MedWorm.com provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 6000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest items from the 'The Art of Being Asperger Woman' source. Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:31:07 +0100 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/10/we-enjoy-heathers-appearance-on-antm.html We (my mum and I ) we simply enjoy seeing Heather on the show. America's Next Top Models is now one of my favourite TV programs. It is such an eye opener to see her doing her things among all others! We, the people with autism can do so much, in so many ways, to explain and to show Aspergers/Autism.E.g. if you use Google on 'Aspergers', the first results show pages with the official DSM standards. Those way Aspergers is reported there does not make me very happy. Imagine a NT person without any inside knowledge about Aspergers, e.g. a future boss, finding those things as being one of the basic things they now about their future employee...Scaring...I think it must be possible to create a page with positive stories about Aspergers and to get this page at a top ranking spot on Google.This blog for instance. If you search 'Asperger and woman', this blog comes out on the very first hit on Google!!! We can do it, we can show the world we are not 'speechless fridges':-))Plenty of things to do!Take careBye (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1844806 Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:51:00 +0100 1844806 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/09/more-pictures.html (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1812834 Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:10:00 +0100 1812834 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/09/did-not-get-jobi-did-get-high-ranked.html Out of 170 letters, 12 people were called for an interview, 2 people said no before the interview. Left me being one of the 10 kandidates for 2 jobs. And I told them about Autism, perhaps I should have spoken of Aspergers. They asked if my handicap would be a problem for my job. I said no. I made in 3 points clear what autism was:1. my 'fine' locomotion (the way I walk etc) is weak/disturbed.2. I am very sensitive for noises in a situation in which I do not participate3. I appreciate clear instructions. But I learn fast.Well, It could have been so nice....but this dream did not came true...But...It have been 2 good job interviews. I have met nice and interesting people and I had a very special Prinsjesdag, which is the opening of parliament. Here are some pictures I made after my job interviews. The golden carriage is used to transport the Queen. She officially announces the plans of the government for the new jear in parliament.I am not that sad. Had a great day. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1812835 Sun, 21 Sep 2008 16:42:00 +0100 1812835 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/09/will-dreams-become-reality.html Well, I can not tell that much about it, but there might be a chance dreams may come true. Next week will be important! Please think of me next Tuesday.Things are doing well here. I feel I have enough courage to take the next step.It just seems that all that I wished for comes upon my way these days..I feel stronger and stronger and I just know I can do this thing. It might be an eye opener for the world as well.No regrets having turned down the supported living offer. Will tell you more next week....or when the time is ready...:-)Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1782718 Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:28:00 +0100 1782718 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-said-no-to-supported-living-offer.html After having visited the venue with my parents I did some serious brainwork for a few days. It all felt like this thing is too heavy for me. I think I can manage on my own. These days things are going well. Today I heard the news that my temporary job will be extended for a few months. No regular job offer here to expect I know.Meanwhile busy cleaning things and broaden my views towards work, life and other things. Autscape seems long long time ago. Take care. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1713984 Tue, 19 Aug 2008 10:07:00 +0100 1713984 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/08/supported-living-offer.html As part of my plans to be prepared for the future, I was on the waiting list to get an appartement in a supported living building. There are three complexes in The Netherlands, set up by parents, especially designed to fullfill the needs of autistic (young) adults. Yesterday I was told there is an appartment available in one of the buildings. It is in a city about 90 km's from where I live now.Today I went to see it with my parents. We share enthousiasm about the way things are organised. But I must do a lot of brainwork before I finally decide to take the step and say Yes: I wanna live there.There is just the feeling of putting myself into the corner of the disabled person again when I go and live there. One can live totally independent. It is just the care which is organised. Now I get a support worker over twice a week, organised by myself. In the new situation the care is being organised. The appartment itself looks wonderful. But there is just the thing: I now live in a house. Pavement level. This flat is on the fourth floor. Can I cope with this? Or is it just the wish to have my feet on the ground which feels better. And what about the moments I do not like life at all. Being situated at the top of an appartment building might not be good for me then....Next week I have to decide. Lots of things happened this week. I am just home from Autscape. It is strange, I am still confused by the timing. It was just one hour time difference between the UK and Holland. Can not sleep very well now anyway...All your advice is welcome. After having lived 20 years by myself, this might be a good help into a happier future... What do you all think about supported living? (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1692216 Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:29:00 +0100 1692216 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/07/autscape-interesting-lectures.html Life is good, here at the Autscape Conference. The venue where Autscape takes place has an history of it's own. This School was founded about 500 years ago. Many old buildings around here, including a chapel which is beautifully situated upon a hill. From there there magnificent views around Yorkshire Dales make you forget the world for a while!We just had an very interesting lecture about how to manage/provide with your own support worker (need). Since 1.5 years I have a support worker myself. Twice a week, 1.5 hours. It has increased the quality of my life this help! This lecture provided new ideas to me about how to increase the support I want. It's not about what support you can get, it's about what support you need!!Yesterday Ladies Night here....won't tell you more about it...hahaEnjoying here it all, especially the Lemon Pie!! (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1668493 Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:35:00 +0100 1668493 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/07/autscape-enjoying-it-all.html (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1668494 Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:24:00 +0100 1668494 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/07/autscapepreparations.html Booked my flights, hotel etc. Looking forward to go abroad! Been long ago.Doing well at my jobs.Weather here is fine, hot! Sunny tomorrow thunder and lightning as well.Been offered a home somewhere else. Far away. But I can not leave my jobs here instantly. Gained 2 kilogrammes, but it seems the extra weight has disappeared again!Bye for nowAspie Bird (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1560937 Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:29:00 +0100 1560937 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/05/leaving-politics-arena.html After 1.5 years things have become clear to me.I am loosing myself. Have found myself again.What will this party bring me?Nothing what I wished for.Been nice to have experienced.Before the hurting will become too much, I just quit.So, I will not be there at next weeks meeting...These days inspire me to write and do lots of serious thinking.I am happy now. Leaving the pain, arrogance, ambitious and poweraddicted people.Discovering new ways to attend. I will attend the Autscape conference this year. To be held in July/August. Location: Yorkshire Dales. Not too bad _))Things are going well at my jobs. Trying to gain some weight.This week I heard the story of a woman with Aspergers who was diagnosed now 8 years ago. It was so good to hear especially because of her positive attitude. I do recognize the struggle to accept the diagnosis. Know I am in the middle of the road. I trust time will be gentle for me. