MedWorm Tags: alateen

What Does ‘Letting Go’ Mean?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 17:16:04 +0100

Let go as they fall “To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means ’I can’t do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, its the realization I can’t control another human. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, Which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reali...

The Purpose of Alateen

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 19:49:32 +0100

Alateen is part of Al-Anon, which helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Alateen is a recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members. The program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and the Twelve Concepts of Service. The only requirement of membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Al-Anon/Alateen is not affiliated with any other organization or outside entity. What Alateen members learn compulsive drinking is a disease. they can detach themselves emotionally from the drinker’s problems while continuing to love the person. they are not the cause of anyone else’...

Co-dependent Relapse

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 15:48:00 +0100

A Checklist of Symptoms Leading to Co-dependent Relapse: Co-dependent : A Person who has let someone else’s behavior affect him or her and is obsessed with controlling others behaviour Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others. Low Self-esteem Patterns: I have difficulty making decisions. I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never “good enough.” I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts. I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires. I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behaviors over my own. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. Compliance Patterns: I c...

24 Workplace Actions of ACOA’s

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 05:47:09 +0100

Adult Children of Alcoholism / Addiction in the Workplace ACOA’s often transfer behaviour learned in childhood into other adult spheres of life. In true co-dependency style these often confuse and confound us. Some of these are; We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parents and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood. We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parents and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships. We expect lavish praise and acknowledgment from our boss for our efforts on the job. Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them. We get a negative gut reaction when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms ...

Teens, It’s Not Your Fault!

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 04:07:53 +0100

It’s Not Your Fault! Hi! Are you worried that your Mom or Dad drinks too much or uses drugs? You are right to be concerned— about their safety and health, about what will happen to you, about their embarrassing you or criticizing you unfairly, about breaking promises, about driving under the influence, and about lots of other things that create unpredictability and confusion. While you cannot stop your parent from drinking or using drugs, you can take steps to make things better for yourself. Facts You Should Know… One in four youth under age 18 lives in a family where a person abuses alcohol or suffers from alcoholism. Countless others are affected by a family member’s use of drugs. Remember: You are not alone. Lots of teens are in your situation a...

Beyond Co-dependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:47:07 +0100

: And Getting Better All the Time By Melody Beattie A book for any one who has had a relationship with an alcohol, addict or compulsive gambler. Adult Children of Alcoholism / addiction, wives, husbands, parents &etc. Review By Neal J. Pollock (VA USA) While I have not read Melody Beattie’s other works, I thought this a very valuable book in and of itself. It sheds much light on the topic and helped me to become sensitized to the obvious signs of co-dependency in people. By doing this, it enabled me to avoid situations where I could become codependent in a relationship. I think that, as in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, there are levels of psychological situations and/or problems. Thus, there may be people inherently inclined towards co-dependency, but there may also be peopl...

12, 12th Step Activities

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 15:42:00 +0100

Service to Others in Sobriety This twelth step work activity list was developed by talking to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous members for a research project. They seem to apply to all 12 Step Fellowships. Took calls or spent time with a sponsee Guided an alcoholic/addict through the 12-Steps Held a service position in a 12-Step program (Within meetings; coffee maker, door greeter, chairperson, secretary, treasurer) (Outside of meetings: service delegate, public outreach organizer (i.e. jails, etc.), literature delegate). Say something positive to an alcoholic/addict Listened to an alcoholic/addict for at least 10 minutes at meetings, on the phone or face-to-face Say hello to a newcomer Reached out to an alcoholic/addict having a hard time Shared personal story wi...

Teens, It’s Not Your Fault!

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 09 May 2011 15:34:00 +0100

Alcoholism Affects the Entire Family

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 15:25:00 +0100

…Not Just the AlcoholicHow many people are involved in the life of any one alcoholic? Family, friends, employer, co-workers… It is important to remember that all these people are affected by alcoholism-not just the alcoholic. Many of them spend a lot of time and energy trying to "fix" the alcoholic: covering up for them, punishing them, taking responsibility for them.For over 56 years, Al-Anon Family Groups (including Alateen for younger members) has been providing help and hope to families and friends of alcoholics. In non-professional, mutual support meetings, members share their own experience, strength, and hope to help one another to recover from the effects of alcoholism. Living with alcoholism has been described as living on a merry-go-round, where each family memb...

Recognizing Co-Dependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:12:00 +0100

Alcoholism may be a disease of isolation, but it is rarely an individual problem. Understanding how "enabling" works is the first step in helping both the alcoholic and the co-dependent seek help.Enabling is any action by another person or an institution that intentionally or unintentionally has the effect of facilitating the continuation of an individual’s addictive process.Who Is An Enabler? Most often, enablers are persons who genuinely care about the alcoholic — family, friends, co-workers, clergy.Their love and concern, unfortunately, often leads them to do things that actually help the alcoholic stay that way.They "cover" for the alcoholic, inventing excuses for absenteeism, tardiness, or inappropriate behavior.They "save" the alcoholic by taking...

Alateen’s Purpose

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:04:36 +0100

Cover via AmazonAlateen is part of Al-Anon, which helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Alateen is a recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members.The program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and the Twelve Concepts of Service.The only requirement of membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.Al-Anon/Alateen is not affiliated with any other organization or outside entity.What Alateen members learncompulsive drinking is a disease.they can detach themselves emotionally from the drinker’s problems while continuing to love the person.they are not the cause of anyone...

7 C’s for Alcoholic Detachment

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:40:00 +0100

Image via WikipediaChildren, Adult Children and partners of alcoholics often develop seven ways or attitudes to deal with the drinker. These are;Guilt and shame implied by the alcoholic about causing them to drink excessivelyIf I caused alcoholism, I must be able to find a remedyIf I can’t cure it I can control the behaviour and drinkingAvoiding self-care in deference to the alcoholics needsFearfully not expressing own needs and feelingsMaking poorly considered decisions – unhealthy, irrationalBelittling self, abilities, accomplishments and potentialIn recovery children of alcoholics and co-dependents learn to reverse these attitudes. Quite simply these principles are life attitudes.The Seven C’s of Another Persons Alcoholism – DetachmentI didn’t Cause itI can’t Cur...

Children of alcoholics week 2011

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 00:12:24 +0100

Sunday, February 13 – Saturday, February 19MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF COA’s AND HONORING RECOVERY –AN ANNUAL CELEBRATION OF HOPE AND HEALING (From the NCOA website)During Children of Alcoholics Week you and your organization can be a part of a grassroots nationwide and international celebration spreading the word that children living with addiction in the family need the support of caring adults. During this week we join our voices and connect our activities to raise awareness that children of addiction can be encouraged and supported just knowing there are safe people who can help. By raising our voices together we can encourage able, caring adults to be there for children who suffer when a parent abuses alcohol and other drugs.We can also reach the children with imp...

Alateen saved mom’s life, made mine better :: Lifestyles :: Post-Tribune

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 03:19:14 +0100

Image via WikipediaAlateen saved mom’s life, made mine better :: Lifestyles :: Post-Tribune.Dr. Wallace: My parents are divorced and I live alone with my mother, who is a recovering alcoholic. Mom has been recovering for more than a year. That’s when she decided to stop drinking and enrolled in Alcoholics Anonymous. She did this because I had been attending Alateen, a group where teens learn how to cope with parents who are alcoholics.More at; Alateen Made my Life BetterRelated articlesAl-anon MP3 Podcasts (recoveryissexy.com)Help an Alcoholic 8 (recoveryissexy.com)Adult Children of Alcoholics can Practice ‘being normal’ (recoveryissexy.com) Share, print or e-mail this articleRandom Articles10 Relationship MythsAlcoholic Cirrhosis of the LiverAct As If BeliefReleasi...

Al-anon MP3 Podcasts

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 16:16:27 +0100

An official Al-anon MP3 websiteFor over 55 years, Al-Anon (which includes Alateen for younger members) has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people… alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone else’s drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship.New Podcast website Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.Drinking During the HolidaysJanie, Ern...

Definition of Codependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 15:10:00 +0100

Codependency is a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people. A codependent is addicted to helping someone. They need to be needed. Enabling This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy. This behavior is called enabling. The enabler will purposefully overlook someone abusing a child, will call in sick for someone suffering from addiction, will put roadblocks to prevent their child from becoming independent, or even keep a sick family member from getting the treatment that would make them well. These are behaviors common to codependents. A codependent often suffers from a ‘Messiah Complex’ where he sees problems with everyone ...

