MedWorm.com provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 5000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest items from the 'Jennifer Stevens MA, CT' source. Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:43:29 +0100 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2008/07/living-beyond-l.html The Association for Death Education and Counseling will be hosting their 31st Annual Conference:  Living Beyond Loss:  Mending Body, Mind, and Spirit.  It will be held in Dallas, TX April 15-18, 2008.  For more information, contact www.adec.org Key Note Speakers include: Ira Byock, MD, Cecelia Chan, and Monica McGoldrick. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1637723 Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:40:15 +0100 1637723 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2008/07/deeper-into-the.html There is a wonderful new book out called:  Deeper Into The Soul: Beyond Dementia & Alzheimer's Toward Forgetfulness Care By: Nader Shabahangi and Bogna Szymkiew. I know Nader Shabahangi from the Existential Humanistic Institute (San Francisco, CA -- www.ehinstitute.org) and from Pacific Institute (also San Francisco, CA -- www.pacificinstitute.org.  I found this book while looking up a book on Jim Bugental for a course in existential psychotherapy.  Nader's book was listed below Jim's on Amazon.  The timing couldn't be more perfect as my grandmother has a diagnosis of dementia and two weeks before had an unethical and horrible experience with her assisted living facility and a nursing home in WY.  Their staffs, though kind, had no idea how to honor an elder who had memory problems and a staff nurse actually sat on her and threatened her.  Being in end of life care myself, I was outraged.  So was my aunt who has many years of geriatric consulting skills.  She ordered a copy of Nader's book for herself and the two facilities and went in to do workshops with their staff.  Nader has been blessed with amazing teachers like Jim & Elizabeth Bugental and his vision is deeply steeped in existential humanistic priniciples. This is a must have for anyone, professional or family member, dealing with people with memory problems. Nader, thank you for this gift! (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1637724 Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:34:09 +0100 1637724 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2008/07/wont-you-join-u.html ADEC has rolled out a newly revised member benefit... the networking groups.  These are special intereset groups in the field of thanatology for the specific purpose of helping professionals and students link to each other regarding specific areas. Our list includes networking groups on: LGBT Grief @ Work Pet Loss Chaplaincy/Spiritual Care Military Buddhism and Thanatology Bereavment Support Groups Grief and Families Grief Camps Bridging Research and Practice Grief and Death Education Hospital-Based Bereavement Programs School Crisis Intervention Programs Children's Programs Gerontology Suicide Prevention Funeral Home After Care Sibling Loss Intellectual Disabilities Art & Thanatology Hospice The networking groups are member only benefits but are well worth the time and resources.  There are many areas of thanatology that are not represented and we would love to have new members who would lead groups in those areas which include but are not limited to: HIV Education & Prevention Emergency Management First Responders Humor & Loss Near Death Experiences Organ Tissue Precurement Private Practice Violence/Trauma/Homicide Funeral Directors Nurses in End-of-life Care Palliative Care Doctors Rituals & Thanatology Employment Opportunities in End-of-Life Care Grant Writing and Funding for Thanatology Twin Loss Literature & Thanatology Alzheimers & Dementia If you are interested in joining ADEC, please go to www.adec.org.  If you want to know more information about networking groups or would like to propose one, please see the networking group section under membership benefits.  My email is there and I am happy to answer any questions. Have a great summer. Jennifer (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1637725 Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:23:04 +0100 1637725 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2008/02/amazing-where-t.html It's hard to believe that it's been so many months since I posted here on growthhouse's blog.  I really love this concept and hope that more people in end of life care use it as a resource.  It's a wellspring of information and knowledge as well as access to some really important people in the whole field of thanatology. For those of you who are new to this blog, I welcome you.  For those who have read it from time to time, I welcome us both back.  It's good to be here and be able to come back with more morsels that I have learned from my experiences with loss and those experiences that clients share with me. The importance of just being.... I have a few clients that I have been working pretty intensely with and I have to say that we can never underestimate how just being there really can be enough.  How being engaged and present to what they share with us, what they don't share with us, the stories they tell, the memories they offer, and the triumphs that they gleam from when they have been down for so long. I have a certain person I have been working with who has a lot of abuse history and the person called me today just to let me know that after a pretty upsetting situation, which would normally bring back trauma and set this person over the edge, she was able to stay calm, use some of the things we talked about ... simple things... breathing, meditating, looking beyond the moment to see how our actions in the present could effect the future, not taking things personally, and knowing that a lot of what we see in our world is illusory.  This was the first time in well over a year that we have known one another that she was proud of herself, that she didn't go back to the trauma of her son's death, that she took care of herself and her daughter, and that she realized she had choices. Isn't that something that we can forget to remind clients.... that they have choices!  That how they think, the stories that run through their mind, the history that they let replay makes a difference in how they experience the world.  Sometime so simple as a reminder that we have choice, that we have options and just because we have done something 100 times before does not mean that we have to instinctually do the same thing for that 101 time.  How great it is for this client to know that her choices were to self medicate (like she's done in the past and has suffered consequences), that she could totally lose control (like she has done and not been able to take care of herself), that she could be in the moment and take a situation as it came, not adding anything more to the narrative and not hiding from the parts that are too painful (something that she is working on doing more and more). How wonderful it is to see that someone who has been in system after system, has taken medication after medication is making choices because someone reminded her that she had choices to make and provided a safe environment where she could try out some of those new choices.  A person who the "system" had given up on, especially after the traumatic and sudden loss of her son, called me today and was giddy that she had made it through a situation unscathed, one, by the way, that I am not sure I would not have been able to cope with as calmly. Will there be bumps in the road?  Brown-outs when she forgets that she has choices, options, tools, new ways of looking and thinking about things, or that she has people who support her and don't think of her as "ONLY" a grieving mom, a psychiatric patient, a person who has no hope left to hold on to?  Yes, that could happen, and she was able to live in the moment and appreciate that in this one situation, she was able to break patterns that have been instilled in her since her own childhood and reinforced with the trauma of her son's death. To all the clients out there who have those magic moments of ah-ha and to the people who sit with them week after week in, being compassionate with each other... change can happen, transformation can occur despite what everyone else says, and you can find yourself again when everyone else has told you that you have no self to find.  I honor each individual that sets out on the journey of finding her self or him self despite all the odds.  