MedWorm.com provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 6000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest items from the 'Psychology Today Parenting Center' source. Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:27:35 +0100 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3345187&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F201003%2Fadolescence-and-why-freedom-isnt-free Adolescents often say they want independence when what they really mean is social freedom - freedom from adult direction and restraint.And when they do think about social freedom, it is usually the freedom of choice to act as they wish, which of course is only one half of social freedom. The other half, which they prefer to think about, or even deny, is coping with the consequence of every choice - enjoying beneficial consequences when the choice is good, and suffering unhappy ones when it is bad.Because freedom of choice is always chained to certainty of consequence, the freedom to make one's own decisions is never free.One way to think about the job of parenting adolescents is continually teaching the ‘choice/consequence connection' for two reasons. First, the young person learns what ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3345187 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 08:41:58 +0100 3345187 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3345186&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-autism-advocate%2F201003%2Fwhat-is-sensory-processing-disorder-and-how-is-it-related-autism Earlier this week,  there was an article in The Boston Globe about sensory processing disorder. It stated that a group of researchers, families, and occupational therapists is aggressively lobbying to get sensory processing disorder included in the next Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is currently being drafted.Many readers may wonder, what is a sensory processing disorder?Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder that causes difficulties with processing information from the five senses: vision, auditory, touch, olfaction, and taste, as well as from the sense of movement (vestibular system), and/or the positional sense (proprioception). For those with SPD, sensory information is sensed, but perceived abnormally. Unlike blindness or deafn... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3345186 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:46:42 +0100 3345186 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3345185&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthinking-about-kids%2F201002%2Fsimple-gifts I spent Sunday afternoon watching little girls dance with their fathers.  It was a yearly father-daughter affair and I was playing in the band.  The kids were having a great time doing allemande lefts, swings, and promenades.  It had all the elements that make things fun.  There was music and easy, swinging dance moves.  It was corny, with the caller telling old jokes and teasing people who were getting out of line.  There was the dress up part with cowboy hats, bandanas, jeans or prairies skirts and boots.  And most importantly, there was just being together with dad. I had seen lots of the kids the year before at the same dance.  Nothing fancy, but the girls were all giggling and reminding their dads about the mistakes they’d made last year, and ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3345185 Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:02:46 +0100 3345185 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313541&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Four-fathers-ourselves%2F201002%2Fstarting-fresh-our-fathers Recently I published a book entitled Fatherless Daughters: Turning the Pain of Loss into the Power of Forgiveness. This book began as a pilgrimage for me, a journey to find out how the loss of my father when I was only ten years old had affected my life. I also hoped to share this information with other women who had lost their dads. [Note: I also have three brothers, and believe firmly that the loss of our dad affected them as deeply as it affected me. However, because they were boys-and now men-the effects were different. I'll discuss those in upcoming blogs.]The Pain of Father LossWith regard to women and fatherloss, after interviewing over 100 women, I uncovered a vast amount of information. Here's a brief summation of what I learned:1. The depth of a woman's attachment to her father i... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313541 Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:19:07 +0100 3313541 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313540&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fwhen-youre-not-expecting%2F201001%2Fsurrogacy-some-words-caution      Surrogacy has been in the news for a number of years. I well remember how early media coverage focused on heart-wrenching problems, such as a surrogate mother who chose to retain custody of the baby rather than to honor the agreement she had with prospective parents. Gradually I have seen the media focus becoming more positive, with recent stories of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick welcoming their second child who was born to a gestational surrogate. Given the desperation felt by many infertile couples, I believe surrogacy has become highly appealing to couples who can afford it. And with the demand increasing, a number of fertility physicians have been responsive to couples' efforts to pursue this option. However, the legal issues involved in surrogacy ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313540 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 22:16:19 +0100 3313540 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313538&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbad-appetite%2F201001%2Fmy-genes-made-me-eat Alarmed at your holiday weight gain but planning a radical detox which will leave you lean and sylph-like? Determined that 2010 will be the first year you look as good as Halle Berry in that orange bikini?Let's face it, folks. It's important to maintain a healthy weight, but some of us are simply not destined to be thin, no matter how hard we try - whereas others remain effortlessly skinny without ever having to think about making up for the mince pies and eggnog.Why is this? The answer may lie in our genes.We can tell this partly by comparing the weights of identical twins (who share all their genes), with the weights of non-identical twins (who share only half of their genes). If genes influence chubbiness we would expect identical twins to be twice as similar in weight as the non-identi... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313538 Wed, 13 Jan 2010 01:05:44 +0100 3313538 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313539&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-human-beast%2F201001%2Fdaughter-has-eating-disorder-am-i-bad-parent Many parents feel responsible for every bad turn in their children's lives. But are parents truly to be blamed if their daughter develops an eating disorder? Or should we look elsewhere for explanations?  The first point to make is that eating disorders are associated with economic development. They do not exist in subsistence societies where food is scarce and daily life involves a lot of physical exertion. In that sort of environment, people would as soon stop breathing as choose not to eat (or purge their food). Second, eating disorders increase in frequency when more women enter the work force and compete for entry to professions. During the roaring twenties, for example, women enjoyed unprecedented economic opportunities. Weight loss was in vogue, slenderness was emphasized in fl... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313539 Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:55:10 +0100 3313539 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313537&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ftake-all-prisoners%2F201001%2Fsuper-dad-protector-children-preventor-crime In my reading, I stumbled upon an interesting article written by Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D called The Real Root Cause of Violent Crime: The Breakdown of the Family. As the title suggests, Dr. Fagan places blame for crime in America squarely on the shoulders of absentee parents, generally fathers. He suggests that the rate of crime in America can be reduced through the rejuvenation of the family unit and strong, caring communities. In doing so, he attempts to dispel competing theories, namely that poverty causes crime and social programming reduces it. "Since 1965, welfare spending has increased 800 percent in real terms, while the number of major felonies per capita today is roughly three times the rate prior to 1960...History defies the assumption that deteriorating economic circumstances br... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313537 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:20:47 +0100 3313537 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313536&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fextreme-fear%2F200912%2Fhow-love-conquers-fear One of the most powerful anxiolytics -- that is, compounds which reduce fear and anxiety -- is oxytocin, the hormone of mammalian bonding. Social acts like hugging, touching, and having sex all increase our levels of oxytocin; people who have recently had penetrative sexual intercourse have been found to exhibit less fear in social settings.Of course, the ultimate oxytocin-generating experience is giving birth to and nursing an infant, and nothing is more fearless than a mother protecting her child. When I became a father a year ago, one of the most striking aspects of the experience was how unimportant my own well-being seemed in comparison to that of my son. As I told my wife, "Before, the worst thing that could happen was that I could suffer a horrible painful death. But now that would ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313536 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:08:39 +0100 3313536 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313535&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200912%2Fthe-real-scandal-sexting The extra-curricular dalliances of Tiger Woods and the story of Jessica Logan, a Cincinnati teen who committed suicide in 2008, and whose parents are now suing her ex-boyfriend, several of her peers, and her school, have an unlikely point of convergence. Both have brought sexting into the media spotlight.Sexting, for those who are only dimly aware of texting, and don't even know how it's done--is the sharing of sexually explicit photos and chat via digital media. Sending a nude picture of oneself via cellphone text is the most common "sext," it seems. Tabloids have recently reported that Rachel Uchitel and Jaimee Grubbs kept in touch--and kept things interesting--with Tiger Woods this way. Recently Woods's texts to Uchitel and Grubbs about what he wished they were doing were splashed acros... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313535 Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:57:33 +0100 3313535 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201487&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmedicine-in-translation%2F200912%2Fin-praise-public-hospitals Public hospitals have a bad rap. They’re viewed by many as hospitals of last resort, and most patients with private insurance do anything to avoid them. As a long-time physician in a public hospital, I’m sensitive to this reputation. I wouldn’t work in my hospital if I didn’t feel that it delivered excellent health care. I’m certainly aware that private hospitals have amenities that public hospitals can’t afford, but many of these are cosmetic issues. On the cosmetic side, though, public hospitals have come a long way. Bellevue Hospital, where I work, has built a gorgeous ambulatory care building, complete with a soaring atrium that floods the waiting areas with sun and space. The ICUs and emergency wards have been renovated to enviable standards. But beyond cosmetics, there is... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201487 Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:54:29 +0100 3201487 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3313534&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbirth-babies-and-beyond%2F200911%2Fthe-best-toy-ever The most creative kid-activity ever was invented in 1961 by none other than my mother. We lived then in Yonkers, New York-a suburb of New York City in the days when there was no such thing as DVDs or video games. (Though I had my share of Barbie dolls). In the corner of our backyard was a huge boulder, something that I'm sure could not be budged out of the yard when my parents moved in. But instead of griping about the space it occupied, my mother turned this rock into a pedestal of thinking. Yes, whenever we complained of boredom, or when I started annoying my older brother or sister, my mother would say: "Why don't you go sit on the thinking rock." She told us-and we all believed-that when you sat on the rock and really tried hard, great thoughts came into your head. My mom got a kick ou... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3313534 Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:19:29 +0100 3313534 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201486&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200911%2Feffective-punshment-the-adolescent (Punishment, Part three.)When it comes to punishing their adolescent, the number one choice of parents seems to be DEPRIVATION - temporarily removing something of value in the young person's life in consequence of him or her committing some serious misdeed.The "game of take away", as one teenager called it, is played by parents when their teenager doesn't play by basic family rules. Resources that seem to be most commonly denied in this electronic age are cell phones, messaging devices, and the computer.Without the means of communication, the young person is handicapped in his contact with peers at a time when being in constant touch with them feels all-important.Of course, the most common deprivation that parents use to punish major infractions is the loss of social freedom -- grounding. ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201486 Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:48:05 +0100 3201486 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3016507&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200911%2Fgirls-and-body-confidence-what-do-you-believe Last week, my 13-year-old daughter hit me with some stunning news: "Mom," she said. "I'm going to try out for the school basketball team." "Really?" I said. "You are?" I know, I know...that's not exactly a supportive maternal reaction, is it? But you have to understand. My daughter is just under five feet tall -- not exactly what you'd consider basketball player stature. And did I mention that she's never played basketball a day in her life? "Yup," she said. "I'm going to do it." "OK," I said as neutrally as I could. "Just do your best." For three afternoons, she went to try-outs, taking part in grueling exercises with names like "suicides," while also trying to learn the fundamentals of the game. Each night, she'd come home exhausted and one evening, she sat on the cou... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3016507 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:58:12 +0100 3016507 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201485&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200911%2Fhow-not-punish-your-adolescent (Punishment, Part two.)When it comes to punishing their adolescent, most parents understand that even if they resorted to spanking (or other acts of physical hurt) when he or she was a child, now with a teenager this corrective response does more harm than good, as it may have done back then.From what I have heard in counseling with young people, physical punishment creates enormous humiliation and anger in the teenager and deeply alienates the relationship.Physical punishment which teenagers accepted as children, even though they didn't like it, they object to as adolescents because they feel they should have outgrown that kind of parental discipline by now. Not only does it seem inappropriate; it feels demeaning.At worst, in those cases where the young person decides not to take it, stan... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201485 Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:19:26 +0100 3201485 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2991115&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgender-and-schooling%2F200911%2Fproms-plays-yearbooks-erasing-queer-lives-school Recent school controversies around the country demonstrate how parents, administrators, and other school officials are harming students and teaching homophobia and intolerance.In Mississippi the issue is a female student who wore a tuxedo instead of the "drape" designated for female students for her yearbook photo. Now the school is refusing to publish her senior photo in the yearbook. In Alabama, the conflict was around a lesbian student on the prom committee who asked to bring her girlfriend as her date. The school threatened to cancel the prom. In Nevada, controversy emerged over student productions of The Laramie Project and Rent: School edition. A judge had to rule against the parents to allow the productions to continue. Why do these youth frighten adults into these harmful responses... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2991115 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:03:54 +0100 2991115 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2991116&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmy-empty-nest%2F200911%2Fwomen-and-the-dogs-who-walk-them I've been trying to kick a 20-year habit of being on someone else's schedule. Our dogs have been my methadone. They cannot feed themselves and we don't live on a farm so they don't run wild and free. But I find them to be far more flexible than my former charges -- our children. Dogs will pretty much eat whatever and whenever you feed them. They don't complain, or say ew, what's that? Dogs don't voluntarily become vegans overnight.I used to have this fantasy that involved our teenagers walking the dogs every day. In this dream world there was order and exercise and human-animal bonding. Now that the job has fallen to me the dream is becoming a reality. I actually do walk our dogs every morning, at approximately the same time. Not because I have to, but oddly enough because I want to. It's ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2991116 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:00:59 +0100 2991116 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2987407&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200911%2Fmothers-and-daughters-the-body-image-trickle-down Last week, I wrote about what's been happening in Australia, where several body image activists have been accused of being "too beautiful" to deliver a message of self-acceptance and body love to the "average" woman. I asked my readers if they'd still be willing to listen to my message of self-acceptance if I looked like a supermodel. Several women wrote to me and said that truthfully, they'd have trouble with that. I get it...I do. But through my years of body image struggles -- and through years of watching the number on the scale go down, then up, then down again -- I've learned something important about myself: What you think of me doesn't matter. Now, I don't mean that the way it sounds...of course you matter! What I mean is that you could look at me and tell me I'm beautiful and... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2987407 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:28:34 +0100 2987407 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2987410&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbirth-babies-and-beyond%2F200911%2Ftv-time-babies Last night my 9-year-old daughter, Eliza, was so excited to see a discounted Baby Einstein DVD at the Barnes and Noble checkout line. She had no desire to buy the little-kid flick but was happy to see her current event come to life. She figured--and probably rightly so--that the book store was trying to dump their versions of once-touted educational DVDs because of all the bad press lately. She had a point.For her week as class reporter she chose the news story about the Walt Disney Company offering refunds to anyone who bought a Baby Einstein video or DVD since 2004 and could send it in with the original case and date of purchase. The gesture  was a response to years of bombardment by Susan Linn's Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood. Good luck with that Susan. The Einstein ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2987410 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:32:12 +0100 2987410 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2987408&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fnote-mothers I hope you enjoyed yesterday's words from psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini. Here's one more bit of wisdom she has to share, being a mom herself.<!--break-->Mother's are rated the top influence in 90% of all girls' lives. We carry with us the wisdom of experience, and no one else will ever love their child as much as we (moms) do. We also realize that the way we grew up wasn't always optimal so we (moms) are looking for a better approach. Girls really want to talk to their moms, but many times hold back due to feeling awkward about how to start the conversation. Our daughters do not want to risk the love of their moms, so they carry this idea that if their moms knew the truth, they would be disappointed. Moms may be disappointed but will never stop loving their daughters. (Source: Psych... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2987408 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:03:29 +0100 2987408 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2987409&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fare-we-destined-turn-our-mothers When I was young, I used to tell my mother, with great gusto and frequency, that "we're the same person." I fully believed it then. I was in awe of her and wanted to be not just her walking, talking mini-me, but her. Not like her. Not sharing her interests. Her.<!--break-->OK, in the name of honesty, I may have even said it (yes, that same "we're-the-same-person" speech, which now is met with a look of concern for my psychological well-being from said mother) again a month or so ago. But I couldn't help but ponder that age-old question: Don't all daughters, in the end, want to be just like their mothers? Or at least grow up to make them proud?The mother-daughter relationship has a long history, full of ups and downs and full of Freudian interpretations. Sometimes we want to be the li... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2987409 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:12:48 +0100 2987409 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2983566&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fwords-wisdom-wednesday-few-words-the-mother-daughter-bond Author Mary Jo Rapini knows a thing or two about mothers and daughters. During the course of her decade-long career as a psychotherapist, she's confronted everything from body image issues to intimacy issues to parenting issues. Now, she's brought her expertise to the page with her book, ""Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex, or Whatever," by Bayou Press.<!--break--> She offers these gems of wisdom that are the perfect recipe for strengthening the mother-daughter bond. Look for a few more words of wisdom from her tomorrow..."Our society continually tries to tell women what they should be. More beautiful, more thin, more engaging, and more receptive to other's needs. We have forgotten that these girls are the potential leaders and mothers of the next g... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2983566 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:19:07 +0100 2983566 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2983567&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fthe-strength-my-mother-gave-me Families in every neck of the woods pay homage to the matriarch of their family every May on that lovely Sunday we've come to know - and expect (at least my mother has) - as Mother's Day.<!--break--> Sons, daughters and even husbands shower the women in their lives with cards filled with words of love - and maybe even a Bath and Body Works gift card (my own mother's personal favorite gift). They do the housework for a change and give their boss the night off. And I'm pretty sure there are hundreds of hugs and kilograms of kisses to go around.Last May was a particularly emotional and triumphant Mother's Day for my family. For my entire life - and especially since my father's death - my mother's demonstrated what it is to be a living, breathing, 24/7 mother. I always knew she had the s... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2983567 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:09:45 +0100 2983567 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2983568&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200911%2Fbenjamin-franklin-was-right This article also quotes a Fort Hood official stating that reports of violent crimes usually go up after a unit has returned from a deployment. Primary symptoms displayed by soldiers after a combat tour, are post traumatic stress disorder, poor anger management, chronic anxiety, and depression.It takes a village to raise a child, and parents should become cognizance about subtle messages society sends to their youth, particularly around the issue of force and conflict resolution. If I were to complete Benjamin Franklin's quote on force it would be, "force sh#*es upon reason's back and then on itself."  (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2983568 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:45:25 +0100 2983568 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2979676&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200911%2Fsome-lessons-taught-informal-sports-not-taught-formal-sports Imagine an old-fashioned sandlot game of baseball. A bunch of kids of various ages show up at the vacant lot. They've come on foot or by bicycle. Someone brought a bat, someone brought a ball (which may or may not be an actual baseball), and several came with fielders' gloves. They decide to play a game. The two reputably best players serve as captains, and they choose up sides. They lay out the bases--which might be hats, Frisbees, or any other objects of suitable size. There may not be enough players to fill all the standard positions, so they improvise. No adult authority is present to tell the kids what to do or to settle disputes. They have to work all this out themselves. This way of playing is what I refer to as the informal way of playing sports.Now imagine a Little League game of ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2979676 Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:54:58 +0100 2979676 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2976066&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200911%2Fpornstar-mom-superstar-stepmomwhat-about-dad Last week the custody battle between Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, and James's ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder, exploded into public view as Lindemulder took to Good Morning America to make her case. It seems that while Lindemulder, a former adult film actress, was serving a six-month sentence for tax evasion, James won a temporary order granting full custody of their 5-year-old daughter Sunny. He now seeks to make it permanent, alleging that Lindemulder is an unfit mother and a drug addict, and that Lindemulder's husband is a convicted felon. So far, Lindemulder has passed a drug test, and the court has ordered that Lindemulder's husband stay away from the child.If it seems it couldn't get uglier than airing very dirty laundry on national TV, you don't know family court battles, the ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2976066 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:17:49 +0100 2976066 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2976065&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200911%2Fnational-adoption-month-bittersweet This year's theme for National Adoption Month--which occurs in November--is "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent" (what a relief--right?).Jokes aside, I should be happy about this special month to celebrate adoption. But I'm not, not totally anyway. I've written about this over at The Faster Times in To My Daughters, Now Grown: One Adoptive Mom's Love Song.Funny thing is, I never really gave much thought to National Adoption Month, until now. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2976065 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:56:20 +0100 2976065 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2976067&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-parents-we-mean-be%2F200911%2Fmoral-adults-moral-children  In the Brother's Grimm fairy tale, "The Old Grandfather and the Grandson," a young married couple has grown tired of the husband's father, who lives with them, and who has become increasingly feeble. They stop inviting him to the dinner table and begin feeding him small portions from a dishpan.One day they watch their small son gathering some bits of wood on the ground; he is building something. "What are you doing there?" asks the father. Misha says, "Dear father, I am making a dishpan. So that when you and dear Mother become old, you may be fed from this dishpan ."The husband and wife look at one another and, ashamed, begin to weep. From then on they seat the grandfather at the table and wait on him.Americans have great faith in their capacity to improve their well-being. As many a... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2976067 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:52:12 +0100 2976067 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2976068&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200911%2Fhypocrisy-why-we-are-sometimes-guilty Recently Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California beauty queen was found to have contradicted her Christian values, after pageant officials discovered a solo sex tape, starring her. But this isn't the first time a well known public figure outspoken in support of righteous values has being found to have contradicted his or her moral high ground. As a matter of fact this is so rampant, that it is not a matter of how often the media can find a public figure engaging in hypocrisy, but how well known the culprit is.In all fairness, at some point in time, everyone has engaged in hypocrisy and sadly there are multiple offenders. So why do we do it? After all, most people can agree that "do as I say, not as I do" is an inefficient way to teach youth. Sure, they will listen to you, but compliance... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2976068 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:20:54 +0100 2976068 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2972947&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyour-brain-work%2F200911%2Fsense-autonomy-is-primary-reward-or-threat-the-brain This is the fourth in a series of five posts about the big drivers of threat and reward in the brain. So far I have posted about status, certainty and relatedness. This week let's explore the issue of autonomy. Autonomy is a feeling of having choices. This feeling turns out to be deeply upsetting when taken away from us.Teen angst is not universalAccording to Dr. Robert Epstein, teenagers in western cultures have fewer choices than a felon in prison. They can't drink, vote, have sex, marry, or choose where they go. I am not saying teens should be given total autonomy, they would probably make some pretty bad decisions. Yet I think some societies have gone overboard with control. (Note that the ‘terrible teens' is not a biological necessity, as many cultures don't experience this phenomen... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2972947 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:05:29 +0100 2972947 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2971649&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbear-in-mind%2F200911%2Freconciling-difference Her joys, her woes, Her highs, her lows, Are second nature to me now; Like breathing out and breathing in. . . .I've grown accustomed to the trace, Of something in the air; Accustomed to her face. -My Fair Lady Today, Frederick Loewe's My Fair Lady raises more than a few politically correct eyebrows, yet the musical persists and its closing song, I've Grown Accustomed to her Face, continues to evoke the tender sweetness of love's attachment. John Bowlby also celebrates relational bonds. His bardic trilogy, Attachment, Separation, and Loss, articulates a conceptual arc that has shown equal endurance. Attachment theory, the roles and importance of early relational transactions in shaping behavior, brain, and mind, has pushed its way across time and disciplines to emerge as a pivotal concept ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2971649 Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:09:32 +0100 2971649 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2971650&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200911%2Fin-the-aftermath-the-fort-hood-mass-shooting-troubling-messa There is a ubiquitous message we send to youths, over the ownership and use of guns in our society. That message is an eye for an eye. In the aftermath of the Fort Hood mass shooting, a lot of emphasis has being placed on the shooter's religion and his unhappiness about receiving orders to be deployed.Here's the truth, Maj. Hasan is a man with significant mental illness. A mentally ill man who found easy access to a gun, and who subsequently had easy access to use it on innocent people. The focus on Maj. Hasan's reasons for the shootings takes away from the psychological ramifications around the rampant availability of guns in our society. So before some of us pretend that if "Maj Hasan hadn't being a Muslim extremist none of this would have happened," let us not forget that in the past de... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2971650 Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:36:41 +0100 2971650 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2969317&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbirth-babies-and-beyond%2F200911%2Fbreeding-babies Can it be that we are finally realizing that humans aren't created to make litters? In the beginning--that is in the early days of reproductive technology--we were wowed with the amazing feats of medical science. One day a woman is infertile, the next day, she's bred five at a time, a full house. These families became proud diaper sponsors and could be guaranteed a photo op in women's magazines. Nowadays, they can get their own reality TV show, which will certainly help defray the costs of baby food and baby wipes.Ever since British scientist Robert Edwards made little Louise Brown in a straw (yes, he used a straw to suck up the embryos), there seems to be a drive to deliver a woman's dream of babies as quickly as possibly with super-human results. Funny thing is that we rarely heard ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2969317 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:25:28 +0100 2969317 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2969316&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fin-the-trenches%2F200911%2Froom-ones-own-ill-be-happy-the-bathroom Virginia Woolf in "A Room of One's Own" wrote passionately about the need for women to have a place of their own to write and to be creative.Eighty years later, women across the country still have the same lament! Mother's whether they live in mansions or apartments eventually all will get driven to the smallest room in the house, the bathroom.From the privacy of their bathrooms, women run multi million dollar businesses, have heartfelt conversations with their best friends and conduct interviews. Hampers can serve as a desk for your laptop and the inside a file cabinet. In times of exhaustion, the top of the hamper can be used as a headrest while sitting on the commode. You may have to work long hours; so make sure you have several large Egyptian towels on hand. These will come in hand... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2969316 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:01:39 +0100 2969316 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2965731&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200911%2Fmoment-body-thanksgiving Last week, I wrote about my struggle to help my 13-year-old daughter find a Halloween costume that was fun, but not too sexy. It was no easy task. But in the end, it was a non-issue: The kid never went trick or treating. Instead, she spent Halloween on the couch, with a fever and an awful case of the flu. It was a scary six days in our house. At 13 -- and sometimes, sadly, at 30 and 40 -- we're so busy thinking about all the ways our bodies don't measure up to whatever standard we hold in our heads as "perfect" that we sometimes fail to appreciate the simple pleasure and value of good health. Normally, I'm the kind of mom who'll talk about anything, and I don't typically shy away from tough or embarrassing topics when talking to my kids. I'm a firm believer that knowledge is... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2965731 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:07:59 +0100 2965731 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2965732&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Faspergers-diary%2F200911%2Fwhat-is-the-value-life I was once told that I shouldn't have kids, because the child could be born with Asperger's, like me.   I answered with a question - "Would you have given the same advice to my parents?""Well," came the answer, "look at all the difficulties you've had, and the pain you've had to endure...surely you wouldn't wish that on a child."  Well, it's true that living my life with Asperger's has often been difficult.  Yes, I have dealt with my fair share of pain and rejection... In a perfect world I wouldn't want a child to go through the same issues.  But I also had to wonder...is life just about avoiding pain?  Or is there something more?   Looking back on my life, I find that the most painful experiences taught me the most valuable lessons.  But, you n... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2965732 Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:16:53 +0100 2965732 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2965733&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200911%2Fteens-can-drive-you-nuts-especially-when-theyre-not-yours Special Guest Post by Susan Wisdom, LPCauthor of StepcouplingSusan uses the terms "biological child" and "biological parent," terms I prefer not to use in my own writing about stepfamilies, since many parents are adoptive parents. However, I think you will find Susan's piece and suggestions helpful to your step/family, regardless of how you came by your kids and stepkids.PARENTING BIOLOGICAL TEENS VS STEPTEENSWe all know that parenting teenagers is no piece of cake, but I have to say it's harder with a stepchild than your own flesh and blood. It's especially hard for stepmothers. The hardest time for a stepfamily to form is when there are teenagers in the mix.Hanging in there with your own flesh and blood as they grow into adolescence, and express themselves in their own "unique" ways, is ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2965733 Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:39:11 +0100 2965733 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2961674&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fwords-wisdom-wednesday-parents-perspective Editor's Note: From the moment I began reading Ellen's To The Max, a blog about life and love with her son, Max, who had a stroke at birth. I immediately found myself captivated by her honesty, something that is sometimes lacking in the disability world. Read on for her thoughts on raising a child with a disability and the importance of the mother-child bond. And, of course, I couldn't resist asking Max a few questions, too...Describe a bit of the emotional journey you found yourself on after Max's birth? After Max was born, I was pretty devastated. Obviously, you're never prepared to have something go wrong during a birth, but what happened to me was beyond shocking: my baby had a stroke. I hadn't even known babies could have strokes. And we were told the worst: That Max might never walk ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2961674 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:36:39 +0100 2961674 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2957381&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200911%2Fthe-sneaky-ways-your-mother-shaped-you Everybody has a nickname for their mother. Maybe they're not comfortable with the traditional Mom label. Case in point: In one of my favorite movies, "Mermaids," Winona Ryder's character calls her mother Mrs. Flax. She takes the professional-relationship route. My sister, Janelle, and I call our mother Ms. Bear. <!--break-->She's always been Ms. Bear. I'm not even sure when the nickname came into existence. I suppose it morphed out of the childhood image of my mother rising from her bed chambers. Every morning since I was 10 years old, the scene played out the same way. I'd hear a faint creak of a bed, hear loud footsteps on the carpet (my mother wears a size 12 shoe, of course!) and see the bedroom door fling open. And out would step Ms. Bear. Her hair standing up in all directions ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2957381 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:28:33 +0100 2957381 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2957382&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200911%2Fwhat-makes-stepmothering-feminist-issue In a word, power.Over the last months of promoting my book Stepmonster, I've tried to spread the word that, in spite of our image of them, the majority of women with stepchildren are anything but empowered, evil excluders and victimizers. Indeed, numerous studies and anecdotal reports from mental health professionals who work with stepfamilies paint a picture that may startle us: stepmothers are often the most powerless and vulnerable members of the stepfamily system.Experts including Jamie Kelem Keshet have found that when a woman marries or partners with a man with children-particularly if she has no children or "mini-family" of her own-she must struggle to find her place, often feeling like an interloper. Her partner and his children may not be much help here. He may feel too guilty to ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2957382 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:13:54 +0100 2957382 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2953250&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Faddiction-in-society%2F200911%2Fhow-your-child-will-die Odds are, sooner or later, your child will die of coronary artery disease (CAD) - fatty deposits in the arteries. Heart disease is the number one cause of death for Americans - strokes are third - and the large majority of both are due to CAD. Diabetes - which shares risk factors with CAD - is the sixth leading cause of death.The bad news - Americans' death rate is higher than most comparable economically advanced (and even several developing) countries. The good news - Americans' death rates are declining. More bad news, younger Americans are rapidly developing their risk profiles for CAD and diabetes, with as yet uncalculated results.White Americans have a significantly lower death rate than African Americans. Americans' infant mortality rate (<1 year) is quite high compared with othe... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2953250 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:08:37 +0100 2953250 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2953251&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200911%2Fembryo-adoption-7-questions Snowflakes Frozen Embryo Adoption was established in 1997 when its president, attorney Ron Stoddart, was asked to facilitate the open adoption of an embryo. Today, that Snowflake Baby is approaching teenhood. Since then there have been hundred of babies who have been born through the program.Ron Stoddart answered some of my more general questions about the program and the nuts and bolts of how it works. Nightlight Christian Adoptions is the "parent" agency of the Snowflake program. Families need not be Christian to adopt.Meredith: Can you explain what embryo adoption is all about - the nuts and bolts?Ron Stoddart: Embryo adoption is a very straightforward way of building your family through adoption - nine months before the baby is born. Instead of a birthmother, you are adopting from a fa... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2953251 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:27:01 +0100 2953251 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2953253&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200911%2Fare-parents-be-blamed-when-their-teens-intentionally-hurt-ot  Are Parents to be blamed when their adolescents victimize others? From time to time, I read or hear news reports about how one or more adolescents have victimized one of their peers. About a month ago, it had to do with beating to death of a Chicago teen, and last week it was the gang rape of a fifteen year old girl. Out of habit, the first thing that pops into my mind is to ask who the parents of these attackers are, and why. But the truth is, parents are not to be blamed for the actions of their adolescents, however this is not to suggest that parents are relieved of all responsibility in regards to the actions of their adolescent offspring. This last sentence may seem confusing, but it is simply a matter of distinguishing between decision making and enabling.   Years ago, whe... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2953253 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:15:04 +0100 2953253 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2953252&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fembedded%2F200911%2Fsibling-rivalry-sibling-abuse-parents-beware Sibling rivalry is considered a normal and routine part of family life these days. Bickering, teasing and fighting among siblings can be seen everywhere from school bus stops to our television sets.Sibling rivalry can and often does, however, slide into sibling abuse, with the potential to cause serious lifelong trauma and suffering. Sibling abuse takes many forms. Emotional torture, such as name-calling or taunting, is all too common between those who are familiar with one's weakest points. But sibling abuse can also involve physical abuse -- hair pulling, shoving, hitting, and even threats of bodily harm. Sibling abuse is a very serious problem in the US. The Department of Health and Human Services reported nearly 1 million cases of sibling violence in 2006. A recent Dr. Phil episode add... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2953252 Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:38:26 +0100 2953252 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2948044&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200911%2Fpunishing-the-adolescentpart-one-three Punishing their adolescent is one of the more unrewarding parts of parenting. Not only does it add negativity to a temporarily strained relationship; it can provoke the adolescent to punish parents in return.This payback is commonly done by acting mad, by complaining about mistreatment, or by refusing to talk to them for some period of time. This is kind of a "You showed me"/ "I'll show you" exchange of disfavor. Come adolescence, punishment is no fun for anyone.A thankless part of parental discipline, punishment is NOT for minor infractions like leaving the refrigerator door open again or not turning out the lights. It is not for continuing aggravations like playing music too loudly or not picking up or cleaning up after themselves. It is not for resisting responsibilities like ‘forgett... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2948044 Sun, 01 Nov 2009 08:47:32 +0100 2948044 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201484&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbad-appetite%2F200910%2Fforbidden-fruit Got kids? Live near kids? Used to be one? If you answered yes to any of those questions Halloween will not have passed you by unnoticed. The 31st October is fun for everyone, of course, but kids definitely get the best deal. Parties. Superhero costumes. And a once-a-year opportunity to extort unlimited supplies of candy from their neighbors and play tricks on those who don't cough up. Parents certainly come to expect a few upset tummies after the festivities - even a chocolate-loving 3-year old starts to feel a little peaky after his seventeenth Reese's peanut butter cup. But what are the longer term effects of teaching kids that candy bars and salty fat-filled snacks are naughty objects that are only allowed to be consumed freely on certain days of the year? Some psychology... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201484 Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:00:58 +0100 3201484 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2945875&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgender-and-schooling%2F200910%2Fhigh-school-teacher-suspended-after-assigning-article-homosexuality Yesterday, Mr. Delong, a 10th and 12th grade Honors English teacher in Piasa, IL was suspended for assigning an article about homosexuality in the animal kingdom to his students. Should teachers ask their students to read about controversial topics? Should we allow parents veto power over the curriculum?The local paper reporting this story quoted the teacher saying, "I have been suspended, but not without pay," Delong, of Carlinville, said Wednesday. "But I would rather not comment further until I speak with my union representative." In true student-activism fashion, a Facebook group called "Bring back Mr. Delong" has been created to show support and share information about this situation. I thank this group for sharing this photo.Mr. Delong is reportedly a married, heterosexual teacher wh... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2945875 Sat, 31 Oct 2009 01:15:36 +0100 2945875 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2945876&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-interactive-world%2F200910%2Fill-pay-you-ten-dollars-throw-apple I was observing a Speech Therapist work with an autistic child (I consult with a school system in New York). The teacher was sweetly and diligently trying to help him pronounce the word ‘Green.' The boy, we'll call him Alan, threw the apple he was holding at the teacher. It bounced lightly off her.The Speech teacher laughed, and then, realizing that she might have been sending the wrong message, got a stern look on her face. "Alan , look at me," she said. "I am not happy."Alan then went on to do many more minor defiant acts, including sitting in her chair, knocking objects over, leaving his desk and walking around the room, and ignoring her directions.This kind of thing plays out countless times in classrooms and homes everyday. Adults often get caught up in trying to show misbehaving sp... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2945876 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:49:07 +0100 2945876 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2945877&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200910%2Flife-lessons-my-father It may sound strange, but I've come to think of my life not so much in terms of my "in-the-hospital" Melissa and "normal-spunky-redhaired" Melissa, but in terms of life before my father's suicide and the life I've tried to create from the ruins left behind in his wake.<!--break-->That second girl - the one who lost her father at the tender age of 21? I like to think of her as Melissa 2.0. On the outside, it's still me - green eyes, dots of freckles running up and down my arms, the cute little smile. But the girl on the inside has morphed into a woman. She was born the day my father died.And yet, as angry as I was (and still am) at my father, I've also learned to separate him. After all, he was first a foremost a family man - a loving husband and father. A man separate from suicide. H... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2945877 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:52:28 +0100 2945877 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2941776&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200910%2Fhalloween-costumes-is-sexy-empowering Earlier this week, I wrote a post on my You'd Be So Pretty If... blog about my daughter's search for a Halloween costume. Given the reaction it got, I'm reprinting it here: I'm not usually a big ranter -- in public, anyway -- but at what point did a "holiday" for children become all about women looking sexy? Last week, I took my kids to a local Halloween store (one of those places that moves in temporarily in the month before Halloween) to look for costumes. My son, who's 11, made a beeline for the scariest costumes he could find, and ended up choosing this freaky, demented-looking jester mask that gives me the willies every time I look at it. But I digress... My daughter (who has hated Halloween and all things scary since the day she was born) and I spent some time in the women's co... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2941776 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:30:44 +0100 2941776 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2941777&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200910%2Fsavoring-those-special-moments-dad Growing up, I was the sort of girl who had a varying array of nicknames for, not my sister, but my father. For example, I'd harp "Good one, Einstein" after he made, in my young eyes, a blatantly obvious comment.<!--break-->Or I'd give his soft, round stomach a little pat/punch and exclaim "Fat Boy" when he'd come home from work every night, kiss us on the heads and head right to the bag of Cheetos. His typical response to my unprovoked barbs and jabs? He'd usually just chuckle it off - as his belly wiggled like Santa Claus.No doubt about it. I was an original daddy's girl. In all honesty, though, it was my father who should have had the last laugh. Over summer vacation in California a few years ago, as my family and I sat on the hotel balcony overlooking the San Diego skyline, we cam... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2941777 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:10:23 +0100 2941777 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2941778&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgenetic-crossroads%2F200910%2Fdelivering-baby-commercial-surrogacy-in-india What's it like to grow a baby in your body for nine months, feel it start to move and kick, give birth, and watch as the newborn is whisked away to the waiting arms of its...mother?Media descriptions of commercial surrogacy (1, 2, 3, 4) tend to focus far more on the lives and feelings of the "contracting parents" than on those of the surrogates. Typically the stories discuss the despair associated with infertility, the hopes aroused by the prospect of a genetically related child, the anxieties of "outsourcing" the gestation of the child, and the joys of "taking delivery" of the baby. The surrogates usually figure briefly and say little. This is especially true when they are poor women recruited from rural villages, as is most of the "work force" in what has become a half-billion dollar per... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2941778 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:45:55 +0100 2941778 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2941779&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-teenage-mind%2F200910%2Fhow-does-your-teen-cope I thought I would share with you the parts of my book, Adolescent Assessment, that readers found the most interesting. One of the most popular topics was defense mechanisms. Anna Freud (1958), Sigmund's daughter, believed people defended themselves against anxiety with defense mechanisms. As you may have learned in Introductory Psychology, Freudians believe internal conflicts cause anxiety. To reduce this anxiety, people employ psychological defenses. After many years of observing children, adolescents, and adults, and despite my extremely rigorous scientific training, I've concluded there is some merit to Freudian observations. While I don't believe Sigmund Freud was God and would never call myself a Freudian, I do believe he was a very smart man and an astute observer. I mean what parent... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2941779 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:08:29 +0100 2941779 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2941780&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200910%2Fwhy-did-the-divorced-dad-build-wall As I researched my book Stepmonster, I realized all the ways in which a remarriage with children is different from a first marriage or partnership. The list goes on and on, but privacy and boundaries tend to be big issues. Martin Babits, a couples therapist and author of The Power of the Middle Ground: a Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship, is my guest blogger today, and has this to say:It's been four years since the divorce that ended my 27 year marriage. How and why it happened is a story I'll tell you some other time. My son, knowing that it is not even a remote possibility, is rooting for his mom and I to get back together. He has tried to persuade me to limit the length of my dating to six weeks per dating partner. "After that," he counsels," you've got to find someone else ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2941780 Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:17:12 +0100 2941780 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2937201&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200910%2Fwords-wisdom-wednesday-notable-quotables I couldn't resist posting some of my favorite quotes about the dynamic of the father-daughter relationship. What are some of your favorites? I'd love to hear them!<!--break-->"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express." --Joseph Addison"To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter." --Euripides"He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. Wh... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2937201 Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:17:35 +0100 2937201 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2937202&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Flifestyle-design%2F200910%2Fblogging-the-wild-thing I've been thinking a lot lately about why we read blogs. And why we write them. I have to admit it, several years ago when I first heard about the concept of blogs and blogging I thought it was terribly narcissistic. Why would someone write something by, to, for, and about themselves? For awhile I persisted in that opinion, but have now been munching on those tart words for quite some time.While I've been wondering about it, the film version of Where the Wild Things Are has been released, and it brings to mind an incident highlighting one of my favorite themes, that of Life as Story and the need we all have for stories to help us make capital ‘S' Sense out of lower case ‘s' stuff.One evening last week, when CrazyManBoy Hermes was jumping incessantly off the couch, banging sticks on the... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2937202 Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:16:14 +0100 2937202 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2933239&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200910%2Fwild-things-and-the-dance-temperament-in-stepfamily-life My eight-year-old son recently told me that he did not want to go to Where the Wild Things Are. A friend of his went, he told me, "and had to leave. It was just too scary." Indeed, my son grabbed my hand--a rare event these days--during the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are.When you're a Wild Thing, wild things can scare the bejujubees out of you.Parents and stepparents likely feel the same way. Sendak's story and Jonze's version convey not just playfulness but also the fearsome beauty of a child's most important impulses: to separate, to sass, to go away, to come back again. Particularly for stepfamilies, where wild things tend to run wildest during times of transition and stress, it has profound lessons to impart about different types of kids and their ability to self-regulate in the... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2933239 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:20:26 +0100 2933239 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2929626&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200910%2Fpushing-competition-and-damaging-health-making-play-offensive If American football were a food additive or a drug, it would be banned by the FDA. Or, if financial interests prevented its banning, its package would at least carry a surgeon general's warning: Football causes brain damage. For a layman's summary of the evidence, take a look at Malcolm Gladwell's article, Offensive Play, which appeared in last week's New Yorker (Oct. 19 issue).Gladwell's article is based largely on his interviews with two neuropathology researchers--Anne McKee and Bennet Omalu--who are specialists in a condition called chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a progressive neurological disorder caused by trauma to the brain, which has symptoms similar to those of Alzheimer's Disease. The most reliable physical marker of CTE, observable only in post-mortem assays, is abnor... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2929626 Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:30:40 +0100 2929626 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2929627&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-image-professor%2F200910%2Fhalloween-manners-dress-witch-behave-lady As you work this week, take heart: Halloween is this Saturday. Whether you're staying at home handing lollipops to goblins or dressing in the costume of your dreams for the holiday party, manners should be part of the evening. Dress like a witch and "arrr!" like a pirate, but behave like ladies and gentlemen. <!--break--> HALLOWEEN ETIQUETTE Q&A: 1. HOW DO YOU SIGNAL TO OTHERS YOU'RE DISTRIBUTING CANDY? While a gleaming porch light has been the favored nonverbal cue of candy-offering in the past, other signals include a carved and lit pumpkin, a holiday-decorated home, ghoulish music piping from a sound system, or the visible physical presence of a candy-giver. If the weather's too cold to remain outside, I'd recommend keeping the outer-front door pulled back somewhat so a trick-... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2929627 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:46:45 +0100 2929627 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2929628&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200910%2Fparents-and-the-convenience-myths When working with adolescents and their parents, I usually encounter two types of families. On one hand there are families who recognize that things are amiss and are willing to throw in the towel, and keep an open mind to a new way of doing things. On the other hand, there a families who recognize that things are amiss, have a strong desire for change, but are insistent that their way of thinking and doing, not change an iota. Needless to say the latter presents as more challenging as the first. However such is the convenience of  myths; the belief that a specific way of thinking and doing will guarantee some form of stability and predictability. It can be especially confusing to  parents with more than one children, where one child is experiencing behavioral problems, and the o... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2929628 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:39:29 +0100 2929628 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2929629&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdisabled-and-thriving%2F200910%2Fgirl-her-dad-and-summer-sky This week, let's explore the father-daughter dynamic as it relates to having a disability. The father-daughter bond is an extraordinary one at its foundation, but add a disability to the mix, and that bond becomes even more solid, as it did in my case. <!--break-->At 21, I swiftly waved goodbye to my childhood and the innocence that had become my security blanket, leaving behind a life of memories and love and entering a new and frightening chapter in my life somewhat naked. As life sprouted up against the early morning dew and glistening sunshine, my father chose to end his on March 10, 2003, following a rigorous four-month battle with Stage Three sinus cancer.I now saw my life not through the lens of my physical disability, but through the lens of a suicide survivor. I slowly saw t... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2929629 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:35:07 +0100 2929629 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2924346&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200910%2Fcriticizing-your-adolescent It's tempting for parents to criticize their adolescent.After all, normal developmental changes make the young person harder for them to live with as he or she breaks the boundaries of childhood to create more freedom to grow. Consider the three engines for independence that drive adolescent growth (separation, opposition, and differentiation) and the aggravation for parents that these changes can cause.In service of SEPARATION the adolescent pulls away from nuclear family to form a new family of friends. Now the young person becomes less communicative to create more privacy about this separate social world. Now he or she wants less involvement with family and more in the company of friends. So parents criticize: "You never talk to us and you never want to spend any time with us!"In servic... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2924346 Sun, 25 Oct 2009 08:08:56 +0100 2924346 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2922299&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200910%2Fwhat-we-dont-say-out-loud-the-internal-dialogue As Delta Delta Delta sorority's "Fat Talk Free Week" comes to a close, I'm curious: How did you do? Were you able to refrain from making critical comments about your body? Were you able to avoid making jokes at your own expense? It's a noble effort on the sorority's part -- to bring awareness to the world of the unkind words that women hurl at themselves, too often under the guise of female bonding. But there's another kind of "fat talk" that's less obvious. I'm talking about the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. True freedom from "fat talk" isn't just about biting your tongue before the self-criticism escapes your lips; it's about silencing the inner voice that tells us we aren't good enough...that we must "improve" ourselves...that we can be "perfect," if we'd just... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2922299 Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:02:04 +0100 2922299 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2922300&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200910%2Fdealing-rejection-re-evaluating-the-priority-needs Some time ago, I addressed a situation with a thirteen year old, who had been turning in blank sheets of papers to his teachers, and calling them his assignments. To further make this case interesting, this teen had been identified as a gifted student, by his teachers and other professionals. It later came out that he was attempting to dumb himself in the presence of his peers in order to gain acceptance. While this revelation made a lot of sense, it was also sad, because for most of the semester he had spent his time sabotaging his academic progress.This scenario is quit typical with teens, however it calls attention for a re-evaluation of what most of us believe to be important human needs. Like most people in my field, I learned that before emotional needs were need to be met, basic nee... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2922300 Thu, 22 Oct 2009 22:18:34 +0100 2922300 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2922301&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Flifestyle-design%2F200910%2Fmy-own-private-olympus The children have decided that for the purposes of this blog as well as life in general, they should take the names of Greek gods for nicknames. This is fine with me, as it adds a luster of glamour to our otherwise ordinary day to day existence. And we are quite fond of the Greek gods. Definitely not something on which to base a systematic theology, (talk about creating gods in your own image!) but oh my, can they ever be entertaining!So here it is, my own private Mount Olympus: Artemis, our oldest, is goddess of the hunt and also devoted to the moon. While she doesn't yet show a penchant for bow and arrows, she definitely has a goal driven personality. She also has just officially begun babysitting which correlates nicely with Artemis' other trait of helping women in childbirth. She was g... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2922301 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:24:44 +0100 2922301 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201483&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpromoting-empathy-your-teen%2F200910%2Fpick-pocket-sticky-fingers-three-steps-put-end-your-teenager  There was once a woman, who had lost her husband of eight years to lung cancer. By the time he was cremated, she found herself eighty thousand dollars in depth with four children to raise, and a twenty-one thousand dollar per year income, before taxes. Her son was currently on probation for breaking into another student's locker at school and stealing an iPod and she needed help in addressing his increasingly out of control habit of taking things that did not belong to him. So what's the purpose of this story? Well here's the real story, she felt so guilty about his being on probation, that she differed payment of their electric bill to buy him an iPod. She did not want him to feel "left out" since most of his peers already had iPods.This leads to the first step towards putting an en... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201483 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:39:11 +0100 3201483 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3201482&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpeople-skills%2F200910%2Fteach-your-kids-de-stress Kids are stressed by being overscheduled, having too much homework, by family expectations and the trials of growing up. Not surprisingly, they're also stressed by having to navigate the social scene. Dealing with peers is like playing for keeps in a game with unwritten rules. Isn't it strange that we never teach our kids how to handle stress? We assume that it's something they'll all "get" naturally.Children often make social mistakes because they don't have time to think - they react emotionally. They're threatened, hurt, anxious, angry, sad, or some combination of these feelings. The response seems instantaneous. Wouldn't it be great if we could help them relax, so they could more calmly think things through?Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard University has worked in mind-body medicine for y... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3201482 Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:21:40 +0100 3201482 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113429&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Finsight-is-2020%2F200910%2Fdogs-teach-the-darndest-lessons We all know that kids do the darndest things, but any dog owner can tell you the same truth applies to dogs. Not only are they little furballs of personality, but living with them and tending to their every need can also have helpful real-life applications that prepare you for a different kind of nurturing. I have found that dogs can actually teach you how to become a good parent to your children. As I mentally prepare to have children of my own, I'm fraught with the predictable anxieties: Will I be a good enough father? Patient enough? Flexible enough? Yet as I battle my own neuroses, I must take solace in the fact that I have already had some experiences parenting. True, I haven't dealt with a bawling infant or a defiant toddler, but taking care of dogs brings with it unique needs. For o... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113429 Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:15:26 +0100 3113429 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113427&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200909%2Four-social-obligation-toward-children-s-education-opportunities-not-coerci Children educate themselves. Children are biologically built for self-education. Their instincts to explore; to observe; to eavesdrop on the conversations of their elders; to ask countless questions; and to play with the artifacts, ideas, and skills of the culture all serve the purpose of education. Regular readers of this blog know that this has been my main thesis, from Post #1 on through this one, Post #38.Schools, as we generally know them, interfere with children's abilities to educate themselves. When we confine children and adolescents to schools, where they are assigned to rooms by age and can't choose their associates, where they can't pursue their own interests but instead must conform to the dictates of the teacher and the time course of the bell, we interfere with their abiliti... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113427 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 12:11:34 +0100 3113427 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3032538&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fstepmonster%2F200909%2Fwho-you-callin-stepmonster Over the last four years, as I researched and wrote my book Stepmonster, I also argued with everyone involved in its production about the title. My agent, whose husband had a stepmother, said it was "too scary." The acquiring editor, a stepchild herself, agreed the title was "provocative," and not in a good way. In the months just before publication, the p.r. and marketing people decided to change the title to something more saleable, like "Stepmothering."<!--break-->Some people just don't get irony. Or stepmother reality. I stubbornly hewed to "Stepmonster" because the truth is, a woman partnered with or married to a man who has kids from a previous relationship has likely struggled. And much of that struggle has been about her self-concept.She may have referred to herself as a "ste... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3032538 Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:09:11 +0100 3032538 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113426&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsomebodies-and-nobodies%2F200909%2Fthe-nobody-manifesto Who are the nobodies? Those with less power. At the moment.Who are the somebodies? Those with more power. At the moment.Power is signified by rank. Rank in a particular setting. Somebodies hold higher rank than nobodies. In that setting. For that moment.A somebody in one setting can be a nobody in another. A somebody now may be a nobody later. Because rank is contextual and precarious, we're all once and future nobodies.Abuse of the power signified by rank is rankism. When somebodies use the power of their position to put or to keep others down, that's rankism. When somebodies use the power of their position in one setting to exercise power in another, that, too, is rankism.Dignity is innate, universal, and non-negotiable. No person's dignity is less sacred than anyone else's. Equal dignit... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113426 Tue, 08 Sep 2009 22:43:00 +0100 3113426 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3032537&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200909%2Fremarriage-adolescents-the-perils-step-relationships Although about half of first marriages end in divorce, most former partners are not discouraged about marriage itself since the majority elect to remarry. Many of them bring children into their next union, and this is how step relationships are made.The rate of divorce for remarriages that are made with existing children is higher than for first marriages. Whether the child factor contributes to this increase, I do not know, but step relationships certainly add to the complexity of keeping a remarriage together.After all, intolerance of diversity, competition of needs, pressures for loyalty, demands for adjustment, and difficulties with sharing are all grounds for contention. They inevitably create tensions and conflicts between the adult and children who are not biologically or historical... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3032537 Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:16:47 +0100 3032537 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234081&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Four-fathers-ourselves%2F200908%2Fted-kennedy-loving-patriarch    Several times over the last few days, I've found myself shedding more than a few tears for Ted Kennedy, who died on Tuesday, August 25, 2009, at the age of 77 after a yearlong struggle with brain cancer. Although I never met Ted Kennedy or any other member of his astonishing family, the Kennedys have been part of my psychic life since 1960 when I was 14-years-old. I feel like I've lost a close relative.At that time, Teddy was the big, handsome, twinkly-eyed, younger brother of John and Robert Kennedy, the much-adored baby of the family, who everyone looked to for a joke and a cute antic-and not much else. Even when he was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1962, he secured the job as a result of his brother's popularity, not his own qualifications, which, at the time, were essentia... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234081 Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:20:52 +0100 3234081 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113425&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgreat-kids-great-parents%2F200908%2Fwhy-do-we-still-spank-hit-children-the-problem-physical-corpora Why do we still spank children? The usual answer is to get them to do what we think is best for them - i.e., to obtain behavioral compliance. And, yet, the answer is much more complicated. Dealing with children can stir up very charged and old feelings. The arguments and screaming of a child can push the same buttons that one's own parents or siblings pushed long ago. Or perhaps one does to one's child what was done to oneself: "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out all right." - Yes, but perhaps you turned out all right in spite of the spanking, not because of it... and perhaps things would have been even better if the effective alternatives to spanking which do exist had been utilized. Overview of Physical Punishment It turns out that physical punishment is a serious public health p... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113425 Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:13:43 +0100 3113425 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234080&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200908%2Farguing-your-adolescent-0 Adolescence is a disputatious age. Dispute about what? For the adolescent, any issue will often do when the point of the dispute is argument itself.The young person is testing his or her power of disagreement with parents by contesting their power of authority. Argument takes assertiveness, something adolescents need more of to handle the more aggressive push and shove with teenage peers.Parents are like sparing partners in this way. A good argument with parents sharpens your skills and keeps you in condition. So after a few rounds of intense debate, although parents are exhausted, the young person is hardly winded, talking on the phone with a friend as though nothing had happened. Meanwhile, exhausted parents are lying out, taking needed time to recover.Argument and adolescence go hand in... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234080 Sun, 23 Aug 2009 10:45:42 +0100 3234080 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113424&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200908%2Fwhat-are-you-doing-take-care-yourself-anybody-know-why-it-takes-deep- I still don't know how to answer, and yet it is the first question everybody asks when they hear I've lost my brother. What AM I doing to take care of myself? I never know what to say.Therapy. Lots of therapy.School shopping.Not doing stuff I hate. Avoiding everybody.Saying no.As a working mother, I've been putting the oxygen mask on somebody else for so long I am struck dumb, utterly silenced, by this apparently essential question. Why is that? Why don't I remember how to take care of myself? Why are there no clear answers?After 200 or so awkward moments after this question is asked, I started thinking about when it was that I actually knew how to take care of myself well. I was in my 20s, not so long ago. I was single. And then I wasn't. And then I had a baby, and nobody asked me then wh... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113424 Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:44:37 +0100 3113424 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010911&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200908%2Fgood-advice-gone-dog-wild Everybody said: Ccomfort yourself....do what seems right....take care of yourself....take time for yourself...find solace where you can...So I said: I want a puppy.Everybody said: Don't. Stop. Step Away From the Puppy.Introducing: Tashi Miso (Loosely translated as "An Abundance of Good Luck" and, according to my daughter, "the world's most delicious soup.") (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010911 Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:34:10 +0100 3010911 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210626&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200908%2Fis-your-adolescent-acting-spoiled What is worse than a spoiled child? A spoiled adolescent, because this young person is years closer to becoming a spoiled adult."Spoiled" is someone who thinks of no one but himself, who sees himself as the center of social interest and concern, who believes the satisfaction of his needs should overrule the needs of others, and who is insensitive and uncaring about what the needs of others are.What is the spoiled young person "spoiled" for? He is spoiled for being inclined or able to nurture relationships of a caring kind. "She takes up more than her share of importance in the family," was how one parent described her teenage daughter. "Life is all about her, with very little room for considering anyone else. Of course we love her, but right now we don't like living with her very much."Ado... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210626 Sun, 16 Aug 2009 09:25:08 +0100 3210626 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113423&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fpharmatherapy%2F200908%2Fis-your-teen-or-child-buying-prescription-drugs-online Sixth-graders are ordering prescription medications over the Internet -- illegally. And their parents haven't a clue.That's one of the shocking facts in "You've Got Drugs!" an annual report on Internet access to controlled substances from Columbia University's National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse. The report, released late last year, also points out that while 18 U.S. states either have or are considering laws that restrict the sale of prescription drugs over the Internet, researchers were able to locate 365 Web sites offering the medications. Of these sites, 85% do not even require a prescription. Some even sell online-only consultations with physicians willing to write prescriptions that consumers can fill at their local pharmacies.To be sure, many online pharmacies are legit... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113423 Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:22:29 +0100 3113423 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113422&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fcomplementary-medicine%2F200908%2Fpregnant-simple-test-may-save-your-babys-life Doctor's unnecessarily let 50,000 healthy babies die each year by ignoring thyroid issues in pregnant women. Missing a low thyroid, even if the tests are normal, increases the risk of miscarriage by over 500% and this risk was almost entirely eliminated by simply giving thyroid hormone. This is one of the most common causes of repeated miscarriages and premature births. A simple anti-TPO antibody blood test will identify if you should get thyroid (though I think all pregnant women with fatigue or a history of miscarriages as well as women with unexplained infertility should get thyroid hormone). Here are the numbers from this study from the prestigious Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism: The researchers checked 984 pregnant women for thyroid hormone levels and autoimmune th... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113422 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:59:06 +0100 3113422 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2698058&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200908%2Fdo-you-believe-in-signs-skeptic-wrestles-the-ghosts-her-faith I have always believed in something, some other thing, not me, not of me, not controlled by me, that exists on some other plane, but only with great skepticism. I'm no sucker. No snake oil bought here. Trust but verify.I also, for lack of a better way to put it, see dead people. Not like that. But in this always-have way I've always had of feeling an awareness of passings, of pain, of souls. The moment my beloved mother-in-law, Gloria, passed, in the middle of the night, I startled awake, looked over and felt/saw her. My daughter, blessed/cursed with the same Aeolian harp for this kind of thing, at that same moment, jumped awake and yelled "Grandma!" A few minutes later, the phone rang, and we got the news.I also knew when she moved on, I guess you could call it. For about a year after her... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2698058 Thu, 06 Aug 2009 14:37:40 +0100 2698058 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2693921&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200908%2Froutes-toward-trustful-parenting-and-children-s-freedom-in-our-time In last week's post I described some of the social trends that have conspired to reduce trustful parenting, promote directive-protective parenting, and reduce children's freedom over the past several decades. I talked about (a) the decline of neighborhoods and loss of children's outdoor play groups; (b) the reduced experience that most people have with children before becoming parents; (c) the exaggerated perceptions of dangers that originate thorugh the media; (d) the increased uncertainty about the future, and parents' mistaken beliefs that they can protect their children's futures through tightened controls; (e) the continuous rise in the power of schools to interfere with children's and family's lives, even when school is not in session; and (f) the rise of a pedagogical model of paren... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2693921 Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:27:31 +0100 2693921 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234078&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200908%2Fadolescent-boredom-not-trivial-emotion It happens every summer. Your son or daughter can't wait for school to end. "It's so exciting! Just think, waking up with no going to class and no homework! Nothing I have to do!"How liberating can life get? But after about a day of this delicious freedom, comes the let down - boredom. "There's nothing to do!" School may not be fun, but at least it structures your life and keeps you busy wih demands.For many parents, their child's feeling bored seems like a trivial state, like feeling embarrassed. In fact, both are dangerous emotions, particularly during early adolescence (ages 9 -13, see 2/16/09 entry) when the separation from childhood, the loss of childhood identity, and the self-consciousness from becoming different are underway.At this time of transition, embarrassment is one small st... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234078 Sun, 02 Aug 2009 09:15:19 +0100 3234078 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907314&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200907%2Fgirls-and-body-image-the-importance-staying-connected We all know that the afterschool hours and unsupervised summer days can be dangerous times for tweens and teens. Drug and alcohol use, sexual activity and other "troublesome" activities have all been shown to increase in the hours when kids are alone in an empty house. I was a fairly well-behaved kid, but the afterschool hours held another kind of danger for me when I was a middle-schooler: Overeating. Those empty hours when my parents were at work and my high school-aged brothers were off at sports practices were the time when I first learned to see food as a source of comfort. If I had a bad day at school, I'd grab a snack -- or two. Bored? A bowl of ice cream would occupy my time. Lonely? A couple of cookies might make me feel better. That's why new information ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907314 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:10:54 +0100 2907314 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2698057&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200907%2Fjew-bus-goodbye-what-comes-out-when-it-all-falls-away This is what I think I said about my brother at his memorial service, where more than 750 tear-stained faces; high school students, college students, colleagues, old friends, family from far and wide, we all bore witness to my brother's extraordinary life. We all heard spoken-word poetry, original ballads, searingly funny stories, wrenching tributes. It was a loving blur. I'm trying to remember what I said because it's important what we say at the end. It's important what we remember, what becomes clear when it all falls away.I may not be able to say anything. I may just stand up here and cry. Let's just see what happens.I didn't write anything down. All you writers out there know why - right - because if you write it down, it means it happened.I'm still waiting to wake up.You may have rea... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2698057 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:24:22 +0100 2698057 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010912&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200907%2Fwhy-have-trustful-parenting-and-children-s-freedom-declined-in-recent-deca In recent posts I have been discussing the decline of trustful parenting and the rise of directive-protective parenting. Trustful parents are those who trust their children to play and explore on their own, to make their own decisions, and to make and learn from their own mistakes. Trustful parenting predominated through the long stretch of human history when we were all hunter-gatherers, and it served well the hunter-gatherers’ needs for people who were independent, responsible, and assertive, and who maintained an ethos of equality and personal freedom. With agriculture and land ownership, and subsequently with industry, social systems based on equality and freedom succumbed to those based on hierarchical power structures and servitude. The predominant parenting style shifted from trus... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010912 Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:05:56 +0100 3010912 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3032535&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200907%2Fthe-freedom-contract-holding-your-adolescent-responsib When it comes to freedom and adolescence, this is how it's meant to be. A healthy adolescent is supposed to push for all the freedom to grow that he can get as soon as he can get it, and healthy parents are supposed to restrain that push within the interests of safety and responsibility.This necessary conflict of interest is expressed in many ways over the course of adolescence, as I describe more fully in my recent book about parent/adolescent conflict, "Stop the Screaming."When adolescence finally winds down in the early to mid twenties, this conflict plays out because now the young person has at last claimed functional independence and parents have finally relinquished their directing, supervising, and supporting role.Until then, however, parents can't just let their teenager have freed... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3032535 Sun, 26 Jul 2009 09:38:35 +0100 3032535 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010908&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fliking-the-child-you-love%2F200907%2Favoiding-combustible-consequences Well meaning parents often deliver consequences in a heated, emotional manner. This is ineffective discipline. In my new book, Liking the Child You Love, I discuss what I call Collaborative Logical Consequences or CLC.CLC encourages parents to avoid their own toxic thoughts that can get in the way of any discpiline effort. See the concrete examples below to learn more.Below are examples of toxic thoughts (TT) that lead to ineffective discipline (ID) contrasted underneath with my more positive and rational approach: Dependable Discipline (DD). You will immediately see the difference. TT: "This child is pathetic. All he does is sleep. He never takes responsibility for anything. He just doesn't care at all about his life or what happens to him."ID: "For the second time in two weeks now, you... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010908 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 19:47:51 +0100 3010908 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3032536&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgreat-kids-great-parents%2F200907%2Fiv-fasten-your-seatbelt-are-you-ready-think-about-feelings-in-t In the last few articles, the earliest feelings of your baby have been described---feelings that are actually built-in by the time your baby is born. There is some scientific controversy about how many primary feelings exist, but, as noted previously, the best model suggests nine feelings: interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust (reaction to toxic tastes), and dissmell (reaction to toxic odors). Now, how do these feelings work? Try putting aside everything you have ever learned about feelings before! Surprise, fear, and interest depend on the speed of the in-coming stimulus. Any stimulus (noise, light, etc.) which comes in very fast will cause the baby to be surprised (and to show that facial expression). If the stimulus comes in a bit slower, the baby will reg... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3032536 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 16:33:38 +0100 3032536 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210624&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fevolution-the-self%2F200907%2Fgullibility-part-3-more-negative-self-beliefs-can-lead-gullibility The previous post listed eight negative beliefs that make us particularly susceptible to being exploited by others. This post will add another nine, as follows: • I'm not likeable. This negative evaluation of self operates somewhat indirectly. As a client once shared with me, because she felt intrinsically unlikeable, she felt compelled to give into others--assuming that only through such deference might they see her as "worth" being liked. (I should add that as a child the message she regularly received from her parents was that she was trouble--a bother, nuisance, inconvenience. And it's hardly a coincidence that her parents deeply disliked each other, marrying only because of the accidental pregnancy that brought her into the world in the first place.) • I have to please others (or,... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210624 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:38:29 +0100 3210624 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2698056&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-parents-we-mean-be%2F200907%2Fthe-morally-mature-sports-parent In resarching my book--and I spoke to parents from many parts of this country as well as from Canada and Australia- there was nothing easier than to find stories about parents who acted like idiots at children's sporting events. I heard about a mother who brings a stopwatch to games so that she can monitor exactly how many minutes her son plays relative to other players and who badgers the coach with this data if her son has been slighted; about two mothers of opposing teams smacking each other with their purses in the stands; about parents at hockey games who spit on opposing players in the rink. A report by the National Alliance for Youth Sports includes these heartwarming stories: two women assaulting and leaving unconscious a mother after a youth baseball game in Utah; a youth baseball... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2698056 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:34:22 +0100 2698056 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234079&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fevolution-the-self%2F200907%2Fgullibility-part-2-possible-childhood-origins-adult-gullibility Susan Harter has observed that, developmentally speaking, children under the age of eight are unable to formulate an independent sense of self--separate, that is, from how they perceive their parents as viewing them. Or, it might be said, at an early age children can't help but see themselves as they're reflected through the eyes of their caretakers. So the messages they get about themselves through what their parents communicate to them--nonverbally, as well as verbally--powerfully influence their self-regard. So what are the kinds of messages that unskilled, self-absorbed, or emotionally disturbed parents can impart to us as children--messages that can be hazardous to our healthy development? Just what do parents unwittingly say, or imply, that can implant in us a deficient sense of self... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234079 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:33:29 +0100 3234079 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2693919&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200907%2Fthe-adolescent-only-child Families are formative. They shape the growing child who partly develops in response to the particular dynamics and circumstances of the household.So there are many books about types of families and the shaping influences they tend to have. For example, children in career military families can grow up to be concerned about public appearance (from reflecting well on the officer parent's reputation) and adaptable to change (from moving every two years.)The outcomes of these influences begin to emerge during adolescence when the young person has separated from childhood and starts developing the individual and independent characteristics that will mark them as an adult.A type of family that has always interested me is the one with a single child. From counseling with only child families and w... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2693919 Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:33:29 +0100 2693919 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210623&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200907%2Fone-orphan-abandon "You must feel desperate." "You must feel sorry for them." "You must feel sorry for yourself." "They're going to have so many more issues than a baby." "The older they are the more problems you'll have." "Are you sure you can handle their history?" "You won't have control over what they think." "Do you think they're even capable of loving you?"--What people told us about our plans to adopt older childrenWarner Bros. is set to launch Orphan on July 24. Which is why I post hesitantly, knowing that even bad PR is good PR because it's PR.The movie's tagline is: "There's something wrong with Esther." Esther is the orphan, an orphan adopted as an older child. Esther goes to live with her new family and within a few scenes (as evidenced from the trailer) violence ensues. Violence perpetuated by E... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210623 Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:29:47 +0100 3210623 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907313&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200907%2Ftrustful-parenting-its-downfall-and-potential-renaissance Parenting, like essentially all human behaviors, must be understood in the context of the culture in which it is embedded. Parenting styles derive from broader cultural values, and they help to perpetuate those values.In my last post, I talked about hunter-gatherers' playful style of parenting. That essay was part of a series on hunter-gatherers' playful approach to all of social life. I used the term playful there to refer to an attitude of treating others as equals rather than as superiors or subordinates. In the series I contrasted hunter-gatherers' playful approaches to government, religion, productive work, and parenting to the more dominance-based approaches that have held sway in all subsequent cultures.In play, nobody may dominate the behavior of another person; each player must be... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907313 Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:16:55 +0100 2907313 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010907&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200907%2Fteaching-your-adolescent-independence A question I was asked about the readiness for independence (or lack thereof) during the last stage of adolescence (ages 18 - 23), was this: "How can parents teach independence?"From what I've seen, there are at least four components to this training: responsibility, accountability, work, and self-help. And this instruction can start as soon as adolescence begins, (usually between ages 9 and 13) if not before.Young people who learn independence can often say: "I earned my freedom by acting responsibly (I did what was right even when it was hard to do)," "I was held accountable for my bad choices and paid for my mistakes (I faced my consequences)," "I worked to get get a lot of what I wanted (it wasn't all handed to me),""I developed the resourcefulness to help myself deal with difficulty (... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010907 Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:39:53 +0100 3010907 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2698055&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200907%2Fplay-makes-us-human-vi-hunter-gatherers-playful-parenting Have you ever noticed how we, as a society, use agricultural metaphors to talk about parenting and education? We speak of raising children, just as we speak of raising tomatoes or chickens. We speak of training children, just as we speak of training horses. Our manner of talking and thinking about parenting suggests that we own our children, much as we might own domesticated plants and livestock, and that we control how they grow and behave. We train horses to do the tasks that we want them to do, and we train---or try to train---children to do the tasks that we think will be necessary for their future success. We do that whether or not the horse or child wants such training. Training requires suppression of the trainee's will, and hence of play. The agricultural approach to parenting is, ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2698055 Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:21:05 +0100 2698055 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2714550&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmommy-mental-health%2F200907%2Fnot-so-happy-mother-s-day Thousands of mothers will have a hard time enjoying Mother's Day this year due to postpartum depression. One in 7 new moms get hit with this disorder, and for this 15%, Mother's Day can be pretty tough. Most importantly, make sure she's getting good care from a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression. Although a depressed mom may not be able to enjoy much at all these days, her mood may pick up on Mother's Day when you take the following steps. Here are some tips to help the depressed mom in your life enjoy the day as much as possible:DO NOT.......buy her chocolates that come in a box. Most commercial chocolate candy will make her more depressed or anxious. After the initial lift in endorphins, she'll crash and become worse. It may set her up for craving more and more sweets in ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2714550 Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:57:42 +0100 2714550 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2659642&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmommy-mental-health%2F200907%2Fcocooning-when-depressed One of the most common symptoms of depression is feeling alone. Interesting, since it's also quite usual for a depressed person to isolate herself - she often doesn't have the energy or motivation to answer emails or phone calls or to attend social events.Although it can sometimes be helpful to make yourself social, at other times it's better to do what I call "cocooning."Cocooning is self-nurturing, which may look different to each person and change frequently. Maybe one time it's wrapping yourself in a blanket by the fire, drinking something warm and watching a movie. Another time it might be sitting outside under a tree reading a novel. For many women I work with it's a hot bath with soothing music in the background.Well-meaning loved ones may encourage or even demand that you join them... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2659642 Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:57:36 +0100 2659642 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2693918&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-teenage-mind%2F200907%2Fhow-much-pot-is-too-much-pot Marijuana is generally thought of as a soft drug. It is perceived as less harmful than alcohol. But, like anything from a glass of wine to doughnuts, it is possible to overindulge. So, how much pot is too much pot? Are you smoking too much when you can't get out of bed to go to class? Are you smoking too much when you light up daily but are still getting straight A"s? How do you know when you are smoking too much pot? There is no easy answer to this question. "Too much pot" will vary from individual to individual. Ryan can light up and study physics every night. Sarah gets the munchies, over eats, and falls asleep. The amount and type of pot will affect different people differently. When does substance use become substance abuse? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, D... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2693918 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:54:01 +0100 2693918 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234077&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-simple-life%2F200907%2Fcon-artist "He stopped short, Mommy, right in front of me," my daughter blurted through the phone. I knew from the moment she called me "Mommy" that something was up. She continued, "I braked but I couldn't stop..." "And?" I was forced to ask. "We had an accident." She croaked, her voice breaking into a sob. "Was anybody hurt?" I asked, concerned. "No," she replied. "You know I love you." "So, you rear-ended the guy," I said, getting angry. "What was he driving?" "A taxi," she managed to get out through her victimized whaling. "Can we talk about it when I get home? I'm on my way." My mind was spinning with the possible dollar amounts my insurance might go up now that my 17 year-old had been at fault in an accident. Goodbye Louboutan shoes, goodbye... I'll be too old to wear you when this is over. Whe... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234077 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:26:08 +0100 3234077 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655857&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200907%2Fgraduate-college-hold-part-time-job In an earlier blog entry, "Flunking out of College" (4/26/09) I tried to explain the lack of readiness responsibility that many last stage adolescents (ages 18 - 23) bring to college.I believe this deficiency of psychological independence contributes to the 50% of freshmen students who fail to graduate from many institutions. (See Department of Education figures reported in newsblaze.com Sept. 12, 2007.)What I didn't add was that there is one activity in college that often boosts psychological independence and can make graduation more likely: holding a part time job while pursuing one's education.When I mention this to parents who can afford to send their graduating high school senior off for an all expenses paid four or five year college experience - tuition, fees, board, room, and discre... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655857 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 09:32:46 +0100 2655857 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210622&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200907%2Findependence-the-new-problem-has-no-name My first Independence Day - The thrilling abyss of time and space to yourselfI spent my 20s mindlessly working like a fiend, and mindfully avoiding anything - or anyone - that might distract me from getting there. Then, there was, as has been noted, no there, there. But it was so great having such a ferocious dedication to myself. At 23 I spent a month in Europe alone, deliciously journaling, just luxuriating in my power and independence. Sitting in a café in Prague in the Spring of 1990, just days after that city's Velvet Revolution, I wrote:"In every moment of my life, of my day, I am doing exactly what I want to be doing."In my late 20s, I watched a couple friends drop off the cliff into marriage and motherhood. I had nothing but envy/dread for their new lives on their new planet. I'd ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210622 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:47:56 +0100 3210622 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907312&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgenetic-crossroads%2F200907%2Ffemale-sperm-and-male-eggs-good-news-gay-families In The Baby Formula, a recently released mock documentary, a lesbian couple decides that each will get pregnant with a baby related to both of them - they'll become the first women to conceive with "female sperm" created from each other's stem cells. Comedy and complications ensue. The Canadian indie comedy has been shown at several film festivals, and is garnering attention from film critics (1, 2) and bioethicists (1, 2).Outside fictional romantic comedies, no one has tried to make human babies this way. But scientists at Newcastle University have done it in mice. The same research team has produced primitive human sperm from male bone marrow, and is now trying to create sperm from women's bone marrow stem cells.At first glance, female sperm and male eggs might seem to offer an exciting ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907312 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:08:11 +0100 2907312 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3032534&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200906%2Fstop-forcing-my-daughter-eat The tyranny of the Clean-Plate Club. Here's the note I must write, as I did yet again this morning, and tuck into my daughter's lunchbox, every single time she starts school, camp or any place new where people force her to finish all of her food:Dear (teacher, day-camp counselor, somebody with enough training to know better): Thank you for taking such good care of Leah. This is her lunch/snack. The rule in our household is that Leah decides how much food she wants to eat. She mentioned today that at lunch/snack-time you required that she "must eat everything" in her lunchbox/bag. That is not a rule we are comfortable with. In following all of the most thoughtful and current research on kids' healthy eating habits, relationship with food, and causes of obesity, we want to be sure that Leah ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3032534 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:25:43 +0100 3032534 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010906&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-shrink-tank%2F200906%2Fdiversity-in-entertainment-why-it-matters "Nothing is ever so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an afternoon." -Jean Giraudoux, The Madwoman of Chaillot Recently, I wrote about an NPR.org posting by Linda Holmes on her blog, Monkey See. Her post, entitled "Dear Pixar, From All The Girls With Band-Aids On Their Knees" is an open letter to Pixar in praise of their films, but also identifying the lack of a single female lead character in any of their ten (plus two more in the works) films. This would seem to be a significant phenomenon given that females comprise about one half of the world's population. Imagine flipping a coin twelve times and have heads come up each time. Better yet, imagine the sheer impossibility of the American League team winning Major League Baseball's All-Star game ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010906 Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:35:53 +0100 3010906 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2659641&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200906%2Fthe-big-reveal-stop-your-world-graceless-moments-grace Push yourself back to the present to be open to those unpredictable moments when someone reveals their truth.We've been trained well by Oprah and then by the relentless revelations on "reality" TV to be audience to people speaking their Big Truth. Releasing life's big-ticket secrets about money, sexuality, infidelity, identity requires the Big "Reveal."But in reality, as opposed to reality TV, there is no Big Reveal, no stage, no audience, no klieg lights, no Oprah, alas. There are only the rest of us, mere mortals, grading papers, searching for a paperclip, dashing from one place to the next, losing our cell phones, racing to put more money in the meter, squeezing cantaloupes in the produce aisle, about to enter the bathroom stall to pee (finally!), just trying to get from a to b....when ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2659641 Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:24:43 +0100 2659641 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655856&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200906%2Fproportion-distortion Do you know what your body looks like? It's a strange question, I know, but one that bears asking. Too many women walk around hating and berating the bodies they see, without ever knowing the beauty that others see. In general, we women are tough on ourselves, focusing in on "flaws" that nobody else can see. But there are moments when we catch a glimpse of the disconnect. If you've ever looked at an old photograph of yourself -- taken during a time when you didn't feel good about your body -- and thought, "Gee, I really didn't look bad back then," you know what I mean. I've been thinking about this since reading this piece about "phantom fat" on msnbc.com. It talks about the difficulty that people who've lost weight sometimes have with accepting their new bodies. I've experi... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655856 Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:19:42 +0100 2655856 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210621&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fmindful-motherhood%2F200906%2Fwelcome-the-mindful-motherhood-blog The purpose of the Mindful Motherhood blog is to provide new moms with the opportunity to engage with ideas, practices, and a community of like-minded moms that can help you navigate the ups and downs of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. The book contains the essential foundations of the practice of Mindful Motherhood, including detailed and accessible information about how mindfulness can be applied in everyday life as a new mom, based on science, theory, and ancient wisdom. The website includes supplementary information and resources, including downloadable guided meditations, a guide to the Mindful Motherhood Yoga Series, links to relevant resources, and ways to connect with other moms who are practicing Mindful Motherhood. But the practice of Mindful Motherhood is a living pr... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210621 Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:41:05 +0100 3210621 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3234076&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-parents-we-mean-be%2F200906%2Fwhy-teaching-values-isnt-enough These days we hear a lot of talk about teaching kids values. According to a major survey by the organization Public Agenda, more than six in ten American adults identified "as a very serious problem" young people's failure to learn fundamental moral values, including honesty, respect, and responsibility for others. A huge character education industry has cropped up in the last few decades, and much of it is devoted to touting values in schools and other settings.It is, of course, important for children to learn values. But one big problem with this approach became clear to me several years ago talking to a few 7 year old girls who are friends of my daughter. I asked them how they would respond to a question in a popular character education program. "Should you be honest with your teacher i... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3234076 Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:06:18 +0100 3234076 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2693920&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fwho-we-are%2F200906%2Fwhy-students-underachieve Virtually all psychologically important human motives and goals reduce to combinations of 16 universal life motives (see my book "The Normal Personality", Cambridge University Press). Everybody embraces these life motives, but individuals prioritize them differently. How an individual prioritizes the 16 life motives has implications for how the person behaves in many natural environments. Our work on life motives, for example, has identified six common motivational causes of poor grades in schools. Any individual student doing poorly in school may have one or more these six motives. Each motive has different implications for intervention. Afraid of Failure. Nobody likes to fail, but most people can shrug off the experience and move on. A small percentage of students, however, experience fa... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2693920 Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:10:58 +0100 2693920 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907311&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200906%2Fmothers-take-fathers-day I was just thinking how both our daughters were born before my husband and I even met--and how that's just kind of part of our story now.When we met I was 29 and he was 30. We discussed parenthood, and children, and how many kids we might want to have. He always told me that as far as he was concerned, family equaled us, that we didn't need a baby to feel complete. In the beginning I couldn't imagine what he would say when I told him that I wanted to adopt, and not a baby, but someone older. Actually, I imagined the usual, what everyone said: "You can always adopt if you don't get pregnant."But he didn't say that.We were in the car on a starry night; I'd known him about two months. He laid his hand on my knee, lifting it only once to adjust the heat. Music with no words played on the radio... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907311 Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:52:54 +0100 2907311 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010905&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Furban-mindfulness%2F200906%2Fletting-go-expectations-lesson-in-mindful-parenting Earlier, on UrbanMindfulness.org, I discussed ways in which our pets and little ones can serve as reminders to be more mindful in our daily lives (Click here: "Meow, Woof, Wah: Mini Mindfulness Masters in Your Home.") This week, I'll share a story about my own experience as the struggling-to-be-mindful father of a two-year-old boy.Recently, I received an e-mail from my son's daycare program concerning his start of school in the fall. The program director, a wonderfully compassionate and enthusiastic person, knits blankets for all of the incoming children. She uses a design that is personally meaningful to each child in order to help him or her adjust better to the school (and make nap time more fun). So, she asked a simple question, "What does your child want on his blanket?"Almost instant... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010905 Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:41:27 +0100 3010905 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655855&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Flove-lessons%2F200906%2Ffathers-and-step-fathers Dad's Day is upon us and an issue in the press bears heavily on the question of: What is a Dad? The famous case before us is the sad legal battle of the American Dad whose wife kidnapped their child on the pretext of visiting her parents and took him to Brazil. When she died in childbirth, an ironic twist if there ever was one, her husband refused to let his stepchild go home to his biological father. All of America, as far as I can tell, was incensed and even Congress and Hillary Clinton got involved to protect the Dad's rights. The whole affair turned into an international incident, calmed but not solved, by the supreme court of Brazil's unanimous decision to return the child. The child and father will be reunited, as it should be, but unpopular as this sentiment might be, there is also ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655855 Mon, 15 Jun 2009 09:46:45 +0100 2655855 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218895&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Faddiction-in-society%2F200906%2Fpsychological-interview-barack-obama For me, the most amazing thing about the President is his psychological groundedness, and the apparent mental health of his family. NBC Nightly News host Brian Williams recently interviewed the President. But he didn't ask what I most wanted to know. Here's the interview I'd like to see.How did you learn to manage? People comment on how many issues you have taken on. You answer, of course, "What choice did I have?" But what most interests me is how you are able to divide your time productively among the many matters demanding your attention. For one thing, I'm not aware that you've had any management experience, where you have many groups of professionals working under you, each addressing a different topic (Iraq, Afghanistan, the auto industry, financial regulation, the budget, European... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218895 Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:23:40 +0100 3218895 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210620&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200906%2Flanding-the-hovering-mothercraft This essay first appeared in Chicago Parent magazine in August 2004. My daughter was 3 years old, starting preschool. Now she is in her last days of 2nd grade, a world away, and yet not really. She is still teaching me the dignity and grace of differentiation and I'm still the Hovering Mothercraft I've always been. But I'm learning. I'm better. Reading this piece, from what feels like an eternity ago, I'm reminded of just how far we've both come. (Except for me.)August, 2004, Chicago ParentHere's the original essay: A Mom's View of the First Day of School By Pamela Cytrynbaum     I am up all night before my 3-year-old starts her new preschool, anxious and despairing in this odd, vague way.    My husband, daughter, bear-dog and I have just moved from ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210620 Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:04:44 +0100 3210620 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2461633&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20030505-000001.html Simple sentences can slow language development. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2461633 Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:22:37 +0100 2461633 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907310&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200906%2Ftween-girls-and-their-bodies-what-can-moms-do I've been doing a ton of media interviews lately for my new book, You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies -- Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and one of the questions I'm often asked is, "How can I help my daughter feel good about her body?" It's a tricky question, mainly because the key word in that sentence is "help." As moms, we so want to wave our magic wand and make everything right for our girls. But the cold reality is that you can't make someone feel good about themselves. It has to come from within. Still, that doesn't mean that moms should give up. There's plenty we can do to bolster girls' self-esteem, even in the supremely self-critical tween years. The two absolute most important things moms can offer their girls in times of shaky body i... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907310 Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:08:31 +0100 2907310 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655854&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200906%2Fplay-makes-us-human-i-outline-ludic-theory-human-nature I've been working lately on a ludic theory of human nature. In case you haven't studied Latin in a while (perhaps not since several lifetimes ago), I hereby inform you that ludic means playful. I'm calling my theory a ludic theory because if I called it a playful theory you wouldn't take it seriously. (I'm trying hard to ignore the fact that the only common English derivative of ludic is ludicrous.)Heaven take pity on those few of us who try to take play seriously. It's hard to do. Play, by definition, is something that is not serious. I'm sure that's part of the reason why most serious scholars stay far away from the topic.The great classic scholarly book on human play is entitled Homo Ludens, which means literally Man the Player. It was written by Johan Huizinga, a Dutch historian, in 19... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655854 Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:44:16 +0100 2655854 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010904&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200906%2Fwarming-the-stone-child At the US Embassy in Russia the guard sent my husband through the metal detector, and then turned to me. "Hello, ma'am," he said. "Hello, deyavuchkas," he said, waving the security wand over the girls' heads. He sounded a little like Woody Harrelson."You've got some beautiful daughters there," he said, tracing the wand across my blue wool coat."C'mon," I said. "All the kids are beautiful."The guard checked my backpack. "I've seen thousands of these kids up close and believe me, ma'am, they are not all beautiful," he said somberly.I couldn't deny what he said about my kids, but what he was saying about the others made me wince.He jutted his chin toward the crowd of families waiting for visas just like us. "Take a look," he said, urging me to see what he saw.Inside the generic governmental ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010904 Wed, 03 Jun 2009 05:02:43 +0100 3010904 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2451198&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20051031-000008.html Students in small classes have higher grad rates. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2451198 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:41:39 +0100 2451198 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3010910&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fgreat-kids-great-parents%2F200906%2Fii-your-babys-earliest-feelings-the-positive-feelings How Does Your Baby Express Her Earliest Feelings?What Do Feelings Look Like? Last time we talked about your baby's earliest feelings. We introduced the idea that human beings are born with about 8-10 reactions, or feelings, which turn into our more complex adult emotional life. Today we explore what these feelings look like - that is, how your baby expresses her feelings. In a future discussion, we will examine how feelings work. The human face is made up of many small muscles. These muscles help give the face its expressiveness. The face is a wonderful area for communication. The infant cannot talk. "Infant" means "incapable of speech." So the infant uses its face, along with vocalizations and bodily movements, to express what's going on. Studies show that babies prefer to look at human f... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3010910 Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:35:36 +0100 3010910 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218894&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-parents-we-mean-be%2F200905%2Fchanging-the-goal-child-raising Both my research-- and other studies-- suggest that American parents and children view happiness and self-esteem as the main aims of development, often placing happiness above morality. Yet the irony is that when parents prioritize their children's happiness or self-esteem over their attentiveness and care for others, children are not only less likely to be moral: they are less likely to be happy in the long run. Too much attention to how children feel moment to moment, and to how they feel about themselves, can make children preoccupied with their own feelings and less able to tune in to or organize themselves around others. It can deprive children of key capacities they need to have gratifying relationships-- to be good friends, colleagues, parents, grandparents-- the true source of last... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218894 Tue, 26 May 2009 19:59:28 +0100 3218894 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3210619&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200905%2Fthe-better-you-mother-fact-or-urban-mother-myth       Who is your Better Mother?      You know the one. She gets pregnant when her husband sneezes. She loses the baby weight within 48 hours of her precisely-as-planned at-home water birth; nurses the twins simultaneously; makes her own organic baby food from her garden; always shops in bulk.     She works; she might have a killer job; or maybe she doesn't; maybe she has one of those sweet jobettes at the public library or at a local non-profit. Whatever. She's not resentful and she balances it with grace and humor. Even when she doesn't she's funny and charming and witty about it all. Either way she's better, faster, thinner, blonder, greener, more productive, better compensated, more sated, more sedated, more gratef... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3210619 Tue, 26 May 2009 17:49:01 +0100 3210619 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907309&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Ffreedom-learn%2F200905%2Fthe-headman-was-woman-introduction-series-play-foundation-freedom-and-equa Tanyogn was the kind of person who would be an asset to any community. She was highly intelligent, able to see through specious arguments, able to judge when the traders from outside might be trying to pull a fast one. She was knowledgeable about midwifery, herbal medicines, religious practices, and many other matters crucial to her culture. She had a powerful personality and capacity to persuade. She participated vigorously in the community's discussions, with a voice of reason that people could not ignore. She had enormous energy and capacity for hard work. When a job needed to be done she was the first to dig in, and she encouraged others, by her example, to join her.Perhaps most valuable of all was Tanyogn's extraordinary sense of responsibility and care for others-–not just for rela... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907309 Tue, 26 May 2009 13:55:06 +0100 2907309 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218893&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fbecause-im-the-mom%2F200905%2Fwitness-protection-mother-s-day-getaway-package  What DO Women Want?Calling all you wrung out, stressed out, freaked out, overbooked, overwhelmed, overworked multitasked-out Mothers:Whatever your Mother's Day was, however it went, I know your ugly secret. I know what you really wanted.I propose the following revolution so next year, we get it. Next year, let's come out. Let's just say it out loud:When husband/life partner/family members chirp that yearly Hallmarked question: "Hey, what do you really want to do for Mother's Day?" Always followed by: "Breakfast in bed? Flowers? Take the kids somewhere special? Big, belching, blurching brunch?"As tempting as it is to swan dive one's head into an icy glass bowl of chilled, peeled shrimp, we all know our dirty little secret. We all know what, deep down, we want more than anything else i... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218893 Fri, 15 May 2009 18:02:30 +0100 3218893 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2410163&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20090408-000005.html Pregnancy is a time for forward thinking. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2410163 Fri, 15 May 2009 13:31:49 +0100 2410163 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907308&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-mystery-happiness%2F200905%2Fthe-love-belonging The parent-children unit is the supreme regulating principle of life. If one extends the same concept to the parents of the mother and father, that influence becomes even more powerful. What gives such a presence to the family is a deeply grounded and lasting intergenerational relationship that establishes internal security in its members. Cohesiveness, by connecting the roots of the past with the branches of the present, solidifies the family for the future. More extended families provide fertile ground for nourishing ties that protect their members against the anxiety of aloneness in the world. Cut flowers don't last long, and even the strongest tree can't survive once it is uprooted. The family that establishes deep and wide roots offers fertile ground to the soul.If the natural ground ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907308 Thu, 14 May 2009 13:07:39 +0100 2907308 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3113428&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-big-questions%2F200905%2Fi-dont-need-medical-treatment-i-have-prayer-religious-suicide-and-murd           This past year, an 11 year old child died of treatable diabetic complication because her parents chose prayer over medical treatment. In Oregon, one family lost two daughters (15 and 16 months old) believing prayer was the better course (see also here).     Other examples of choosing to defend beliefs over life and health are easily found (Sept 11th, any war). But if people are so driven to keep themselves and their loved ones alive, why does this occur?      Four studies (in press, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) headed by Matthew Vess, a graduate student in social psychology at The University of Missouri, experimentally tested one answer to this question. Specifically, he wanted to see if t... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3113428 Wed, 13 May 2009 03:43:39 +0100 3113428 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655853&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200905%2Feight-ways-anchor-adolescent-growth Brief, but hopefully to the point, here are eight "anchors" that seem to steady a young person through the tumultuous "teenage" years. Over the course of counseling families with adolescents, I have repeatedly noticed this odd collection of practices that, consistently in place, seem to secure teenage growth. Individually each is helpful, but taken together they provide significant stabilizing power. After listing each one, I speculate about the contribution that is made.-- COMPLETING HOMEWORK. Separate from any academic value, fulfilling this nightly study obligation provides work ethic training. By exerting sufficient strength of will to get done what is in one's best interests when it is not what one wants to do, the young person develops self-discipline.