Letting Go of Blame

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:41:00 +0100

Often those of us who live or have lived with someone else’s problem drinking either blame ourselves or the drinker. “If I were a better spouse, he wouldn’t be drinking.” “If she really loved me, she would have kept her promise and given up the alcohol.” When we understand that alcoholism is a progressive disease that affects the drinker as well as those close to the drinker, we realize that blame is as relevant with this disease as it is with diabetes or Alzheimer’s. The more we know about the disease we are dealing with, the better we are able to make healthy choices as to how we react. “Many of the symptoms of alcoholism are in the behavior of the alcoholic. The people who are involved with the alcoholic react to his behavior. They try to control it, make up for it, or h...

H.A.L.T. for Health

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:49:00 +0100

HALT. Don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. As a codependent I use this reminder to help me set healthy limits for myself, which I never learned as a child of an alcoholic. In the past, I often believed I should be able to go for days without food or sleep. I also tested the limits of my ability to handle enormous doses of stress and isolation without tending to my own emotional needs. Al-Anon has taught me a gentler, simpler way of caring for myself. I find it of great benefit to have a brief list of the most basic areas in which I neglect my own well-being: nourishment, emotional wellness, fellowship, and physical rest. First, is my stomach rumbling? Then I need to stop what I’m doing and eat some food. Am I too angry about the trivial details of my life? If so ...

Helping Young People Cope with Alcoholics

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 08:36:00 +0100

Alcoholism is a worldwide issue, causing problems not only for the drinker but for everyone else connected with that person as well. People who are sometimes called codependents. Every alcoholic affects at least 4 other people, many of them children troubled by their parents’ drinking. Often, these young people have nowhere to turn for help. This is where Alateen comes in. Alateen is fellowship of young relatives and friends of alcoholics who come together to discuss their difficulties, encourage one another, and learn how to cope with their problems. These young people are often introduced to Alateen by concerned friends, neighbors, school counselors, and clergy. Alateen is part of the Al-Anon Family Groups which helps those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking....

Alcohol Collateral damage

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 16:09:00 +0100

Al-anon Studies have found that when actively drinking, an alcoholic affects at least four people around him or her. According to members of Alanon (a 12-step support group for relatives and friends of alcoholics), spouses and children of alcoholics often suffer from depression, mood swings, anger, guilt, and resentment of their situation and a feeling of isolation. Ariel S., a long-time member of Alanon, said, "My husband was addicted to alcohol and I was addicted to him." She said that after she went to her first Alanon meeting, she learned what is called the "3 Cs." I didn’t cause alcoholism, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it,’" she said. Learning that alcoholism was a disease helped her understand her husband’s ...

Zen and A Cup of Tea

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 15:54:01 +0100

Balanced life of Zen When ever I consider Steps 4 to 9 of the 12-Step program I know I am emptying my cup of memories from my drinking days. I know that when the cup is drained I can be my true self. And, that process of draining my cup goes on continuously. A Zen story explains; Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!” “Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?” This may apply equally ...

Alcoholism is a Family Disease

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 17:07:01 +0100

Family Recovery Family recovery is one of the keys to treatment for alcoholism. Alcoholics and alcohol abusers attract more public attention, but their families and friends also suffer long-term effects from alcoholism-and their recovery may be essential to the alcoholic’s recovery, according to a leading researcher in the field. “Alcoholism is a family disease. While it is important for the family to support the alcoholic’s recovery, it is also important for members of the family to get involved in their own recovery. Family recovery decreases the chances that the children of alcoholics will repeat the pattern and engage in unhealthy relationships,” said Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D., cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics and director of the Mid-Atla...

Al-Anon 12-Step Recovery Program: Love It Or Leave It

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 17:07:00 +0100

For those who don’t know or have never heard of Al-anon, it is a 12-step recovery program that is the counter-part to the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step recovery program. It was initiated by Lois Wilson (the wife of Bill Wilson; one of the original founders of Alcoholics Anonymous) as a safe haven and support group for anyone who is dealing with a loved ones alcoholism (and/or drug addiction) Attendee’s include wives, husbands, partners, parents and adult children of alcoholics/ addicts. Young children of alcoholics attend Alateen sponsored by Al-anon. I have been attending Al-anon meetings for 20 years and came away from my first meeting thinking…"What a bunch of losers, as well as… I heard some interesting things here." As a professional family substance abus...

The Purpose of Alateen

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 29 May 2010 16:11:00 +0100

Alateen Acceptance

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 15:38:00 +0100

Whenever we Alateen members met with Al-Anon, I felt doubtful. I didn’t think adults could help me in any way, because they were sure to have the same sick attitudes as my alcoholic parents. I would think to myself, "Oh great, here we go again." But I was the one with the sick attitude. I had closed my mind, not only to my parents, but to all adults. I brought this attitude to meetings, so I didn’t learn a thing. I had to deal with my old resentments before I could recognize the wonderful gift Al-Anon was offering. Here were people who could help me heal the wounds my parents’ drinking had left, and help me to know that it is safe to be a part of my world. It took discipline and courage to stop pushing every adult away, but because I made the effort, I began to see that adu...

Rewards of the ACOA 12 Steps

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 25 May 2010 16:24:01 +0100

ACOA works, it really works This is an extract of a post on an ACOA discussion group and is used with permission of the writer. You got me thinking..about how my life used to be before attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings versus today… I used to suffer depression but now with medication and therapy, I don’t I used to have rage attacks, but after working the 12 steps, I don’t I used to feel hopeless ad helpless but today I feel powerful and in control of my life I used to have NO relationship with my children but today they live 10 minutes from me and end every conversation with, I love you mom I used to have NO relationship with my grandchildren but today I am the BEST Nana I know of. I used to have a poor relationship with my hubby but today we are actually teaching ...

5 Strengths of an ACOA

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 19 May 2010 18:56:01 +0100

What’s Your Greatest Asset? Amy Eden writes about the assets of ACOA’s. “I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel exasperated with the emphasis on problems tied to being the offspring of alcoholics. Today I need to hear the B side of the record, to think about our other characteristics.” Here are her first five assets of ACOA’s. YOU CAN EMPATHIZE YOU’RE INDEPENDENT YOU’RE CREATIVE YOU’RE RESILIENT YOU’RE CALM Full post at Guess What Normal Is. Alcoholism, Addiction & Codependency Recovery Bookstore Hazelden Books, DVD's & Medalions (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

What is Co-dependency?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 19 May 2010 18:39:01 +0100

The term “co-dependency” was coined more than 20 years ago by authors who studied the negative impact of drug and alcohol use on families. Since then, use of the term has been expanded to include a pattern of psychologically unhealthy behaviors that are learned by individuals as a way of coping with a family environment marked by ignored or denied emotional turmoil. Most people are able to enjoy a sense of healthy, mutual interdependence in their lives. However, people with co-dependency seem to habitually form relationships that are one-sided and emotionally destructive. The central feature of co-dependency is an unhealthy dependence on relationships, usually in an attempt to avoid the feeling of abandonment. Signs and symptoms of co-dependency include: Controlling behavior M...

Letting Go of Shame

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 03:33:52 +0100

Alcoholism, Family and the Limits of Love

World of Psychology — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:16:15 +0100

On April 25th, Hallmark Hall of Fame will broadcast the movie “When Love Is Not Enough — The Lois Wilson Story,” starring Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper (CBS, 9:00 pm ET). The movie, which portrays the life of Lois Wilson, co-founder of Al-Anon Family Groups and wife of Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill Wilson, is based on William G. Borchert’s 2005 book, The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough. Borchert’s earlier screenplay was the basis of the acclaimed movie My Name is Bill W. which starred James Woods, James Garner, and JoBeth Williams. The premiere of the movie also falls during the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc.’s (NCADD) 24th Annual Alcohol Awareness Month with its theme, “When Love Is Not Enough: Helping Families Coping With Alco...

Anger & Recovery

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:23:55 +0100

Adapted from “Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth” by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse; Health Communications, Inc., 1987. Anger is a word we apply to a wide range of feelings. . . Anger can be as simple as a minor irritation. We frequently feel angry when we’re frustrated or when our plans are thwarted. Annoyances may be barely noticeable at first, but if annoyances continue, they can generate considerable wrath. We feel a form of anger when we’re disappointed and let down–most often it takes the form of resentment. When we’re angry, but don’t want to make a deal of it, we use a euphemism, “I’m really teed-off.” Anger is frequently a response to being hurt or suffering loss. Even so, we may not recognize it as such. For ...

Boundaries in Dysfunctional Families

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 15:21:41 +0100

In dysfunctional families, parents violate the boundaries of their children. Parents from these families; do not respect their children’s personal freedom and privacy, they discount their children’s feelings, do not honor their attempts at independent thinking and decision-making, and do not allow them to experience their impulses toward creativity, spirituality and self actualization. These deficits in the children’s development are revisited by problems in their adult relationships and careers, and with raising their own families. When parents disrespect a child’s boundaries, the child’s sense of self are compromised. This affects their; sense of autonomy, self-respect, feelings of effectiveness and making a difference. In place of a healthy sen...