And I honor those who support you in remembering or learning that nothing is impossible!!!! Along with this, I would suggest to clients and to caregivers, go beyond just what the books on grief talk about.  Use bibliotherapy with folks.  Help them with ideas on what to write, how to create ritual, and when to know when it's their voice they hear and can be true to or if it's voices from the past that we keep playing in our minds again and again.  I'm not afraid to use non-grief books with clients.  With this client, using Don Miguel Ruiz' book The Four Agreements taught her a new way of looking at the world.  With others, I have brought them my Ipod to listen to podcasts of conversations from great thinkers and healers... It's time to move beyond the paradigms that we think are the only things that work... Reach out to anything that will awaken the spirit and help move the energy that is stagnant in someone you are working with.  Whatever it takes to help them see that they can make a difference.  Don't be afraid to talk about walking, eating healthy, drinking water... it's all about healing and balance and in the end, it's those things that are just as important on our grief journey than support groups and memorial services. Dare to explore, to try, and to be present with the needs of the person before you.  You might just get a giddy phone call from someone who though there was no reason to live and that life couldn't ever be different!!! Until the next blog post, be well and spread your therapeutic wings! (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1195850 Sat, 02 Feb 2008 04:47:06 +0100 1195850 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/10/association-for.html If you aren't already a member, go to www.adec.org.  I have written a previous blog entry about them.  The organization is growing and changing and we are really proud of it.  The 2008 conference is in Montreal... get your passport applications now.  You won't want to miss the opportunity.  Some of the best minds (and hearts) in the field.... (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=968256 Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:41:28 +0100 968256 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/10/6-books-to-work.html Okay, so I was asked about books…… I'm biased, I will admit it.  Who among us aren't.  As much as I love Kubler-Ross, her books have historical relevance and her newer books, especially about her own dying process are her best.  It's one thing to write about what you perceive in someone who knows they have a life altering illness; it's a different thing when you live a career in the field and then experience it yourself.  But, I will list her books on the dying blog post when I have time.  So:  grief (only started there because they are the books closest to my computer)A Time to Grieve … Carol Staudacher… best book for grieving people…. short reflections or meditations that really hit on the experience of a grieving person.  Can be read cover to cover or pick a page.  Most entries are no more than 1 page.  Think about that when someone is in early grief and they have to read paragraphs again and again.  How We Grieve – Thomas Attig; applied philosopher but his concept of relearning the world that we are creating as we grieve is one of my main tenets.  He has a more user friendly book, The Heart of GriefTransitions in Dying and Bereavement - Victory Hospice Society .. laid out wonderfully, excellent for professionals in the field, even better for clinicans who don't know a thing about hospice, palliative, end of life, etc.  Sorry, I have a bias… not everyone can be a grief counselor though I give credit to people who think they can specialize in 23 different areas.Grieving Mindfully – Sameet Kumar … You'll never find a nicer person.  A wonderful book that I wish I had written.  Sameet talks about mindfulness and grief in his work with people at Mt. Sinai in Miami.  This book will lay the ground work for someone who wants to learn to be with their grief rather than hide from it.Awakening from Your Grief  – John E. Welshons… Again, a wonderful person.  Taught by someone of the pioneers… Stephen & Ondrea Levine, Kubler-Ross, Ram Dass… what more needs to be said?  He has a brand new book out… When Prayers Aren't Answered… I just got it a few weeks ago and plan to read it on the plane to SF in a few weeks.   If it's as good as the first, we're all in for an amazing journey.Swallowed by a Snake – Thomas Golden … a book about men & grief written by a male grief counselor, wow!  Much of the work out there is focused on women or focused on intuitive grievers (want to know more, check out Martin and Doka…) Golden takes you on the epic saga of the masculine side of grief and was of transformation.Okay, sorry, back to school work.  These are my fav grief books.  Will list books about dying and death soon.  Keep an eye out.   (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=968257 Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:37:57 +0100 968257 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/09/seeing-the-whol.html Today the news was that more teens and young adults are completing suicide.  The numbers are from a few years ago, around the time of the black box warning on the SSRIs.  It was the first spike in numbers after many years of decline.  What they are forgetting to talk about is changing one's world while changing one's body chemistry.  It's about listening, watching, being witness whatever is.  I am writing about this here because I see a parallel with teens and grief.  A lot of kids and teens get labeled things because professionals don't take the time to look beyond the behaviors before giving medication. Irritability?  Lack of concentration?  Lost in thought?  Mood swings?  Ask 5 people and you'll get 7 different diagnosis.  Some will say ADHD, some will say this is a "bad" kid, some will think bipolar.  How about abuse?  How about lack of home life?  HOW ABOUT GRIEF? It's been my experience and that of my colleagues that professionals working with kids and teens, or young adults don't know what grief looks like at this stage of life.  Parents don't tell school that there has been a death or illness.  No one asks the family what has been changing... Two years ago, I saw a little boy that the very young teacher complained about and yelled at every time I visited.  I have a sinking feeling, he was used to that kind of behavior at home and at school.  But I listened and tried to stay present when we played games, when he drew pictures, when he told stories.  Mom was gone.  Dad in prison.  He was living with his dad's girlfriend and he didn't know that 1. that was dad's girlfriend and 2. that she was pregnant with his little brother or sister.  What he did know is that his grandmother died.  He knew that a bunch of adults lived in his house who he wasn't related to and that this lady with the baby got shoved around a lot and was pushed into the street one night before the police came.  And he, only in kindergarten, was deemed a bad kid and that label will probably follow him for a long time. I tried to explain to the teacher what was going on, that grief alone could explain some of his "problems" but she was 20 something and dead set on getting the school district psychiatrist to get him diagnosed and on meds.  No one looked at the web of losses that this little boy had endured... mom, dad, grandma, not knowing whom he lived with, not knowing when the police would show up. We need to be more proactive when it comes to working with teens, kids, and young adults.  We need to do not only standardized assessments but we need to do something more, listen when they talk, be present when they don't.  This little one had no problems telling me his story as he jumped around, eating about three bites of his lunch, and wanting to play with everything in the social workers office.  I had 3 kids, all in kindergarten, and had to see them during their lunch and recess.  What kid would wouldn't be able to sit still when he was being "punished" by seeing some stranger and losing lunch and recess.  Yet he was talking a mile and minute, trying to get his story out every week. We need to listen, to put narratives together, hear what they are saying, and listen for the clues.  They can tell us more about what we need to know than grabbing for the DSM..... Sometimes, think grief, at least losses ...... you might be surprised that some family therapy, some education, some caring might be more powerful than a little pill. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=848287 Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:13:40 +0100 848287 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/09/when-it-all-com.html Most people don't get that we don't have a lot of control over our lives and loss brings that home.  And for some, when they have one loss, they have many.  I'm not talking about secondary losses; I'm talking brand new losses, new people dying. I have known a woman who worked at hospice with me for 3 years and I've known her for 3 more.  Very spiritual person and although she doesn't work for hospice, she still professionally has to deal with death often.  She's lost her dad, her stepdad, her husband, her step brother, her dog in a house fire shortly after her husband's death, and she has had poor health off and on.  Makes me want to get out my old copy of "When bad things happen to good people".....  She's also "lost" two good friends, myself and another friend from work because our lives are so hectic.  So where do you begin when you don't even have support to help you take a deep breath? I've found myself grieving lately... the 6th year anniversary of my best friend, the person who helped me while my brother died.  I sent her widower another letter, and still no answer.  One more person gone.  Friday, I said good bye to one of the few people at work that was caring, compassionate, went out of her way to be helpful, and brightened the whole place.  I've been struggling with a loss of some dreams but luckily getting my health back.  And I know that this isn't profound. I don't have rockets and land mines going off in my neighborhood.  But these all seem to pile up and bring up old grief issues.  Do I need to go see a counselor; no I meditate more and go for my evening walk and write in my several blogs.  Plus, there is always one more book to read or paper to write for school.  But, I can, in fact, lose myself in all of the daily things -- running to staples twice because I forgot something, being on the cell phone on my walk so I don't have time to think, or sitting in front of this bright screen and catch up on emails. Or, I can write about it.  I think when we feel overwhelmed, we have this illusion that if we do more to keep ourselves overwhelmed, the worst of the pain will be too numbed or too buried.  It doesn't work that way.  Those deep, existential issues rise up, in our attitudes, in our behavior, what goes on in our body, or in our thoughts.  My practice of meditation comes in handy during these times.  Instead of being at the computer, I can sit in a still place, allow the feelings, thoughts, emotions, sensations that accompany or express my loss to come up and I can watch as the float away or cycle through my brain like a tornado.  But, being mindful of what's going on, acknowledging it, holding it gently, and letting it fly or away or stick around, helps.  It reminds me that it is impermanent... as impermanent as my life is and the lives of those I grieve. I have been using a lot of loving-kindness meditation with my clients recently; two in particular and have just started 2 more on it.  Stephen Levine says that we are so merciless to ourselves.  And if we are and grief shows no mercy, than we can be paralyzed.  Helping clients to acknowledge what's going on and having mercy for themselves while in the midst of it can help us from using silly phrases like, "I've been wallowing in it", "I've been on a pity party", or "I have been so weak".  With loving-kindness, we start with ourselves and more out into the world, to include the losses, those people and situations that mean little to us, and those that get our dander up. I have been teaching them that on a day like today, when it all feels like the pain or loss will always be there, I start with my breath and allowing myself to be merciful, to acknowledge what is, and to be patient with it.  I don't do it well every day and there's day I'd rather not, but I do myself a service and I do my clients a bigger service when I can find a glimpse of mercy when it feels like it is all coming down on me at once. I'm grateful to teachers like Lois Green, my friend who died 6 years ago today, for teaching me two things -- one yoga and the other is the phrase, take gentle care.  I'm grateful to master teachers like Stephen Levine, Sharon Salzberg, Rollo May, and Paul Tillich who have taught mercy and loving kindness as well as presence in their own ways. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=836632 Sun, 02 Sep 2007 02:02:55 +0100 836632 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/08/i-like-going-ou.html I don't tend to be conventional.  I don't believe in stages of grief though I believe that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was one of the most innovative people in the world.  I don't believe grief is a feeling because I don't believe it does anyone any use to think of grief as a static emotion.  To me, it is a process of taking the pieces of a shattered life and piecing them back together, hopefully taking a loving heart that's been broken and glueing it back together with compassion and awe.  So, when I read my copy of The Forum, the newsletter for the membership of the Association for Death Education and Counseling, my jaw dropped for a second time this year.  At school, I wrote a paper about Rollo May and how his theory could be applied to grief counseling.  I decided that since this was my passion I would submit a proposal for the 2007 ADEC conference and it was accepted.  Today, meaning making, from the social constructivists, has a lot of attention and a lot of people taking another look at grief.  I wanted to look at how we as grief professionals could "be" with the bereft in a new way, moving beyond telling them what tasks, stages, or assignments they needed to do or go through before healing occurred.  To my shock, people came to the presentation and the fact that it was standing room only for an unknown PhD student gave my heart cause to soar.  People wanted to know what existential humanistic (EH)therapy had to offer the world of grief therapy. Two days ago, I read the review of my presentation that Eric VandeVoorde, a fellow PhD student wrote.  This is not to toot my own horn... I took a risk and put out ideas that pioneers in the field of existential humanistic (EH) psychology had and have been trying to get out into the world, to make a difference, to move us beyond standarized treatment or to move beyond the therapist being in the position to tell the client what they need to do to heal.  I was in some ways speaking for the dead... a medium for great therapists like Rollo May and Carl Rogers and sharing the message of today's professors and therapists Kirk Schneider, Candice Fischer, and Myrtle Heery.  This is the end of the review that Eric shared with our membership.... "It is important for therapists to be engaged with their clients to better understand their world.  No formula exists that determines the best course of action and their in no linear movement that can be followed.  Rather, the client and counselor search together for meaning and work together to help the client create a new life."    "At one point, Stevens stated that bereaved individuals have "lost their sense of being, the death of the concept of the self, which creates anxiety, fear and isolation for the client.  It is at this time that the courage to create a new existence becomes the gift of loss".  I left her presentation with a deep sense of hope and took solace in the paradox that although death is a tremendous loss it also contains the potential for tremendous growth.  Perhaps the greatest personal lesson I will carry away from Stevens' talk is that it would be an error to confine the concepts of existential humanistic psychology to strictly clinical settings.  Their wisdom is meant to be applied to our every day lives." Eric honored me with his words and in turn, I am honored and blessed that mentors Dr. Tom Greening, Dr. Kirk Schneider at Saybrook Graduate School and Research Center have carried on the tradition so that a newer generation can bring these concepts out into the worlds we work in and to the people we are engaged with.  To me, it is like socially engaged spirituality at it's finest... to be reminded that it is ourselves, our presence, our being, mind, and spirit that we bring to the encounter that is as healing as the internal journey of the grieving client.  It is in taking risks to be genuine that matter.  