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1449391 Sat, 17 May 2008 08:43:00 +0100 1449391 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/04/your-opinion-wanted-on-2-issues.html I want your opinion about 2 issues which has been on my mind many times.Autism is an 'hot issue'. That is good. It means autism gets more attention and, hopefully, more acceptance. The many publicity outings may create more autism awareness as well!1. How cute :-) , they all want to help us 'to cross the street'I often get in touch with people who claim to be professional care givers concerning autism spectrum disorders. I must tell you that in Holland we have a truly good network of reliable professional and on the autism spectrum disorders field. I trust them.As with every single 'hot' disease or disorder there are people wanting to earn their money helping others. Nothing wrong with that. As long as they are good professionals. However, in my opinion there seems to be an increasing amount of small businesses which claim to be professional care givers on the autism thing but who are in my humble but critical opinion '?' (questionmark) professionals. People very willing 'to help people with autism or other disabilities in a very kind way to to cross the street as I call it, but who do not have the background to do so. I call them '???' (questionmark) autism professionals.My questions: Do you agree with me? Do you experience a growning amount of '???' autism '???'professionals??2. Autism and PoliticsI recently participated in an political discussion about autism and education. Among the participants a '?' professional who did not want to hear my own experiences on the subject.My contribution to the discussion was just to mention that from the experiences I heard while attending conferences and lectures on the autism subject (recently I attended a Tony Attwoord lecture) I just know that many parents often seek for a long time to get the professional help their autistic child needs. Many parents do start their own projects in order to create specific help as it can not be found in the excisting field of help. Well, the '??' professional insist she was absolutely right and my contributions were wrong. The discussion was not pleasant. I had the courage to send 1 more message with my point of view in a general way and left the discussion. In a private message I sent afterwards to that '??' professional I explained my point of view.And you know what happened??Yes, again, I was the one with whom someone could not talk with. I was the one with really no insight in other peoples minds. I was shocked that a claimed professional caregiver uses one of the 'marks' of autism to put me into the corner again. I feel used by this '???' professional. A true professional does not act like that!I really hate it. First of all the '??' professional wants attention on the autism subject. When I talk back being an Aspie they put me in the corner of 'yes- you- surely- have- no- empathy- or- whatshowever- corner.It makes me very sad when people treat me like that. I am vulnerable telling the story of my Aspergers. I make it personal. People do enter my personal area, the area which I am epert on. Aspergers is part of my identity.What bothers me is that I sometimes get the sad feeling the '? '(questionmark) caregivers might have more power in a political discussion than people with the disability itself...Are you familiar with that??It makes me so angy!!!I feel used!My question Have you got similar experiences? (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1405400 Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:22:00 +0100 1405400 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/04/yes-back-to-work.html Yes!! What seemed to become a period of darkness and misery might turn out the other way around! My job-coach has found a temporary job for me at the local city council's office.Tomorrow I will start my job. It's a computerjob, ofcouse ;-)))This means I have to drop my voluntary job at the elderly home. Well, done that for over a year, sorry, but life goes on.2.5 days work Job A.1 day work Job B.0.5 day support worker1 day household things1 day social trainingbusy now.I now eat more ever since I heard from this new job (a week ago)Spring is in the air here at the country side.Must go and find my bed now, tomorrow a new start, I am nervous.I really miss the loving thing now. Just the little things. I have ordered two guides for Asperges written by the late Genevieve Edmonds. The social guide and the Love guide. They will be delivered next week.This week two political things to attend. Things have become more normal now. Although I still have an urgue to put Autism into the political spotlights. But too often talking about Asperger might not be that good... Hmmm must find a strategy to cope with things.Take care allFire Bird (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1370803 Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:29:00 +0100 1370803 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/03/saturday.html Well, the week has been busy. Been away quite a lot. Busy organising things. Been more aware of the lightness of life those past days. Organised many things. Cleaned things. All that one can do to get more rest inside one's head.On the internet I found an online group: woman with aspergers. In my humble (and wrong) opinion I think an Asperger Woman can not be as valuable as a woman can be because I can not show that much empathy like a NT woman. I know it is not true. And those thoughts do hurt me really bad. I just keep it in my mind to find a way between the Black Thought (negative attitude) and the Idea of the Light (positive side)My political career seems to bring me into the spotlights time and time again. No TV this time, but a major full colour size picture of me surrounded by friends on the party's last party held this winter in Hotel Krasnapolsky, Amsterdam. It was published in the party's internal magazine.Hope you all doing ok,take careAspie Bird (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1288428 Sat, 08 Mar 2008 16:35:00 +0100 1288428 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/03/spring-time.html Spring is the Dutch word for jump. Well, that is what I do these days. I jump from one mood into another. Those mood swings cost plenty of enery but seem to be part of the 'thing'. Do not ask me what the thing is.Called out for help and I get help.Things might get better. Some day. I hope. Otherwise... (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1272547 Mon, 03 Mar 2008 09:52:00 +0100 1272547 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/02/shocked.html Shocked by the news of Genevieve Edmonds. Another human being who could not live with Asperger. She leaves us many things to ask. She shared her knowledge with us. After that, she went away. Like knowing you are about to leave the world and to give us a present to carry with us after your death. Late Mark Segar did something similar in my humble opinion. He wrote his famous Survival Guide for Aspergers. I have never met Genevieve personally. May she rest in peace. My thoughts are with her family.Comparing to death, well, what can I say about my present in order not to be self complaining? Things are not going that well. Might do some travel abroad again. After 4 years I just need to be out of the country again. Live on the Dutch country side is flat, quiet, and above all empty when you have no job. I have been advised not to seek a job on a short term in order to keep my financial things healthy. Thinking a lot about the future, which I can not imagine it will be fun again. Sorry!Hope you are doing ok!Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1255117 Mon, 25 Feb 2008 09:14:00 +0100 1255117 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/02/feeling-blue-again.html Sorry all, I can not find the time and courage to blog every day. Could have known that before making the - every-day-of-the-year-2008-one-blog-promise. Been busy. Lots of creative things. There are currently some main issues to think about. Feeling blue. Might be another step on the way. Thought the end of the tunnel was about to be reached. But no...There seems another black hole coming around now. Uh! There has been a major party given by the political party I am member of. Been far to busy preparing this thing. And when the party was there I could not enjoy much of the festivities due to others around me keeping me occupied all the time...Did write another fantastic story about politics and erotica... People do suggest that I should write a novel. Might do that in order to clean my head.Feeling trapped in this village. There must be a way out. Working on my website a lot.Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1207496 Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:25:00 +0100 1207496 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-9-of-365-what-i-said-in-parliament.html What happened this week. Well, as you might notice, I did not find the discipline to blog every day. Main reason is lack of time. UHHH?? No job? No time?? Yes, I do travel a lot and I spent a reasonable amount of time refreshing my social contacts offline. However the every-day-a-blog promise is always on my mind. Sometimes pictures say more than text.The talk in parliament was a reasonable one. It was the kind of talk without really some structure. I could not listen 1000%. I interrupted the man sometimes. Nerves I guess.I said almost everything I wanted. It is easier to be critical about politics being outside the building of parliament then when sitting in a comfortable office chair!In case of silence or being not understandable I gave the man some papers with the things I wanted to say about autism. Today I will highlight two things about autism I mentioned. First issue: most important, the way the governement treats us. In order to get an disability payment one must be tested by the UWV. The UWV is the general office for people with temporary goverment payments. Their computersystem seems to be programmed that when entering the word asperger of autism, pdd-nos the search machine automatically enters NO WORKING POSSIBILITIES!!This must be changed. Second issue is the attitude of the UWV test professionals. It is like a lottery how people with autism are treated. I guess this is not only in our country the case...The member of parliament I talked to had just visited the day before a UWV office and talked with some clients there.Considering the autism things, I told this man than we first of all need rest ( a nice, gentle way to treat us to avoid stress) , perspicacity, and clearness. When the UWV test procedure can fullfill in these three requirements it will effect definately the test procedure and effects in positive way! Instead of creating a war of non understanding between authority and non understanding human being.I did research by posting query's on the Dutch Internet Forum for people with autism.Their answers were composed into a brief anonymous letter which I gave to the man in parliament.To be continued (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1154039 Wed, 16 Jan 2008 08:54:00 +0100 1154039 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-8-of-365-january-9th-pictures-of.html main entrance close up the entrance of parliament the golden carriage, which is used on Prinsjesdag, the day the queens opens the new year of parliament. the small tower hosts the prime ministers officeBeen so busy with the parliament thing, I did not blog for a couple of days. The visit yesterday was a very good one. Lots of things discussed. Could tell my Asperger story and many things more. We shared thoughts about how the view of the working society can be given a more positive impulse. I compared the party with its 'rich people' signature with the label given to job-less people (they only hang around at home) and people with autism (they are non-communicative souls with absolutely no empathy) Those three labels need to change. How can we do this? Here are some pictures of the parliament and the one I talked to yesterday. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1146467 Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:22:00 +0100 1146467 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/some-pictures.html Some random picturs. the couple in the car is Mark Rutte, the politician and his major rival Mrs. Rita Verdonk. She has now set up her own political thing... (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1134657 Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:38:00 +0100 1134657 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-7-of-365-monday-january-7th.html The day started with paper work. My support worker came over and helped me. That was very useful. We sorted out newspapers. I am a news collector, can not throw newspapers away before I have read them carefully. Imagine the 'mountain of newspapers' in my home :-) . It has been worse before, this news junk thing. I now only collect newspapers from 6 weeks. Yesterday we found papers from october 2007!In the afternoon my weekly voluntary job at the elderly's home. Nice as usual. Good to keep with both feeth on the ground. There is no choice in the way we grow old! We played a new years concert by Johann Strauss and ended with Helmut Lotti, a Belgium classical singer.We listen to the cd player, in case you might think we are that creative, no we aren't :_)Shopping afterwards. The evening was filled with yes again paperwork. But also some internet..How to tell a member of parliament in brief what Asperger is like? How to explain what Asperger is to a 'fresh' NT person?I have set some goals to reach this thursday at the Second Room (= name of our House of Parliament)Must go ok. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1134658 Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:02:00 +0100 1134658 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-6-of-365-sunday-january-6th.html The day the event of the three kings in Bethlehem is celebrated. Hmmm, what did I do yesterday. Took my time to sleep and got u very late, eleven o' clock. This whole week I had problems getting up in time, as winter time often does to people. The usual stuff. Spent the afternoon in the public library, followed by some surfing around the internet at home. Watched speed skating on the tv. Done again some writing for next weeks visit.In the evening I watched a tv program called Over my dead body. Young, terminally ill people are interviewed about the way they see their future and followed during hospital visits and so on. It is shocking reality. Asperger may have it's own problems, but it is not life threatening. I got my feed back on the ground again, before I loose myself in sorry for myself behaviour. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1132724 Mon, 07 Jan 2008 07:58:00 +0100 1132724 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-5-of-365-saturday-january-5th.html Beh! Could not keep my promise to write each day. Anyway, there will be 365 blogs from me this year. So we continue by saturday. What did I do saturday. I had a very quiet day at home. Preparing for the visit to Parliament next week. Did some grocery shopping. Read the papers. In the evening I drove 200 km's to a new years party which was nice. I left on time and I got back at midnight. Did lots of thinking!Before I went to the party I got inspired and wrote a short story about a lady waiting for a man in a pub, when he arrives she goes to the ladiesroom. After a brief inspection she takes the phone and sends him a text message. During the 10 minutes aferwards the door of the ladies room is blocked.... While inside 2 people enjoy each others company mentally and phisically...LOLIt is their secret she tells the reader. His job, his reputation and her wish for freedom do not suit together. He is adored by many people and works in the parliament.The only moments together they have are those stolen moments. She knows she is involved in something strange and has to find her way out of this relationship again but how?I got several very good reviews on my story. It is published on my dutch web-log...And it is just all fantasy. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1132725 Mon, 07 Jan 2008 07:54:00 +0100 1132725 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-4-of-365-its-not-just-us.html Yes, you are right, r.b., when I read your comment on blog 3. One must learn to see things in time and adept the possibility of not seeing directly to what things can lead. Time is gentle. She takes us by the hand and shows us the world in light and dark days. During tonights interview broadcasted on the tv, as always I was impressed by Archbishop Desmund Tutu. This man and his overwelming kindness for human nature! He believes in every soul. And he reckons every man or woman to be kind in their natural base.We now, 2008, live in a time which is known for it's individuality. As there are millions of blogs online. We seem not to be able to talk about ourselves. That is a good thing, those blogs can be very useful, like this one or the ones at www.autism-hub.co.uk . A kind of self expression. Makes it possible to share things all over the globe. But the more we focus on ourselves, the more we deny the healing power of silence. We seem to have become too afraid of silence, instead of believing that through silence one can reach his inner strenght and create the possibilty for a broader horizon. Interesting. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1131062 Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:42:00 +0100 1131062 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-3-of-365-winter.html It's bitter cold outside, at home it feels cosy and warm. Next week at the day I meet someone in parliament it is 2 years ago I received my diagnosis: Asperger's Syndrome. Lots of things happened.- I got fired after two years of being ill- I moved 160 km's to a tiny little town without shops, railway station- I now live the live of a jobless person...-Started my political things-Joined voluntary work twice a week-Joined several groups on singles activitiesAnd lots of things more.Quit heavy stuff during the last four years of my life. Time to recover from the darkness.2008 only can bring more joy into my life I guess. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1128775 Thu, 03 Jan 2008 20:32:00 +0100 1128775 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/blog-2-of-365.html Today I have been busy with financial things. I found out that it is better NOT to work in future because when things go wrong the governments payment after a new job will probably be less comparing to what I get now! This is how our present system works! Well, I must say there's no reason to complain about the amount of money I get now. But it does not make my day to realise I'd better get used to be "home" the rest of my life because of these rules. Ahhh. After 15 years of fulltime employment the thought to have no job in future years does not make me smile. Next week I have an appointment with a member of parliament on this subject. Well, he might not be able to change things, but if he just listens that is enough.Decided today not to take my job coach to this appointment. I can do the talk by myself. It feels better doing this on my own. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1126232 Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:44:00 +0100 1126232 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2008/01/2008-every-day-blog-blog-1-of-365.html For all of you: may 2008 bring you the things you have always wanted and more. Please, stand up and make your dreams come true! Be yourself! The world hugs you!Every day a blog! Or at least more than I used to do now. Writing is good for my soul. Lots of things on my mind. Need to do something else on the internet than...So here I am. Standing in the light of a new Year. Full of plans and expectations.My biggest wish is to find a suitable place to live and a place to work.Will do my best to write on autism in Holland as well.Plenty of stuff to write.So, I now go do some painting. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1124280 Tue, 01 Jan 2008 20:51:00 +0100 1124280 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/12/merry-x-mas-everyone.html Actually I wished I did not have time to write this right now. The all time X-mas dream did not come true this year. Maybe next year? Want to wish all of you good X-mas day in whatever way you may spend it. Tomorrow I am going to a play (all by myself!!) at the royal theatre in Amsterdam, afterwards I will join a group of people to share dinner together. Today I visited my family. Unexpectely I even had dinner with them. It was cosy and nice. Reading Harry Potter 7!On january 10th 2008 I do have an appointment with a member of parliament conserning the governments disability monthly payment. I am collecting stories of the situation here in Holland right now.My therapists last week told me they see no reason I should visit them again! I can give myself a big compliment they said for the things I did archieve within this last year!! I am so proud!!In three months time I have been on the national TV twice because of my political 'career'!And main thing is I did recover from an obsession all by myself!!Wishing you all the best this X-mas, I now go to bed! (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1116170 Tue, 25 Dec 2007 20:56:00 +0100 1116170 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/12/part-two-of-story-of-suicide-dutch.html Swimming is above all his greatest pleasure in life. Speedswimming and Waterpolo, he does it in Dokkum, Eindhoven and Groningen. He even joins a swimming club. He stops swimming when his shame about the burns on his body has become too much.Gerben, his only friend, he met him in the swimmingpool.I can not do anything. I will not become someone. I wil not have this and not have those things. It is hard for the outide world to cope with. Or even worse. Roland can harass and behaves like a tyran. He tells his little brother Stephan, who is not a luminary at school, over and over again that he is stupid. When Stephan wants to lie in, Roland sings deliberately loud when taking a shower. Sometimes things escalate.To Gerben- who marries and becomes a dad- Roland never speaks. The more often he speaks about it at home. This becomes painful when it becomes clear that Rolands dad is diagnosed with lifethreathing cancer in January 2007. Roland thinks this is a joke. That reaction does not impresses the family anymore. When asking again, after thosens of imes, what his mother would write above his death announcemen, his mother answers in a funny way: "He has done this to himself, and went to the heavenly home of God"Nevertheless his mother feels she must ask questions. Does Roland wants to be buried or cremated? Church? Music? Mother and son e-mail about those things. When Roland notes that he does not want music, his mother says it will be a dull ceremony. Roland suggests Paul Weller.Last april he puts himself on fire for the first time at his students room in the city of Groningen. He has just moved in there. He had to leave a previous room because he treatened housemates. De landlord, father of a child with behaviour disorder, has arranged this new room and helps Ronald moving.Ronald feels cumiliated when he, after having spent eight weeks in the Burns Medical Centre, is hospitalised at a branch of the local Mental Health Care Departement. His mother Thea tells him she can only visit him once a week, because his father Jeltje is fighting for his life in a hospital in the city of Leeuwarden. During his mothers visits not much is said. The usual things: how is Paula doing, and Stefan, and grandma and grandad?At the end of october 2007 mum and dad both visit Roland. They stay long, from three o'clock till seven o'clock. That night a familyevening is held at the Mental Health Department. It is the first time they visit such an event. Dinner is held at the Ikea's with the three of them. Roland shows them how to get there by car.In the night, the announcement of his deat is made. 80% burnt. Too much burnt to wear the shirt mother had already prepared for Ronald to wear in the coffin.Ronald Bakker was born at june 28th 1979 at the city of Dokkum, he died october 26th at the city of Groningen. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1097477 Sun, 16 Dec 2007 10:12:00 +0100 1097477 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/12/1979-2007-tragic-story-of-self-chosen.html I found this story on a Dutch mailinglist for persons with an ASS. It is based on an article in a major Dutch newspaper. Just read it yourself. However this story is shocking, we must realise that this is also reality for some people with ASS.... I do not want to judge anyone publising this story. Just read it and make up your own mind.He wants a normal life. But PDD-NOS and Asperger will make his wish for a home of his own, marriage and job not possible. At the age of 28 Roland Bakker made his choice for death, the other limiting factor/utmost. He sets himself on fire.Last april a nurse in the Burn Specialised Medical Medical Centr in the city of Groningen makes notes in her dairy. She is very touched by the young patient.Roland Bakker, age 27 then, has reached the age of her own sons. But his death eyes, emotion free view in his eyes. He was brought in after a suicidal attempt. If she could only make him smile, a little bit, just a glimpse.At the time of this suicidal attempt Rolands parents from the city of Dokkum are already used to the idea that Roland does not wants to life. He is the elderst child of home painter Jelte Bakker and his wife, a nurse. Roland has Asperger and PDD-NOS. Many people can live with those autism spectrum disorders, Roland can't. His mother Thea prays: "God, please let him go"However diagnosed late in the early twenties, it is already clear in the early stage of his life that Roland is different. Clever- at the age of two he knows all the car marks and from the age of 10 he reads the newspaper- but difficult. He can be busy for hours in the box playing with his Duplo/Lego and his picture book, but in the outside world life is a wrestle.The first time he comes outside to play, another child hits him with a small shovel on his head. He flees into the garden. They keep mobbing him. He can not defend himself.Sharing is also something he can not handle. Everything must be done his way. Trouble rises when his sister Paula want to ride on his small bike. So Paula gets her own. The teacherschool reports notes strange enough the opposite: He wished he had 20 Rolands in his class.After High School Roland chooses to move to the city of Eindhoven to study (in the southern part of the Netherlands, note ab) He says the jovial character of the south attracts him.Housemates do introduce him into the world of going out, but he remains an outsider and returns to the north. In the city of Groningen he studies mecanical engineering and finishes this study. He passes for his driving licence test.However meanwhile his first depressions appear, followed by psychosis. Psychologis discover Asperger's Syndrome and PDD-NOS. (Note ab.: I know that generally spoken you can only have one of both ASS)He does not want to know. " Just relax" he says when he sits on the cough at the weekends in the city of Dokkum (where his parents live, note ab) They know those words are the synoniem of loneliness.Roland does complaints about that. Says he has no one to go with on holiday. He makes twice a reservation for a youngster holiday trip to France from a brochure which his mother speechless puts on table. He visits the festival of Lowlands and students-game playing events. But afterwards he is just as alone as before.His greatest pleasure in life is Swinning. Speed swimming and waterpolo, he does it in the city of Dokkum, in the city of Eindhoven and in the city of Groningen. He even joins a club, until the moment he does not dare to show his body with burns....End of part one, to be continued tomorrow 14-12-2007 (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1093108 Thu, 13 Dec 2007 19:55:00 +0100 1093108 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/12/aspie-bird-media-success-in-politics.html Last weekend another liberal party meeting was held. The struggle about the way the party should manage in the future is over, this meeting was mainly used to give the support to the party's leader and main board.And yes, I did it again. I spoke some words. Crowded conference hall with 1500 members and lots of press camera's!! Slightly nervous, yes. Mainly because I prepared some things more to say but we members only got 2 minutes each.I compared the way the party's chairman had been struggling through the difficulties of the last months with swimming in a pool filled with piranha's. I said; " Let's be positive. The man has until now always reached the other side of the pool. He has already told us to resign early, so who are we to destroy his floating/swimming board today "(the thing you can hold when you learn to swim) I got lots of applause then.In the main news and politics rubrics on the tv that night I was one of the few -positive-member speakers they showed. The party's members choose a positive way and the air was cleared from negative atmosphere. Finally after almost 1,5 years.Another succes was on monday when the socialist newspaper had used my words ( not what I said but in a slightly different, but positive way ) to base their title in the main article about the conference on. I was also mentioned as the new party member whos request to stop the internal fight was fullfilled.I got quite some positive reactions, including a thank you from the party leader himself!! (and three kisses...) Well, I did go and seek for him, he did not come towards me.Well, I seem to have success. I am also touched by the article I found about a young man who burnt himself to death two months ago. He could not live with his Asperger/PDD NOS. He was in his twenties. Shocking but also part of the realistic way of life for some Asperger/PDD NOS people.I will post the article tomorrow in this blog (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1088752 Wed, 12 Dec 2007 09:59:00 +0100 1088752 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/11/did-not-get-job.html Just wanna tell you I did not get the job. No worries! Happy I did not.Support worker coming nowBye (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1055686 Wed, 28 Nov 2007 10:25:00 +0100 1055686 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/11/happiness-is-best-job-to-find.html The job interview last monday was not the most pleasant one I have ever had. Due to a burn out I have a gap of several years in my job list. Companies are very suspicious about the reason and do not trust things will not come back! With my job coach I had agreed before the interview not to mention my Aspergers or the word burn out. And ofcourse the interviewer kept asking me lots of questions about the reason of this gap... He just kept on asking things and told me with a smile I could always mention it when he asked too much... There were some silences in this talk because I did not want too talk too much to fill the silences between my answers and his questions. He would do his brain work anyway so why should I give him extra brain food?The pleasure I had in mind thinking about the work enviroment was totally ruined by this man and his interview style. So I do not think this will be my next job.Makes me think about why I should not just have a life based on the governments montly payment and fill my life with things I like. Such as volonteer work. If the job system operates in such way that one MUST be the perfect employee with all the wished requirements in his pocket, I rather choose to be a non perfect but happy jobless person.I am not desperate. There will be a job for me I know. But I do not want to turn myself into a supergirl in order to fullfill the job society's wishes... There are limits. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1041496 Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:38:00 +0100 1041496 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/11/november-2007.html Hi all,First of all I wanna thank everyone for your comment on my previous blog. I will get in touch with you all privately. This weeks are busy times. Lots of expected and unexpected things happened. For example: I do type this message in a hotel lobby in the town of Rotterdam. I was on my way back by train tonight when it became clear to me that, due to an accident on the railway somewhere on route, I would not be in time to catch the train-bus connection.While travelling towards back to Rotterdam I arranged an unexpected hotel 1 night stay by phone. My political career seems to become more and more serious. Sometimes I just have to laugh because it all sounds very unusual. Okay, while I type someone behind me just set the tv on a heavy lovemaking scene with the sound which fits such a scene. haha.I will tell you more on monday. Because on monday 19th november I have the first job interview in years!! Wish me luck.For now, it is time to go to bed.Bye, take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1034321 Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:04:00 +0100 1034321 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/10/yes-or-no-to-protected-living.html One of the main questions in my life now is, when I leave the countryside, where do I go to?A big city is what I want. There are not that many big cities in Frysia, the region I live in.Few years ago a group of conserned parents somewhere else in the country made the plan to create their own living surrounding in order to make it possibile for there autistic almost adult children to live somewhere protected. This project has become very succesfull.Thinking about moving again I have doubts what will make me more happyLiving in a independent home, with some care when needed or living in a protected living area, with 24 hrs care-when-needed around me? When I take the step to become a member of such project I will go and live as a disabled person. At least that is how it feels. I have been living by myself independently for almost 20 years now.The only reason I would live in a protected area is the social thing. Where do I want to pick up the social things in future. When I live in a 24 hr care thing, there will be always someone there to talk to, but will the horizon of my social network horizon widen by this thing? I think the opposite will happen. How about you?? What do you think about independent living vesus the protected area living??Utopia would be for meSharing a big, old house with some people. Preference art related or political involved people.Near a big city. And with an atelier to paint.Well, for now I just sit here in the public library in the middle of the country. Been to the hairdressers. Came there as a blond woman, left there being a brunette-red haired woman. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=980575 Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:30:00 +0100 980575 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/10/october-2007-update.html Well, it's time for an update. Nearly a year since I moved from the Busy part of our country to the countryside. Lots of things happened. Some wishes have not turned into reality.Most important thing I learned so far is that one (me) is capable of building a new social network. Comparing to the life I had in the West, my social horizon has reached unexpected depth. I now weekly work as a volunteer for a local elderly home. And ofcourse the radio thing is there, although less than before. If I have the chance to do some presentation jobs again on the radio, I do not hesitate. My aim is to be the first Aspie Woman in this country with her self made radioprogram!The fear that the countryside was too quiet for me has become reality. This village does not have traffic lights at all, there is no official pedistrian crossing too! Eh...shops....no...pub...sometimes in the local community center...I am a young ambitious woman with many interests. Art and museums are an important part of my life. The countryside hosts a different kind of inhabitants then the kind of person I am.I try to take life in the here and now. Living my life this day. I now have already spent one year here. Before I find something else It might be half 2008. To be continued. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=980576 Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:19:00 +0100 980576 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/10/for-kevin-without-him-this-message.html Here is to you a bunch of real Dutch Flowers! Thank you Kevin!! Just a note to say how sorry I am to see Kevin leaving the Autism Hub.I can not express how grateful I am he has created this ring.Seeing Kevin go, unfortunately this once again proves that despite our positive attitude, sometimes it feels we just have to surrender to the Dark site of Life. ^%%^&**!!!Without Kevin, his creation and his personal strength to keep this Autism Hub Fire burning, I would not be a member of the hub I assure.Wishing Kevin and his family all the best. I do not say goodbye to them. As I know we might meet again. Online. Somewhere, someday...Be inspired, Kevin to light a new candle of creation somewhere else. May the Light be upon your way wherever you go! (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=979232 Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:36:00 +0100 979232 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/10/living-issues.html Have written about this subject before. These days the subject is in my mind again. I wonder - according to how I experience my social life- if it would be better to go and live somewhere protected. Always someone nearby in case you need help. On the other hand, I am not a disabled person, well at least that is not my attitude of life now. I think. I might fool myself.Which way to go? Where to seek for a good home? I do now know that the place I live now is far too small. This tiny little countryside village makes me depressed. I want to be in town. There were trains and buses regulary stop. Lots of heavy questions come upon my way these days.Worry also about the X-mas time. In twelve weeks time it will be X-mas again. Sigh.Might already be depressed.The politics things is still on my mind. I just broke off an online 'friendship' with an anonymous person who seems to have been a lurker for months. I did not manage to see through her continuous messages. Thought it was genuine. A few months ago I had a feeling the only subject she would talk about was THE MAN. So I told her if you wanna have contact with me ok but not about HIM. After that there was silence for a couple of weeks. Last months she sent me a nice message... And again I did trust her.For her my messages were just a way to feed her fantasies about that man. My stories about him and the real life events I have shortly met him... She stayed home, has never met him, told little about herself and still she created her a way to feel 'closer' towards him. UGH! I am glad she is not a party member. (not yet??) Well I feel disappointed and used. Within hours I brok off the connection between the two of us, she has adopted some of my online friends from who she might have known they are closer to THE MAN. UGH.Lots of things to do now. There is a world outside. Yesterday evening I saw lots of birds on their way to warmer area's. Beautiful.Take care. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=939826 Wed, 10 Oct 2007 08:26:00 +0100 939826 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/09/looking-forward-1-year-ahead.html September 2008 will be another month that I can not remember the name of the people I have been fond of. Being busy these days with politics I can look forward to the days this special interest has become a very small thing in my life.Going into politics can be useful, but is also a dangerous game to play. Have not been thrown out of their circle so far, but as I have 'misunderstood' some of the political social unwritten 'rules' I do expect my political death penalty soon. Well, at least that is what I think of it when I have one of those dark-thoughts hours.On the other hand things might work out. I miss structure in my social life now I know. And I have discovered that I have missed that throughout my life so far. I am in the middle of a 35+ identity crises. Seems that I have to grow more and more.Meanwhile I have started attending theatre classes and voice expressionism lessons. Both are a good way to express my things. Doing something is sometimes the best way to avoid your head going crazy.Go to bed now, take care. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=906117 Wed, 26 Sep 2007 20:53:00 +0100 906117 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/09/update.html Long time no see. Lots of things happened. My radio work went well, but because of a present lack of structure at the radio station, I decided to take things slow. Back to what I did. The presenting thing still attracs me but might be better to start later in future.Well, the policial party which I am member of now has been front page news. A former minister lost the internal elections and did not became the new political leader and list runner up. That was last year ago. Problem is that she, the number two on the party list got more votes by preference than the elections winner and present policial leader. Ever since she lost the elections this female former minister did show her disappointment and frustrations. The struggle between the number 1 and number 2 of the party became a real thriller soap opera.Last week she made another statement about the things which did not went well in the party. Limits of patience were reached, she has been thrown out of the parliament section of the party but refuses to give up her seat in parliament and wants to stay member of the party. She plays always the victim.Last weekend there was a thrilling live broadcast general meeting of the party. I did have the chance to say things in public and so I did. I guess there must have been thousands of people watching tv or internet. 1000 people were in the conference hall. All went well, I was not that nervous.I have spoken for about 5-7 minutes. Do not know what the leader thought of it. Got several compliments from friends and party members and members of parliament as well. I do follow the number 1 in the party, Mark Rutte. The way I deal with this interest has changed and become less! Thank God. Yesterday it was the official opening of the parliaments new year. Of course I was in The Hague. Got up at a quarter to five. In the Parliament Building I got the chance to see lots of special things and meet special people!Try to write more tomorrow!Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=885410 Wed, 19 Sep 2007 20:19:00 +0100 885410 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/08/on-road-to-happiness.html Well, everything seems to become better again finally! Yes! I am so glad things did work out in a positive way. Recently it seemed I was fading away into the deep holes of inner darkness again. Some things came upon my way which made my mind change into a more positive mood. I still have the temporary work job. They are statisfied by how I do things. Besides that they are happy about me willing to do several activities based upon several levels. That mix of levels is necessary to find out where my best qualities are hidden. Few hours a week but a huge step back into reality! I also made my debute as a local radio presenter!!. During a two hour live broadcasted radio show I managed to do presentation and technique all at once!!Must say the radio station crew has been very helpful for me. They know about my ASS, but treat me like anyone else! My aim is to become the first Aspie radio presenter in this country with a radio program of his own!My political career has changed a bit. Eh...Still going strong. Party members seem to give me more and more support. From the Hosanna mood I had in the beginning about the party I now have a Hmmm-positive critical way. In a few weeks there will be a new meeting.In general I can be very statisfied about the way my life is going now.Yes there are some dark times as well, but the Light seems to win.Next weeks will be filled with lots of travelling, new contacts. My life is now a nice mix of different activities. Once again I now do activities I like and which are suitable for my Aspergers. A well known Northern American based adult woman diagnosed at the aged of 40 wrote on her site that the most important thing one can do after the diagnosis is to educate himself. I totally agree.Fill your new life with education, not only how to deal with your Aspergers, but also how to develop your hidden talents.Hope you are all doing fine,Take careFire Bird. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=816696 Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:09:00 +0100 816696 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/07/busy-and-less.html The new job is just the kind of work I like. Not too much pressure, not too many working hours. Office is close to my home. So that is ok! Yes!The past weeks have been dark sometimes. Nothing wrong with that, darkness is needed to be able to work things out. Being in the light all the time is not good for me. Need time for reflection.One of the things I decided to do is to be more open about my Aspergers. The responses are mostly positive. The professionals and I decided that group living could be a good thing for me. Now I live at the countryside (village counts several hundreds inhabitants, no shops) The silence here is too loud! So another thing to go after, hunting for a new job.It is amazing how fast one's social network can grow when you do lots of different activities. Might do something with scouting as well in future!I made my debute as a radio interviewer as well yesterday! Seven minutes. They say I sound very serious, details and to the point questions. Interest to go on a radio presenting course somewhere in fall! Yes I like it!Must hurry now,take careI envy all those autism bloggers who can write serious articles on several subjects, I always have the plan to do so, but when I sit behind my desk to update this blog, it never becomes reality. So I just write some words how things are doing here. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=764750 Sun, 29 Jul 2007 09:35:00 +0100 764750 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/07/got-back-into-this-world.html Just two days ahead of my blog's first anniversary I am happy to be able to tell you all I got back into reality. Hehe. Finally. This last episode of fanatic special interest (or you might call it an obsession, if you want to, but that word sounds too heavy) has brought me lots of good things but has also cost me plenty of energy, weight, stress and time!In order to learn how to deal with this special interests I plan to write a kind of script which teaches me the do's and the don't in special stages of such obsession thing. I now can remeber the things I did and I did not during the last months well, in future I might forget about most important details. Your suggestions for this script are very welcome, although it's a personal thing, you have to go though this obesssed and knowing you are far away of reality thing alone. It makes you lonely.Back to earth, I am glad this stressfull thing is over. Finally time to move on.I am very happy to tell you I am able to go back to work again. It's a non-paid job trainee ship. Going back into job-society after all those years, this is like a miracle for me. A couple of weeks ago I was on my way to that deep black hole and now I see the light again! God bless!No holiday plans for me this year, I might go in fall.Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=728481 Wed, 11 Jul 2007 21:19:00 +0100 728481 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/06/keeping-up-balance.html Trying to keep up the right balance. Want to prevent myself to fall into the dark again. Once in the dark, the way back feels to be very difficult.Doing lots of things in daily life. No worries about that. Most concern is about the The lack of real life contacts and the wish to have them. Again and again I meet lots of people. People who can become friends after a while. Must be patient.Moved to this place fall 2006. Now I have created my own professional network of support givers, twice a week I do voluntary work, just started the back to work project. Plenty of things archieved to be proud of. And yet, there is a dark hole in my soul telling me how the grey side of life feels.Now I seem to have come across the third dark, down period in about 3 years time. Buhh, getting annoyed by feeling down again. Insecureness takes much energy. Never been so afraid of traffic as in present days.The political interest is now focused on my web-log about politics. I just write down the things in my head. It seems to have become a smile creating log. People give me compliments on my writing. I like writing.The next weeks I will join the producing team of a local radio station. Might do some interview stuff with local people during the special SummerJam Program.Might be the first step into a new future. Creating is my thing, media interests me.Hmmm, new career idea's come up.Yesterday I started a new, stricly anonymous web-log on autism. Want to tell people small things about daily life being a human being with Asperger Syndrome.Want to post daily here the next weeks, in order to get as much as possible viewers before it's first anniversary next month.Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=702128 Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:41:00 +0100 702128 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/06/against-wallagainawaiting-sunshine.html Yes, after all those months of being heavily involved into several, bizar things I finally met the end of my borders and reached the wall of darkness again.Too busy with too many not that important things, like politics. My head was about to explode. Been busy creating blogs and publishing on the internet. That does take hours, almost days. I did notice things went really wrong when I did not bother working until sunrise....No good for an Asperger woman who is used to go to bed at plm 22.30 hrs.Once my day and night schedule was broken, my head was surrounded by dark thoughts.I must have more rest now, no more travelling around the country. It is all about having no job, no view to get one easily or within a few weeks, upcoming summer stress, etc etc. I do my best to replace the special interest on politics into Dutch History. Plenty of well known people I did not know about!Must take care of myself before I end up living my present life in circles; feeling depressed because of being jobless, being jobless cause I am too stressed to be able to work. Medication again. Try to forget politics for now. Parliament's Summer Holiday is in a week! No holiday destination set yet. First of all back to a scheduled life.This weekend I had a wonderful time being at a party! The