Overcoming Codependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 14:34:00 +0100

Codependency has become a buzzword of our time, and as with all buzzwords that acquire a certain cultural currency, the vital concepts behind it can sometimes be undermined with time. In the case of this particular buzzword, however, we cannot afford to let its meaning slip away. Codependency is one of our most destructive psychological habits, and, unfortunately, one of the most prevalent What is codependency? Contrary to what many people think, codependency does not only refer to dependent relationships that involve substance abuse. Its connotations are far broader. Someone who is codependent is one who has let another’s behavior or feelings affect them in a way that interferes with work, creativity, other relationships and personal growth. Alternately, the word codependency also...

Daily Affirmations for Adult Children of Alcoholics

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:41:00 +0100

The messages that we give to ourselves are the most important messages we hear. The internal briefings and conversations we hold determine our attitudes, our behavior and the course of our lives. If, as children, we were criticized and shamed, our internal dialogue will be self-deprecating. If we are used to large doses of self-imposed sarcasm and negative reviews of our daily performance, we gradually mutilate our self-esteem, our creativity and our spirit. As adult children of alcoholics, we can continue to remain in the past and believe the negatives that we were taught; or we can change our beliefs with affirmative thoughts that can set us free into better and more expansive experiences. What we choose to believe will ultimately rule our world. Affirmations are a way to wake us up...

Help an Alcoholic 8

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 18:08:58 +0100

Take care of yourself "Live a full life of your own." "Make sure you live a life of your own that does not depend on the undependable person." "Carry on with your life after you’ve let the alcoholic know you aren’t babysitting anymore." "Let them go, and focus on your own health and peace of mind.” These comments from masters underline the importance of taking care of yourself despite the problems with the drinker. Often, however, in an attempt to hide a family member’s alcohol abuse from others, spouses withdraw and isolate themselves from friends and other family members. Taking care of yourself might mean signing up for a class in the evenings, getting together with buddies from the past, or going away by yourself for a weekend. See al...

Adult Children of Alcoholics – A Collection

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 15:24:00 +0100

The Complete ACOA Sourcebook – The Collection When they were first released in the 1980s, Janet Woititz’s groundbreaking works, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Struggle for Intimacy and The Self-Sabotage Syndrome, provided a new message of hope to adult children who had grown up in the shadow of alcoholic parents. Their message today is as profound and timeless as it was two decades ago. Now, in this complete collection, readers will learn again the insight and healing power of Janet Wotitiz’s words. The Complete ACoA Sourcebook is a compilation of three of Dr. Woititz’s classic books, addressing head-on the symptoms of The Adult Children of Alcoholics syndrome and providing strategies for living a normal life as an adult. Readers will find help for themselves: at home, i...

What Does ‘Letting Go’ Mean?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:45:51 +0100

Styles of Enabling Behavior

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:34:14 +0100

Avoiding and shielding: Any behavior by the codependent covering up for, or preventing the abuser, or self from experiencing the full impact or harmful consequences of drug use. Attempting to control: Any behavior by the codependent performed with the intent to take personal control over the significant other’s drug use. Taking over responsibilities: Any behavior by the codependent designed to take over the abuser’s personal responsibilities, such as household chores or employment. Rationalizing and accepting: Any behavior by the codependent conveying a rationalization or acceptance of the significant other’s drug use. Cooperating and collaborating: Any assistance or involvement by the codependent in the buying, selling, adulterating, testing, preparing, or use of drugs. ...

Disabling Enabling

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 15:30:16 +0100

Self propelled merry-go-round Some people, known as co-dependents, act to protect the alcoholic or attempt to make the drugging stop in ways that at first seem to disable the drinking. But, paradoxically, the effect on the addict is the opposite. What usually happens is more drinking. Enabling can take several forms, such as; Avoiding and shielding: Any behavior by the codependent covering up for, or preventing the abuser, or self from experiencing the full impact or harmful consequences of drug use. Attempting to control: Any behavior by the codependent performed with the intent to take personal control over the significant other’s drug use. Taking over responsibilities: Any behavior by the codependent designed to take over the abuser’s personal responsibilities, such as hous...

4 Don’ts of ACOAs

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:32:33 +0100

Which letterbox has a dysfunctional family Growing up in an alcoholic family “Sometimes I feel like I was raised by wolves,” sighed James, a 55-year-old man who grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents. “I’ve gone through so much of my life guessing at what ‘normal’ is. It’s like trying to find your way through a dark woods without a compass.” According to Rosemary Hartman reactions like James’ are typical for people who grew up in dysfunctional families. But acknowledging that there were issues that deeply affected the whole family system is an important first step toward emotional and spiritual healing. Hartman said this acknowledgment frequently happens when adults have their own children. “They want to be good parents, but struggle with how to do it. They have s...

A Program of Action

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:12:20 +0100

Action will untabgle the heart to recovery A.A.’s 12-Steps – A Program of Action A.A.’s Twelve Steps, which constitute its program of recovery, are in no way a statement of belief; they simply describe what the founding members did to get sober and stay sober. They contain no new ideas: surrender, self-inventory, confession to someone outside ourselves, and some form of prayer and meditation are concepts found in spiritual movements throughout the world for thousands of years. What the Steps do is frame these principles for the suffering alcoholic – sick, frightened, defiant, and grimly determined not to be told what to do or think or believe. The Steps offer a detailed plan of action: admit that alcohol has you beaten, clean up your own life, admit your faults do whatever...

5 Goals for ACOA’s in Recovery

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:15:54 +0100

We examined the processes through which 20 committed members (aged 29-52 yrs) of self-help groups for adult children of alcoholics experience alterations in their perceptions of family of origin. Results suggest that world view transformation in the family of origin domain involves; learning to define the family as pathological, assigning responsibility for this pathology to a disease, forgiving oneself, accepting that one was adversely affected by the family’s problem, and ultimately learning to accept one’s parents’ shortcomings. Humphreys, Keith. World view change in Adult Children of Alcoholics/Al-Anon self-help groups: Reconstructing the alcoholic family. International Journal of Group Psychotherapy. Vol 46(2), Apr 1996, 255-263. See also; ACOA’s have Streng...

Co-dependent Defence Behaviours

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 11:29:34 +0100

Some behaviours seem to have us locked into unbreakable patterns Psychological and emotional defence mechanisms are used by all human beings and may be necessary for survival in some situations. However, people from dysfunctional families (co-dependents, adult children of alcoholics for example) may have developed defence behaviours that are increasingly dysfunctional. When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell We’ve all used defences to distance ourselves from distressing feelings and maintain a sense of emotional stability. Our defence patterns began in childhood when they prevented us from becoming overwhelmed with anxiety. However, as an adult we o...

Alcoholism is a Family Disease

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 11:20:31 +0100

What is ACOA Co-dependency?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 13:38:19 +0100

ACOA's often feel frozen in relationships You can talk to a dozen experts, read a dozen books and get a dozen different interpretations of ACOA co-dependency. Many accept it as a disease in as much as it has an onset, is progressive, predictable and in time is potentially fatal, although other causes of death are generally cited. It is assumed that all Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s) are co-dependents, but we each act out this illness in a different way. Basically, there are two general concepts: As children growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home environment, we learned to hide or divorce our feelings, our true selves (also knows as the “Inner Child”) and we adopted a survival role in order to cope with the stresses. The experts in the field of alcohol...

Enabling of Alcoholism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 03:53:00 +0100

Enabling is like a dam holding back responsibility Enabling is the ideas, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors that unintentionally continue to foster drinking, alcohol related problems or make matters worse by not allowing the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of their alcoholism. Enabling is part of the set of behaviors practiced by codependents of alcoholism. Researchers report that the majority of partners took over chores or duties from the alcoholic client at some point during the relationship, drank or used other drugs with the client, and lied or made excuses to others to cover for the drinker. Moreover, particular relationship beliefs were associated with higher behavioural enabling scores. Enabling Behaviors are practiced in four forms; Direct Enabling The behavior that acts ...

Self-care Boundaries

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 03:51:00 +0100

Self-care. The bike is waiting! Self-care is about setting boundaries, letting go “Some of us have so many voices in our heads, we could hold group therapy by ourselves,” said Rokelle Lerner, a popular speaker and trainer on relationships, women’s issues, and addicted family systems. This internal chorus is often composed of voices from our family of origin, voices of critical teachers or bosses, voices from past relationships or current situations. Often these voices are drowned out by our own voice nagging, reprimanding, berating, but rarely praising us. In times of stress or chaos, the voices grow louder and it’s easy to go numb, Lerner recently told the audience at Hazelden’s Women Healing Conference in Minneapolis. “We become estranged from our pur...