And it is well worth going out on the limb if it allows others to see the beauty of blending existential humanistic (EH)  theory with grief therapy.  I appreciate that ADEC gave me the opportunity to share my passion with the hundred people the endured a small hot room and for those who took the chance to see what the EH tradition could offer the world of grief therapy.    For anyone interested in references for further introduction to existential humanistic (EH) theory, you can contact me at jstevens@namasteconsultinginc.com.       (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=793450 Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:40:08 +0100 793450 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/08/dont-believe-th.html What follows is a press release from the APA about a research article that I was thrilled to see.  I've heard too many researchers in end of life care state that grief support and therapy make no difference in the lives of those we serve.  For those of us who do the work, we know better and have held ourselves up and supported what we do.  Now, two researchers have championed not only our battle, but the call for finally getting it... people are helped and sometimes they can tell us narratively but not quantitatively.  I applaud Larson and Hoyt for searching deeper!!!! APA Press ReleaseJuly 29, 2007 Contact: Pam Willenz(202) 336-5707NEGATIVE VIEWS OF GRIEF COUNSELING ARE NOT SUBSTANTIATED BY THE RESEARCH, EXPERTS SAY People suffering from grief can be helped; Flawed science led to unsupported negative reviews of grief counseling WASHINGTON, DC—Despite frequent claims to the contrary, there is no empirical or statistical evidence to suggest that grief counseling is harmful to clients, or that clients who are “normally” bereaved are at special risk if they receive grief counseling, according to a new look at the scientific literature on grief counseling. A report published in 2000 claiming that 38 percent of clients (and close to 50 percent of so-called “normal” grievers) deteriorate as a result of grief counseling has been frequently cited in the scientific literature. The new review, by co-authors Dale G. Larson, PhD, of Santa Clara University and William T. Hoyt, PhD, of University of Wisconsin-Madison, found that the data on which these figures are based have never been published and came from a student dissertation that was never peer-reviewed, using a statistical technique attributed to another student’s master’s thesis, also never peer-reviewed. The new findings are reported in the August issue of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, published by the American Psychological Association (APA). The belief that conventional grief interventions are potentially harmful has become common wisdom among bereavement researchers in the seven years since the published report, and has been featured in the national media. Larson and Hoyt reviewed published and unpublished meta-analyses of more than 50 outcome studies and solicited the assistance of the APA to conduct a peer review of the dissertation on which this claim was based. Reviewers were unanimous in their conclusion that the statistical analysis on which deterioration claims were based is fatally flawed. Larson and Hoyt documented the spread of the deterioration claims from specialty journals to journals aimed at a wider audience of social psychologists and general psychologists, and note that authors of these articles cited the published summary rather than the student dissertation. This implied that authors citing the finding never examined the data on which it was based, they said.  “It is no exaggeration to say that these deterioration claims have stimulated a revolution in our views about grief counseling, from cautiously optimistic to deeply pessimistic,” said Hoyt. “It is disturbing that such radical claims, which contradict clinical experience and even common sense, could proliferate in journals, at conferences, and in national reports without anyone’s ever acting on the basic scientific obligation to examine the data and analyses on which they were based.”    A related claim from advocates of a pessimistic view of grief counseling has been that the average effectiveness of these interventions is small or nonexistent. According to Larson and Hoyt, the most rigorous peer-reviewed meta-analysis so far - Allumbaugh and Hoyt (1999) – found that the effects of grief counseling were positive, although somewhat smaller than those generally seen in other forms of counseling. However, they concluded that this difference may have been attributable to sampling procedures in the studies reviewed. Re-analysis of a subset of studies using self-referred clients showed strong positive effects, comparable to those observed in psychotherapy generally.   “The studies showing weak or null effects are usually those using recruited clients, many of whom enter the study two or more years after the loss they are presumed to be grieving. It is not clear that we learn anything from this type of research about the benefits of grief treatment as it is actually conducted,” said Larson As a practicing grief counselor, Dr. Sean O’Riordan at Stanford University agreed that the negative view of grief counseling needs correcting. “I’ve been working with grieving clients for the past 20 years and they consistently report that our work together is enormously beneficial. It would be a tragedy not to offer counseling to these people in their time of need.”  Article: “What Has Become of Grief Counseling? An Evaluation of the Empirical Foundations of the New Pessimism,” Dale G. Larson, PhD, Santa Clara University; William T. Hoyt, PhD, University of Wisconsin-Madison; Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol. 38, No. 4. Full text of the article is available from the APA Public Affairs Office or at http://www.apa.org/journals/releases/pro384347.pdf Dale G. Larson, PhD, can be reached by phone at (408) 554-4320 or by e-mail. # # # The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world’s largest association of psychologists. APA’s membership includes more than 148,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting human welfare. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=793451 Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:03:37 +0100 793451 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/08/going-public-wi.html For people who haven't been effected by grief, dealing with the pain, isolation, embarassment, regret, and devastation of a loss can be unfathomable. I've been in situations where I found others' actions and words, especially in the workplace, to be almost cavalier about someone's experience of loss. Think about this... case manager coming into work and hasn't had her morning coffee and is rushing to an 8 am meeting... Someone rushes by and says, "Hey, David died last night. . . took a turn for the worst and was dead before dawn.  Oh, and Sue brought doughnuts in... their at Anita's desk." This case manager had worked with David for 9 months, having weekly visits where, as he became sicker and sicker, opened his life and heart to her.  She's supported him through doctor's visits, fighting insurance companies, and often sat down for a cup of coffee while coloring with his kids.  She was present and engaged, wanting to know about David and his family's experiences.  She was there during crying days and celebrating days. Now, this case manager hasn't had time to put down her brief case and stands silently, not realizing that the coffee was scalding her hand.  She's shocked awake and numbed at the same time. When a death occurs in the workplace, the "facts" spread like wildfire in the undercurrents of office life, weaving in and out of cubicles.  If their lucky, someone sends out a memo as soon as possible to get everyone on the same page or holds a meeting, giving space for people to react and be supported. But sometimes management begrudgingly takes on the responsibility of informing everyone before speaking to the bereaved person.  In an ill-worded statement, everyone was told that "Ben's wife went in to premature labor and after hours, she miscarried."  The news of the "blessed event", the upcoming anticipated birth, had already been publicized in a memo.  Another memo is sent out not too long after and it reads, "We are excited to hear that Ben and his wife Georgia are expecting their first child.  The baby is due in about 6 months."  To Ben and his wife, that first pregnancy was their first child; it was their unborn child. The new baby is now considered high-risk.  