved. And now perhaps a pattern has emerged. Each time dad has been to the hospital his condition has worsened substantially. Each time he has been discharged, he has suddenly started to recover. Even if I had not already lost all regard for the hospital, I would be wondering about this. I now think that the hospital is the worse place for dad, unless he has an emergency. From what I have seen and heard of their treatment, it is harsh, aggressive, and not adapted to dementia ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1711791 Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:14:41 +0100 1711791 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/17/Seeing-with-my-own-eyes Finally, after being warned off by norovirus, and a day spent waiting for the message from the hospital that never came, I saw dad. Rachel, Greg and I had agreed to meet at the village at 2 pm. I saw Rachel's car ahead of me as I drove down the street beside the retirement village, and we met in the car park. I was keen to go straight in to see dad, but we talked for quite a while at the office. What struck me about this conversation was that when I asked whether dad was better or worse than when he went into hospital, I was told that he was the same. 'So, there was no incident of unconsciousness, or him falling out of his chair?' I asked. 'Oh, I tell a lie. Yes, there was that. Twice on the day we called for the ambulance I found him flat on his back on the floor beside his chair.' So, I... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1709320 Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:05:26 +0100 1709320 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/15/Another-day Greg sent me a message early this morning to say that the hospital had called him. He'd been informed that dad was to be discharged today. Later, he called to say that an ambulance had been ordered for 1 pm, to drive dad back to the retirement village. He suggested that I call the hospital after this time to check whether dad had actually left. I called the hospital at about 1:30 pm. Dad was still there. I was told that the hospital would call me when he left. I gave them my number. It is now 5 pm. Even if they call now to say he is leaving, it would be about 7 pm before I could get there. Too late. Another day gone. I am getting tired of not knowing what is going on and why. Later... At about 7 pm, Greg called to say that dad was back at the retirement village, having arrived at about... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1709321 Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:25:00 +0100 1709321 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/14/Bad-news-bad-blood I called Greg this evening merely to tell him that my phone had been reconnected, and asked if he had seen dad. In a rather flat voice he told me that he had been into give dad his dinner and breakfast today and yesterday. He added that he thought dad would never get out of there alive. When I asked why, he began to sound impatient and said that dad was barely conscious, 'off with the pixies'. He told me that on entering the ward he had heard someone calling out 'Help me! Help me!' and discovered that it was dad, and that everyone there was just pressing on with whatever they were doing as if nothing was happening. Dad had got both his legs out of the bed but was, apparently unable to get up or get back into bed properly. Greg helped him back in. This is, Greg says, how he has been ever si... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1704783 Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:42:46 +0100 1704783 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/12/Final-clearance I met the people from the St Vincent de Paul charity this afternoon. Everything was ready for them, and it took less than half an hour for them to carry everything out and load it in their van. What was then left is as follows: Things Greg will take soon - 3-piece suite - tallboy - 3-door wardrobe - metal safe - knitting machine (for sale on ebay) Things that remain to be thrown away - dishwasher - trestle table - mattress-supporting sheet of particle board - oil-filled heater (now out on the footpath, deliberately inviting robbery) - three doors - garden junk (old gates, bricks, bits of timber) Things that may be usefully left (some indefinitely) - cooker - white cupboard in the laundry - small selection of tools - boxes of keys I almost never thought I would see the day. Ever since ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1700818 Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:02:17 +0100 1700818 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/12/In-a-bit-of-a-bad-way Although dad has improved slowly since his disastrous encounter with Zyprexa, he is, as they say, a shadow of his former self. He doesn't sleep properly, but gets up several times during the night and wanders around. The staff have tried taking him back to bed over and over again, hoping that one night he will simply adopt the practice of sleeping when he is supposed to, but just recently they have been putting a blanket over him and letting him sleep in chairs in the common room since, this way, he apparently spends more time asleep. One consequence of this is that he has been developing fluid retention in the legs, as he is rarely sleeping in a horizontal position. He has been dopy during the day. This may be another consequence of not sleeping properly, though he never did sleep that ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1696305 Mon, 11 Aug 2008 23:17:13 +0100 1696305 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/08/10/The-long-goodbye Over the last few weeks we have slowly but inexorably removed mum and dad's belongings from their home. The garage sale was, for the most part, a pleasant day. We watched as people picked over our parents' things. Some of them made me angry - strolling around and turning things over with their toes, wrinkling their noses in distaste. However, the majority of people come in more for curiosity and the social interaction than the acquisition, it seems. The day began early, with the first dealers turning up at 6:45 am and making a killing. Over the duration of the day we had about 100 visitors; at one time there were six