Military Families & Alcoholism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 10:45:16 +0100

Al-Anon/Alateen Helps Military Families Recent published reports show that heavy drinking has increased in the military. What data is not shown are the effects of this drinking on others. For 55 years family members and friends of alcoholics have found help and hope in Al-Anon meetings. There are meetings held on or near military bases in the US, Canada, and around the world. Al-Anon provides a safe, confidential, and free place for military families to share with and learn from other family members and friends of problem drinkers. The latest Al-Anon/Alateen Membership Survey (completed in November 2003) shows that 25 percent of Al-Anon members and 29 percent of teen members surveyed have a relationship with a problem drinker on active duty in the military. An additional six percent have a...

Detachment With Love

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:01:57 +0100

Detachment with love takes on deeper meaning One of the great gifts of the addiction recovery movement is the concept of detachment with love. Originally conceived as a way to relate to an alcoholic family member, detachment with love is actually a tool that we can apply with anyone. Al-Anon, a Twelve Step mutual-help group for friends [...] (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Rewards of the ACOA 12 Steps

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:15:50 +0100

I encourage everyone IF you really want to see those beautiful changes occurring in ALL your relationships, work the steps! (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Help for Families of Alcoholics

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 13:08:02 +0100

The biggest obstacle to treatment of alcoholism is getting the alcoholic to break through the denial that is a hallmark of this condition (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Child Sex Abuse & Alcoholism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:57:48 +0100

Childhood sexual abuse and the course of alcohol dependence (alcoholism) development Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) has been associated with increased risk for alcohol dependence (AD), but the extent to which childhood sexual abuse history may impact transitions in the course of alcohol dependence development remains unclear. The current study examined the role of childhood sexual abuse in initiation of alcohol use and rate of progression from first drink to alcohol dependence using a sample of 3536 female twins (mean age = 21.6 years). Psychiatric diagnoses and alcohol use histories were obtained via telephone interviews using an adaptation of the SSAGA. The contribution of childhood sexual abuse to alcohol outcomes independent of familial influences was estimated by using co-twin alcohol d...

Alcohol Awareness for Loved Ones

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 03:38:02 +0100

Understanding alcohol abuse and alcoholism can be a key step in solving drinking problems Some people worry about their alcohol use but are not convinced that they need help. Friends or relatives might express their concern–”You have a drinking problem.” But often that well-intentioned statement fails to define the issue or suggest a clear solution. To cut through the confusion, it helps to understand the difference between alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence. Making this distinction can help you think clearly about a “drinking problem”–and allow you or a loved one to get the kind of help that makes a difference. Alcohol dependence–often called “alcoholism”–is only one potential complication of drinking. Alcohol abuse can disru...

Dysfunctional Families

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:03:22 +0100

Dysfunctional families maintain a false facade in public Dysfunctional Families; Types, Symptoms and Effect on Children A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are most often a result of the alcoholism, substance abuse, or other addictions of parents, parents’ untreated mental illnesses/defects or personality disorders, or the parents emulating their own dysfunctional parents and dysfunctional family experiences. Behavior patterns Dysfunctional family members have common symptoms and behavior patterns as a ...

A Program of Action

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 08:48:45 +0100

A.A.’s 12-Steps – A Program of Action A.A.’s Twelve Steps, which constitute its program of recovery, are in no way a statement of belief; they simply describe what the founding members did to get sober and stay sober. They contain no new ideas: surrender, self-inventory, confession to someone outside ourselves, and some form of prayer and meditation are concepts found in spiritual movements throughout the world for thousands of years. What the Steps do is frame these principles for the suffering alcoholic – sick, frightened, defiant, and grimly determined not to be told what to do or think or believe. The Steps offer a detailed plan of action: admit that alcohol has you beaten, clean up your own life, admit your faults and do whatever it takes to change them, maintain a rel...

AA and Judaism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:03:17 +0100

The fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Al-Anon are of inestimable value in the recovery from alcoholism and chemical dependency. Not infrequently, there is a resistance on the part of Jews to participate on the grounds that these programs have a religious orientation that is non-Jewish. Let us first dispense with some extraneous objections. A.A. is Christian because meetings are held in church basements, say some. While it is true that the majority of A.A. meetings are in churches, it should also be mentioned that few Jewish facilities have welcomed A.A. The myth that Jews do not become alcoholic has resulted in an alienation of alcoholism treatment programs from the Jewish community. Just as there is a lack of alcoholism expertise in Jewish health agencies, so is...

5 Strengths of an ACOA

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:26:58 +0100

What’s Your Greatest Asset? Amy Eden writes about the assets of ACOA’s. “I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel exasperated with the emphasis on problems tied to being the offspring of alcoholics. Today I need to hear the B side of the record, to think about our other characteristics.” Here are her first five assets of ACOA’s. YOU CAN EMPATHIZE YOU’RE INDEPENDENT YOU’RE CREATIVE YOU’RE RESILIENT YOU’RE CALM Full post at Guess What Normal Is. Related Reading: Share/Save (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Styles of Enabling Behavior

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:24:06 +0100

Disturbing Denial

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 12:09:28 +0100

Denial Breaking through denial is alcoholic’s first step in recovery Looking in the mirror and accepting what we see can be one of the hardest things we ever do. It’s especially hard when the image staring us in the face is painful or doesn’t fit with how we want to see ourselves. Sometimes, the truth is so painful that we avoid it at any cost. Refusing to accept a painful reality that alters the perception of ourselves is a psychological defence called denial. As human beings, we may use denial to protect ourselves from knowledge, insight or awareness that threatens our self-esteem, mental or physical health, or security. The term “denial” is often used in the chemical dependency field to describe people who deny substance abuse problems. “Denial is the tendency of...

Beyond Co-dependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:29:45 +0100

The ACOA Laundry List

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:53:39 +0100

Adult Child of Alcoholism The Adult Children of Alcoholics Laundry List These are some characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic household. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfil our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too close...

The Paradoxes of AA

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:55:28 +0100

We Alcoholics Anonymous members surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well, and we die to live. A.A. does not function in a way which people normally expect it to. For example, instead of using our “will power,” as everyone outside A.A. seems to think we do, we give up our [...] (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

What is Co-dependency?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:08:00 +0100

Canadian Al-anon

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 13:53:48 +0100

Canadian Maole Leaf The Twelve Steps may help the alcohol abuser, but what about those who have been abused? Substance abuse is an issue in a number of Canadian families. The abuse of alcohol is known as alcoholism, and can be recognized by several symptoms according to the Mayo Clinic, a large medical research and treatment group, based in several U.S. cities, including Phoenix, Ariz. Symptoms include “drinking alone or in secret, blacking out, feeling a need or compulsion to drink, becoming intentionally intoxicated to feel good or drinking to feel ‘normal’.” These symptoms, however, are just that, symptoms. They are not the cause of the alcohol dependence. “Genetics, emotional state, psychological factors and social and cultural factors” can all lead to a state of alcohol de...

Dysfunctional Rules of Co-dependency

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:49:13 +0100

Patterns of co-dependency can emerge from any family system where the open and secret rules close its members off from the outside world. These family systems; discourage healthy communication of issues and feelings between themselves, destroy the family members’ ability to trust themselves and to trust another in an intimate relationship, and freeze family members into unnatural roles, making constructive change difficult. Rules that encourage the unnatural patterns of relating in these codependent family systems include: Don’t talk about problems Don’t express feelings openly or honestly Communicate indirectly, through acting out or sulking, or via another family member Have unrealistic expectations about what the Dependent will do for you Don’t be selfish, thi...

Alateen’s Purpose

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:23:00 +0100

Alateen's learn to live life normally Alateen is part of Al-Anon, which helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Alateen is a recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members. The program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and the Twelve Concepts of Service. The only requirement of membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Often called co-dependency. Al-Anon/Alateen is not affiliated with any other organization or outside entity. What Alateen members learn compulsive drinking is a disease. they can detach themselves emotionally from the drinker’s problems while c...

Al-anon Works in India

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:10:00 +0100

Al-anon in India Fighting the spirits with spirituality Michelle was an angry woman. Often, when her husband returned from work, she would slam doors, swear and shout. Once, when he was asleep, she even poured a bucketful of water on him and later regretted drenching the mattress she shared with him. There were even times she secretly wished for a call informing her that her husband had fallen into a gutter somewhere. That was her idea of justice. Michelle did not hate her husband. She hated him when he was drunk. As the wife of an alcoholic, she had slowly imbibed the drunkard’s lack of self-control herself. Full story at Times of India, Spirituality in Al-anon See also; Al-Anon May be able to help Adult Children of Alcoholics Related Reading: Share/Save (Source: Recovery Is...