Stories fly around.  Someone uncomfortably explains in a board report why Ben has been away from work for so long.  It emphasized is that a second funeral had taken place four days ago, almost 14 months from the date the first baby was due, and it is unclear why Ben isn't back to work, placing undue burden on the rest of staff. Sounds like fiction to some of you, I'm sure.  Who could be so blaze about a client's death or an employees loss?  It's harder to grasp that these events have occurred in two different organizations whose missions are to care compassionately for people at the end of life.  It seems rather mindless that staff can be compassionate to clients, deliver bad news professionally to families but not to or about  a colleague.  It seems ridiculous to think that an employee's loss can be trivialized or that an employee might actually care and be effected by the loss of a client.  We can easily take for granted that it's understood that someone might want to ask an employee what needs the family has after a loss or ask if an employee can take time away from a staffing to allow the reality of her client's death to sink in.  We can exclaim to be the experts in the field and yet somehow that "expertise" gets lost when it is one of our own.  Can we truly help churches, businesses, and other medical professionals understand how to support bereft people when we can't support the person we park next to every day?  It might be worth a look to see if training needs to start where we live 8 hours a day before we go out and sell what we can't buy. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=793452 Sat, 11 Aug 2007 00:57:41 +0100 793452 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/03/jama_statement_.html This is in response to the ADEC concern over the news coverage that accompanied an article that was published in JAMA... In a subsequent e-mail Dr. Holly Prigerson, one of the authors of the JAMA article, took issue with the ADEC statement. ADEC invited her to post her response on our website. Here is that response in its entirety: No place in the JAMA piece did we state or imply as mentioned in the ADEC statement:'that everyone experiencing negative emotions beyond six months of a death loss from natural causes needs psychotherapy.' We do not say anything about psychotherapy for everyone or even anyone. The statement that those with higher than average scores beyond 6 months are "likely to reflect a more difficult than average adjustment and suggests the need for further evaluation of the bereaved survivor and potential referral for treatment." (p 722) is not saying everyone needs psychotherapy. We would like to assume we share an interest in trying to advance understanding and to ease the pain and suffering of bereaved individuals. An accurate reflection of our study results would seem a good place to start. ADEC has issued the following response to Dr. Prigerson’s statement:ADEC did not assert that the authors stated or intentionally implied that everyone experiencing negative emotions beyond six months of a death loss from natural causes needs psychotherapy. It was ADEC's point that those reading the article as well as the news coverage about the article could come away with an understanding that this was one take-home message, and it was ADEC's intent to address that impression in its statement. ADEC has invited Dr. Prigerson to participate in a panel discussion of this article at the ADEC annual conference in Indianapolis, April 12-15. This discussion will take place on Saturday, April 14, 2007 at 8:30 a.m. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=492344 Thu, 22 Mar 2007 20:01:39 +0100 492344 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/03/she_seemed_to_b.html "She seemed to be handling it really well," said our staff nurse.  "I think she did everything before hand and won't need our services"..... I sat in awe... How do we think these things?  How many times have mindful grief support staff/volunteers heard "I don't remember these people being at the service, even though they signed the book?"  They talk about going through the motions, just getting it done, doing what has to be done..... Sometimes we need to take a long slow deep breath and step back.  Sometimes we need to see with our hearts, not just our eyes, hear with not just our ears.  All too often I have staff tell me that this family is going to need you afterward (after the death that our staff can't even say the word) because they're freaking out.  This family, who expresses their emotions in a timely, authentic way, don't ever call.  They did what they needed to.  And the opposite is true, as in the paragraph above... "Don't worry about so and so, she/he is strong" and they appear to be so strong that three weeks later they are utterly alone and can't remember how to breathe without that special other person. We can't always "eyeball" a situation and guess right, especially when it comes to the public and private worlds of grieving.  Grief isn't a time to think we have the special ability to read minds -- it's a time to bear witness, to be gentle, to tread lightly, and to be of service.  Most of all, it's not a time to make snap decisions based on one glimpse or snap shot of a person's being.  We grieve as many ways as there are stars in the heavens... maybe more.  We have no idea how we will feel from one minute to the next on a "normal" Wednesday, let alone the day I say goodbye to my brother, my lover, my best friend... let alone the day I put on a face to the world, the same day I put on my black dress and have no idea what dream I have just stepped in to, or out of..... Please, listen with your whole being.  And don't just assume because someone isn't upset that they are "grieving appropriately" or that if they are displaying emotions, that they "will need bereavement help asap".  Ask, maybe not right then and there, but ask.... we don't have all the answers to the riddle of someone else's heart..... (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=492345 Thu, 22 Mar 2007 19:58:31 +0100 492345 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/02/adec_makes_a_st.html For further information on the Association for Death Education and Counseling, please go to: www.adec.org  I think that if you have the time and you are in this field, it could be very helpful to share this with your local newspaper.... ADEC Response to JAMA Article on Grief The Feb. 21, 2007, issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) included an article titled An Empirical Examination of the Stage Theory of Grief. This article has garnered much attention in the popular press.(Reuters, Chicago Tribune, NPR Web site). In response to the article, ADEC has issued the following statement: ADEC welcomes this new research focused on examining stages of grief, while recognizing that the study is part of a large and growing body of research in the field of thanatology. As noted by Maciejewski, Zhang, Block and Prigerson, their study is a beginning step in examining stage models. More dynamic assessments (e.g., instruments with > 1 item, measurement of severity in addition to frequency, broader sampling) are needed before firm conclusions can be made regarding the presence of specific stages of grief. The acknowledgement of yearning and acceptance as perhaps the primary aspects of grieving is an important finding. Unfortunately, it has been common for the experience of grief to be equated with depression and/or sadness--a misconception often held by the general public, mental health practitioners, and researchers alike. Although sadness and depression are experienced in grief, this study indicates that they are likely not the defining features of the grief experience. However, in contrast to conclusions drawn by the study authors, ADEC does not support the implication that everyone experiencing negative emotions beyond six months of a death loss from natural causes needs psychotherapy. Such need depends on many more factors, including the intensity as well as frequency of negative emotions. Updated: February 26, 2007 (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464727 Tue, 27 Feb 2007 23:46:57 +0100 464727 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/02/ten_things_i_wi.html In my group work with the bereaved, we often spend the whole first group sharing who we are and talking about what reactions we are having that don't make sense.  