-- CLEANING UP ONE'S ROOM. At a... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655853 Sun, 10 May 2009 06:16:23 +0100 2655853 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2698059&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fradical-teaching%2F200904%2Fdad-mom-must-you-drink-wine-feel-good Several years ago, we were enjoying a family dinner out with our then 5th grade daughter spoke loudly and clearly as were ordering wine. “Why do you HAVE to have that wine? Do you need it to feel good? Can’t you be like me and enjoy your food without wine, or should I be drinking wine because if I don’t I’m not enjoying my meal?” Our daughter had just finished her DARE program in fifth grade and after that harangue we lost our appetites and left the restaurant.     So, how can you explain to children and teenagers that it is good and even healthy for you to drink wine in moderation, but not good for them? Why can you drink a glass of wine with dinner and be considered legally safe to drive, but they lose their license for driving with any alcohol in their syst... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2698059 Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:16:24 +0100 2698059 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2372255&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20090316-000001.html Are you giving in to your child's tantrum? (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2372255 Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:54 +0100 2372255 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2372256&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20050302-000001.html Blame evolution for a child's annoying whines. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2372256 Mon, 27 Apr 2009 04:03:32 +0100 2372256 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218892&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200904%2Fflunking-out-college-the-lack-readiness-responsibility The figures are pretty dramatic. As many as 50% of students fail to graduate from the college in which they first enroll.What's the matter with these institutions and students anyway? Is it higher education failing to adequately engage the students, or is it students who are failing to make an adequate effort? The answer is "both."The problem is that higher education is assuming last stage adolescent students are ready to responsibly act grown up, while students are assuming that high school study habits are adequate for college. Both are wrong, and they need to get on the same page. Expectations on both sides need to be clarified: a college student fresh out of high school is still an adolescent, and college is not the same as high school.As described more fully on an earlier blog entry, ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218892 Sun, 26 Apr 2009 09:30:22 +0100 3218892 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3345184&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fnatural-history-the-modern-mind%2F200904%2Fthe-most-manipulative-species By Kayla Causey & Aaron T. Goetz"I hate how they're so cute. I hate it!" -Ryan Moyer, social psychologist and eternal skepticWe think we're so smart. As humans, we have succeeded in manipulating the environment to meet our needs, a feat unique to our species. So we think...What we might not realize is that we've created a monster who, without even saying a word, manipulates us into willingly relinquishing to it all that we have created. In our state of lowered blood pressure and oxytocin-induced euphoria, we brag how well we have trained it while we pamper it in spas, buy it expensive clothes, and push it around in plush prams from one gourmet bakery to the next. Many of us even sleep next to it every night. And we're convinced it's our best friend. An alien species from another planet... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3345184 Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:04:33 +0100 3345184 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655852&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fconfessions-techie%2F200904%2Fmr-roboto-s-couch-will-machines-become-our-counselors-part-ii (On Mr. Roboto’s Couch – Will Machines become our Counselors? Part I) Meet your new counselor. And don't forget to charge it. Online software that provides psychological services is already all around us. First, numerous websites offer online assessments in the form of questionnaires that users fill out to receive psychological feedback. Some online applications take this one step further and offer more actionable advice based on the results. We recently developed a parenting-style assessment where the questionnaire is taken for both parents. The test identifies potential conflicts in parenting-style and provides suggestions for resolving them. This is an important part of couples' therapy that can be automated. New books are being released alongside software applications that allow a ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655852 Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:24:24 +0100 2655852 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2714549&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200904%2Fq-adoption-adjective-yes-and-no Should variations of the word adopt-adopted, adoptive, adoptable, adoption-be used as an adjective? For some topics people don't mind. For example: Here is my adoption paperwork. No problem. But what about:This is my adopted child. Meet my adoptive mom, dad, sis, bro. A problem? Not sure? This blog is called Adoption Stories. Adoption is employed as an adjective to describe in a global way what readers can expect in the content. Similarly, we have Adoption Awareness Month (it's in November). And you can buy adoption greeting cards (I've seen them at Target). All seem benign. Dig deeper and things get complicated. We want to celebrate adoption yet can be sensitive when others use it to describe how a family was made. Some people don't seem to mind while others do. We don't often hear people... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2714549 Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:09:11 +0100 2714549 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218891&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fradical-teaching%2F200904%2Ftop-ten-necessities-education-reform www.RADTeach.comFor the first time since the institution of public education in the U.S., students currently in high school are less likely to graduate than their parents. We are the only industrialized country where that is true. Here are my recommendations to change the appalling dropout rate and prepare students for the 21st century.1. Collaborate: Students in the U.S. need new skills for the coming century, not to be superior to students worldwide, but to be ready to collaborate with others on a global level to find creative solutions to problems now and in the future.2. Evaluate Information Accuracy: The current curriculum focus on memorizing isolated facts to pass standardized tests is inadequate preparation for now or the future. New information is being discovered and disseminated ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218891 Sun, 12 Apr 2009 22:53:00 +0100 3218891 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907307&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fadoption-stories%2F200904%2Fwhats-worse-infertile-or-insensitive It's no secret. That I hope adoption becomes a first choice for more people. But that doesn't mean it will. Or should. Or that I don't understand the pain and disappointment women experience when they really, really want to get pregnant and can't, or don't. Adoption is not for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with longing to give birth. At a writers' luncheon I was seated at a table with six other women. We were somewhere between the salad and the main course, I think, when the conversation turned to motherhood. One of the women-she looked about 30-said she and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for more than four years. That she'd just come from the reproductive endocrinologist-the fertility doctor. Then she bit back tears. There was a... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907307 Thu, 09 Apr 2009 20:06:16 +0100 2907307 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2714548&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200904%2Fsigns-teenage-substance-use Whether parents like it or not, their children grow up in an increasingly drug filled world. We live in a society that encourages the use of chemical substances for sickness and for health, for pleasure and for performance, for relief and for escape.In addition to the big three - alcohol, nicotine, marijuana - there are more varieties of legal and illegal psychoactive (mood and mind altering) drugs available to people today than at any time in human history. Huge legal and illegal profits mean that mass availability of these drugs is never going to go away as supply encourages more demand and demand encourages more supply.No wonder so many adolescents fall prey to the temptations of substance use. By the end of high school, most students have at least experimented with one or more of the b... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2714548 Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:17:19 +0100 2714548 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3218890&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsurviving-your-childs-adolescence%2F200903%2Fadolescent-lying-what-it-costs-and-what-do When their child enters adolescence and begins acting more evasively to get more room to grow, parents may begin to wonder: "Whatever happened to the truth?" Not that their little girl or boy was always honest, but their teenager seems more prone to lie both by commission (telling a deliberate falsehood) and by omission (not voluntarily disclosing all that parents need to know.)Why do adolescents tend to lie more than children? Usually for freedom's sake - to escape punishment for misbehavior or to get to do what has been forbidden. To many teenagers, lying seems to be the easy way to get out of trouble or to get to do some adventure that has been disallowed. As described in an earlier blog about mid-adolescence (ages 13 - 15), because of the intense push for freedom at this stage, this is... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3218890 Sun, 29 Mar 2009 21:47:01 +0100 3218890 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2907306&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-dance-connection%2F200903%2Ftherapy-dollar-part-i I was born at Brooklyn Jewish Hospital on November 30, 1944. Less than five years later, before finishing kindergarten, I decided to become a clinical psychologist-a decision I never veered from. Perhaps my early career choice had something to do with the fact that my mother put me in therapy before the age of three.I later joked that my mother would send me to a therapist if I came home from school with anything less than a B plus. I was exaggerating, but only a little bit.Unlike other parents of the day who viewed therapy to be a last resort for the mentally ill, my progressive Jewish mother considered therapy to be a learning experience. For much of my adult life I resented my mother for always sticking me into therapy for no good reason that I could tell. Then, when I was forty-three y... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2907306 Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:06:58 +0100 2907306 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3069579&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fsleeping-angels%2F200903%2Fchoosing-breastfeed-or-not A reader commented on my previous post: Thank you for this article. Women who do not even try to breastfeed their children are in my mind practicing a form of child abuse. Some have valid reasons for not breast feeding that should be respected but, many just don't like the hassle if it. Even working women are now allotted plenty of time at work to pump. If they are not given this time, they should sue. Yes it's a pain, but it is such a gift to your child. I question the readiness to be a mother of any women who would deny her child the proven benefits of brestfeeding without a very very very good reason. While there are certainly many benefits to breastfeeding, I absolutely disagree with characterizing a decision not to breastfeed as a form of child abuse. As a Pediatrician... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3069579 Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:22:44 +0100 3069579 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655851&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200903%2Funder-pressure It's Friday and I have to tell you: I'm stressed. Like everyone else, I've got my share of worries about the economy and the world in general. But with my book set for release in just a couple of weeks, I'm also facing an increasingly busy schedule of travel and other commitments. It's all good, believe me. But it's still stressful. All this has got me thinking about a question that I've come to see as fundamental to my health: How do I handle stress? And how does that affect my family?  There was a time when a busy schedule or a daunting deadline would send me straight for the cookies. But during my year as Shape magazine's Weight-Loss Diary columnist, I learned a lot about what drove my stress eating. I learned that taking care of myself with exercise and healthy eating was a f... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655851 Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:53:53 +0100 2655851 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2624209&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fkid-stuff%2F200903%2Fjust-fun Impress your kids with explanations of these quirky behaviors... Inspired by my friends who stump me with psychologically-related questions I can't answer and my daughter, who counts among her most favorite things the Weird but True section of National Geographic Kids Magazine... Why is yawning contagious? The purpose of yawning may be to cool the brain so it operates more efficiently and keeps you awake. Researchers from the University of Albany believe that the fact that we yawn when we see another person yawn is innate and may serve the purpose of helping keep the group alert in case of danger. Check out this article for more theories on contagious yawning Why do you close your eyes when you sneeze? There isn't a clear answer to this one, but most scientists agree that it is likely... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2624209 Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:33:54 +0100 2624209 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2578873&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdomestic-intelligence%2F200903%2Fsisters-love-and-rivalry When my older daughter was five she leaped out of school on a bleak February afternoon holding a heart-framed photo of herself, a treasure and a gift. Surrounding the Styrofoam frame were sequins and stars and beads and the meticulous, uneven letters declaring, "To Mommy, on Valentine's Day". It was too precious to hand over to me. Instead, having her fill of private admiration, she waved it in front of her 18-month old sister: "See what I did at school." She was delighted by her little sister's excited interest, but as the toddler reached out for it, the older sister whipped it out of her reach and declared, "You could never do this. You're just a baby. And you can't touch it. Ever." Her real Valentine passion was for her sister, who also had to be taunted, put in her place and rejected. ... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2578873 Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:48:14 +0100 2578873 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2655850&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fdepartment-the-interior%2F200903%2Fthe-age-psychiatric-diagnosis Catching up with an old friend at dinner the other night, I asked him about his teenage sons. His younger one was doing fine, but as for the older one...well, my friend said, "I'd like to get inside his head and know what's going on." Then he added, "Maybe he has some undiagnosed condition." Naturally this piqued my interest, so I did what psychologists (and even normal people) do: I asked some questions to find out more. I knew his son had caused him and his wife some grief in the past few years, taking their car for a joy ride in the middle of the night--before he had a license--and ended up totaling the car. In contrast, his most recent misbehavior was less catastrophic, but still of concern. That very day he had gone off to school in their upper-middle-class neighborhood, and rather th... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2655850 Sun, 15 Mar 2009 14:50:28 +0100 2655850 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2714547&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fyoud-be-so-pretty-if%2F200903%2Fman-in-the-mirror As a kid, I loved the movie Freaky Friday. The idea of switching places with someone -- walking a mile in their shoes -- has always intrigued me. To this day, I'm fascinated by what makes people say and do the things they say and do. I've often said that I'd like to experience one day as a man (I'd also like to experience one day being six feet tall, but that's a whole other post...). I'd like to know what I'd think about if I were a man...what would I worry about? Would people treat me differently? The question arose again for me a few days ago when I came around the corner and saw my husband checking his reflection in the mirror in our front hallway, just before leaving for work. I watched him glance at himself, turning his head one way, then the other.... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2714547 Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:15:25 +0100 2714547 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2624208&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fblog%2Fthe-therapist-is-in%2F200903%2Fonce-parent-always-parent-one-mother-s-resignation-literary-defamati Children are, in my book, off limits when writing about personal experiences.  As an author and psychotherapist with an expertise in family estrangement, I have not hesitated to share my personal experiences with readers.  Other writers and clinicians have also contributed their stories because like me, we feel our experiences can help others.  In my writing, however, my children are off limits when it comes to public exposure.  I feel strongly that they’re entitled to this respect and privacy; after all, thought they’re all grown up now, they’re still my children.This week I was shocked and appalled by a story in a British newspaper, The Independent, about an acclaimed writer named Julie Myerson who decided to write the story of her decision to cut off all ties w... Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2624208 Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:23:24 +0100 2624208 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2253877&cid=s_35656_36_f&fid=35656&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Frss%2Fpto-20051102-000008.html How herbs, vitamins and yoga can help you conceive. (Source: Psychology Today Parenting Center) Psychology Today Parenting Center consumer http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2253877 Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:15:12 +0100 2253877