Addicted Family Roles

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:57:00 +0100

Families may adopt different roles When a parent is addicted to alcohol or drugs, the entire family is set up around the addict and their addiction. Children tend to follow designated roles as the family acts out the drama of addiction. Children develop these roles due to family dynamics. For a child in an addicted household, he or she will usually only fulfil one role. The parents and family will not acknowledge any behavior outside this family role. In a more functioning household, children often move fluidly between roles. These roles are generally known as codependent roles. So what are addicted family roles? They are: Little Parent: This child usually functions as a surrogate parent. While the parent is immersed in their addiction, the little parent will take on the parenting of youn...

ACOA Bill of Rights

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:51:00 +0100

ACOA hands For Adult Children of Alcoholics / Addicts and, in fact, all people. Bill of rights I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I d0, say, think, or feel. It is OK for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decision. I have the right to say, “I don’t understand” without feeling stupid or guilty. I have the right to say “I don’t know” I have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty. I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say no. I have the right to ask others to do things for me. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me. I hav...

Al-Anon Helps Members Reach beyond their Fears

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:56:06 +0100

Families and friends of alcoholics can help find hope and help in Al-Anon/Alateen Those who live with alcoholism often live in fear: fear of abuse, fear of anger, fear of trusting others. Al-Anon Family Groups (including Alateen for younger members) is a source of understanding, help, and hope to families and friends of alcoholics. The following story, originally published in the August 2002 issue of Al-Anon’s monthly magazine, The Forum, illustrates some of the fears experienced. My pattern of isolation began in childhood when my mother’s abusive behavior became a source of sadness and embarrassment. I coped by being a good little girl and keeping my feelings to myself. Years later, while I suffered from my son’s alcoholism, I withdrew again. When the pain became intolerable, I deci...

Symptoms of Anorexia Video

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:23:00 +0100

Julianne MooreA wonderful video from Face The Issue narrated by Julianne Moore.This is an anonymous quote from an anorexic.So…I kind of had a breakdown the other day, and I wrote this on a piece of paper: I’m not ready for the holidays…I’m not sure what I’m going to do.All I know is I can’t handle it. There’s no way. I have my two boxes of laxatives for Christmas day…and I still don’t think that’s going to be enough.Related Reading: Share/Save (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

What Is Codependence? – A Room of Mama’s Own

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:25:39 +0100

The Isolation of Codependency What Is Codependence? – From A Room of Mama’s Own. ….. But codependence (or codependency) is harder to define and to recognize. After all, codependents can seem, to themselves and others, like hapless victims, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or they can be perceived (especially by the codependent) as doing good work rather than harm, because the harm they are doing is largely to themselves. But if addiction is an unhealthy attempt to escape trauma, codependence is an unhealthy attempt at damage control. More at; A Room of Mama’s Own. Related Reading: Share/Save (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

12 Step Tapes Free MP3 downloads

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:33:00 +0100

This list of websites presents hundreds of free MP3 downloadable tracks from; Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-anon, Gamblers Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, radio podcasts, Cocaine Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous. Special subjects include the Founders of AA and Al-anon, gay, lesbian, singles, Joe and Charlie, Big Book study and [...] [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]] (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Help an Alcoholic 5

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:33:00 +0100

Seek help It’s dumbfounding to learn that some never seek help of any kind with severe alcohol abuse. One wife says, "If my husband had sought help, he would have been admitting how serious my problem was. It was a big family secret." But other people emphasize the importance of not going it alone when someone you care about has a drinking problem. This comment captures the essence of many suggestions: "Join a support group to keep your own life buoyant and prosperous and to analyze your own negative coping strategies." Not surprisingly, many people who take traditional twelve-step recovery routes suggested going to Al-Anon, also a twelve-step-based program. Also, a number of people make a general comment that family and friends should seek counselling for their ow...

Help an Alcoholic 4

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:16:00 +0100

Address the drinking problem directly Over and over, people shared comments like these: "Let them know that you are aware of their drinking problem. I thought I had everyone fooled, and they never told me otherwise." – alcoholic lady. "Hold a mirror up to the person, showing his or her behavior clearly and honestly." – wife. "Be open to discussing the behavior – it makes the loved one uncomfortable, but it needs doing." – partner. "Explain that you think they have a problem and which of their actions gives you that idea. Offer to help." – husband. Although nagging and complaining are certainly ineffective, so is the contrary tack of ignoring a drinking problem. Avoiding the problem is counter-productive. A wife told me, "In our ...

Recovery Is Sexy Top Posts

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:59:57 +0100

Many articles have proved very popular over the last few years. These are the most popular. Alcohol and Sexuality 10 Masturbation Myths 10 Reasons for Low Libido 12-Step Speaker Tape Links 7 Effective Ways To Deal With Difficult People About Alcohol Related Brain Injury Alcohol side effects Alcoholic Family Roles Better Oral Sex Cannabis and mental health Character Defects Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s) Dysfunctional family Erotic Fantasy Foreplay Before Play Learn to recognize stress Lotus Eaters and Marijuana Male and Female Condoms Mature Women and Sex Most Effective Form of Harm Reduction Porn Addiction Relapse is never an accident Sensual Massage Sex for Men Over 50 Sex is Good for your Health Signs and symptoms of eating disorders The Grief C...

The Promises of ACOA

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:34:03 +0100

The Promises of the Adult Children Of Alcoholics program If we are painstaking about doing the program - 1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves. 2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis. 3. Fear of authority figures and the need to "people-please" will leave us. 4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us. 5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses. 6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure. 7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives. 8. We will chose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves. 9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set. 10. Fea...

Attitudes

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:11:50 +0100

"I am convinced that attitude is the key to success or failure in almost any of life’s endeavors. Your attitude - your perspective, your outlook, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people - determines your priorities, your actions, your values. Your attitude determines how you interact with other people and how you interact with yourself." - Carolyn Warner - The greatest change that I experienced in recovery is my attitudes to all of lifes situations. One of the best books I read and reread in early sobriety was Sobriety and Beyond. I get it out about once a year and brush up on my attitudes. Subscribe to RSS feeds for regular updates. Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by Email (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

No Sex People

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:52:46 +0100

This article may help. Andy is young and healthy – yet he’s never experienced physical desire. And there are thousands more like him. Olly Bootle meets the asexuals. At 21, Andy Holland is happy, easy-going and interested in the same things as most university students. With one notable exception: Holland is not attracted to women, or to men. In fact, he has no desire to have sex. And in this, he is not as unusual as we might assume. The first crush that Tessa Barratt had was on a Transformers toy called Rat Trap. “He was my first heart throb,” she says. The shelves in her bedroom are lined with models of Transformers. Playing with them now, laughs as she admits, “I don’t know how I fell in love with a rat.” Barratt is now 22. But she’s not that much closer to having wha...

Acceptance

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:32:57 +0100

“Once I accept things as they are I can create things as they might be.” – Mike O. Nothing so ties us to the past as regret. Think about it. It is almost impossible to venture forth while facing backward. But today’s reality is what we must accept and work with. What was is gone. All we can do in the here and now is accept it as it is without rage or blame, without regret or resentment. All the voting has already been done that made today what it is. Ah, but the future! Tomorrow! That’s quite a different matter.. Today we vote for what tomorrow will be. Today’s seeds are tomorrow’s harvest, today’s struggle is tomorrow’s victory. When we accept today as it is without regret, we shuck off the terrible burden of self-pity wi...

Canadian Al-anon

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:47:02 +0100

Al-Anon provides support to families dealing with alcoholism in Canada The Twelve Steps may help the alcohol abuser, but what about those who have been abused? Substance abuse is an issue in a number of Canadian families. The abuse of alcohol is known as alcoholism, and can be recognized by several symptoms according to the Mayo Clinic, a large medical research and treatment group, based in several U.S. cities, including Phoenix, Ariz. Symptoms include “drinking alone or in secret, blacking out, feeling a need or compulsion to drink, becoming intentionally intoxicated to feel good or drinking to feel ‘normal’.” These symptoms, however, are just that, symptoms. They are not the cause of the alcohol dependence. “Genetics, emotional state, psychological factors and social and cultur...

Recovery Takes Practice

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 17:20:55 +0100

No one learns how to play golf in a day, or masters a musical instrument in a week, or builds a relationship in a month. Neither does recovery happen overnight. If we’re ready and lucky, we may immediately take the direct path of abstinence and stay on it without making any detours. When that occurs, it’s wonderful, but it’s just a beginning. Recovering is more than abstaining from overeating, bingeing and purging, or restricting. Recovering is a new way of life that involves our entire being. What, when, and how much we eat is the starting point. Then we move on to how we think, feel, act, and believe. Before we’re very far along the path, we realize we’re learning a whole new way of orienting ourselves to the events of every day. It feels good, and the more ...