sun will come back in my life more and more I expect! Take care (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=702129 Sun, 24 Jun 2007 19:49:00 +0100 702129 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/06/shit-ha-ppens.html I am not happy with this. I decided to remove messages from this blog due to personal reasons. My privacy seems to have been broken! I do not feel safe anymore. Someone who keeps contacting me (some woman who seems to be obsessed with a politician)seems to have found out about this blog, in a strange and unkind way. This autism weblog is a hidden one. I do not tell many people about it. On another site, where you can make a public profile, I did sent the link about this autism weblog in a private message to a man. The link has been online for about 15 minutes before the man removed it because of security reasons. That was enough time for the that person to read my message. Lateron she had the courage to sent me a private message in which my Asperger's was mentioned, which I have never mentioned on my private site nor I was planning to tell her. Seems to become a soap opera. I do not like this at all!! (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=702130 Sun, 10 Jun 2007 19:28:00 +0100 702130 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/05/westerbork-wo-ii-omg-what-is-this-being.html Yes, did it again: I created my own mess emotionally spoken. I do not dare to talk or see that policitian again! Been far too much involved in this political interest thing. What will be the way out ???? Wished I had the discipline to plan and fulfil an emotional holiday to make my head empty. Creating and keeping distances. O. M. G. what did I do? Tomorrow I will be able to talk my head empty again seeing professionals. Thank God.I seem to have attracted some obsessed person who is totally crazy about that same politician. She desperately wants me to bring her in contact with him!! It seems not enough to have blocked her, she keeps sending mails containing 'suggestions' for my silence filled with her fantasies about him and me. I do no respons to her mails! She might be fake!! I do not know her at all!!Anyway, today was the limit. And once more I created some mail which I should NOT have created/sent to the party. Well, I told them also about my Asperger and the social clumsiness Aspergers causes.Last sunday we visited the W.O. II memorial camp site of Westerbork. Anne Frank has been there before she was transported to Auschwitz. We were very lucky to be able to hear the eyewitness story of a now 92-year old Jewish woman. The story she told us was so impressive, that I my socially created, politically involved mess, seems to be very unimportant.The lady who told her story very brave, told us two things: never to run after just one person (like a mass thing, mass adoration like Hitler) and always to create your own opinion, be aware of what you ou think.I do not know if you do have jobs, but I think you might know/be able to imagine how life is like when you have no paid job to do. It is so depressing. There seems to be very less real pleasure in life. Days are long!! It is the feeling you do not really belong to society. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=645227 Tue, 29 May 2007 20:28:00 +0100 645227 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/05/dancing-night-way-amazing.html This message is created at the Internet desk in the hotel lobby of my luxurous-and-close-to-the-Liberal Party-conference Hotel in Rotterdam. Have stayed some days in the city of The Hague. Noticed that I did not like that much traffic. The cities of The Hague and Rotterdam together have as much inhabitants as the whole district of Fryslan I live in has. About 650.000 people on the move, every minute of the day. The pedistrian crossings were every time a war itself to cross. Did some good shopping. Tonight I wore a tight jeans short skirt, sexy shoes and a good blue T shirt. Looked good!!Well, despite my fears, tears and anger, I once more survived a big city!. Congratulations Aspie Bird! During my life so far, I managed to survive traffic in New York, Los Angeles, Damascus, Jerusalem, Amman, Beyrouth (could not name the English spelling now, it is very early in the morning....) Bangkok, Colombo, Valletta (Malta), London, Paris, Brussels, So once more I did survive a big city.The reason I am here is because of another VVD Liberal Party meeting. Tonight we had an evening filled with good speeches, laughing matters.Afterwards there was a party...and guess...I did dance the night away! Well done!! It felt like a liberation for me to do so, to use the freedom of moving myself around. You know that Asperges often have a strange, wrong feeling for ritm. And I do consider myself as being far too skinny. Well, I pressed the negative button in my head and danced the night away!!In a few hours time the conference will be continued. I better get upstairs and try to get some sleep! Huh. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=620265 Fri, 11 May 2007 23:58:00 +0100 620265 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/05/back-to-work-back-to-travel-back-to.html You might have noticed in my previous posts that, at present days, I have a filled schedule. Lots to do!!! During the week my support worker comes several times, I do voluntary work twice a week. Four days a week are filled with scheduled activities so far. The remaining time I spent on doing my cooking, cleaning, and other houshold things which need to be done. No problem, I am capable of keeping my house clean, do my shopping by car etc.With summer temperatures here, I spent lots of time outside, reading my book. Currently I am kind of addicted of reading The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann. Fascinating! I carry this 9...- pages existing book with me almost everywhere I go!!Next week the back-to-work-training-program will start. First of all, my jobcoach and I will make a plan how to find out what my goals are and how to reach them. I am ambitious!! Exciting. Fears come up and fears go when thinking about going back to work. I will manage I know!Been away for many different activities last week. Met lots of new people. If new contacts will continue to exist, future will tell me. Last sunday we went for a boat tour through the beautiful Northern part of The Netherlands. Good company, good talks, nice sunny weather, this day was about how to enjoy life to the max!With upcoming activities planned in the Western part of the country I, once more, will make a x day trip to the busiest part of our country with cities like The Hague and Rotterdam. The great formation source called the www/Internet is an excellent help to make detailed travel schedules in order to prepare myself. Looking forward to be in the city again, despite my fears on traffic.The political party I am member of will have a two day meeting next week. I try to and I do not expect to speak to Mark Rutte again. What needs to be said to him? Nothing I guess. I just enjoy his presence and leadership from a distance.Tourism and travel has always had my great interest. I was very lucky to have the possibility to get professional tourism education after high school. The professional travel industry was not my kind of thing I found out. However, the interest to search for information never disappeared.I do experience that telling people about Asperger might means people put a label on you, the one with Asperger. I have decided to keep my Asperger more to myself.Hope you are doing ok,Take careByeWaves (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=584372 Wed, 02 May 2007 20:55:00 +0100 584372 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/04/busy-again.html Lots of things to do.The First step back to work has finally been taken. I have chosen which company will guide me back towards the job market. Few companies offer programs specially designed for people with ASS. later more. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=568461 Wed, 25 Apr 2007 09:26:00 +0100 568461 http://aspie-bird.blogspot.com/2007/04/busy-busy.html These weeks are very busy for me. This week I have two talks about me going back to work. Exciting. Been travelling a lot. I am still very worried about the future, but the sunshine and high temperatures makes live easier. The Matthaus Passion was briliant!The Hague was interesting as usual, well might have some kind of hangover.Thanks for your comments. (Source: The Art of Being Asperger Woman) The Art of Being Asperger Woman blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=546616 Mon, 16 Apr 2007 06:47:00 +0100 546616