MedWorm provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 6000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest medical blog items that have been tagged with 'diabetes life'. Sat, 03 Sep 2011 02:48:48 +0100 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3703064&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35187&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FDiabetesDaily%2F%7E3%2FYFE9ylpu6BU%2F I work in a clinic/hospital environment, filled with a lot of sounds.  I can hear the elevator ding, laundry carts rolling down the hall and the sound of high heels hitting the floor.  My life is full of sounds--the beeping of my Pod (when it's about to expire), the beeping of the meter when I'm checking my bg's.  I would love to create a sound track of every sound a PWD hears and document what the sound means to them but I'm not musically inclined. A clicking sound reminds me of a lancing device or when I hear a beep I automatically look to see if something is wrong with my pod. It's normal to me but not normal to anyone else.  Have you ever wondered what your co-workers think when they hear the clicking, beeping and the alarms? My co-workers hear a beeping sound, they... Diabetes Daily blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3703064 Sun, 27 Jun 2010 23:00:00 +0100 3703064 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3456845&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35187&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FDiabetesDaily%2F%7E3%2F2gvFXYCYn3c%2F During my first few days I was a little directionally challenged.  I got lost going to and coming from work.  I don't know much about Indianapolis but I can tell you this--there are a lot of ONE WAY streets downtown.  One way streets for me mines, confusion and lost!!! LOL, I do have a GPS but I refuse to listen to it sometimes...hahahaha. The only thing that wasn't confused was my bg's! I have had fabo numbers; minus a few lows. I am going to do a little tweaking next week. Quick laugh:  I was extremely thirsty and had to go to the restroom.  Why not kill 2 birds in 1 stone.  I walked into the bathroom; something didn't look right.  I saw bathroom stalls and urinals.  Odd! I did an about face walked outside the door took a look at the sign...LO... Diabetes Daily blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3456845 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 14:32:10 +0100 3456845 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3172155&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2010%2F01%2Fits-been-ages-i-know-i-just-havent-had-anything-much-to-say-about-diabetes-its-the-same-tough-mundane-unrelenting-borin.html  It's been ages I know. Frankly, I just haven't had anything much to say about diabetes these past few months. Diabetes is just the same. Tough, mundane, unrelenting, boring, challenging, in balance, out of balance, annoying, invisible, demanding, devastating, manageable, fine, ok, depressing, inspiring, a current that links every hour, meal and day together. It's the same as it ever was. I find that I just can't write about diabetes these days. I find that my personal philosophy about it is shifting to one that is more accepting while at the same time, more consoling, more willing to let diabetes really count in my decisions throughout my life. I'm also beginning to really let it count more in how I see myself. To recognize the magnitude of it's presenc... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3172155 Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:33:18 +0100 3172155 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2325130&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F03%2Fit-feels-like-an-epiphany-like-something-big-even-life-altering-i-know-the-roots-of-it-come-from-years-of-consideration-an.html   This feels a bit like an epiphany, like something very big, perhaps even life altering. I know the roots of it have come from years of consideration and questioning, but last week it all came together in one very clear jolt. Diabetes is, simply put, uncomfortable. That's it in a nutshell. Diabetes is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in it's treatment, the unending shots, set insertions, candulas, insulin boluses, blood tests, set removals, adhesive tapes, pumps and pump clips, glucose monitors, tired sites, sore fingers, low blood sugars, high blood sugars. The list goes on and on. Uncomfortable in it's persistence and unending demands. Each annoyance in its own right, totally bearable, but over the years, cumulatively, diabetes and all that it takes to do it well, adds up ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2325130 Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:13:58 +0100 2325130 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2249304&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F03%2Fhoping.html   Sanity returns and hope springs eternal. I was overcome with emotion this morning because of this. It's amazing how hope can remain dormant for so long, only to be rekindled in a flash. I can barely allow myself to imagine the possibilities this could bring. But I will. Hope. Just a little bit.   (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2249304 Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:47:44 +0100 2249304 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2222653&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F02%2F487i-have-a-disease-when-i-was-first-diagnosed-my-numbers-were-in-the-high-300s-something-was-obviously-wrong-with-me-giv.html   487.It proves I have a disease. When I was first diagnosed, my blood sugar numbers were in the high 300's. Something was obviously wrong with me given all the weight loss, the incessant thirst, the need to pee all the time. It took one blood test to know what it was. One number and it was clear that I had diabetes. That blood test was the day my life changed forever. One way of living ended and a new way, one filled with numbers and calculations, physical ups and downs, psychological challenges and trials began. That day I started to live my life in small increments punctuated by blood and numbers. An hour here, stop and test and decide. 3 hours later, do the same. 5, 7, 10 times a day. From then on, until now. When I look back on all the days preceding this moment ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2222653 Sat, 28 Feb 2009 16:25:06 +0100 2222653 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2190700&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F02%2Ffor-a-long-time-ive-been-thinking-about-how-i-like-to-have-a-way-to-acknowledge-all-the-small-milestones-of-living-with-this.html  Recognize Victories. Consider Lightness. Celebrate Courage. Embrace Kindness. Aim for Grace. For quite a long time I've been thinking about how I'd like to have a way to acknowledge all the small milestones of living with this disease. Little markers, badges if you will, that are earned every day, every hour, every minute, by countless people living with chronic illness. Merit badges to acknowledge all the grace in light of struggle, the courage in light of unending challenge, the everyday victories people with chronic illness have every day. The older I get the more I'm convinced of the importance of celebrating and marking them in some small way. Because of my love for all things girl scout, what came to mind was a token, a kind of merit badge for all the small m... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2190700 Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:22:09 +0100 2190700 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2169849&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F02%2Fi-visited-my-doctor-this-week-and-it-was-an-unsatisfying-visitto-say-the-least-more-struggles-with-my-a1c-quite-a-shock-giv.html   I saw my doctor this week and it was an unsatisfying visit to say the least. More struggles with my A1c, quite a shock to me given the low day to day blood sugar readings I've been getting overall. Nothing terrible, just not what I'd expected or would prefer. It's a few days later and I'm over the shock now. I've certainly been here before and I know that the best you can do is do your best, which I'm doing as I basically always have. I know too that my A1c will improve, and if I'm really honest with myself, I also know that it will be up again at some point too. It's the disease you see. It's what happens. I know this in my head (though I admit I still struggle with it in my heart). I understand that I'm hard on myself and ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2169849 Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:34:03 +0100 2169849 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2150854&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F02%2Flast-week-was-frustrating-for-a-number-of-reasons-the-usual-work-stuff-people-politics-everyday-things-really-that-coupl.html I've always loved birds but have never been able to bring myself to own one. This morning I realized why.Last week was frustrating for a number of reasons. The usual work stuff, people, politics, everyday things really. That coupled with an underlying anxiety about the state of the economy that everyone is feeling and well, it was just a tense week overall. My team also moved their offices to a new configuration last week, more open and thankfully, up against the windows so we now all have a beautiful view of trees and sky. I'm loving the new lay out though getting there exacted a particular, physical toll on me. Five insulin reactions on the move day. Five! It's not like I was moving boxes or anything. No I was just getting things organized, moving this pile here, my rolodex t... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2150854 Sun, 01 Feb 2009 18:28:56 +0100 2150854 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2074357&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2009%2F01%2Fits-a-new-year-and-a-time-for-reflection-and-promise-ive-been-thinking-about-my-diabetes-differently-lately-less-of-a-sourc.html   It's the New Year and a time for reflection and promise. I've been trying to think about my diabetes differently lately. Less of a place of sorrow and regret and more of a source of creativity and possibility. More of a reason to have the best life I can. It occurred to me a few months ago to try an experiment. I asked myself, "what would it look like if I flipped the premise I've been living with to see what diabetes is giving to me as compared to what it takes from me?" Wow, now that's a question! Now let me just clarify for a minute. I'm not going all pollyanna on you here. I'm not saying it doesn't take, but rather that it is undeniably here in my life so the question becomes, how can I use that fact to make my life ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2074357 Thu, 01 Jan 2009 19:16:36 +0100 2074357 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2017857&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F12%2Fi-get-tired-of-having-to-always-be-my-own-diabetes-advocate-when-dealing-with-other-doctors-nurses-receptionists-clinics.html   I just need to complain for a minute.I get tired of having to always be my own diabetes advocate when it comes to dealing with the rest of the medical world. I'm shocked at how universally inconsistent these trained medical professionals are when it comes to diabetes. Which is annoying most of the time and downright scary when it comes to dealing with medical issues other than diabetes. Without going into the gory details of a recent procedure I had to undergo, suffice it to say that I spent a good deal of time and energy down field blocking with the medical institutions I encountered, all while at the same time doing what every other non-diabetic has to do before this kind of test. I called beforehand to several people, receptionists, nurses and in-take personnel, just to be s... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2017857 Sun, 07 Dec 2008 02:17:47 +0100 2017857 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1947315&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F11%2Fexcuse-me.html It's funny how our mind works. I've been hit hard by a nasty cold. A nasty, nasty one, right off the heels of a week of early morning presentations and late night election revelry. Add to that cocktail, sneezy, cold infested coworkers and well yes, the minute my presentations were over, it felt like I'd swallowed a handful of razor blades. That was 4 days ago and I'm still enjoying the migration of symptoms from my throat to my head, nose and then chest. It's lovely.But back to my point about the mind. I realized this morning, as I was surfacing from the coughing, sneezing fog, that I always feel a little put out by these common ailments that inevitably strike us all. It's like huh? A cold. For me. Excuse me? Haven't I fulfilled my "sickness" quotient ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1947315 Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:08:03 +0100 1947315 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1908851&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F10%2Fgreen-blue-silver-white-and-black.html   Just another Sunday morning taking care of my diabetes. Ah, the detritus.  (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1908851 Sun, 26 Oct 2008 16:45:04 +0100 1908851 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1895066&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F10%2Fi-just-got-back-from-a-short-business-trip-to-the-midwest-only-2-nights-away-3-hour-time-difference-though-traveling-conti.html   I just got back from a short business trip to the midwest. Only 2 nights away. 3 hour time difference though, which is always a challenge. Ah yes, traveling continues to pose some particular challenges for my diabetes control. It's as if I step into an airport and until I return, my blood sugars are out of whack, pure and simple. No matter what I try, to carry the right food with me, to stay on west coast time throughout the trip, to switch my pump to east coast time as soon as I land, at the end of the day, nothing ever really works. I'm always high on the plane no matter how much insulin I take, or how little I eat. Meal schedules are off once I get where I'm going so regardless of how vigilant I am about bolusing to cover the food I'm eating "off my schedule... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1895066 Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:24:28 +0100 1895066 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1853672&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F10%2Fyesterday-was-a-wonderful-day-full-of-small-adventures-and-happy-times-my-husband-i-stumbled-on-a-mysterious-place-to-me-i.html   Yesterday was a wonderful day full of small adventures and happy times. My husband I stumbled on a mysterious place (to me) in search of a scrap piece of metal for a fence we are building. I had an idea and he knew of a place and it turned out to be a magical discovery for me. Fun was had by all.Later we went to lunch at a favorite restaurant, ran into some friends there, and had a spontaneous meal with them. So fun! We then came home and puttered about, did some more errands and settled in for the night. We started to think about dinner, looking for something simple and healthy to make. There's a wonderful farmer's market we go to where we get the best soup from a local vendor. We freeze it for nights just like last night, when it's cool and we're in need of a warm... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1853672 Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:35:05 +0100 1853672 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1837310&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F09%2Fmy-friend-and-i-visited-this-place-this-weekend-a-half-an-hour-away-fields-of-dahlias-row-after-row-like-a-striped-painti.html   My friend and I visited this place last weekend. A half an hour away, fields of dahlias, row after row, like a huge striped painting made of flowers. Eye popping beauty on a gorgeous early fall day. It's been warm again, as it often is in the northwest at this time of the year. And with the warmth comes late summer flowers like these, big and small, variegated and solid, simple and frilly. The variety and bawdiness of it all literally took our breath away. It was a wonderful small adventure.I've been wrestling with the realities of my life with diabetes, wrestling with it for most of the time I've had it. Trading off between what I'd like to do and what happens when I actually do it. I've landed on both sides of the equation, sometimes not caring about the r... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1837310 Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:36:05 +0100 1837310 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1812843&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F09%2Fi-love-my-husband-very-much-not-only-is-a-terrific-person-whos-company-i-never-cease-enjoying-hes-also-been-an-amazing-part-1.html   I love my husband very much. Not only is a terrific person who's company I never cease enjoying, he's also been an amazing partner to me when it comes to my life with diabetes. Supportive, understanding, he's always seemed to strike the perfect balance between actively participating in my care and yet respecting the fact that I will ultimately make the decisions about my disease. I feel incredibly lucky to have him in my life. Which isn't to say that we don't struggle with the presence of diabetes in our lives at times. At the end of the day, we each are very differently impacted by the disease and not surprisingly those differences can cause friction and misunderstanding.  As in any marriage, there are particular assumptions on the part of each pa... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1812843 Sun, 21 Sep 2008 18:33:25 +0100 1812843 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1806364&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F09%2Fthis-morning-i-was-awakened-by-a-crushing-low-blood-sugar-a-slow-drift-to-awareness-from-a-dream-a-sudden-realization-that.html   This morning I was awakened by a crushing low blood sugar. A slow drift from a dream to awareness, a sudden realization that something was definitely off. As I became a little more conscious I recognized the tell tale sparkles in my vision even with my eyes closed. Then more quickly, I became aware of my head pounding, a headache probably brought on by being low for a while before I was awake. I grabbed for the gummy bears I keep by my bedside, always a quick fix to bring my blood sugars up when needed. I jammed a handful into my mouth and sank back into the warm sheets, still semi-conscious, still disoriented from the low. I lay there and waited for the wooziness to subside, hoping that I would be able to get a little more rest before the morning officially began. But then I notice... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1806364 Fri, 19 Sep 2008 01:06:21 +0100 1806364 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1770631&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F09%2Four-culture-has-amazingly-high-expectations-around-performance-and-achievement-we-live-in-a-world-which-celebrates-the-doing.html   Success is an interesting concept. At the end of the day it should be a very personal thing, but often it's not. Our culture has very high expectations around what constitutes success. We live in a world which celebrates the doing of everything, at warp speed and preferably all at the same time. Our hero's perform and achieve. The person who can have a family, hold down the big job, manage a fabulous social life, volunteer, write a novel, bake the perfect pie, all while remaining beautiful and persistently youthful in the process is celebrated as the modern ideal of success. More is more, and the having, doing and being the most is best. And anything less than that is well, giving up, not living up to your full potential, in a word, failure.It's only recently t... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1770631 Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:22:58 +0100 1770631 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1720404&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F08%2Ftrade-off-i-think-its-the-essence-of-my-life-with-diabetes-i-navigate-this-disease-by-constantly-weighing-the-trade-off-of.html  Trade-offs. I think they're the essence of my life with diabetes. I navigate this disease by constantly weighing the trade-off of one choice over another. Very tight control may stave off complications in the future, while in the immediate, it may also limit the quality of my life from day to day. Not paying close attention to diabetes in the beginning may make a person feel unhindered by it, but complications, and all the limitations and danger they bring with them, are almost a guarantee with that approach. Obviously these are the most black and white of comparisons, but you get the idea. What exactly is the right balance, the right trade-off, I ask a hundred times a day? With the big trade-offs, and the little ones too. Like should I really have that handful of crisp... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1720404 Thu, 21 Aug 2008 01:53:15 +0100 1720404 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1484952&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F06%2Fdid-you-see-the-article-when-thumbs-up-is-no-comfort-in-the-nytimes-this-sunday-what-a-wonderful-essay-about-how-our-culture-approaches-illness-and-disease-that-we-expect-people-dealing-with-health-issues-to-buck-up-and-inspire-us-whether-y.html  Did you see the article, when thumbs up is no comfort by Jan Hoffman in this Sunday's New York Times? What a wonderful essay about how our culture approaches illness and disease (cancer in this case), about how we generally expect people dealing with health issues to buck up and inspire us, among other things. "'Whether you're a celebrity or an ordinary person, it's obligatory, no matter how badly you're feeling about it, to display optimism publicly', said Dr. Barron Lerner." The article goes on to question this cultural norm, articulating the pressure it can put on the person dealing with the disease or chronic illness. "While many patients are inspired by celebrities, others feel guilty for not being as upbeat as the celebrities ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1484952 Sun, 01 Jun 2008 20:48:50 +0100 1484952 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1472558&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F05%2Fdiabetes-is-a-series-of-discomforts-at-its-best-its-forgotten-for-chunks-of-time-the-longer-the-better-ive-spent-my-many-years-with-diabetes-trying-to-minimize-the-discomforts-and-maximize-the-times-when-they-recede-for-the-longest-time-mos.html Diabetes is a series of discomforts.  At it's best, it's forgotten for chunks of time.  The longer the better.  I've spent my many years with diabetes trying to minimize the discomforts and maximize the times when they recede.  For the longest time, most of my time with diabetes as a matter of fact, I didn't realize this was how I was living, but now I see it.  And though it's sad at it's core, the reality of it has become normal for me.  Well a funny thing has happened to me lately.  For some reason I've been having these moments of clarity that strip the emotion from the situation and leave in it's place, an insight that I can use in making the reality of my life with diabetes better.  Like the realizat... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1472558 Wed, 28 May 2008 01:58:19 +0100 1472558 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1433799&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F05%2Fim-heading-back.html I'm heading back from the art center design conference at the moment, sitting in the airport, bone tired. It was a pretty good conference in a number of ways, interesting speakers, a wide range of topics discussed and the opportunity to see people I've come to know over the years but only see at this sort of event. As with any of experience like this, there were some very special presentations and insights I'm taking away and will ponder for days to come. Tops on that list for me was an unexpected exchange between the moderater john hockenberry and one of the last speakers of the event, aimee mullins. john hockenberry is truly the best moderator I've seen at the many conferences I've attended in my career, bar none. He's brilliant at providing insightful analysis and personal thoughts th... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1433799 Sat, 10 May 2008 23:42:47 +0100 1433799 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1420496&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F05%2Flet-me-just-pre.html In the spirit of full disclosure I have to admit that I come from worrying stock, so I come by the behavior honestly.  My grandmother was a worrier, my mother is a worrier, and yes, I'm one too.  It's in our dna, if that's possible.  Or at least it's part of our family culture, just like being political or not might be.  Or using cilantro in your food.  Or driving a certain brand of car.  Some families do it one way, others another.  In mine, worrying is just something we do.  So given the fact that I have a natural tendency to worry, it doesn't surprise me that I do so when it comes to diabetes.  Living a long time with any chronic illness, and with diabetes in particular, what with all the details and vagaries you have to manage, presents lo... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1420496 Mon, 05 May 2008 18:16:40 +0100 1420496 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1402363&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F04%2Five-been-feelin.html I've been feeling pretty good lately. My diabetes has been under good control and I've been feeling alright about it all. Feeling like all is well even if I have diabetes. And then last week I had one of those weeks. A spate of high blood sugars without a clear reason why. Was it that meal out with friends that kicked it off? Was it the angle of my site and the fact that the waistband of my jeans kept jiggling it out of the locked position? Was I getting a cold (after all I'd woken up with a sore throat one night)? Was it stress from work, stress from a few high blood sugars? Was it some bad choices I had made? Or just bad luck? After a few days and a few nights up dealing with the roller coaster, I was tired and weary. What's amazing to me about this, is even though I'd been cooking alo... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1402363 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:59:47 +0100 1402363 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1363767&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F04%2Fcarrying-on.html Today is the 22nd anniversary of my diagnosis with diabetes. I am proud of how I've handled it but also so sad to that it ever had to happen in the first place. This vintage British World War II poster from sfgirlbybay, which I have framed in my office at work, sums up my overall attitude about diabetes these days. Maybe it's because my mom is British, or maybe it just feels like it's the only choice I have, but there you have it. 22 years. Keep calm. Carry on. (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1363767 Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:47:07 +0100 1363767 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1337064&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F03%2Fa-couple-of-yea.html A couple of years ago I fell down some stairs at work. I caught my toe on the edge of the stairs and fell out over them and landing on my wrist and shoulders as I tried to break the fall. Luckily I didn't break anything though I was very bruised and shaken up afterward. To this day, every time I go down those stairs I feel a little bit nervous. I literally have a physical reaction to something that happened to my body a couple of years before. It's like my body has a memory of it's own. If that is in fact the case, that the body has a memory, I wonder if it can make the distinction between pain from accident or trauma or illness, and the ongoing moments of pain that it has to endure to stay healthy with diabetes. Does my body "know" that the endless blood tests and pump site insertions an... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1337064 Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:01:49 +0100 1337064 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1307757&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F03%2Fthe-other-morni.html The other morning, just before I was fully awake, I noticed that the spot on my hip where I often put my sites was itchy. Even though I wasn't fully conscious, I found myself going through a little mental inventory before I let myself scratch the itch. Is that where my site is? When did I last change it out? Don't scratch it until you're totally sure. After the couple of seconds it took to scroll through those questions, I remembered that indeed, I had changed my site out the night before and the place that was itching was the old site. Check, I could scratch the itch without fear of disturbing the site or worry that an infection was starting there. Check, I could scratch the itch and roll over for a little more snooze time. It struck me later when I was actually awake, that diabetes is s... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1307757 Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:05:48 +0100 1307757 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1289313&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F03%2Fmaking-somethin.html I owe Amy a big thank you for her kind review of my new little book aiming for grace: 20 things I know about diabetes. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit funny about even talking about it. More than anything, making this series of posts into a self published book has been a terrific exercise, a healing process, to be honest. The fact that there's a book that people can have if they'd like, is a very nice result of a personal exercise that's been helpful and positive to me as an individual. Making something from nothing has always really helped me for some reason. A piece of art, a story, a blog post, a book. Taking an idea or feeling from inside and pushing it outward into a real form that I can see and feel has always made sense to me. It's always made hard things less difficult to deal with... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1289313 Sun, 09 Mar 2008 19:24:57 +0100 1289313 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1287872&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F03%2Fa-while-ago-i-d.html So much of being understood and heard is determined by how an idea is presented. "Know your audience" is one of the first rules of good presentation. With that idea in mind, I drew this silly chart as a way I might communicate to my doctor or nurse about how I was feeling about my diabetes. There are so many factors that go into the answer to that question that it's hard to explain succinctly and with clarity at a short doctors appointment or phone call. When I see my doctor we have only so much time to talk. We review my latest A1C, discuss lows and highs, check my feet, you know, the usual stuff. If we have any time left after going over all my numbers, my doctor will sometimes ask how I'm feeling about my diabetes overall. But because it's at the end of our visit, there's never much tim... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1287872 Sat, 08 Mar 2008 01:40:24 +0100 1287872 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1259977&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F02%2Fmy-husband-and.html My husband and I went out to dinner the other night. I got to the restuarant a little earlier than him, so I took the opportunity to take a blood test before the meal. The waitress must have seen me do it because later on, after we'd finished our meal and were ordering dessert she said something to me about it. She said, "You're diabetic aren't you? You're going to go easy on that dessert right?" My husband has a sweet tooth and so we usually order one dessert for him and I'll take a couple of bites and that will be it. We'd done that very thing this time around, one tiramisu, 2 forks please. I was so surprised by the waitress' comment that it took me a couple of seconds to regain my composure. And when I did, I have to admit that I was pretty surprised by my own response. It wasn't a comm... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1259977 Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:57:48 +0100 1259977 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1156802&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F01%2Five-been-pretty.html I've been feeling pretty good about my diabetes lately. Which is to say that it hasn't weighed too heavily on my heart or mind. I've still had to deal with the inevitable highs and lows, the adjusting and all the calculations, but for some reason, it hasn't felt like such a burden. Hooray, I've been thinking. And then today, I'm changing out my site and in a blink of an eye, I'm pulled back to that sad, hurt place I've been in so many times before. The insertion itself hurt, the insulin stung because it was too cold, the tubing got tangled in my tights and slip and undershirt and skirt, which made my still recovering frozen shoulder ache as I wrestled to get everything untangled. I had to stop, take a deep breath and start over. Basically get undressed and slowly add the layers of clothes... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1156802 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 02:55:29 +0100 1156802 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1142481&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F01%2Fi-had-the-good.html I had the recent good fortune of doing a personality profile test as a team building exercise at work. I have to admit that I love these kind of things. I'm sure it's not a perfect science or anything, but who isn't at least a little interested in finding out some more about themselves? And I'm sorry, these things can be eerily accurate, like someone's been listening in on your thoughts, and taking damn good notes in the process. Cue the Twilight Zone music. Really. It was weird and fun and very revealing. The purpose of this exercise is to help us understand the places we naturally go to in terms of interaction, communication, dealing with stress, problem solving and expression, among other things. And more importantly, it's designed to help us understand that others have their own natur... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1142481 Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:28:22 +0100 1142481 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1126245&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2008%2F01%2Fvisibility-is-a.html Visibility is an important thing. It highlights similarities and differences. It introduces us to diverse cultural experiences within our society and it reflects our own cultural experiences back out to the larger society. It's through visibility that we see the small stories of people's lives and the big stories that come from the patterns revealed through the small ones. Visibility can also shine the light on struggle, suffering and injustice. It can reveal what has been invisible before. Yes, visibility if very important indeed. I remember when I was studying the history of civil rights in this country and the discussion around of the absence of people of color in media. The argument went that if people of color weren't shown and they didn't see themselves in mass media, television, fi... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1126245 Wed, 02 Jan 2008 19:07:43 +0100 1126245 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1121748&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F12%2Fi-went-to-the-p.html I went to the portland art museum yesterday to see the chuck close prints: process and collaboration exhibition. The artist chuck close is one of my favorite contemporary artists because of his amazing study of color as well as his exploration of the wide range of materials and production methods he uses to make his art. The exhibit features many of his prints and paintings but what was most exceptional was the fact that they showed the various process' he uses to make his art. Etching plates, carved wood panels, and a series of screen prints shown in stages, with each progressive screen adding yet another color, revealing how the final idea emerged over time. This exhibit highlighted Mr. Closes technical mastery, his meticulous attention to detail and unrelenting dedication to a complex ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1121748 Sat, 29 Dec 2007 18:42:16 +0100 1121748 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1113429&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F12%2Fmy-friend-who-g.html My friend who got diabetes last year is now on the insulin pump. She's so cool. She's an inspiration to me in many ways, especially in her grace in dealing with all the changes that diabetes has brought to her life. I can't say enough about her because she's just so cool. Like how she wears her pump. Out in the open, clipped to her jeans back pocket, there for the world to see. Not like me who discreetly clips it to my waistband, conscious of every time my sweater rides up and reveals my clunky, not so pretty friend. Conscious and constantly tugging to cover it up and keep it as much out of view as possible. It's not that I'm ashamed of the pump but rather that I just don't want to lead with it. "Hi there, I have a pump, oh by the way, did you know I was diabetic", you know, that kind of ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1113429 Sun, 23 Dec 2007 01:02:26 +0100 1113429 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1096212&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F12%2Fi-was-typing-th.html I was typing the other day and I noticed how clicky my fingers sounded against the keys. It was the callouses that have come from the thousands of blood tests I've taken. Click, click on the keys. My fingers don't hurt as much as they used to, and I imagine that the nerves at their tips have long since given up the ghost. It used to be that doing even the simplest task would hurt, picking up an envelope or driving a car, anything that would bump the edges of my fingers. It was the quick movements, the stuff that you are never conscious of because you're just moving through your day. But now that pain is gone. It's much rarer for me to feel much of anything in my finger tips now, thanks to the callouses and the death of those nerves. Now it's just the callouses I notice. Click, click. Is... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1096212 Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:01:39 +0100 1096212 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1067820&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F12%2Fa-grinch-moment.html Pardon me, but I need to indulge in a little grinchy griping for just a moment. I'm kind of hating the fact that the impending holidays are all about sweets and food and sugary excess. I get the traditions and the cultural reasons why we stack plates high with sugar and candy and treats. I understand the "why" of all the food. I also understand the temptation to test what I know will happen if I "taste" a few too many of those treats at every turn, at every social occasion. I get what's going on because I've been here 21 times before. I also know I'll get through, that blissfully the platters of temptation will disappear soon enough, and it'll be that much easier to stick to what I know works for me. But today, on December 3rd, I realize that I'm feeling a low grade tension and resentment... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1067820 Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:12:10 +0100 1067820 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1048728&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F11%2Fpost.html (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1048728 Sun, 25 Nov 2007 02:04:00 +0100 1048728 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1045969&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F11%2Fhappy-thanksgiv.html Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am so thankful on this day for all the support, insight, confirmation, visibility, humor, ideas and solidarity I receive from you! I am thankful for a more bouyed, less lonely journey with this disease because of you. I am deeply thankful to you. Have a wonderful day full of celebration, joy and health! (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1045969 Thu, 22 Nov 2007 18:18:18 +0100 1045969 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1034869&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F11%2Fmy-husband-just.html My husband just got back from a long vacation with friends. For a number of reasons I didn't join them on their adventure. Some of the reasons are just regular reasons around schedule (I needed to be at work at the time they all could get away) and preference (8 people in a condo isn't exactly my idea of fun) and energy (lot's of plane rides and lot's of time to get there). Check and check. The other reasons were more diabetes related, having to do with ability (I can't scuba dive as a diabetic on the insulin pump) and reticence (I've had bad experiences in the past with people around being seen as pushy and a drag because of the schedule and regimen I need to follow with food and exercise) and a general lack of energy around a big vacation like this one (to plan for all the details of tra... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1034869 Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:39:56 +0100 1034869 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1022237&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F11%2Fso-different-bu.html These are all leaves I found on my walk the other day. They are very different even though they're all leaves too. It occured to me that this is how diabetes can be. One day it's a horror, the next, not so bad. Some days it's all you can think about, others it isn't even on the radar. Same disease, different experiences. Sometimes I find the fact that each day (or hour or minute, for that matter) can be so very different a little tough. Of course I love that there are really good days and long stretches where everything is just grooving along. My problem is that I start to think that this is normal and when the other kind of days come along, I'm still surprised and saddened. "Oh, yeah, that's right, this is diabetes too". It's always a bit off-putting to realize yet again, that day to d... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1022237 Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:55:05 +0100 1022237 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1002822&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F11%2Fnote-to-self-wh.html Note to self. When your site starts to itch, even when it feels like it's just the adhesive part, change your set. Don't wait until the bitter end of your cartridge because you're too busy to change it. Change it, because you're starting to get an infection and that means your bloodsugars might go high. You know this. Don't fool yourself that something else is happening. Note to self. Once you've changed out your site and your bloodsugars are high, don't blast an insulin bolus just to get your bloodsugar down. It will result in a low. Hello rollercoaster ride. It's happened before and you know it will happen again. Note to self. When you finally do sit down for dinner at a local mexican restaurant, while you're waiting for your husband to arrive, don't eat the lovely, hot tortilla chips ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1002822 Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:46:24 +0100 1002822 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=971464&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F10%2Fthe-longer-i-ha.html The longer I have diabetes the more I feel like I live somewhere in between. In between how the world defines sickness and health. In the last few months I've had a number of people say to me that they don't think of me as having health issues because I'm so energetic and full of life. They think of me as healthy. Which I am. Healthy, with diabetes. I'm glad that's how they see me, don't get me wrong. I strive for vibrancy and try to lead with my whole self rather than my disease. Having said that, I've worked incredibly hard at finding the right visibility for my diabetes, first to myself and then to the world around me. There's too much stuff I have to do as a diabetic to just get to square one. I'm not going to erase that reality just to fit in or pretend that I'm like other people wh... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=971464 Tue, 23 Oct 2007 01:27:10 +0100 971464 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=949938&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F10%2Five-been-thinki.html The desire to fit in can subtly turn into a pressure that tempts you to do stuff you might regret later on. Like yesterday when I showed up to a party and was suddenly face to face with a plate full of cupcakes I'd avoid under any other circumstance. Wanting to fit in can mean something as small as eating a cupcake because it's a birthday celebration and who wants to pass up being a part of the crowd at a time like that? It can mean eating a cupcake even though I know I shouldn't. I know that it's no one's fault. Other people shouldn't have to change their parties or meals for me just because I'm the odd person out. Just because I'm the one with diabetes. And usually that's ok and it just doesn't matter in the great scheme of things. Usually I can pass on the cupcake or plates of dessert... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=949938 Sun, 14 Oct 2007 15:26:21 +0100 949938 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=908643&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F09%2Fi-have-to-admit.html I have to admit that I've been a bit reticent to write since my last post was so positive. I have always felt a pressure to have a upbeat attitude about my diabetes. People like it that way. Hell, I like it that way. So it's a little hard to come off a positive place and be well, frustrated or sad. I feel like I should just be quiet at times like these and keep it to myself. Which is also OK sometimes. Sometimes the feelings just pass through. No need to make them bigger than they are. But. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Lot's of highs. And that's got me down and frustrated. I had to travel last week, and that always adversely affects my b/s control. High, high, high. This last week has been crazed at work and at home too. I'm running to keep up with all that is going on. And for some... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=908643 Thu, 27 Sep 2007 14:19:07 +0100 908643 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=875244&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F09%2Fi-realized-the-.html I realized the other day, that what's been happening lately is that I'm reaching another level of acceptance about having diabetes. For a while, the word that came up for me about the place I'm in, was resignation. A bit like crying uncle. Like that moment when you're arm wrestling with someone and you realize there's no way you're going to win the match. You just let go and bam, your fist is on the table. But after a lot of thought, I'm seeing that what's really happening here isn't resignation but rather, a deepening of acceptance. Acceptance about having diabetes and all that it means. Yes, there are days of fatigue or days of frustration whether it be with blood sugars or medical institutions. But there are also days when I don't notice diabetes so much. This is what my life is like. ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=875244 Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:35:33 +0100 875244 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=863798&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F09%2Fim-tired-im-tir.html I'm going to apologize up front here. I need to whine for a bit. It's necessary sometimes. So here it is. One of those posts. You see I'm so downright tired. I'm tired of all the choices and issues and roadblocks that diabetes presents in my life. Pure and simple. Case in point, the continuous glucose monitoring system. On the one hand, I'm not thrilled about the idea of having yet another thing attached to my body. It took me a long time to make the leap to the pump in the first place. I'm not an early adopter when it comes to this kind of thing. All this technology is a bit creepy to me even though it often ends up making sense in the long run. It's just not where I naturally go at the start. On the other hand, I could use some more data and feedback about what's going on with my b... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=863798 Wed, 12 Sep 2007 00:29:30 +0100 863798 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=861789&cid=t_106416_87_f&fid=34867&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thediabetesblog.com%2F2007%2F09%2F11%2Fwhy-don-t-insurance-companies-insure-diabetic-kids%2F Filed under: Type 1, Childhood, Opinion, Products, Allie Beatty, Support, Personalities, Form and FunctionEd Hinerman, a life insurance specialist with the Hinerman Group, was posed an interesting challenge recently. For years he has successfully found affordable life insurance for many adults with type 1 diabetes, but he had never been asked about life insurance for children with Type 1 diabetes until now. After speaking with underwriters in the top 40 or so companies, he found a discernible lack of interest due to lack of data. Companies would say that they couldn't consider someone with type 1 diabetes until they were either age 15 or age 20. A peer in the industry told Ed the knee jerk reaction was because insurance companies haven't done mortality studies on children. They simply don... The Diabetes Blog blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=861789 Tue, 11 Sep 2007 04:00:00 +0100 861789 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=830032&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F08%2Fwhat-is-it-with.html What is it with numbers? Why do I feel so bad about certain numbers and good about others? Why do I compare mine to other peoples? And why do people feel so compelled to share theirs, unsolicited but worked into the conversation nonetheless? Why do we care about numbers so much? I know we're trained to notice numbers, and to track them, and to understand their meaning. I've been trained to use numbers as guides and tools in my health care. I've been trained to shoot for certain numbers and to react to certain numbers and to notice the patterns of the numbers, to change my behavior, my choices, my life in relation to numbers. But no one has ever come out and said I should feel anything beyond the information they provide. Even so, I realized recently how much more meaning I attach to my num... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=830032 Wed, 29 Aug 2007 18:18:08 +0100 830032 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=818853&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F08%2Five-been-thinki.html I've been thinking about numbers lately. My last A1C wasn't as fabulous as it could have been. They're still fine but not where they've been and not where I want them to be. But after 20 + years, I know the drill. And quite frankly, I'm not over-revving on the situation too much. This happens. It will get better because I'll work at it more or something out of my hands will change or fall will come and it will be easier to manage. This disease is about flow. Going with it, pacing reactions, taking a deep breath and letting it play itself out. It's weird but I have a level of nonchalance about this which is very, very new for me. I'm trusting the process and looking long. It's taken a long time to get here but I think it's a good place to be. Having said that, I realize too, that even wit... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=818853 Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:59:59 +0100 818853 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=797987&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F08%2Fthere-is-an-iro.html There is an irony I find in writing a blog about diabetes. I realize that I spend so much time dealing with diabetes in my day, every flipping day, that sometimes I don't have the energy to choose to do one more thing around the subject of diabetes. I realize that there is a deep, fundamental push and pull in my life with this disease. Me testing how far I can get away from the reality of it's presence in my life. Tethered forever, but always trying, tip-toeing as far away as I can get before it tugs me back. I've even been trying to visualize that idea, though it's not finished or really even formulated yet. What does this feeling look like if it were a picture? That question and the act of making the idea "real" through art, helps me to see and better understand what I am doing. Which he... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=797987 Tue, 14 Aug 2007 01:17:24 +0100 797987 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=785938&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F08%2Fwere-in-the-mid.html We're in the middle of some remodeling and it's totally got me off my game. I'm not a particularly neat person, but I am definitely a home body, so having my haven of calm disrupted by torn up walls, sheet rock, sheet rock dust, torn up floors, rooms full of displaced furniture from the rooms being remodeled, all adds up to a major rattling of my cage. Which is normal I guess but as with most normal things, diabetes adds another fun filled layer that can shift an experience from annoying to physically challenging and even dangerous. Case in point. Over the last 3 days I've made mistakes that I've literally never made before now. And not just one. Many, all in a row. What's going on here? I've forgotten to take my dinner insulin dose resulting in a 350 b/s at bedtime, resulting in another 3... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=785938 Wed, 08 Aug 2007 00:51:13 +0100 785938 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=763058&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F07%2Fa-goal-for-life.html I've been thinking lately, that one of my goals in life with diabetes is to balance the necessity of preparedness with the pursuit of some fun. Top photo from reference library, bottom photo found long ago but the actual source unfortunately, is long lost (sorry). (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=763058 Sat, 28 Jul 2007 00:17:26 +0100 763058 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=757994&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F07%2Fim-having-a-spe.html I'm having another spell of bloodsugar rock and roll. Up at night with highs, the next night, low. There's a lot I dislike about diabetes, but this is the stuff I hate the most. I feel stupid because I can't figure it out and frustrated with myself because I'm not paying enough attention. Sometimes I don't need to be on top of every ounce of food I eat and it's ok. But at times like these, it seems like one, small miscalculation, one too many crackers or an extra gulp of milk, and I'm dealing with the blood sugar ramifications for hours to come. These times are of course annoying, but I realize that deep down inside, what they really do is frighten me. When I can't figure it out, when I can't fix it quickly, that's when I feel like I'm losing myself to this disease. That's when I feel more... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=757994 Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:56:47 +0100 757994 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=743363&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F07%2Fok-so-i-know-iv.html Ok, so I know I've complained alot about the state of design in the medical industry in general and in the world of diabetes in particular. I'm a designer by training and the idea that life can be made better through design problem solving is fundamental to my approach to the world. I believe that great design can improve quality of life, pure and simple. There are countless examples of this in the world, too many to list here. I take it for granted that if something is just "good enough" it's ripe for reinvention or redesign. It's just the way I think about things. The reality that the stuff I have to use as a diabetic could be better designed has been a source of real frustration and sadness to me. The pump design is ok, but oh, it could be so much better. The other reality is the abili... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=743363 Thu, 19 Jul 2007 03:25:19 +0100 743363 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=716657&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F07%2Fyesterday-was-t.html Yesterday was the 4th of July, a day we celebrate freedom and independence. I think those are good qualities to value and notice and celebrate. Well I had a small, silly thing related to diabetes happen yesterday that reminded me of those ideas. Last week I upgraded my pump to the mini med 522. I wanted to have the ability to use the real time glucose monitoring system when I needed it. I'm not taking the full leap yet but I like having the option to do so whenever I decide I want to. My other pump was also out of warranty, scratched up and ready to be replaced anyway. So last week when the new pump finally arrived (after much jumping through hoops with insurance companies) I went to the clinic and converted over to the new pump. Once I was finished, I gathered up all the accompanying bo... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=716657 Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:37:25 +0100 716657 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=711751&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F07%2Fmore-ya-hoo.html I've been in a bad mood about my diabetes lately. Feeling extremely sorry for myself. I've gone down the rabbit hole of self pity and though it's totally understandable, it's not a fun place to be. I know this happens on occasion but today it stops. Half empty is becoming half full. Feeling the way I've been feeling only makes me lonelier and grumpier and harsher. And ultimately it only hurts me. Though I understand why it happens and I can even justify it, I woke up this morning realizing that I had a choice here. So enough of the boo-hoo and on to the ya-hoo. It's sunny and gorgeous and the day is young. Happy day. (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=711751 Tue, 03 Jul 2007 16:15:59 +0100 711751 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=704509&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fdiabetes-is-a-d.html Diabetes is a disease that involves a lot of blood. Blood sugars, blood tests, A1C's. It's not like I'm not used to that fact. But even so, what is it about blood that can be so disconcerting? Not the tiny blood test amounts. God knows I'm over any anxiety about that. No it's more the rare occasions when I pull out a site and consequently bleed profusely, that for some reason always seems to rattle me. It happened yesterday while I was priming the pump for a site change. I was dressed for work, ready to go, with one last task to complete before I headed out the door. Change my pump. Snip, snap, I'm quick at the process now. I have the beeping pump in my right hand, while at the same time I'm pulling out the set with my left. Not even looking. A few seconds pass and I become aware of a kind... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=704509 Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:23:02 +0100 704509 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=692634&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fdanas-art-in-th.html I just stopped by the diabetes made visible flickr pool and wow, it's just cooking along. I haven't been by for a bit so was I ever thrilled with all the activity that's been going on there. We're up to 114 members and there are lot's and lot's of amazing photos too (495 at this posting to be exact). Like this particular stunner from dana showing her incredible thesis project. I absolutely love it, both as a visual statement and a piece of art. Art like this helps break down the barriers of language and intellectualism, allowing the viewer to feel the story rather than distance themselves from it. Not only is this visually compelling, it's also so important because of the message it conveys. Wow! (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=692634 Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:13:52 +0100 692634 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=683356&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fthis_is_how_i_f.html This is how I felt yesterday. I got my tubing caught on a doorknob and ripped my set right out of my body. I went to replace the now dangling set from the pump, placed the inserter on a new site, let it rip and hit a nerve like you can't believe. Fire burning, scream out loud pain. The worst ever. Ten minutes later it's still burning and hurting so I decide to change the set yet again. I pull the set out and again, killer, tears in my eyes pain. What is this? It's never hurt like this before. So, I get a new set, put it in, this time without incident. But man was I soar. The rest of the night it ached where I'd hit the nerve and it ached where I'd ripped the site out with my door encounter. By the end of the night I just felt tired and beat up and well yes, like my body was a battleground ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=683356 Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:09:29 +0100 683356 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=676374&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fim_convinced_th.html I'm convinced that a key part of taking care of myself with diabetes is small (and at times, big) indulgences. I'm watching my brave, dedicated friend go on the pump and through the observation of her experience, I remember mine. The shock associated with the realization that I was becoming attached to a machine, 24/7. The reaction to having this clinical, medical tubing hanging off my body at all times. The dehumanization of being beeped at day and night. I know in my head, that the choice to go on the pump was smart and helpful and the right one for me, but in my body and heart, I also know that this process is strange. I know that the "rightness" of my choice, doesn't mean that all the other feelings are invalid or unreal. Making the smart and better choice to live attached to a machine... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=676374 Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:52:08 +0100 676374 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=676375&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fdiabetes_twitte.html Modern life is so interesting. You've got to love this aspect of new technology. Better connections can bring support, insight, new understanding and shared experience. So very cool. (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=676375 Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:06:24 +0100 676375 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=676376&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Flife_is_full_of.html Life is full of choices. Big ones and small ones. We are raised to take responsibility for our lives and the choices we make. And if we are from America, we are raised in a culture that celebrates personal choice at the highest level. The underlying message goes that if you make the right choices, happiness, health, fortune all await you. It's up to you. But luck plays into the equation too. As does personality and circumstance. It's not like we're all born at the same starting line, given the same tools and set on our way. There are lot's of variables to contend with along the journey. Like whether you get diabetes for instance. A few of us are handed that variable, which brings with it a lifetime of additional choices and challenges and opportunities, and yes, even on occasion, gifts. ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=676376 Sun, 10 Jun 2007 15:23:22 +0100 676376 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=659049&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Fim_in_new_york_.html I'm in New York City on business for a few days. I arrived yesterday after a long flight from the west coast. Luckily it was non-stop and even though I was stuck in the middle seat, it was a relatively pain free flight. I actually like flying, once I'm finally through all the security lines and stuffing of bags above my head. I like the quiet, uninterrupted time to think and listen to music and read. It's kind of a rough time with my diabetes lately as I've posted about a few times. I was thinking about that on the plane. I was tired because I hadn't slept well the night before, trying to plan for all the inevitable unknowns of a trip. I know that sounds lame, and I'm embarrassed to admit it, but after 20 years of living with diabetes, I know that there are lot's of possible "situations"... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=659049 Mon, 04 Jun 2007 16:11:39 +0100 659049 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=654533&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F06%2Flately_ive_been.html I haven't been dancing very well these days. Lately I've been stumbling over myself when it comes to my diabetes. It's one of those mysterious times when things seem to have shifted. What used to work, isn't right now and so I am bumping and grinding through my days. Up, down and all around. I hate these times because of course, they don't feel good. But also I hate them because they bring out some of the less than helpful aspects of my personality. The parts that agressively want to get after the problem. A 330 rebound bloodsugar, well let's get it down damnit. So I over bolus and crash again. A 40 bloodsugar, well let's get it up damnit and an hour later I'm rebounding again. I'm not interested in 15 carbs and sitting it out through the discomfort of 15 minutes for it to take effect. Wha... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=654533 Sat, 02 Jun 2007 16:04:45 +0100 654533 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=651249&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F05%2Fsometimes_i_fee.html Lately I've noticed that I spend a lot of time navigating between feeling different and feeling like I'm just like everyone else. Normal in my living with diabetes. Different in my living with diabetes. Fully inhabiting my world, yet also tweaking my bloodsugars on the side, catching a low here, counting carbs there. On, off. Diabetes, email, meeting, lunch, diabetes, more email, more meetings, blood test, continue. Different, the same, the same, then different. It's like a lens on a camera focusing tight on a detail, then pulling back again to see the whole picture. Sometimes normal, sometimes different, whichever it is, I know on one level it doesn't seem to really matter. But then I remember what a long journey it's been to get to a place where I can see my life with diabetes, in all it... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=651249 Thu, 31 May 2007 03:38:41 +0100 651249 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=629347&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F05%2Fsick_and_tired_.html I'm not feeling particularly good about diabetes today. New levels of high and low the last couple of days. I changed my site on Saturday night, hit a nerve, changed it again, drew blood, thought it would be ok, woke up in the middle of the night with a 333, changed it again, bolused, went back to bed and was pretty tired on Sunday to say the least. Last night, tired, but restless. Legs aching, aching, aching. Tossed, turned, couldn't get comfortable. Not feeling low, but decide to check my bloodsugar anyway. 33. Huh? Test again. Yep. 33. No symptoms, just restless. Treat the low. Finally relax. This morning, I'm tired. Confused. Sick of diabetes. I wish I could be philosophical about it today. But I can't. Today I'm just sick of it all, plain and simple. (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=629347 Mon, 21 May 2007 21:51:26 +0100 629347 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=620374&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F05%2Fi_just_got_the_.html I just started reading the book, the five gifts of illness, thanks to amy's recent review at dlife, and already it's reminded me why I like well written, thoughtful analysis and focused consideration on a subject. The author, jill sklar, articulates a really interesting idea that I've never seen framed up so clearly. She points out that living with chronic illness is a relatively new experience, when looking at the history of humankind. Thanks to medical advances and technological breakthroughs, people with diseases like diabetes are able to live long lives now, where before they would be diagnosed and die soon thereafter. This was an ah ha moment for me. I got to thinking about the state of chronic illness, or living life with disease, and realized that if viewed as a relatively recent ph... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=620374 Sun, 13 May 2007 01:53:39 +0100 620374 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=620375&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F05%2Fmind_and_body_d.html It's been a few days since I got off the sensor. I was supposed to be wearing it for 6 days but it went wonky on day 5 so after consulting with my nurse, I took it off. Though it never hurt while I was wearing it, it was amazing how relieved I felt when I removed it. I seemed to relax in a place that I hadn't known was tense. Deep down. Away from my brain. It's almost like my body has an intelligence of it's own, seperate from my intellectual, analytical mind. No matter how much my mind says, "this is good for me", my body, somewhere deep inside is saying, "get this foreign thing out of here". I exist in between my honest appreciation and desire for technological advances that will elevate my care on one hand, and my primal, physical resistance to the very same technology on the other. Wh... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=620375 Thu, 10 May 2007 04:30:30 +0100 620375 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=580843&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F04%2Fi_feel_differen.html I feel different from other people. Partly of course, because I'm a separate individual. But partly too because of my diabetes. After 20 years of having it, I think that what used to be a small difference now feels like a much bigger one. When I first got diagnosed, I still felt like a non-chronically ill person who now had to do a bunch of new, strange stuff that I didn't have to do before. I definitely felt different once diagnosed, but still not so different from others, because I still kind of felt more like them than me "as a diabetic". But now what started out as 1 degree of separation has become a wider gap, simply because of all the time that has passed. I'm still me, but I'm the diabetic me now. Not just the diabetic me, but never not her either. Every meal, every event, every par... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=580843 Tue, 01 May 2007 02:51:33 +0100 580843 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=565812&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F04%2Fi_read_amys_pos.html I read amy's post, living with it a few days ago, and I have thought of it often ever since. I'm so grateful for the web and the OC and the dedicated, open people, whose generosity of spirit has reminded me that I'm not alone in this journey with diabetes. amy's recent post articulated a particular, specific moment, that I have experienced numerously over the past 20+ years with diabetes. One that is so real and frankly, so important in reminding that I am still a person first. A person who is still capable of feeling shock and despair about having diabetes. Yes, I'm also a diabetic. Yes, I'm used to it. Yes, I live with it and make the best of it. But yes, I also can't believe it in my soul, that I still have it and will so forever, unless there is a cure. That momentary breathlessness, l... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=565812 Tue, 24 Apr 2007 03:41:44 +0100 565812 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=550118&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F04%2Fexercise_i_love.html Exercise. I love how I feel after it. I don't love what it does to my blood sugars. I'm trying to do this trainer thing. As well as pace myself in the process. But oh the rollercoaster joy on the day of my workout. Yesterday I tested before. 110. Good, but also a near guarentee that I'll go low during the workout. So I brought a granola bar to eat during, which I did. We kept the pace reasonable, or so I thought but yes, even with the luna bar during, I went low after. An icky low, so I suspended and ate some fruity snacks. By dinner, really high. Hello rebound. Corrected. Bedtime, 75. A snack. And surprisingly, an uninterrupted night. But still, what a day. Hm. Exercise. I love how I feel afterward, but I certainly haven't got it figured out yet. I'm trying to stay strong and resist exas... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=550118 Wed, 18 Apr 2007 01:21:21 +0100 550118 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=537373&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F04%2Fanother_year.html 4.10.86. 21 years with diabetes. Good news, no complications. Bad news, no cure. (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=537373 Wed, 11 Apr 2007 13:56:37 +0100 537373 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=520662&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F04%2Faiming_for_grac.html Aiming for grace is the name of this blog, because that's what I'm trying to do with my diabetes. Be graceful about it. Deal with it as gracefully as I possibly can. Because it is here, in my life, for the duration, barring a breakthrough or a miracle. I try to be graceful about that fact. Or the fact that sometimes people close to me don't understand how it affects my spirit or reserves or emotions. Or the fact that billions of dollars are being spent on a war I've never agreed with, instead of research to cure this disease. Or the fact that sometimes, because of my diabetes, it's fluctuations, it's demands, I feel very tired. Tired to my soul. It's at these times that I really have to try to keep my eye on the idea of grace. It's at times like these that I aim for grace. (Source: aiming ... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=520662 Wed, 04 Apr 2007 18:55:44 +0100 520662 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=512763&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F03%2Fdreary_diabetes.html This is a view from inside my diabetes clinic exam room. I have a new phone that takes pretty good photos and luckily it's actually logical around how to send them to my computer, so now it's even easier to take stealth photos. I posted them up on flickr and in the dmv pool, though I'm not sure anyone will really want to see them. Collectively, they're pretty dreary (and some are blurry too, but for some reason I like blurry photos). Dreary, dull and dare I say, a bit depressing. Ah, another redesign opportunity! (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=512763 Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:28:15 +0100 512763 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494792&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F03%2Fi_saw_my_doctor.html I saw my doctor this week for my quarterly checkup. My A1c was great. Feet fine. Eyes good. Shoulder's are slowing improving. All's quiet on the western front. But still I left feeling blue. And stayed so for a couple of days. Maybe it's because we talked about how things on the research front weren't particularly stunning these days. Or the fact that though there was some new technology on the horizon, for now it's pretty much what I've got with the pump. Or the fact that some of the promising stuff I'd heard about gene therapy from my orthopedic surgeon was, in fact, not true when it came to people who already had diabetes. Ok then. All's quiet on the western front, but still, it's going to be a while until we see the dawn. And for some reason that fact really got to me this time. I usua... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494792 Sat, 17 Mar 2007 02:44:30 +0100 494792 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494794&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F03%2Fi_had_coffee_wi.html I just had coffee with my young friend who was diagnosed with diabetes back in September, just before leaving for his first year in college. And he's working at it, though it is such an adjustment. It's so strange for me to remember the beginnings of this journey, from the vantage point of 20+ years down the path. The technology is certainly better and there are promising advances in the wings, but still, there it is. The path of learning how to navigate all the new rules, the understanding of all the science, and then the figuring out about one's own particular body in relation to the disease. What eating a slice of pizza does to you. Or what exercising at this time of the day means in a couple of hours. All the countless details and vageries that make up this new life with diabetes. Ther... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494794 Mon, 05 Mar 2007 02:35:57 +0100 494794 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494796&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F02%2Five_started_to_.html I've started to exercise, with a personal trainer. Which is great. I can already see and feel the difference. In a good way. Well, at least until last night. In the past, as I have gotten more fit, my insulin needs would decrease fairly quickly. Well, 3 weeks into my new exercise regimen, and I'm already starting to see the difference. Especially on the day I work out with my trainer. Which was yesterday. I thought I had it all figured out. Hm. Not so much, it turns out. I ate before, tested afterward, ate a snack, went low anyway, covered the low, rebounded, went too high, made the mistake of correcting the high and wham, it's the middle of the night and I'm jolted from a dream, wicked low, pounding headache, sweaty all over, grasping for food. This was a hard core low. Really intense, re... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494796 Wed, 28 Feb 2007 02:42:46 +0100 494796 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494797&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F02%2Ffun_with_food.html I love this illustration by keri smith. A list doesn't have to be boring. Yes, this takes time, but it could be fun to do once in a while. Draw all the food I've eaten, with a note about all the insulin I've taken too. Or take pictures of everything eaten in a day with a tag in the picture with how much insulin I've taken to cover the corresponding meal. Funny. Fun with boring diabetes routine. Might as well try to make it entertaining once in a while, right? (Source: aiming for grace) aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494797 Sun, 25 Feb 2007 05:10:55 +0100 494797 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494798&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F02%2Fmy_pump_site_ha.html My pump site was itchy last night and into this morning. Annoying and noticably itchy. The itchiness, coming and going, but mostly staying. They say you can keep the sets in for 3 days, and goodness knows I keep them in for the full 3 days and then some, if at all possible. Every time I have to change my site, I have a brief flash of resentment. A moment of feeling sorry for myself. But then I get to it. And in the blink of an eye it's done. But I digress. So this morning, I knew I needed to change my site even though it hadn't been in the full 3 days. I changed it, and though I didn't have a full blown infection, I was pretty close. It felt awful. Itchy, soar, irritated. Boy did it feel good to get the set out. And all day, I kept checking it. Making sure it was ok. All day, I felt bette... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494798 Fri, 23 Feb 2007 04:39:43 +0100 494798 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=494800&cid=t_106416_134_f&fid=35165&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdearada.typepad.com%2Fgrace%2F2007%2F02%2Fyesterday_was_o.html Yesterday was one of those magical days. Start to finish. It started out with a project I've been asked to participate in with some colleagues from work. A rebranding exercise for a local non-profit who works with childern who have cancer, their families and friends as well as the hospitals, doctors and staff who care for the child. They "fill in the gaps" between services offered by the hospital, other non-profits and the state. The woman who started the organization, lost her 5 year old to cancer many years ago and one of her ways of dealing with her horrible loss, was to build a place of comfort, joy and support for others who have to go through what she had to. She's created a remarkable organization, focused on joy. Their working principle is that whatever time anyone of their clients... aiming for grace blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=494800 Sat, 17 Feb 2007 21:34:10 +0100 494800