Help for families of alcoholics

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 07:13:48 +0100

What help is available for the families of individuals with alcohol abuse problems? The biggest obstacle to treatment of alcoholism is getting the alcoholic to break through the denial that is a hallmark of this condition - to realize that help is needed. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism suggests that you ask the following questions to help your loved one determine if he or she has a drinking problem: Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking? Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking? Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking? Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover? More than one "yes" answer means it is highly likely that a problem exists. If you think tha...

Quit Smoking

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 12:23:01 +0100

Getting professional help for quitting Does counselling work? Yes. Getting advice, counselling, and support from a doctor, nurse, or trained counsellor can help you quit smoking. Pregnant women who smoke and smokers who are admitted to the hospital are especially likely to benefit from advice and counselling. What is counselling? Your doctor, nurse, or counsellor may suggest that you quit smoking, explain why, and give you a few tips on how to do it. Or you may take part in group sessions that are part of a stop-smoking programme. There are many different types of counselling. Here are some examples of what counselling can mean: Your doctor tells you about the benefits of quitting and gives you some leaflets with useful advice and helpline phone numbers in them A weekly session with someo...

Mummyism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 12:23:01 +0100

The primary cause of alcoholism is not positively known in the present knowledge of the problem. Nor do we believe that the cause in most instances is singular, but usually a combination of causes. However, we are of the opinion that to date the best-defined cause for alcoholism is the one given by Dr Edward Strecker, Psyc D., head psychiatrist of Pennsylvania University. He defined the cause of alcoholism as â€œ’Momism’ mixed with alcohol.â€ By this is meant that the average alcoholic is the individual who was pampered or neglected in childhood. In the first instance - in the case of the over-pampered child - the individual grows to adult life and tends to retreat from life. Although this tendency is present in most human beings to a certain extent, it is emphatically...

Sex partners - How do you rate?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 12:23:01 +0100

I’m not going to say how many sex partners I’ve had. But I’ve lived all my life in < ?xml:namespace prefix = st1 />Australia and this number is a bit conservative. How do you personally compare with your countries average? < ?xml:namespace prefix = o /> Country Global Turkey Australia New Zealand Iceland South Africa Finland Norway Italy Sweden Ireland Switzerland Canada United States Greece Israel Thailand Japan Chile Serbia & Montenegro United Kingdom Austria Denmark Bulgaria Czech Republic < ?xml:namespace prefix = st2 />France Croatia Belgium Singapore Netherlands Portugal Taiwan Spain Poland Germany Malaysia Slovakia Indonesia Hong Kong Vietnam China India Number of Partners 9 14.5 13.3 13.2 13.0 12.5 12.4 12.1 11.8 11.8 11.1 11.1 10.7 10.7...

Have Some Fun

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:16:54 +0100

Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life! People in recovery from alcoholism, addiction, codependency and Adult Children of Alcoholism often need to find ways to let go of past experiences. Having fun is one of those ways. We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters and ourselves others, and often ourselves, have placed around us. This is life, not a funeral service. Have some fun with it. Enter into it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. Do not always be so concerned about doing it right, doing the appropriate thing. Do not always be so concerned about what others will think or say. What they think and say are their issues not ours. Do not be so afraid of making a mistake. Do...

If Your Life Is Being Affected By A Relative With An Alcohol Problem

A Dozen Steps — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:47:55 +0100

Please don’t allow yourself to be misled by that person’s actions, non-actions, attitudes, demands, lies, manipulations, rationalizations, etc. There is help no matter what the perception of the current situation is. The help is there for you if the person with the alcohol problem is finding ways to avoid getting help. For example, Take Paul’s comment today; “the only way to get the help you need is to stop drinking, go into fits risking his own life or wait until a weekday. I have taken him to the doctors he has been told to go home and drink beer and slowly reduce the intake of alcohol. This very hard to do for a person who is alcohol dependent. I would not wish on my worst enemy as this has been going on for ten years.” Now, other than the fact that this co...

In Hindsight Re: Alcoholic Parents

A Dozen Steps — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:52:19 +0100

While doing some research for the other Blog I write on here at b5 I came across this “letter to the editor.” Quoting the writer; “As a child I suffered from having an alcoholic mother. My only outlet was keeping a diary where I vented. Mother read it and retaliated. At the age of 15, I ran away from home, never to return. Fortunately, my older sister let me stay with them. Who knows what my life would have been like otherwise?” And I felt that person’s anguish, instantly. Had I done the same thing and my father discovered it, I would also have been in a world of hurt. I too ran away but had no place to go and returned to more of the same. There is a premise contained within these words that I’m personally certain derives from the disease alcoholism! Tha...

What is enabling?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 29 May 2008 11:10:00 +0100

Enabling is doing for others what they are capable of doing for themselves. When we enable alcoholics / addicts, we prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their own actions. When we do this, we discourage them from learning from their own mistakes which, in turn, prevents them from realizing they have a problem. The alcoholic / addict has made drugs / drinking their whole life. The normal, natural things every person needs to learn have been put aside. When we continue to reach in and do even the simple things for people we love, how will they learn to do for themselves? When we begin to enable an addict / alcoholic it can spiral into a never ending codependency trap. How do we enable? We enable alcoholics / addicts by doing things such as: Paying their bills, making car ...

Meditate to concentrate

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:55:47 +0100

12-Step members will know that the 11th Step suggests the practice of meditation as an aid to recovery. Now science is catching up with ancient spiritual knowledge. Living in this present moment can be achieved by regular meditation and ’mindfulness’ training. Penn researchers demonstrate improved attention with mindfulness training Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania say that practicing even small doses of daily meditation may improve focus and performance. Meditation, according to Penn neuroscientist Amishi Jha and Michael Baime, director of Penn’s Stress Management Program, is an active and effortful process that literally changes the way the brain works. Their study is the first to examine how meditation may modify the three subcomponents of attention, incl...

Express your feelings

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 23:55:41 +0100

This study proves what they have known all along that a problem shared is a problem halved. The other study gives support to the principle of living ‘One day at a time’. Putting feelings into words produces therapeutic effects in the brain University of California - Los Angeles Why does putting our feelings into words - talking with a therapist or friend, writing in a journal - help us to feel better" A new brain imaging study by UCLA psychologists reveals why verbalizing our feelings makes our sadness, anger and pain less intense. Another study, with the same participants and three of the same members of the research team, combines modern neuroscience with ancient Buddhist teachings to provide the first neural evidence for why “mindfulness” - the ability to live in the pr...

Faces and Voices of Recovery

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:27:58 +0100

, United States Mission Faces & Voices of Recovery is committed to organizing and mobilizing the millions of Americans in long-term recovery from alcohol and other drug addiction, our families, friends, and allies to speak with one voice. Our organization is dedicated to changing public perceptions of recovery, promoting effective public policy in Washington and in all 50 states, and demonstrating that recovery is working for millions of Americans. It is our collective strength that will ensure our success, and it is our mission to bring the power and proof of recovery to everyone in America. Goals Faces & Voices of Recovery is a national organization of individuals and organizations joining together to supports local, state, regional and national recovery advocacy by increasing a...

Anonymity and advocacy

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 12:11:39 +0100

Advocacy with Anonymity Advocacy with Anonymity is a publication of Faces & Voices of Recovery, The Johnson Institute, Join Together and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence. It answers the question, "How can I stand up for my rights without violating the anonymity tradition of my twelve-step group?" This is an excellent booklet for ACOA’s, Al-anon’s, AA’s, NA’s, GA’s and any other 12 Step fellowship member. Go to Advocacy with Anonymity to view file. Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by Email (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

ACOA & Step 5

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 13:52:55 +0100

Last week I did a step 5 with the focus on my ACOA issues. Boy am I feeling it. After 4 hours, one of the comments my sponsor said was ’Most of those things relate to being rejected’. And it was. Right back as far as I can remember, about age 4 and a half, and almost anything since - I perceived everything as rejection of me. And I ended up with the view of myself as being unworthy, rejectable; and of course ’I deserve’ to be put down, critisised and not needed. The important thing to me is that these thoughts may only be ’perceptions’, not reality. My thinking since has been split between ’at least I now know’ and depression - what a waste my life has been stuck in thinking I am no good. It’s almost like being paranoid about thin...

A Family Disease

A Dozen Steps — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 15:00:08 +0100

With a hat tip to Syd who has this link in his Blogroll which he had titled “Codependency and Alcoholism” Alcoholism and Its Effect on the Family Something I can immediately identify with… something that, for all practical means and purposes, defines me and then defines my children too. Here’s what I can pick out of the article which applies directly to my personal life (rather lengthy); Very often alcoholism affects highly educated people. Several studies even showed that people who lack motivation are less likely to become addicted to alcohol than highly motivated individuals. An alcoholic can totally disrupt family life and cause harmful effects that can last a lifetime. Parental alcoholism also has severe effects on normal children of alcoholics. Many of th...