cars parked outside the house. Right at the end of the day the last man to come in turned out, unbeknownst to either him or us, to have been a distant colleague of dad's at ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1693727 Sun, 10 Aug 2008 00:01:06 +0100 1693727 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/07/20/Almost-finished Greg, Rachel and I finally seem to be near the end of sifting through all our parents' belongings. The tops of wardrobes and the spaces behind them have been checked, and items have been fished out from where they were poked - under furniture, between books (knives seem to like it there), and on the tops of cupboards. It has been more of the same unbelievable redundancy. My father at one time had eighteen belt buckles in addition to those already on belts but still he bought another, and so now one item in the garage sale is a box of 19 belt buckles. We finally delved into the photographs, which I had stored in crates and a large leather suitcase. I found half a dozen Super 8 films dad made, mainly of Greg and I. These will be, I expect, some of our most sentimental discoveries. We have a... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1640322 Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:50:38 +0100 1640322 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/07/14/Dismembering-the-material The clearing of the house has become one of those jobs with an ever-receding finishing line. I doubt we all actually thought it could be done in a day, but that the three of us working for three days could still not say we were near to the end or ready for the garage sale is indicative of how endless the job has become. At least now we are not going to discover new hoards. All the cupboards have been cleared or at least thorougly investigated. And our assessment of what constitutes rubbish has kept on expanding to include an ever-widening range of items. It simply amazes me that we completely filled one builders' skip with what we all considered rubbish, and already have plenty more set aside to refill the skip when it comes back empty. The redundancy of our parents' possessions is truly... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1622240 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:05:01 +0100 1622240 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/07/02/Housing-plans Slowly, we have gone round and round and finally decided on what to do with the house that mum and dad lived in for over 20 years. The answer is: what we originally thought, we shall rent it out to tenants after first getting it renovated to an acceptable standard. Consequently, Greg, Rachel and I all gathered there at 1 pm on Sunday, armed with rubber gloves and some fresh milk. We had the goal of going through the house and performing a kind of triage on everything. Each item would be consigned to one of three groups: items to keep items to sell items to throw away Starting seemed to be the hardest part. We talked about what we might do, where we might put things, without actually doing anything. Eventually I picked up a worn and faded cushion. 'Do either of you want this?' I asked. B... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1563995 Wed, 02 Jul 2008 22:46:13 +0100 1563995 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/06/06/Return-visit I was late getting over to see mum and dad again today, and knew almost before I left that the plan to go out for coffee was not feasible. I arrived at some time after 1 pm and expected lunch to be only just finished. Into dad's area I went, very determined this time to spot him as soon as possible and not make the mistake of overlooking him again. I walked past two small people watching TV near the door and wandered all over the complex. He was nowhere to be found, so I decided to start my search all over again. I went back to the door and there he was - one of the first two people I looked at. He was huddled up asleep in a double armchair and, as I said, just looked far too small to be my father. When I mentioned to Greg that I had failed to recognise him on Wednesday this week, he said ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1497532 Fri, 06 Jun 2008 05:27:11 +0100 1497532 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/06/04/Overdue-visit I went into dad's section and looked for him all over, finally going to the desk and asking where he was. He was sitting right behind me, and I'd walked right past him. Neither of us had recognised the other. I think I'd glanced at him on the way in, because I think I looked at everyone, but obviously his appearance didn't ring any bells. I knelt down and saw only that he recognised me but couldn't identify me. 'Do you know who I am?' I asked. He hesitated. 'I'll give you a clue: I'm one of your sons,' I said. Even then, I had to introduce myself. Dad immediately asked if I had come to take him out, take him home. I said I hadn't, but that we could go out to a cafe if he liked. 'Then go home after that?' he asked. Again I had to disappoint him. By the time we had got a key, found his roo... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1492150 Wed, 04 Jun 2008 02:38:53 +0100 1492150 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/05/23/Stability While things may not be ideal, or even as good as they were a short while ago, it seems we are getting back to some kind of even keel. Dad has started to attend his exercise classes again. Greg visited recently and took him to see mum. Twenty minutes was enough, and then he was ready to go back to his own section. Just like mum now, he is being led around by other people, and seems to have lost his own initiative, which was tenuously alive until only a few weeks ago. So, for now, they live within a few metres of each other; mum completely unaware that dad is there, or even that he is her husband, dad perhaps knowing that somewhere he has a wife, but not sure where. All they have, between them, would barely fill a trunk, but it is more than they need or want. The last time I saw dad it t... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1463875 Fri, 23 May 2008 05:32:22 +0100 1463875 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/05/16/Paperwork I drove over to Greg place today to finalise the paperwork for dad. We signed the contracts for the retirement village and checked that the bills and statements we have received have already been paid. I showed Greg the letter that I'd received from the Department of Veteran's Affairs, which confirms that mum is considered a concessionary aged care resident. This means that we effectively avoided paying the bond, through our reduction of mum and dad's assets. The bond we are not paying is $350,000. It is good to know this. It means that we have more chance of keeping mum and dad's financial position stable, instead of rapidly eroding. Were it to erode, we might at some stage be faced with moving them into levels of care we didn't feel were right. We may still have to do that, it depends o... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1446191 Fri, 16 May 2008 05:27:56 +0100 1446191 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/05/02/Visited-today I went to see mum and dad today. It was depressing, though. On the surface, there was not much to be depressed about. Yesterday I spoke to dad's doctor and requested that the Haliperidol be stopped. He agreed to do this, and 'see how things go'. Dad has been shaved and looks much frailer and shrunken without his beard, but that is nothing, really. He took a while to see me when I arrived, but knew who I was and said he was pleased to see me. He followed me on a short walk into mum's area, where we joined her for afternoon tea. She seemed to be in reasonable spirits, too, though she obviously knew me much better than she knew dad. They both seemed clean and looked after, alert enough, but having no idea where there are, either of them. There was not much for me to do. I led them for a walk ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1416305 Fri, 02 May 2008 00:16:33 +0100 1416305 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/28/Just-when-you-think-its-settled The nursing home called today to talk about a 'problem' they are having with dad. He's walking again. In fact, he's walking into many other resident's rooms, and this is not really on. This development is significant enough for the staff there to think that dad doesn't belong in a nursing home, so tomorrow he is going to be transferred to the room that was being kept for him anyway - in the complex next door to mum's. An excellent problem to have. Greg and I shall move a few items of furniture back in now. Of course, there are ramifications. First, this means yet another disorienting move for the poor old bloke, but it may be better to do this now, rather than wait until he is settled. Then there are the financial considerations. We thought we might escape the $350,000 bond by having da... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1404124 Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:23:52 +0100 1404124 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/27/Dads-meds-here-we-go-again This is what dad is currently being fed. I understand that a few meat and vegetables items are included in this diet: ~ Coloxyl + Senna (for constipation and only at night) ~ Asprin (for blood thinning) ~ Digoxin (for his heart fibrillation) ~ Vitamin B12 - via injection - not sure how frequently ~ Risperidone (0.5mg at 4:00 pm every day) ~ Haloperidol (0.5mg when required but not more than two times per day) It looks as if the Haloperidol has been sneaked in in place of Zyprexa. It is another anti-psychotic drug. And this is what Wikipedia has to say about it: A multi-year UK study by the Alzheimer's Research Trust suggested that this and other neuroleptic anti-psychotic drugs commonly given to Alzheimer's patients with mild behavioural problems often make their condition worse. The stud... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1402367 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 07:28:38 +0100 1402367 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/25/Temporary-calm I spoke on the phone to Greg a couple of hours ago. Here's what he had to say: Dad was finally transferred late last night, about 8 pm. He seemed OK today, walking slightly better, and asking about mum. He had a good breakfast. The staff are keen to get him walking again; I guess that this will make their lives easier, too. We now have a list of his current medication, so some semblance of control is returning. I'd been frustrated by the illegible scrawl of the doctors, and their absence, when I'd visited the hospital and tried to get this information. Greg went back to dad's old place and told the ladies there what had happened to dad. They had all been quite taken with him, and made a great fuss over him. All they knew was that he had been taken away in an ambulance. They should have s... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1397691 Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:28:37 +0100 1397691 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/24/Another-day-another-room Greg and I met at 1 pm to spend the afternoon moving dad's things and going through the paperwork with the manager of the nursing home he's moving into. It rained all day, so the move has not come at the best time. We had a schedule of these places we needed to go: Greg's - to meet up and get in the one car Dad's old room - to load up The bank - to do face-to-face power of attorney paperwork with them The house - to drop off most of the furniture The nursing home - to do the paperwork and drop off some of dad's things Dad's old room again - to pick up the rest of his stuff The nursing home again - to drop off the last few belongings Greg's place - to pick up my car again The house - to drop off the last of the furniture I'd missed breakfast and lunch, and this took all afternoon. I was t... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1395157 Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:29:08 +0100 1395157 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/23/Future-sealed It turns out that I misunderstood what Greg said about the ACAT assessment. Dad has been assessed as a high-care patient. This means he has to go to a nursing home. Greg called the manager of the one in the retirement village, and discovered that there was a place available for dad immediately. We had to take it or leave it by 4 pm today. We have taken it. Tomorrow, instead of just looking at the room, which Greg did today, we shall move dad's things in - or most of them, as some will have to be taken back to the house. At some time during the day dad will arrive by ambulance from the hospital, who are merely feeding and cleaning him now, not treating him. None of this feels right. Dad's decline has just come far too fast and unexpectedly. However, it seems that for now we are doing the be... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1392547 Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:49:24 +0100 1392547 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/22/Incident-report Greg visited mum this morning and found a member of staff who actually saw the 'incident'. Here is what she said: mum and dad quarrelled, but it was not serious. Neither of them raised their voices. Mum's centre called dad's simply because it was clear that neither mum nor dad were enjoying themselves any more, and dad would be better off doing something else. The member of staff was astonished that this had been described as an 'incident' When the story was reported to Greg is had been embellished with hyperbole - and conjured up for him something resembling a scrap. Chinese whispers are dangerous things. How dangerous we do not know. If we wish to dig further into this we need to hear what the Zyprexa-prescribing doctor was told. Was the pill intended to prevent further 'incidents', or... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1391098 Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:28:39 +0100 1391098 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/21/Putting-the-story-together I spoke to the manager of the hostel that dad lives (or used to live) in. We pieced together the following chronology: Friday 7 March Dad begins to take Serapax to reduce his agitation. Friday 4 April Dad is taken to visit mum at her section. This is when the 'incident' occurred. I still do not know who has a record of this incident, or who was there at the time. I was told today that mum and dad had an argument, that dad was upsetting her. The staff at mum's place called those at dad's place and asked them to take him away. Who saw it? What actually happened? Who called dad's place and what did they say? Who took the call at dad's place and how did they record it? Is this even relevant? We do not know. Monday 7 April The staff at dad's place note that dad had grown increasingly confused o... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1386877 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 05:47:00 +0100 1386877 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/21/Looking-back-and-forward Greg and I had a long conversation today. I brought him up to date on the conversation I had had earliler with the manager of the hostel. He told me the following: We are not sure what day the ACAT assessment will be done on dad, only that it will be some time this week. It is almost a foregone conclusion that dad will be reassessed as high-care, dementia-specific. Dad's physiotherapy continues daily. It consists of a walk to the end of the corridor and back again. When Greg asked whether this is enough the physiotherapist said that he had so many people to get around to every day that it was all he could do for dad. It probably would be better if dad could get more. I might try to take him for a walk myself next time. Greg has spoken to the manager of the nursing home into which we are... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1386876 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 21:16:51 +0100 1386876 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/20/Three-visit I went over to see dad yesterday (Saturday) afternoon. We just talked quietly. He was sitting in a chair with a tray attached, and was quite aware. It was good to just see how he was for myself without additional commentary from other parties. When his dinner arrived, he showed a reasonably good appetite. His problem is sight, as much as anything, and he was unable to see the mashed potato against the white of the plate. I kept pointing to it with my finger and saying 'eat this, dad'. Slowly, he was getting there, scooping around with his spoon and getting a morsel most times. I thought we were doing fine, but Rachel, who had tunred up later, kept echoing what I was saying, with 'eat you mashed potato, dad.' My impression is that hearing two voices talking over each other is doing the sam... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1386082 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 09:42:52 +0100 1386082 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/18/Getting-a-bit-better I spoke to Greg this morning about a number of subjects: Dad: he is walking without a frame, supporting his own weight, but still requiring help from two other people, holding him at the elbows. He is eating better, holding reasonable conversation, able to answer questions, his speech is improved. He is sitting up and less shaky. Cognitive Assessment: While the doctors are saying that they think this is the best they can get him, and that it is time to do a cognitive assessment, Greg and the social worker (who appears to be on our side) think that dad's system needs to be cleared of medication first. He has been on four things: Risperidone, the antibiotic (for the chest infection, and unidentified), a sleeping tablet (unidentified), and a daytime sedative (unidentified). All these medica... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1380571 Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:53:27 +0100 1380571 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/16/Details-I-missed-yesterday Dad has been hallucinating quite colourfully while he's been in hospital. He said the following to Greg: 'Hah! I thought that elephant was real for a minute.' 