I would say in 3/4 of the groups, we also spend that first night talking about the things that people have told the bereaved since the death, most of which has hurt and angered my group members. We have so little grief etiquette in our society today, people don't seem to know what to say and do when we have experienced a loss.  Many also want to avoid the subject of death at any cost.  People are uncomfortable with our grief.  Maybe they think that they will hurt us if they say the wrong thing?  Maybe they think they will hurt if they say anything?  What I do know is that the bereft often asking why professionals, family, friends, and co-workers can be so hurtful. This was my rational for these articles -- The Ten Things I Will Never Tell You.  I thought this would be a short article and I could pass on the wisdom that my clients, friends, and family have shared with me.  What I realized is that there is a lot to say about this subject.  Therefore, I am writing this article in multiple sections, allowing the reader to take in the information slowly and mindfully.  If you are a professional or if you have a someone close to you who is grieving, the most helpful thing we can do is to tell them you love them and offer a hug.  The rest is about listening and learning to become okay with our lack of comfort.  These are themes that will be repeated throughout many of the articles because I don't think it can be emphasized enough.  The next topic:  You should feel happy that they are in a better place and no longe suffering. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464728 Fri, 23 Feb 2007 05:25:00 +0100 464728 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2007/02/upcoming_adec_c.html The 29th Annual ADEC Conference is going to be held in Indianapolis, IN,  this year from April 11-15. I am going to be presenting two different topics in breakout sessions: Understanding The Transformative Power of Secondary Losses -- Bereaved individuals are often times disenfranchised by the closest people to them, their family and friends.  Those that "support" the bereaved do not understand the complexity of the grief that often includes secondary losses that can be physical or symbolic.  In this presentation, attendees will understand the effects of secondary losses and how they affect meaning reconstruction on their grief journey.  Attendees will work on experiential processes to help them understand the life altering and healing effects of working with secondary losses. Existential/Humanistic Therapies and the Grief Process:  Creating New Meaning Out of Loss -- For many clients, the grief process is a time of tremendous seeking and trying to make their way in an unfamiliar world -- the world after bereavement.  Clients often feel alienated, lonely, anxious, and have difficulties holding the sometimes paradoxical feelings, thoughts, and experiences that they encounter after becoming bereaved.  Often this process is a path of discovery and finding the meaning of reconstructin their lives after their losses.  This presentation will share theory, practical applications, and provide understanding in the benefits of existential-humanistic therapies in the practice of working with grieving clients. Please let me know if you have come to the growthhouse blog to find out more about ADEC if you are at the conference.  If you have questions about the presentations, please contact me at:  jstevens@namasteconsultinginc.com. Thanks, Jennifer (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464729 Fri, 23 Feb 2007 05:10:59 +0100 464729 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/10/how_we_disenfra.html Personal Experience I was 24 years old, working with AIDS patients and tending to a dying brother at home.  I would walk into work in the morning, exhausted and depleted.  My coat would not even be off and someone would inadvertently tell me that so and so died last night.  They had no idea that they shot me with daggers each morning.  Some of the patients, mostly men at that time, I had grown to have deep bonds with simply because they were a human being that was in pain and suffering. I'm now 35 and have learned a lot along the way in working with clients who are ill (physically, spirituality, or emotionally) and those who are dying.  I'm not quite as naive as I once was, thinking I could help the world and make huge differences globally.  I know now that I can make a huge difference in the heart and spirit of one person and if that happens, my life has been worth living.  Have Things Changed? But 11 years later, I see the same callousness in the workplace, mine and others.  I can still walk in the door and be told that so and so has died or that another has been sent to the psychiatric unit as if someone were telling me that they were having turkey on rye for lunch.  Someone who works in our agency said that she had never seen such compassionate people be so ugly to each other despite the love they give to families and clients.  I was furious at this at first.  I've sat with this statement for a long time now and see that, although it was not said in this manner, there was a pearl of wisdom in it. Disenfranchisement We disenfrachise each other at work when we take for granted that telling someone difficult news will not hurt them, no matter how much professional distance we think we hide behind.  We talk unkindly about families in team meetings, forgetting that one of those families could have deep connections to someone around the table.  Worst of all, we forget that patients and families would be devastated to hear how we calliously talk about them during their most wounded time. We think of disenfranchised grievers, according to the literature, as those for whom society does not expect or sanction bereavement experiences.  Often we site a significant other of a gay couple, a sibling, a grandparent, a child.  I think we, even as caregivers in the field, disenfranchise people from their grief when we are not mindful.    Mindfulness About the Experience of Others We forget that a client who calls and is broken hearted about the loss of a dog is still grieving.  I don't understand this; I've never been a pet person but I hear the pain in their voice and the look in their eyes as they enter my office.  We forget that although we work in the field of dying and grieving, it is our friends, neighbors, former classmates, families that are those whom our facility or agency has served.  We are not the judge of what losses are valid or not just as we are not the adjudicator of what feelings or ideas are wrong and right.  Our jobs are difficult there is no doubt.  And so are the lives of those we work with, for, and next to.  But no one has the training to tell someone that they should not grieve or that they should not "still" be grieving.  My clients ache to tell their stories, to find a safe place to whisper their loved ones name.  Whether the loved one was a soul mate or an abuser, there is still grief and it is not our job to judge it or by any means take it away from our client.  In the simplest of terms, are responsibility is to listen and be mindful of how people are interconnected and what the meaning of a loss is to our client, our chaplain, our office mate, ourselves.  Yes, even to ourselves, we can disenfranchise our bereavement by telling ourselves that it's only work and can be put into a drawer at 4:30.  The reality is that people touch our lives and that needs to be honored, in and of itself.         (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464730 Sun, 29 Oct 2006 21:14:52 +0100 464730 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/10/questions_to_as.html Which Group is right for you?      Before the first group: 1.  Can you meet with a group that meets in a funeral home, hospital, church, or will those places be too painful for where you are right now? 2.  Can you meet the facilitator before the first group? 3.  Can they provide someone who is familiar with the group (maybe a former or current group member) that can meet you for tea so that you don't have to go into a group of unfamiliar faces on the first night? 4.  Is this group aligned with who you are (is it a religious group if you need one?  Is it for a specific group (widowers, parents of young children, etc.) if you feel you need that? 5.  Ask yourself if you have any expectations of how the group may benefit you or how you may bring your gifts to the group.      After the first group: 1.  How did you feel about the facilitator? 2.  Even if you experienced sorrow, frustration, ambiguity, intimidated in sharing your story in front of other witnesses, did you feel that the group's purpose serves your needs?       