MedWorm.com provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 5000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest items from the 'Twelve Steps, One Journey' source. Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:48:35 +0100 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/09/im-back.html So much for posting everday! I give myself the room for that to be OK. :-)So what have I been up to this summer? I've still been going to meetings regularly. It's my life line and my family. I especially like this ACA meeting I go to Saturday mornings. I find myself grinning and feeling really happy afterwards. I've also been taking steps to meet new people. During some inventory work I uncovered the belief that I expected everyone else to provide me with my social life and that I thought I had to be friends with people who choose me as a friend. Somewhere along the line I never learned to make friends for myself. But it is never to late to learn and it costs nothing to try, so I started something new. I have been going to these casual friend social events to practice my social skills. And no hidden ego agenda! Yeah right. :-)Of course this has been bringing up all kinds of things for me. Seeking approval, people pleasing, over-extending myself, wanting to have "insta-friends", etc. I found I was using the friend events like I used to use the online dating sites. On the dating sites I would spend hours and hours trying to write the perfect profile instead of just being OK about who I really was. Sometimes if I found a guy I wanted to date, I would re-write my profile to add in things I thought he might like instead of realizing that he and I had nothing in common. And I would feel all upset if someone didn't write me back if I sent them a message, but I didn't feel a lick guilty if I didn't respond to a message.I backed up and looked at the good idea of practicing social skills and the hidden ego agenda and wondered if there was a middle ground. And there is. But I had to set some ground rules for myself and set some priorities:1. Meetings are the number one priority on my schedule. So I got out my day planner and wrote in my meetings for the rest of the year.2. When signing up for events, sign up for what I really want to do, not what everyone else is doing. For example, go on a hike, but not a pub crawl. I don't need to meet any new copilots.3. Navigate honestly and choose people to hang out with that I enjoy being around and not who I feel sorry for.4. No dating. Not now. I'm not ready.5. At any moment I can enforce my boundaries and say no with no apologies.That's for starters. I'm sure I'll think of new things.Well, time to get of the machine and relax!Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=840727 Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:19:00 +0100 840727 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/questioning.html Today I am full of questioning:Am I being dishonest with myself?Am I really getting better?Or am I fooling myself?Is this another layer of denial?Or is this self-judgement?Or both?Am I doing all I can?Am I turning over my will to God?Am I isolating?Some days are just better than others. I do know I'm feeling and doing better than I was six months ago, but I'm not sure I'm doing better than yesterday. I know tomorrow I'll probably feel better, but maybe not.I'm getting more used to this ebb and flow that is recovery, but it's still hard when I'm going through a rough time. Sigh...So what can be done? I can allow myself these blue feelings and crawl into God's lap and allow myself to be comforted and reassured. That's the simple way to go. And I can say, "hey, today I feel like crap!" and just let that be.I've been moving out of isolation but I'm seeing where I need to make more attempts to connect with other group members. I usually got to lunch with a small group on the weekends after a ACoA morning meeting and it's wonderful. But it's still hard for me to pick up the phone and call people.There's this part in one of the Joe and Charlie AA Big Book study podcasts where they are talking about moving into action. Bill writes about taking an hour to reflect after step 5. Joe and Charlie point out that it doesn't say to reflect for 6 months. LOL... In other words, don't delay what you know you need to do to stay sober. I am guilty of this in some areas. When it comes to reaching out to a person one on one to ask for help I have a really hard time. I have in mind to ask someone in my group to be my sponsor. I'm almost certain she will say yes. But I have to ask her. That's an action step that I have to do on my own. I can ask God to help me, to take away my fear, but I have to do it.Well, sounds like I have something to do this week. Maybe today. Maybe not. But I'm really, really happy I know what I need to do and that I don't feel completely lost and overwhelmed like I used to. Thank God for that.Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730620 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:34:00 +0100 730620 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/weeding-garden-part-2.html When I started working on the back yard it was so overgrown that it looked like a jungle. Vines had wound their way across the yard, trees had grown up through some old chicken wire tossed to the side, a cushion from a lawn chair had decomposed and weeds had grown up through the stuffing. In the past when I had tried to get out there and clean things up I would get overwhelmed and depressed and feel ashamed and mad I had to do it and then would quit and feel guilty about it. But working through the resentment I had about the back yard changed my whole experience.While chopping down vines, I began to see a parallel between getting the yard back together and recovery work. Now hang on, I know that sounds like a stretch, but it really worked for me.As I started to pull up a vine in the middle of the yard, I discovered that the root was clear across the lawn in a place I did not expect. And some vines, while they branched out in several places, came