'What are those buses doing in here?' Last night he was able to drink from a cup and hold his own sandwich. The previous day he had needed a straw, but even that had been troublesome for him, and he had had to have his food held for him. The shaking of his hands has apparently settled down significantly since the previous day. He was able to remember his name and birthday when the senior doctor spoke to him yesterday evening. Greg says that when he first saw dad in hospital, he looked so bad he thought he was going to die. I was also shocked at my first sight of dad, but this was after he had already got a lot better. The talk ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1375108 Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:41:04 +0100 1375108 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/15/A-sudden-turn-for-the-worse Dad was admitted to Emergency at one of local hospitals on Thursday. He had been falling over, had developed slurred incoherent speech, and was highly disorientated. OK, so here is the story of the day. I found Greg with dad in the hospital, just as Greg was leaving for a break. So I introduced myself to one of the doctors and stood talking to him, while looking at dad asleep in his bed. Dad looked shockingly frail and unwell. The doctor confirmed that there was no diagnosis yet. The pacemaker had recorded multiple fibrillations over the past two years, and the hospital equipment had detected several in the few days dad's been there. The carotid arteries had not been checked. Blood oxygen saturation had only been measured at the finger. The doctors were blaming the move into care and a po... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1373557 Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:28:49 +0100 1373557 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/04/08/Pressing-on It's been a long while since I recorded events here. Not a lot has happened. Mum has continued to look better, but she got aggressive one day and slapped one of the careworkers. The rules say that we have to be notified of this. We were, but we read that as merely procedural compliance so that the home is able to justify any later action it takes. If more sedation is required, I think we will all just go along with it. Dad was prescribed Serapax, to keep him docile. Greg reported that he was pretty zombiefied at first, but seems to have stabilised. His doctor wants to keep him on it. Greg took the TV up to dad's room, and installed it, but it seems dad is even struggling to remember how to switch it on and off these days. He has been upset recently by other residents walking away from hi... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1354093 Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:01:51 +0100 1354093 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/03/10/Breaking-out Greg called me today to say that he had had a call from the hostel manager, who had told him that dad had literally broken out of the hostel (breaking the lock in the process), and she was wondering whether he ought to be moved to a more secure section. The more secure section she mentioned actually caters to people with worse dementia than mum. Something didn't add up to me. OK, Greg said that the staff had had to keep reminding dad to take a shower each day, whereas most people in his hostel simply do this automatically. Dad's section is not staffed as well as mum's, in the expectation of lower needs of course. Still, this didn't add up to enough reason to transfer dad to a dementia section. Greg went over to the village later in the day to try to sort things out. Of course he offered... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1291085 Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:17:46 +0100 1291085 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/03/08/Settling-in Yesterday dad went to an exercise class, hymn singing, an outing to Warriewood and had a beer at the bar. He did not go to see mum, since the manager has decided that that might be better, from mum's point of view, if it only occurs every two days. Dad's day was not entirely smooth sailing. At one stage he literally shook the gate and asked to be let out. It was at this very moment that his GP arrived to admit him. Seeing dad's distress he has prescribed a sedative to be administered as and when needed. The home now has a supply of this. It seems a good thing that they have this up their sleeve. The manager asked the doctor if dad was in the right kind of facility (her thought was that perhaps he ought to be in a home for dementia). The doctor, however, as quite emphatic that dad belongs ... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1288433 Sat, 08 Mar 2008 21:16:44 +0100 1288433 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/03/06/Glad-thats-over Just like last time, Greg and I met at 10 am and drank coffee sitting on the tailgate of his 4WD. Just like last time we collected the furniture (one occasional table and two country kitchen chairs), the clothes, and a few decorative items and packed them into the back of the vehicle. Dad had already begun what was to become a maddening series of questions. What was to become of the cats? What was to become of his bananas? (I kid you not). Most of them were reasonable questions, just repeated unreasonably often. Some others were just plain peculiar. Examples are given below. We set up dad's room at the village, which took only five minutes, while one of the staff took him on a buggy ride around the complex. We then went to visit mum. Do you know the way? dad kept asking as we walked up th... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1283525 Thu, 06 Mar 2008 21:13:53 +0100 1283525 http://blog.fadingfrommemory.info/post/2008/03/04/Moving-on I finally caught up with Harriet the manager of the retirement village and had a very business-like conversation with her. Yes, dad can move in this week. She would prefer this to be done on Thursday, rather than Friday, since at weekends the staff are less numerous and if more attention needs to be paid to dad, it will make things difficult. Yes, he can move in and yet still officially be resident at home. In fact, we have a grace period of nine weeks of 'respite'  for him. I understand that this is an annual allocation. At the moment this appears to be ample time for us to get mum's admission properly squared away. Harriet asked if we wanted to move dad straight into the same complex as mum. I am unsure about this. For dad, no doubt this would be the best option, but for mum, I don't t... Fading from Memory blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1276057 Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:17:09 +0100 1276057