The Grief Club

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:15:45 +0100

Quoting Groucho Marx, film director Woody Allen once said facetiously, "I’d never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member." But there is a club so universal that adults join and rejoin it many times. The only requirement for membership is living in a world replete with change. Author Melody Beattie calls this unofficial club "The Grief Club" in her new book of the same name. She says the club has many subgroups. She unwillingly joined the "My Child Died and My Heart is Broken and Nobody Gets It" subgroup in 1991, when her young son Shane died in a skiing accident. Years later, she became the member of other clubs too, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, the "Empty Nest" club, the "I’m Getting Older" ...

Spiritual Fundamentals

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:40:00 +0100

"The answer I was looking for was on page 12 of the Big Book, in Ebby’s words to Bill: ’"Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?"’ "’I’ve tried everything else,’ I thought, ’and I’ve got no place else to go. I might just as well.’ I sat down at my desk, got a pad of paper and a pencil, and asked myself, ’If you could pick the kind of God that you could believe in, what would He/She/It be like?’ I bore in mind the facts that I was an alcoholic and that I had been a perfectionist all my life. The world was never perfect enough for me. Everything that I ever believed in, every ideal that I ever followed turned out to have feet of clay. Here was my chance. For the first time in my life, I coul...

Al-Anon offers new life

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 11:26:58 +0100

to families of alcoholics Alcoholism touched every aspect of Brenda’s family life. She lost a father to alcoholism, and her brother developed the disease. She also married a problem drinker. They had a large family, and her husband left the job of parenting to her. "I had out-of-control children at home," she says. "There was no structure–no rules, no bedtime schedules. It was just chaos." Brenda tried to structure the household but found that she couldn’t do it alone. Some of her children developed behavior problems at school and eventually abused alcohol themselves. For nearly a decade, Brenda searched for support. She went to parent meetings at school. She went to marriage counseling. She went to churches and Bible study groups. Finally, a therapis...

Life without resentment

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:37:46 +0100

AA’s Twelve Steps teach people to live without resentment The Big Book of "Alcoholics Anonymous" includes the story of a woman whose drinking landed her in jail twice and nearly ruined her third marriage. Her final drunk, she recalls, lasted 60 days around the clock. "It was my intention, literally, to drink myself to death," she said. Joining AA saved her life, largely because it helped her overcome the habit of resentment. This woman wrote that "self-pity and resentment were my constant companions … for I seemed to have a resentment against everybody I had ever known." Moreover, "the only people who would support this attitude or whom I felt understood me at all were the people I met in bars and the ones who drank as I did." AA recogniz...

Recovery Is Sexy?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 11:33:51 +0100

Yes it is! I know I became decidedly unsexy when I was drinking. My Experiences Towards the end of my drinking I was separated from my wife, I had become unemployable and the quality of my relationships, sexual and otherwise, was in decline. Living in a boarding house full of sexy people full of vitality I was isolated with low self-esteem and poor confidence. People would try to engage me in conversation and unless I had been drinking I could not return their interest or kindness. The Drinker by Cezanne I would go to bars and needed to get a few drinks under my belt before I could relax enough to make an attempt at talking to others. Usually I would just sit at the bar and watch and envy others. Often I would get â€˜normal’ with enough alcohol and then leave to seek companions...

ACOA Whatâ€™s Your Greatest Asset?

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 10:12:51 +0100

What’s Your Greatest Asset? 5 Strengths of an ACoA Amy Eden writes about the assets of ACOA’s. â€œI don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel exasperated with the emphasis on problems tied to being the offspring of alcoholics. Today I need to hear the B side of the record, to think about our other characteristics.â€ Here are her first five assets of ACOA’s. YOU CAN EMPATHIZE YOU’RE INDEPENDENT YOU’RE CREATIVE YOU’RE RESILIENT YOU’RE CALM Full post at Guess What Normal Is. Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by Email (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Spirituality of recovery

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:10:41 +0100

The spirituality of recovery is about a new way of life As John Mac Dougall, manager of Spiritual Care at Hazelden, points out, abstinence is but one element in recovery from addiction. Many people quit drinking or another addiction only to start practicing it again. They don’t realize that quitting is merely the beginning of recovery, and they treat the symptoms of the disease and not the disease itself. "The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous only mention alcohol once, in Step One," reminds Mac Dougall. "The Twelve Step model of recovery that we suggest is spiritual. It’s about getting honest, finding a higher power, and admitting that you can’t do it alone." Spirituality, says Mac Dougall, is three-dimensional and deals with the quality and nature...

Mutual Support Self-help links

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 10:11:57 +0100

Faces and Voices of recovery have compiled a list of some of the more prominent websites for recovery. Click on a link for an explanation of their focus. Individual Addiction Recovery Resources Advocates For the Integration of Recovery and Methadone, Inc. (AFIRM) Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous Alcoholics Victorious (AV) Chemically Dependent Anonymous Online Resource Center (CDA) Cocaine Anonymous (CA) Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) Heroin Anonymous (HA) J.A.C.S. (Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent Persons and Significant Others)LifeRing: Secular Recovery Marijuana Anonymous (MA) Millati Islami Marijuana Anonymous Online Methadone Anonymous Support Moderation Management (MM) MomsOffMeth (Methamphetamine - "Crystal Meth") (M.O.M.) Mo...

A Program of Action

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 13:00:13 +0100

A.A.’s 12-Steps - A Program of Action A.A.’s Twelve Steps, which constitute its program of recovery, are in no way a statement of belief; they simply describe what the founding members did to get sober and stay sober. They contain no new ideas: surrender, self-inventory, confession to someone outside ourselves, and some form of prayer and meditation are concepts found in spiritual movements throughout the world for thousands of years. What the Steps do is frame these principles for the suffering alcoholic - sick, frightened, defiant, and grimly determined not to be told what to do or think or believe. The Steps offer a detailed plan of action: admit that alcohol has you beaten, clean up your own life, admit your faults and do whatever it takes to change them, maintain a relat...

Never Religious

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 13:35:50 +0100

Spiritual But Never Religious The A.A. Program - Spiritual But Never Religious’ One of the most common misconceptions about Alcoholics Anonymous is that it is a religious organization. New members especially, confronted with A.A.’s emphasis on recovery from alcoholism by spiritual means, often translate spiritual as religious and shy away from meetings, avoiding what they perceive as a new and frightening set of beliefs. By the time they walk into their first meeting, many alcoholics have lost what faith they might once have possessed; others have tried religion to stop drinking and failed; still others simply want nothing to do with it. Yet with rare exceptions, once A.A. members achieve any length of sobriety, they have found a source of strength outside themselves - a Higher Power, ...

Take Time

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 12:59:02 +0100

Take time to think; it is the source of your power. Take time to play; it is the secret of your youth. Take time to read; it is the foundation of your knowledge. Take time to dream; it will take you to the stars. Take time to laugh; it really is your best medicine. Take time to pray; it is your touch with a Higher Power. Take time to reach out to others;it will give your life significance. - Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D. From "Becoming Strong Again:How to Regain Emotional Health" AA,NA,GA,Al-anon,ACOA,Just for today,Spiritual. Regular news feed free subscription. Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by Email (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

Controlism Questionnaire

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 07:56:55 +0100

Controlism is often a side effect of recovery from addiction, alcoholism, codependency and being raised in a dysfunctional home. Ask yourself these questions without thinking about them too much. Do you find yourself serious most of the time so that having fun is difficult for you? Do you find yourself feeling insecure and lonely even in the company of others? Have you ever felt yourself living a life of quiet desperation? Do you often hide your true feelings? Do you either try to make everything “smooth” or do you try to disrupt and stir things up? Do you have long lists and reminders of what you would like to see accomplished and do you get upset if these aren’t fulfilled? Do you ever find yourself needing explanations or having to explain nearly everything...

Self-Forgiveness

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 12:13:00 +0100

All people in recovery need to look at self-forgiveness. This may apply to people in Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-anon, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Gamanon, Naranon, ACOA or Alateen. What is self-forgiveness? Self-forgiving is: Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes. Letting go of self anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes. No longer needing penance, sorrow, and regret over a grievous, self-inflicted, personal offense. The act of self love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed. The spiritual self healing of your heart by calming self rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt. The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses. In the absence of...

Enabling of Alcoholism / Addiction Questionnaire

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:15:29 +0100

During the past 12 months how often have you: Given money to your partner thinking he/she might buy alcohol or drugs with it? Purchased alcohol or drugs for your partner? Taken over your partner’s typical chores and responsibilities neglected because of his/her drinking or drug use? Lied or made excuses to family or friends to hide your partner’s drinking or drug use? Drank or used drugs with your partner, or in your partner’s presence? Told your partner that it was okay to drink or use drugs on certain days or for special family or social gatherings? Borrowed money to pay bills caused by your partner’s drinking or drug use? Changed or canceled family plans or social activities because your partner was drinking, using drugs, or hungover? Had sex with ...