together into one root. Some of the vines were easy to pull up, and others had roots as thick as a tree. Some vines were thin and tough and had sharp spines, and others were smooth and thick, but fleshy and hollow. I also found that vines that had been there for a long time looked massive and impossible, but as I started to hack away they were dry and brittle and some just fell right out of the soil with barely a pull.It is hard work, but I really enjoyed it. I felt free to relish the sun on my shoulders, the wind in the trees, wonder what kinds of birds where living in my yard, feel a sense of accomplishment when I looked at the bags of clippings lined up by the driveway. When I got hot and tired I sat in the shade and had some water. It was really beautiful out there. I felt very lucky to know such peace at that moment of rest. Without the resentment I was free to meditate and pay attention to my surroundings and my senses.I have hardly made a dent in the backyard, but after a few weekends it's starting to shape up.Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730621 Fri, 22 Jun 2007 01:53:00 +0100 730621 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/weeding-garden.html I often find my mind wandering into fantasies. And not some happy fantasy, but a scenario where I am the victim and someone is being really mean to me, or a "poor me" fantasy.Recently I was walking through my neighborhood admiring all the beautiful homes and gardens and in to my brain pops the message, "I wish I could afford to live in one of these houses but I'll never make enough money and the housing market is inflated and only rich people who don't care about the world live in these houses and I should move to another town but I don't have any money and ...." Whew, it was time to take a breathe.Through my recovery work I've learned to take a step back from these thoughts when they come up and try and observe them from another angle. I ask God to help me see the truth and how I may be making things worse for myself. When I genuinely ask that from my heart I usually get a pretty quick answer.In this situation I realized that:1. I live in this same beautiful neighborhood in a house I rent with friends and I'm not rich.2. Being rich does not automatically mean that a person does not care about the world. I don't know who lives in these houses or anything about them. And that's not any of my business.3. The only reason our house does not have a beautiful garden is because we have not put the effort into making one. I have an able body to do the work and I can become willing if I want to.4. I am projecting some of my own resentments and fears. The answer here lies within me, not the outside world. Because of my own self esteem issues I often assume people are judging me by things like my lawn and so I become judgemental of others in the same way that I judge myself.What was so great about getting rid of this fantasy is that I was free to take care of the yard based on a freedom and desire for a beautiful garden instead of being motivated by resentment and fear. When I am doing something motivated from a resentment or a fear, I am angry, I huff and puff, in my mind I curse other people for not helping me, and the whole time I am disconnected with my actions and the whole thing is not enjoyable.Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730622 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 14:02:00 +0100 730622 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/watch-addiction-videos-online_21.html I have found that learning as much as I can about the science and psychology of addiction has enhanced my spiritual recovery. I strongly believe that I am recovering from a spiritual illness and that this is the core issue. However, understanding the potential physical or psychological differences that may pre-dispose me to addiction helps reinforce how important the spiritual work is for people like me.Addiction - A documentary series from HBO films.Frontline: The Meth Epidemic - An investigation into how Meth became so big and the people involved.NOVA: Dying to be Thin - A documentary about eating disorders.If you have others to share please add them as a comment to this post.Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730623 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:21:00 +0100 730623 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/twelve-step-podcasts.html I've been finding some of the available twelve step podcasts really helpful:Sobercasting.org: http://www.sobercasting.org/12 step podcast blog: http://12steppodcast.blogspot.com/This one also has links to other twelve step podcast Web sites and blogs.AA just for today: http://www.aajustfortoday.org/If you find additional podcasts, feel free to add them as a comment to this post if you would like to share them.FYI - I find it easier to access twelve step podcasts through my iTunes program. That way I can subscribe to the podcasts I want and they will update automatically with new downloads. Search for "twelve step", "12 step" and "recovery" in the iTunes store that you access through your iTunes program. There are some great ones out there like Joe and Charlie's AA Big Book study workshop. And it's free!Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730624 Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:22:00 +0100 730624 http://12steps1journey.blogspot.com/2007/06/beginning.html Every moment is a beginning. A dear friend and fellow traveler in recovery said to me "it's never too late to start your day over." How those words have stayed with me. Here, at this moment, I made a decision to share my journey with fellow twelve step travelers on the road to recovery. I hope to reach out and find you on the Web and share our experience, strength and hope with each other. So it begins with this post.Twelve Steps, One Journey - Recovering from addiction one moment at a time. (Source: Twelve Steps, One Journey) Twelve Steps, One Journey blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=730625 Wed, 20 Jun 2007 20:46:00 +0100 730625