Please remember that it is common to feel more sorrow a day or two after sharing your mourning consciously in front of people who are listening.  That will change with time and give yourself permission to be okay with the discomfort.  Make sure that the facilitator is available for calls and questions between groups.  If you felt sadder, don't give up, this happens, and just like our grief over all, it will change in time.  Please don't believe the myth that goes like this "why should I sit around with a bunch of sad people?  I already feel horrible".  It is a myth and a common feeling but it is also a reason to keep from feeling and to keep from getting the support you need.  Coming to counseling or a group takes risks, courage, openness, and trust that there is solid ground even when you feel like you are sinking. 3.  Did the facilitator follow up with you by phone or a letter?  Did you feel welcomed? 4.  Were there educational resources available if you needed them? 5.  Did you feel included, listened to, and seen for the beautiful person you are? 6.  Did the facilitator (or any of the group members) monopolize the group with their story, going beyond making a point?  Did it become her/his support group session? (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464731 Sat, 14 Oct 2006 20:21:30 +0100 464731 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/10/seeking_the_sup.html So, What Should I look for:  Finding a group that fits you!      There are many kinds of grief groups and some of you will have preferences to one and maybe not another.  Groups are usually open-ended or a "walk-in" group (they may meet once or twice a month) or they are closed-ended group, (time specific).  As a facilitator and educator, I prefer close-ended groups.  They provide a safe space for you to participate more fully in becoming a community and in your own grief process.       Walk in groups can be inconsistent and if you are a consistent member, you may feel like your group never gets past telling their stories to new people.  Other people like the walk-in groups because if they are panicked, sorrowful, angry, or in a confused state, you probably won't want to hear that you have to wait weeks or months to get in to a new group.       Groups are facilitated in different ways as well.  Some are facilitated by professionals, such as myself.  What I offer my groups is my formal education in psychology, my training in grief counseling and death education, and my experience (both personal and professional) with loss.  Some groups are facilitated by a kind-hearted person who has had a loss or who has time to do a group.  The general wisdom that I share with people I work with is this; know your rights.  It's your right to know whose hands and heart you are placing yourself as you are mourning. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464732 Sat, 14 Oct 2006 20:09:33 +0100 464732 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/10/seeking_support.html Where Do I Go From Here?  Seeking the Support of a Group      Our hearts are aching, are mind wanders to a thousand places and nowhere at all.  We long to be with our loved one and we push away those who are still around.  We have questions; we don't know where to search for answers.  We feel fragile, angry, lonely, hurt, crazy, broken, confused, frantic, nervous, and numb...      We don't want to open ourselves to new people we might have to say goodbye to.  We don't want to open our hearts again to another loss.  So why support groups?  I find there are so many benefits to support groups that I could spend a day just relating how they have touched the lives of people who come to share their stories, their mourning, and their healing.  In seeking out a support group, we search for people we have a commonality with -- being bereft of someone we love.  We seek new people who will hear our stories with fresh ears and hearts, and will not hold us back from the catharsis that comes with genuine mourning.      We have questions and groups provide a place to ask them, to benefit from the facilitator and group education and even if the only answer we receive in return is, "we hold you in our hearts", we have been given a gift.  Sometimes we're seeking someone to share our frustrations with, to help us problem solve, or just to listen.  That's what good groups do, meet you where you are "at" and care for you as you figure out what you need.       You are the greatest teacher and you alone know how to heal your grief.  A group celebrates your triumphs and hold you when you need comfort.  A group is a place to try out life, to learn what being empowered and mindfully participating in living and grieving is about as you seek and find meaning and purpose.      Above all, a group should feel safe to you, should have set guidelines, and should adhere to the universal wisdom of confidentiality so that members feel they can share their journey.  If you don't feel safe with other group members or the facilitator, you are less likely to explore our experiences and feelings, and be open to feedback.      You will less likely want to fully involve yourself in growing and transforming, continuing bonds of love that death could not take away, and transform our sorrow by finding new meaning in life as it is today, here and now, not how it was. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464733 Sat, 14 Oct 2006 19:59:59 +0100 464733 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/09/finding_the_rig.html Each of us need a sounding board, a mirror, a person who will hold space for us to be with them and for them to simply listen or "be" there the way we need them to be. That's the beauty of our grief journey; it's not about there being some behavior that needs to be stopped, some thoughts to be "gotten rid of", or some harmful emotions to do away with. That's why a grief counselor is important, to journey with you as you delve into your grieving, share your mourning, and help you mindfully be aware of your transformation as it occurs. What Grief Counselors Can't Do Sometimes it is easier to start by explaining what a grief counselor cannot do. We can't perform miracles and bring back the person whose death as challenged your view of life. We cannot take your grief away because we know that it is in the very pain and love that you will grow and foster new ways of living. We can't find hope and meaning in life for you; that is your job to seek. We can't create a new life for you. So if we can't take your pain away and create a new life for you, why is going to a grief counselor so important? Because of all that we can do with you. We can help you as you explore the questions that plague you at 3 am and make you anxious. We can accompany you as you begin to discover your own beliefs about dying and grieving. We can provide space and time for you to seek the possibilities of who you are becoming, and listen to the memories of what was. We can hold hope for you when life feels hopeless and futile and when you can't even fathom that there will be a moment to catch your breath, to grow, and to live again. How to Find A Grief Counselor How do you find a grief counselor? When it seems like many people, all of a sudden, are specializing in grief, how can you be sure that someone will be the right fit? There are many ways to figure out who might be best for you. Sometimes the best way we stumble over the "right person" is that someone we know was helped by that person. We can hear and see how the right counselor made companioned another bereft persons on their journey. Remember that you have every right to interview counselors in town to see if you are a match for their personality and style. Some people believe that any therapist can do any work with any person. I don't hold that belief. My basic philosophy is that it is the safety, support, and comfort in the relationship between client and counselor that creates the opportunity for healing to occur, especially in grieving and mourning. Professional Networks Ask what professional affiliations a person has. Many outstanding organizations are committed to compassionate care of those who grieve. You can search on the web for people who are members of the Association for Death Education and Counseling (www.adec.org), The American Academy of Bereavement (www.bereavementacademy.org), Hospice Foundation of America (www.hospciefoundation.org) or The National Hospice and Palliative Care website http://www.nhpco.org . You can call your