MedWorm provides a medical RSS filtering service. Over 6000 RSS medical sources are combined and output via different filters. This feed contains the latest medical blog items that have been tagged with 'insanity'. Sat, 03 Sep 2011 02:02:49 +0100 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=5140355&cid=t_124473_180_f&fid=38612&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2Fpickthebrain%2FLYVv%2F%7E3%2FhxAIjIxibh8%2F Do you ever feel like curling up in a ball and trying to forget the problems around you? With everything going on in the world today — sky high unemployment, the housing market at its lowest point, prolonged wars in the Middle East, famine and genocide in Africa, the stock market in free-fall, and our economy sputtering almost to a stop — you sure wouldn’t be alone in wanting to do this. But there may be another option… What typically happens when you experience a crisis in one part of your life such as a major health problem, getting laid off, or having trouble paying your bills? Everything else in your life grinds to a halt. You stay at work a little longer. You exercise a little less. You dismiss your healthful diet for something faster. You neglect to write in y... PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=5140355 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:42:19 +0100 5140355 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=5107904&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Frecoveryissexy.com%2Fthe-perils-of-sober-dating%2F When I said goodbye to alcohol and all its attendant drama, I never intended to bid farewell to dating, period. I saw my romantic future shimmering atop a cotton-candy cloud of contentment and stability. Without the crutch of alcohol, I was convinced that my once-jumbled love life would fall easily into place. Now that I was sober and ready, Mr. Right would surely be waiting for me (albeit at the local coffee shop instead of the next bar stool.) It sucked to discover that alcohol-free dating was still, well, dating: an ever-awkward dance of anticipation, expectations and artifice. And for those of us who don’t drink, dating can be even more of a mixed bag. Why? Because, in case you missed the memo, most Americans are all about alcohol, especially when it comes to getting hitched (or laid... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=5107904 Mon, 08 Aug 2011 04:05:31 +0100 5107904 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=4968493&cid=t_124473_87_f&fid=39187&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgetbetterhealth.com%2Fcan-crime-be-linked-to-cuts-in-the-mental-health-budget%2F2011.06.25 From the New York Times today we have a story entitled, “A Schizophrenic, A Slain Worker, Troubling Questions,” a horrible story about a mentally ill man who killed a social worker in his group home. The story highlights the defendant’s longstanding history of violence with several assaults in his past. He once fractured his stepfather’s skull and his first criminal offense involved slashing and robbing a homeless man. (On another post on this blog Rob wondered why the charges were dismissed in that case; from experience I can tell you it’s probably because the victim and only witness was homeless and couldn’t be located several months later when the defendant came to trial.) The defendant, Deshawn Chappell, also used drugs while suffering from schizophr... Better Health blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=4968493 Sat, 25 Jun 2011 12:00:00 +0100 4968493 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=4828988&cid=t_124473_109_f&fid=34750&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychcentral.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F2011%2F05%2F14%2Fthe-interventionist-an-interview-with-joani-gammill-about-addiction%25e2%2580%25a8%25e2%2580%25a8%25e2%2580%25a8%2F Today I have the honor of interviewing a friend of mine who has just written a compelling memoir, The Interventionist, about addiction from the perspective of both an addict and an interventionist. You begin your book with the quote from Khaled Hosseini’s book, The Kite Runner: “And that, I believe, is what true redemption is … when guilt leads to good.” Do you believe your work with other addicts is partly what keeps you clean and sober? Why compels you to enter into such hopeless situations and try to fix things? Joani: I think as the quote infers “when guilt leads to good,” my work with addicts and alcoholics assuages my own continued ambivalence about my responsibility about having this disease. It is not at all logical. There is no “choice” about having this ... World of Psychology blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=4828988 Sat, 14 May 2011 10:29:48 +0100 4828988 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=4355891&cid=t_124473_137_f&fid=39091&url=http%3A%2F%2Falzheimmers.blogspot.com%2F2011%2F01%2Finside-mind-of-shooter-mental-illness.html Well it is over a week since the Tuscon tragedy. I like you have watched all the events of the week unfold. The political manuevering over the week; the age old discussions and debates on mental illness are predicatable. I know this is an Alzhiemer's blog. My mother died from Alzheimer's disease 24 years ago. I took care of her, I wrote a book about it. I became a psychiatrist. I treat mental illness.Lots of people want to know if Alzheimers is a mental illness. They want to know becouse there is much stigma associated with mental illness. People want to know what delusions are: so they come to this blog. I get frustrated with  the lack of information on mental health and insanity and dangerousness that has been presented in the media this past week following the A... Caregiver Survival: I Hate Alzheimers blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=4355891 Sun, 16 Jan 2011 23:03:00 +0100 4355891 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=4119730&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Frecoveryissexy.com%2Fdetachment-from-emotion%2F This article may help. Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel. At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful. I will work on detac... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=4119730 Sun, 24 Oct 2010 16:08:01 +0100 4119730 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3790751&cid=t_124473_109_f&fid=34750&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychcentral.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F2010%2F07%2F26%2Finsanity-albert-einstein-was-wrong%2F “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I have heard that quote in my clinical practice so many times in the past year that I decided I have to write about it. Somehow this definition has become part of the collective understanding of abnormal psychology and has been terribly misapplied. I don’t know much more about the context of the quote but I am guessing that it was a bit of a humorous comment on science. First, to critique the quote. If we are going to take this definition seriously to start, then everyone, yes everyone, is insane. Behavioral research in the early part of the twentieth century taught the world about how human beings learn: through long processes of conditioning based on pairings and reinforcement. Consider this, let... World of Psychology blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3790751 Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:11:05 +0100 3790751 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3502988&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FRecoveryIsSexycom%2F%7E3%2Foz6tbCrmAjw%2F Letting Go is easy when you have the parachute of a 12 Step Fellowship Detachment means “freedom from emotion.” Detachment is something all people in recovery seek. Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel. At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own live... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3502988 Sat, 24 Apr 2010 11:48:15 +0100 3502988 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3363822&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FRecoveryIsSexycom%2F%7E3%2FpNq3mIyEtkA%2F The brick wall of insanity As opposed to the 12-Steps to recovery I decided I could handle my emotional problems if other people would just quit trying to run my life. I firmly believed that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who said so was insane. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God who didn’t understand me anyhow. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I knew so they couldn’t fool me and take advantage of my good nature. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their wrongs. I became willing to help these people get rid of these defects of character. I was humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings. I kept a list of all the people who had harmed m... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3363822 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:46:00 +0100 3363822 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3290996&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FRecoveryIsSexycom%2F%7E3%2F91BwAxbv7tU%2F This article may help. Letting someone else’s behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else. But no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else’s “insanity” affect how we behave and how we feel. At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others’ problems or negative behavior. We may fear they’ll think we simply don’t care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience. But with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time it will feel freeing and wonderful. I will work on detac... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3290996 Sat, 20 Feb 2010 11:05:04 +0100 3290996 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3271089&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001219.php I have spent the better part of today reading over old entries from as far back as July, 2005. I can't believe I was ever that crazy. And yet, the threat of that craziness is never very far away. For the past two years, LTD and I have kept tight controls of my medications and therapy. I am still on enough medicine to drop a buffalo. I still see my psychiatrist once, sometimes twice, a month. I am still under so much stress at work it is almost enough to level me. But I am not sick. That has accounted, I think, for the lukewarm entries of late. Updates. Anecdotes. Run-of-the-mill posts. My life has been like that...just flowing along on a wave of normal with neither peaks nor dives; doing the laundry, washing the dishes, fixing dinner, going to work, planning a wedding. It is second nature ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3271089 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0100 3271089 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3269883&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Frecoveryissexy.com%2F12-steps-to-insanity%2F A storm of insanity slowly takes over As opposed to the 12-Steps to recovery here is the suggested program to insanity. I decided I could handle my emotional problems if other people would just quit trying to run my life. I firmly believed that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who said so was insane. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God who didn’t understand me anyhow. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I knew so they couldn’t fool me and take advantage of my good nature. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their wrongs. I became willing to help these people get rid of these defects of character. I was humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcom... Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3269883 Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:37:15 +0100 3269883 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3254524&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001217.php I had a hearing for my state disability a few weeks ago. I was represented by a lawyer and was prepped for the procedure. It took five minutes of giving my testimony before the judge stopped me and said, "I'm going to grant the claim." Three years and five minutes. The transcriptionist said, "Wait! I don't even have a page typed!" The judge said, "I think we set a record!" They all laughed. My lawyer never said a word and later told me that what transpired almost never happens. I didn't see what was so funny. I was lucky. I had long-term disability covering me through work while I was out of work for two years. I had a steady monthly income from that. When it ran out, my doctor simply released me back to work and I got a new job. The state disability is going to cover what the long-term w... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3254524 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0100 3254524 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3142844&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FRecoveryIsSexycom%2F%7E3%2FaPO0--aRceE%2F These myths would be of interest to anyone involved with alcoholism – wives, partners, parents, children, adult children (co-dependents) and of course the alcoholic. Myth 1: An alcoholic is the falling-down drunk on skid row. Answer: Only three percent of alcoholics are on skid row. Those alcoholics on skid row are undoubtedly in the last stages of [...] (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com) Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3142844 Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:21:09 +0100 3142844 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=3139253&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=35818&url=http%3A%2F%2Frecoveryissexy.com%2Fthe-12-steps-to-insanity%2F The 12 Steps to Recovery have often been countered by this tongue-in-cheek 12 Steps to Insanity We admitted we were powerless over nothing. We could manage our lives perfectly and we could manage those of anyone else that would allow it. Came to believe that there was no power greater than ourselves, and the rest of the [...] (Source: Recovery Is Sexy.com) Recovery Is Sexy.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=3139253 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:55:54 +0100 3139253 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2944025&cid=t_124473_135_f&fid=35274&url=http%3A%2F%2Facidrefluxweb.com%2F%3Fp%3D4147 It’s time again for Friday Faves You Tube Clip -- my title inspired by being in Newfoundland at the moment. This clip is also inspired by dealing with the Newfoundland’s health care within an institutional setting. I hope to write more of this subject if my friend allows me to. New webcast of “No you can’t stay for coffee.” (Source: acidrefluxweb.com) acidrefluxweb.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2944025 Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:40:13 +0100 2944025 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2473603&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001197.php I systematically, one by one, and very carefully took one pill at a time, separated the capsule and emptied the contents into the garbage can. Then I carefully put the capsule back together and replaced it in my pill box. I did this for five days. And then I waited. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need the medication, but more than that, I wanted to write again. After a few days, I didn't feel much like writing. I was too busy wondering where LTD was going when she was supposed to be at work. I was too concerned with not eating, because my food was poisoned--not directly poisoned, as if someone were adding arsenic to my meals, but poisoned by proxy, by an interaction of meds I had taken up to that point that were still in my system. If I could only cleanse myself of all these che... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2473603 Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:00:00 +0100 2473603 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2398864&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001193.php The first thing to go is my sleep. For two days now, I have been up at 2:30am, writing, listening to music. It seems I can't get enough music. LTD called Dr. K and they tweaked my meds a bit. The Geodon nearly floored me. My arms and legs were so weak I could barely stand up. I stumbled around in the kitchen until I could stand it no more and went to bed. But not for long. It's coming for me. How obvious it is now. The signs are so apparent. My brain feels like hay, swirling around inside a storm in Africa. But my God, I try so hard to be still for LTD. Why is this happening now when her father and mother are so sick? How selfish am I? What control can I exert over myself to make everything normal and right, to stop the derangement of this path that leads to nothing but destruction? Early ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2398864 Sat, 09 May 2009 04:00:00 +0100 2398864 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2365176&cid=t_124473_112_f&fid=34728&url=http%3A%2F%2Fobgynkenobi.blogspot.com%2F2009%2F04%2Fto-get-to-other-side.html There are times in life when everything seems to fall right in to place, and then, there are times like now. I can see the shimmering oasis of a new life, just on the horizon. A better call schedule, closer to family and friends, a chance to work in a collegial (not competitive) environment, more time with my precious kids and husband, and a chance to grow as a physician. Between the oasis and where I stand, however, is a treacherous, rock-filled, rapid river, swirling and threatening my ability to ever reach the opposite shore.Obstacle #1 - Our house is on the market, and we have shown it at least a dozen times. Yet, despite positive overall feedback, not a single offer. I don't mean to boast, but our house is a beautiful house. I love it. I was ready to buy it the second I walked through... Ob/Gyn Kenobi blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2365176 Fri, 24 Apr 2009 03:30:00 +0100 2365176 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2348683&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001186.php I'm somewhere between being okay and dangling over the pit. I hide my symptoms well enough that I can make it