The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 11:31:53 +0100

There is an adage among writers that urges them to “show not tell.” Writers who employ this technique are storytellers. Rather than bombarding readers with ambiguous words or huge concepts such as love, rage, grief, or forgiveness, they describe scenes of tenderness and passion, of anger or sorrow, and we “get it”–we understand more deeply what is being conveyed and have a better chance of remembering the lesson if there is one to be learned. This is what William Borchert does in his new book, The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough. He captures the story of Bill Wilson’s wife by letting it unfold slowly, by showing us what it was like to be the intimate partner of the beloved cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). He doesn’t use w...

Acceptance Is the Answer

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:08:09 +0100

"When I focus on what’s good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases." c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 419 Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by Email (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com)

A A Is a Spirit

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 05:40:00 +0100

It cannot be touched, nor can it be completely understood, It is as wide as the world, Yet it is small enough to fit inside the mind of man, It has brought light to where only darkness dwelt It has given Hope" to those who yearned in despair It has nourished forgiveness in those who knew no pity It has given strength to the weak and humility to the strong It has given greatness to the common It has spurred to higher goals those who once strove for nothing It has been a home to the destitute It has transformed sorrow into a weapon of happiness It has given purpose to the trackless and shelter to the lost It has taught patience to the hurried and action to the slothful To the youth it has given Vision To the aged it has given Promise To the hopeless it has given Hope To the restless...

Military Families and Alcoholism

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 05:12:15 +0100

Alcoholism Affects the Entire Family

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 08:53:38 +0100

…Not Just the Alcoholic How many people are involved in the life of any one alcoholic? Family, friends, employer, co-workersâ€¦ It is important to remember that all these people are affected by alcoholism-not just the alcoholic. Many of them spend a lot of time and energy trying to "fix" the alcoholic: covering up for them, punishing them, taking responsibility for them. For over 56 years, Al-Anon Family Groups (including Alateen for younger members) has been providing help and hope to families and friends of alcoholics. In non-professional, mutual support meetings, members share their own experience, strength, and hope to help one another to recover from the effects of alcoholism. Living with alcoholism has been described as living on a merry-go-round, where each famil...

Characteristics of True Adulthood

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 10:52:33 +0100

A mature person is a someone who . . . Accepts criticism gratefully. Being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve Does not indulge in self-pity. Has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life. Does not expect special consideration from anyone. Controls temper. Meets emergencies with poise. feelings are not easily hurt. Accepts the responsibility of own acts without trying to “alibi’. Has outgrown the ‘all or nothing’ stage. Recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad. And begins to appreciate the golden rule. Is not impatient at reasonable delays Have learned they are not the arbiter of the universe and that must often adjust to other people and their convenience Is a good loser can endure defeat and disappointment without wh...

Compulsive helping

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 11:09:02 +0100

: Who, Me? How can helping be harmful? Not all helping is harmful. In the right place, at the right time, helping is lovely. Where helping becomes harmful it steps over the dividing line between caring (which is healthy) and caretaking (which is unhealthy). What is the difference between helpful helping and compulsive helping? As above, helpful is where we care for others in our life - but we do not step over into taking on their responsibilities for them, which is what happens when we compulsively help. When I compulsively help, it is in order to run another’s life for him or her and to take the focus off running my own life. When I feel good because I am focusing on someone else and I am unaware of anything else except what I am trying to do for the other person in my life, whether...

Adverse Childhood Experiences with Alcoholic Parents

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 09:36:46 +0100

In this study, 9,346 adults who visited a primary care clinic of a large health maintenance organization completed a survey about adverse childhood experiences: experiencing childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse; witnessing domestic violence; parental separation or divorce; and growing up with alcohol/drug-abusing, mentally ill, suicidal, or criminal household members. The associations between parental alcohol abuse, the adverse experiences, and alcoholism and depression in adulthood were assessed by logistic regression analyses. The risk of having had all of the adverse childhood experiences was significantly greater among the 20 percent of respondents who reported parental alcohol abuse. The number of adverse experiences had a relationship to alcoholism and depression ...

Self Forgiveness to Heal the Inner Child

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 09:28:22 +0100

What is self-forgiveness? Self-forgiving is: Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes. Letting go of self anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes. No longer needing penance, sorrow, and regret over a grievous, self-inflicted, personal offense. The act of self love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed. The spiritual self healing of your heart by calming self rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt. The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses. In order to forgive yourself you need to practice: Letting go of past hurt and pain. Trusting in your goodness. Trusting in the goodness and mercy of your Higher Power to take over the burden for you. Letting...

Reality in Alateen

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 11:13:24 +0100

Whenever we Alateen members met with Al-Anon, I felt doubtful. I didn’t think adults could help me in any way, because they were sure to have the same sick attitudes as my alcoholic parents. I would think to myself, “Oh great, here we go again.” But I was the one with the sick attitude. I had closed my mind, not only to my parents, but to all adults. I brought this attitude to meetings, so I didn’t learn a thing. I had to deal with my old resentments before I could recognize the wonderful gift Al-Anon was offering. Here were people who could help me heal the wounds my parents’ drinking had left, and help me to know that it is safe to be a part of my world. It took discipline and courage to stop pushing every adult away, but because I made the effort, I began to see that a...

The Twelve Nightly Questions

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 09:45:21 +0100

My sponsor gave me the following 10th and 11th step inventory and told me to write it out every evening before I go to bed. The Twelve Nightly Spiritually Focusing Questions 1. Was I resentful? 2. Was I selfish? 3. Was I dishonest? 4. Was I afraid? 5. Do I owe an apology? Who did I help today? 6. What have I kept secret? 7. Was I unkind? (cruel, harsh, unfeeling) 8. Was I unloving? (cold, unresponsive, indifferent) 9. What could I have done better? What am I grateful for today? 10. Was I thinking of myself most of the time? 11. Was I thinking of what I could do for others? Who needs my prayers today? 12. Was I thinking what I could pack into the stream of life? But we are careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After...

My Daily Moral Inventory

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 12:51:34 +0100

Many members of 12-Step fellowships practice this based on the principles of the 10th Step. Examples are Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Al-anon, Alateen, ACOA. Check Results DAILY LIABILITIES (watch for) - ASSETS (strive for) Self Pity Self ForgetfulnessSelf Justification HumilitySelf Importance ModestySelf Condemnation &nb...

12-Step Speaker Tape Links

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 09:37:03 +0100

======================== XA-Speakers Tapes have 1,232 AA and other 12-Step related MP3 recordings. XA – Speaker Tape Category AA - Alcoholics Anonymous - » Speakers who identify as alcoholics Al-Anon Family Groups - » Speakers who identify as Al-Anons NA - Narcotics Anonymous - » Speakers who identify as drug addicts CA - Cocaine Anonymous - » Speakers who identify as cocaine addicts OA - Overeaters Anonymous - » Speakers that identify as overeaters GSA - GreySheeters Anonymous - » Speakers who identify as compulsive overeaters CDA - Chemically Dependent Anonymous - » Speakers who identify as chemically dependant =========================== AA Primary Purpose Speaker Tapes All AA speaker tapes are now in MP3 format. Thy can be played with Windows Media Player, I-Tunes, or the so...

What Is A 12-Step Sponsor

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:13:04 +0100

A Sponsor is a more experienced member in the program who guides the newcomer through the process of recovery. In 12-Step circles, it is suggested that a sponsor should be of the same gender. The newcomer to the program is quite vulnerable; for some of us this is the first time we have expressed our true feelings, our secrets or our fears. Experience has shown that this new relationship with a member of the opposite gender could be misinterpreted and if acted upon could reduce chances for sustained recovery for both parties. It also will help to avoid gender based communication problems. A Sponsor Should have A working knowledge of the 12 steps and 12 traditions, Personal experiences dealing with life in recovery, A willingness to listen, A willingness...

The ACOA Problem

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 11:01:30 +0100

Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional households. We had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics ourselves, married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment. We lived live from the standpoint of victims. Having an over developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, givi...

Admit it!

Recovery Is Sexy.com — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 11:01:30 +0100

Admit to being frightened, and your courage will grow. Admit to not knowing, and you will learn. Admit your weaknesses, and you’ll become stronger. Admit your mistakes, and you’ll begin to move past them. Admit you don’t know what to say, and you’ll have said just the right thing. Admit that you’re confused, and you’ll begin to understand. Admit that you’re hurting, and you’ll begin to heal. Admit that you care, and the things that truly matter will grow stronger. Being honest with yourself, with others and in life, can often be difficult and intimidating. Yet honesty is always the most reliable, the most direct route to truly attain whatever you seek. Any attempt to deceive will ultimately end up wasting your precious time. Live the truth o...