nearest hospice, cancer center, Alzheimer care facility, or funeral home to ask if they can refer you to someone in your town. Does This Person Feel Right? The general wisdom that I share with people I work with is this; know your rights. It's your right to know whose hands and heart you are placing yourself as you are mourning. You have the right to ask about a facilitator's credentials, their views of grieving and mourning, and if they have experienced their own losses. I, personally, would also ask, "why did you decide to become a grief professional". If a person doesn't know, I might (I probably would) keep looking. If they do know, ask yourself, "does their reason resonate with who I am and what I need"? What to Expect? What should you expect from grief counseling? It depends on the circumstances. Some hospices provide short-term support for people in the community. Other grief counselors may work with you to decide what kind of support you need and how often you should set appointments; this is what I do. I think it's important that you never feel disempowered in your grief because a counselor thinks they know more about your grief than you do and that goes for deciding together what is the best way to support you. For some people, knowing that I am available if they need me is enough to know that they have support and someone to turn to if things get to be too much. Some counselors will accept insurance and others will not. If financial difficulties are something you are facing during your grief, seek out someone who offers a sliding scale (fees based on your income). You can also call around your area to see what other counselors' fees are so that you know what could be considered standard in your area. How Long? And of course, the most important question that is always asked, how long do I go to a grief counselor? Again, this is a decision that you and your counselor can make together. There is no right amount of time or right steps to take. As you need support, seek the person out that feels safe and companions you during your grieving. Remember, you can always take a break from counseling and return when new parts of your grief arise. We don't deal with all of our grief all at once, thanks to our natural ways of coping such as denial. Our grief journey is slow; it about learning to live. We did not do it up until now in 6 months and our relearning now will not end in 6 months. As time passes and healing occurs, we are sometimes met with secondary losses that occur due to the death of our loved one. Sometimes, we have lose more than one person. Sometimes we move into taking care of another person and don't allow ourselves to feel our grief and begin to mourn. These will all impact your grieving and your seeking new meaning out of life. (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464734 Tue, 12 Sep 2006 17:15:51 +0100 464734 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/09/sharing_our_sto.html The first time I "told all" to my friends was the day I found out that my brother had HIV and probably AIDS.  I was living in TN and all my friends were back home on the east coast.  I called them, told them my story and they rallied and gave me love and support, even at a distance. Being a counselor, I witness the power our sharing our stories every day and today should not be a miracle, but, isn't there a reason that every day is a miracle if we co-create that. I recently emailed all my friends, aquaintances, classmates, family, etc. about a back injury I have suffered and the chronic pain I have been in for two months.  I feel like I need to share the positive and negative in my life -- I email successes, celebrations, losses, and heartbreak. What I see in group is that the power of the safe container heals when people share and feel compassion around them. Friends I haven't heard from in awhile have emailed me to tell me that I am in their prayers, however they may sound or look, Hail Mary's, energy work, chanting, visualizations, etc.  It fills me with hope that we do co create the world.  But the even more important part was that some of my closest friends, who don't normally share their burdens did.  My pain allowed an avenue for them to share theirs and mutually, we honor each other's experiences of pain, fear, exhaustion, hope, love, and so much more.  I emailed a friend that "deaths" occur all the time to teach us, to allow us to grow, to wake us up, etc.  The conditions my friends and I are experiencing right now feel like deaths of our normal life, our youth, our independence.  AND these deaths have shown us the interbeing or interconnectedness that comes from awareness, consciousness, and mindful exchanges.  Don't wait for a major death to force you into major change.  Be mindful of the small deaths and honor that they are losses that create space for new ways of being.  Share your stories and your power.  In the end, it benefits you, those you share with, and the ripples spread throughout our world.  Only with awareness can we live compassionately and touch each other in profound ways -- when we realize that we all are One. I honor growthhouse for this space to share this.  I honor the world I have created with so many people over my 35 years and how they never cease to amaze me.  Their light, love, compassion, and risking to love helps me to honor my completeness in whatever is divine.  Peace and Loving-kindness,Jennifer  (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464735 Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:41:50 +0100 464735 http://growthhouse.typepad.com/jennifer_stevens/2006/06/the_value_of_gr.html I have had many losses in my life. Some due to the death of someone I cared, so due to dreams that haven't come true, others due to having moved a lot over the last few years.  The last two most significant losses in my life were my brother (who died in 1995) and my best friend (who died in 2001, just 10 days before 9/11 and her service was 2 days after 9/11).Today I had a deeply meaningful talk with a new friend and what I realize is that even though it has been 11 and 4 years since my last two major losses, I continue to learn more and more about myself through those losses.  The talk renewed my passion for helping people who are grieving and teaching people how to be with grieving people.  It also made me very aware of how consciously or not consciously I am living my life.  With all the deaths I have experienced personally and professionally, I have set the intention to live a more mindful life and I'm human and don't always do that 100% of the time.  Today, was a mindfulness bell for me, to wake up, and be mindful of the present moment that is situated in all of my experiences and all of who I am.In the midst of grieving, it can feel overwhelming, confusing, and alarming.  We can also feel relieved, filled with anguish, or joy depending on what we believe about dying, death, and grieving.  All of those feelings and about 400 more are perfectly normal and healthy to feel after a loss, no matter who tells you what.  My hope is that I can share what I have learned and what other grieving people have taught me, that is NOT in the books you read and is NOT trained to professionals.  It comes from being present and honest and open to another's journey.  I use growthhouse as a professional blog to share articles and information with people in the field of thanatology.  I have a personal blog at http://peacefulintentions.zaadz.com (click here)that are about reflections I have as I move more and more into consciously living my life and grieving my losses.  It has an interactive piece called "pods" to where I can put out a subject in the pod and members can intereact and share their feelings.  If this might be something helpful to your clients, please feel free to share.  I am closing the community building one and will have a blog that I people in the field can share the feelings and post anonymously.  I'm still figuring that out.    And, just to give you an important piece of information about me, I don't tend (if I am mindful) to use the word grief because it implies some “thing”.  I am much more comfortable with the term grieving because it is what we think, feel, do, experience, and so much more.  I believe grieving is fluid, changing, and transforming.  I hope that my words will bring comfort to those who seek it.With Compassion,Jennifer (Source: Jennifer Stevens MA, CT) Jennifer Stevens MA, CT blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=464736 Thu, 29 Jun 2006 03:36:25 +0100 464736