through the day without LTD getting that worried look on her face, or without Tasha asking if I'm okay, but that door is open and things are slipping through. I'm afraid to go to bed at night...the closer it gets to that time, the worse the anxiety gets. What is it about lying awake in the dark with thoughts of death and taxes? That's where I am. In school I'm doing well enough that people don't look at me funny, that my research papers don't alert my professors to looming psychosis and I can disappear within the masses like any of the other older women walking among 20-somethings with golden futures. I hide. Summer looms and I'm starting to think my medication isn't working, that ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2348683 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 04:00:00 +0100 2348683 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2277214&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2009%2F03%2Factual-recent-conversation.html This is why I love my friend Pablo so much.While talking on the phone about death, just now.Me: "I want to be cremated. But I totally don't want to be scattered in the ocean because I am a little scared of the ocean and all the fish and stuff. I don't want to be scattered in the forest either because I don't like bugs and the cold and all that outdoorsy stuff. Maybe I should be scattered in Holt Renfrew...Nah! I can't afford to shop there. I think the place I'd be most comfortable resting eternally is in a couch. So I have to find somebody who will scatter my ashes in their nice comfy couch. Or their mattress. Something cozy."Pablo: "What about me? What should I do with my remains?"Me: "Hey! I thought we agreed that I was supposed to throw myself on your casket at your funeral. Wearing a f... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2277214 Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:40:00 +0100 2277214 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2147598&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2009%2F01%2Ftidbit.html I am debating on whether or not to buy a Roomba. They are going on sale for super cheap next week. I fear the Roomba might terrify Yoshi. I also am afraid that Dexter will terrify the Roomba AND Yoshi. However, I hate vacuuming so my selfish desires might win out.What do you think? (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2147598 Sat, 31 Jan 2009 01:27:00 +0100 2147598 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2065351&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F12%2Fmerry-christmas-everybody.html It is 11pm and I've finally finished wrapping all the gifts and have a moment to sit down to write a little note. I'll be posting soon now that things have settled down a bit.Here is what has been happening with me:-still working the part-time job.-trying desperately to sell calendars in a horrific economic climate (and failing dismally).-organizing a large gala fund-raising event as well as participating in it.-getting my Occupational First Aid Level 1 certificate.-making Christmas gifts as well as shopping.-working some free-lance jobs to attempt to pay off my huge calendar printing bill.-yelling at Dexter (all 9lbs of him!) to GET DOWN! and LEAVE YOSHI ALONE!-volunteering as much as I can.-driving down to the US for business.-hanging out with my friends who are visiting from London, Eng... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2065351 Thu, 25 Dec 2008 07:01:00 +0100 2065351 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1888269&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F10%2Fcornucopia-of-feline-delight.html A Cute Photo To Reduce Your IreOk, I am sorry I haven't posted. Very very VERY sorry. But after I spill my brain onto this blog about what has happened over the last month you may regret your recent inquiries into my, Yoshi's and Dexter's well being.We all all good.Now that I got that out of the way I'll get into a little more detail.I've been heinously busy. Partly because I am a terrible procrastinator, partly because I am a good citizen and partly because I need to pay the bills. Against all promises I made to myself, my graphic designer, my family and my friends I once again left the creation of the 2009 Iconic Women By Yoshi Calendar to the last minute. What can I say? I work better under pressure. Just not this much pressure. So it is almost done and will be sent to the printer by ne... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1888269 Sat, 18 Oct 2008 19:16:00 +0100 1888269 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1868529&cid=t_124473_112_f&fid=34728&url=http%3A%2F%2Fobgynkenobi.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F10%2Fin-middle-of-night.html It's time for my husband's annual "man weekend" with his high school buddies. For almost a decade, he and his friends find a cabin in the woods somewhere and behave (I am assuming from the pictures) as 10 year olds...that drink. Junk food, video games, and staying up way too late are part and parcel of the festivities. They look forward to it every year, and I'm happy to have him go. (The wives have a "girl weekend" in the spring, just to be fair.) So when I found out that he would be out of town for a weeknight (when I am on call for my patients), I thought to my naive little self, what's the worst that could happen? Ha. Ha. HA!So I went about my regular single parenting duties in the evening relatively unscathed. Picked up the kids, got dinner on the table while Bean protested loudly tha... Ob/Gyn Kenobi blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1868529 Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:33:00 +0100 1868529 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1750212&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F09%2Fhow-smelly-is-he.html There is something wrong with the kitten. Nothing obvious. To the casual observer he is a regular kitten doing regular kitten things like attacking his tail, being bad and looking cute. However, if you are unlucky enough to be around him for any length of time you will soon come to realize that something dark is brewing in the bowels of his being. Literally. This kitten stinks. He emits such revolting odoriferous clouds of funk playing with him becomes an exercise in gag reflex control. Cleaning his litter box of his rank deposits is not so much a kindness to him but a desire to breathe in my own home.If his smell was a book it would be War and Peace-The Director's Cut. If his stink was a biblical reference it would be the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse pulling a manure cart. If his stenc... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1750212 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:38:00 +0100 1750212 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1742777&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F08%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-you-can.html Here is the kitteh update you’ve all been asking for. How is Yoshi doing? Well…not great but not terribly awful either. She stopped eating all together a couple days ago and still occasionally (meaning pretty much every day) yaks bile which, I’ve discovered, leaves a lovely green stain on my carpet. Who said having cats was not like having kids? My berber disagrees. So I started getting desperate and bought all sorts of yummy things Yoshi might successfully ingest with no luck. I vacillated wildly between guilt and exasperation. It was not pretty around here. I tried to push the limits a little by keeping the cats separated all of the time except in the evenings when I allowed them to be in the same room with each other-supervised for fair play and safety. And the thing is t... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1742777 Sat, 30 Aug 2008 05:37:00 +0100 1742777 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1723483&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F08%2Fsummer-lovin-happened-so-fast.html Well, let’s see what I’ve been up to lately. You know; typical summer stuff. My very good friend, Pablo came for a visit from Montreal and we went to the beach a couple times and even went Par 3 Golfing with my mom. I was caddy with the putters. I put my panic disorder to the test and actually ate out in a restaurant twice. So YAY! On the down side I mysteriously broke out in terrible hives for about three days. I had huge welts or hives on my knees, shins, one foot, upper arms hands (including palms) and chest. A monstrous dose of antihistamines did the trick. No clue what I might have reacted too. My doc thinks it could be sun. I may have to rethink a Cuban vacation in the near future. Also Pablo had to cut his Vancouver vacation very short due to work issues. Dammit! So I’ve ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1723483 Fri, 22 Aug 2008 02:47:00 +0100 1723483 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1704723&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001171.php My mind seems to have slowed to a crawl. It takes a while to answer a question. It takes a few beats to state a sentence. My movements as well, shuffled and staggered. The medicine is helping me. I know this. I haven't needed to go into the hospital, though I've been close. I'm seeing my shrink every few weeks. He is watching me very closely. But my writing is all stupid and boring. I can't read. Nothing creative flows from me, which now poses a problem, since I start a creative writing class Tuesday. I'm hoping it will jolt me awake, that it will force the process back into my neurons. The other day I was sitting on our swing out back just enjoying the trees and birds, not worried about anything. Two seconds later it hit me like a brick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I may never be able to work a... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1704723 Wed, 13 Aug 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1704723 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1692195&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F08%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday.html When I recently dog-sat Lulu and Xiola for 5 days I bought them some new toys to play with at my house. Their particular favourite was this hedgehog that made an alarming "ack ack ack" noise when shaken. The dogs LOVED it. They loved it so much I found myself tripping on it quite often when it was left in the middle of my floor. Except when that would happen I'd do that awkward 'sacrifice your spine alignment' avoidance skip/jump/lurch because I always thought this toy was actually Yoshi and I was about to step on her. If I didn't actually have any reflexes and had the luxury of time to think about it I'd never make that mistake as Yoshi, for the first 3 days never left my bedroom. Never.I started calling the hedgehog Yoshi since it was under my feet far more than she was that weekend.Then... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1692195 Fri, 08 Aug 2008 23:41:00 +0100 1692195 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1686287&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F08%2Fone-of-those-life-posts-filled-with.html Do you ever find yourself in the same difficult and perplexing situations over and over again? You start to wonder if the universe is trying to teach you something or it is some heinous personal defect since the only constant element in all these situations is you. Or in this case, me. My particular situation is that am finding it increasingly difficult to be in the company of people. I have a couple things going against me. First of all I have terrible social anxiety complicated by some pretty weird phobias. Any social situation is pretty agonizing on most levels. Secondly I am very sensitive to the emotions of others and so called ‘vibes’. Just very aware of the undercurrents of most interactions. Some therapists think this is why I have such bad anxiety. It is like I am lacking s... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1686287 Thu, 07 Aug 2008 07:12:00 +0100 1686287 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1686249&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001170.php I am falling into a hole too deep to reach into. Sorry. Try as I might, I couldn't finish that sentence without ending it with a preposition. (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1686249 Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1686249 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1660808&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F07%2Fwell-on-my-way-to-crotchetyoldwomanvill.html I live in an apartment building that has retail spaces on the ground floor. Right below my balcony is a little cafe that has outdoor seating. Most sunny days this guy sits outside for a couple hours and chats with friends while enjoying a beverage. He is disabled and he parks his scooter-thingie on the grass and ties his dog up to it. His dog is this seriously cute Miniature Pinscher. Well, cute until he starts barking. And barking. AAAAANNND barking. Yip! Yip! Yip!The damned dog barks pretty much constantly the whole time this guy is at the cafe. Honestly, I'm not sure what bugs me the most, the incessant yapping or the fact that the guy just sits there about 10 feet away and does nothing about it.Here's the thing. I could go downstairs and ask the guy to deal with his dog. Or I could pho... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1660808 Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:57:00 +0100 1660808 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1652346&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001169.php LTD and I were at dinner tonight with Tasha and her boyfriend laughing and talking about everything and nothing. The subject of our trip to Florida came up of an incident Tasha had with a jalapeno pepper. Apparently she had just popped one in her mouth at dinner one night, thinking nothing about it since she had tasted the flavor of this hot pepper before. What was comical was that the heat surprised her so much that she started cramming food into her mouth to quench the fire. The waitress took forever bringing her another drink, so she drank mine, she drank LTD's, all while shoving crackers and bread into her mouth. The other really comical thing about this is that I have no memory of it whatsoever. Nothing. What is really pitiful is that I don't remember what I'm not remembering. I don'... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1652346 Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1652346 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1646022&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F07%2Flong-post-as-life-is-never-concise.html Well, I’ve been leaving cryptic Twitter messages over the last few days as I’ve been going through a minor (and often not so minor) emotional rollercoaster. Here’s what has been going on. In a nutshell I tried to adopt a kitten. And in another nutshell (I hope you’re not allergic) it got weird. The end result was that somebody else adopted this kitten and I am very sad about it. I’ve wanted another kitten for years and for one reason or another I’ve not acted on that urge. Not for lack of obsessive internet searching on Petfinder and all the local animal rescue shelters, mind you. First of all, when Yoshi was young, I knew I was going to be moving and while it is easy enough to find accommodation that accepts a cat it can be a bit harder to find a landlord ok with two cats. W... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1646022 Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:49:00 +0100 1646022 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1508470&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F06%2Fwhy-i-love-my-neighbours-tuesdays.html Scene: Me and a well dressed older man in my apartment elevator. I've got my mail in my hand and he is holding a large platter of deli sandwiches.Him: I'm the sandwich guy.Me: Yes, I can see that.Him: They are for a meeting. It's my turn to bring sandwiches.Me: Well, they look very good. *being polite*Him: Well, they are NOT for you. *being totally serious*Another lady enters the elevator.Her: Mmmmmm...whenever I see food I feel hungry. Those look delicious.Him: *hostile look* (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1508470 Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:21:00 +0100 1508470 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1497486&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F06%2Ffinally.html So I’ve been a little sick the last few days. It started out like strep throat which, of course, hit me during our Canadian long weekend. By the time my doc’s office was open again the lurgy had morphed into a cold where antibiotics were useless. It was a weird and wonderful sniffle where I’d suddenly cough until I gagged and I’d sweat until drenched. My voice warbled, my tummy grumbled and I was very out of sorts. One of those kinds of viruses that make you feel like ass but don’t quite knock you on it. Being upright felt terrible but lying in bed was worse; really boring. While I missed a much needed haircut and a consultation for laser hair removal (what a sexy theme) I did manage to go an ‘Emergency Preparedness’ seminar at my local community centre. I was asked to atten... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1497486 Fri, 06 Jun 2008 05:58:00 +0100 1497486 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1492086&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001159.php Battling a beast usually conjures up in one's mind, in this case, a woman, decked out in armor, shielded against the beast's fire and holding a sword or some other metal device in which to slay the onslaught. Sometimes it feels that way, but usually it is something as small as dodging an ever persistant house fly that happened its way in when you let the dog out. When your defenses are low, things get in very easily. Things like the boom-boom-boom of your neighbor's stereo while he's outside looking at his car's engine. Things like raging war on the house thermostat because it is never consistently cool inside. Things like your dog following you from room to room, no matter from the kitchen or into the bathroom, just to follow you and be near you. I've said it before. I'll say it now. It i... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1492086 Tue, 03 Jun 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1492086 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1451810&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001158.php I've been up and down over the past few days, going up towards mania and then crashing down into depression. The meds are holding, as I don't lose control completely...just enough to know things are a little off balance. Believe it or not, it's helped me to know that LTD needs me. It grounds me. (By the way, I'm going to tell you LTD's real name, even though we'll still call her LTD, for obvious reasons, as you will see. Her name is *drumroll*....Tracy.) I'm still waiting to hear the determination regarding disability. I only have until September before everything runs out. My insurance is about to be cancelled. Things could literally be gearing up to blow up in my face, again. I'm lucky I have T running interference, though she does make me do my share of the work...making phone calls, m... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1451810 Sun, 18 May 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1451810 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1426494&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F05%2Fmy-own-private-store.html Some of you have shown interest in my fabric grocery bags. I've put them all up on FLICKR so you can check them out. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1426494 Tue, 06 May 2008 21:44:00 +0100 1426494 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1420489&cid=t_124473_133_f&fid=35096&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.b5media.com%2F%7Er%2Fb5media%2FAutismVox%2F%7E3%2F283891780%2F The risk of having an autistic child is doubled if a parent has schizophrenia or if a mother has psychiatric problems (depression, personality disorders), according to a study published in Pediatrics. From Reuters via WNED.org: The study of families in Sweden with children born between 1977 and 2003 involved 1,227 children diagnosed with autism. They were compared with families of nearly 31,000 children who did not have autism. Sweden’s detailed health registry provides a wealth of data for such studies. ….. The association between a child’s autism and mental illness in the parent was strongest with schizophrenia, and was less powerful when the mother suffered from depression or personality disorders. There was little association between autism and parental addiction to a... Autism Vox blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1420489 Mon, 05 May 2008 12:08:09 +0100 1420489 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1408268&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F04%2Fscoop-poop-skinny.html *big sigh*You have no idea how many times I've said to myself that I HAVE to update my blog and then get totally distracted and, well, don't.So sorry.Here is what is happening with me lately.I am EXTREMELY busy.Specifically I have, with very little notice, committed to participating in a craft fair. In theory this is a great thing. In practice it means I've been up to 2-2:30 am every night madly sewing stuff to sell. I've got lavender owls (Nighty Night Owls), little zippered pouches, fabric magnets and fabric grocery bags.I seriously lost my mind and bought a total shit load of incredibly beautiful designer fabric (like several hundred dollars worth [I am a total fabric whore at the best of times but I went overboard with this]) planning to make billions of these bags. Well, it takes abou... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1408268 Wed, 30 Apr 2008 06:40:00 +0100 1408268 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1391040&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001154.php Color is everywhere. The trees all look so beautiful. The weather is warm. LTD and I are planning a vacation to Florida in June. I'm still not going out of the house and my symptoms are sprouting up here and there like mad, but life continues to go on. Yesterday my doctor put me on yet another new medication. When I ask him to discontinue some, he adds more. Maybe I should tell him I need more medication and get the results I need. Everything is reverse psychology with them. My food is poisoned. No matter what I eat, it makes me sick. The medication is toxic, I'm convinced. I wish I had the time and money to go to one of those spa get-aways where they totally cleanse your system of everything. I don't think I'm going to feel good until I'm clean. And putting these chemicals into my body ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1391040 Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1391040 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1370764&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001153.php My medicine is making me sick. I think I may be toxic and I don't want to take it anymore. I'm sure the food I ate yesterday was poisonous and now I'm afraid to eat. I think this way of looking at these things is totally...I can't think of the word...logical? It seems paranoid, I know. But if someone's paranoid about being followed and they really are being followed, does that make them so? I know a build-up of chemicals in the body can cause toxicity and that's what is happening to me. Every night LTD brings me my medicine, I want to smash something. I'm going to be very careful about what I eat. And I'm asking my doctor tomorrow about taking me off all my medicine before my kidneys and liver shuts down. These things can happen over a period of time and I've been taking these toxic medici... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1370764 Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1370764 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1346158&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001152.php Last night was a bad night. My medicine made me high as hell and when I went to bed, the bed started spinning and my lips were vibrating. I had to get up and do the dishes, clean the kitchen and do a load of laundry. My thoughts were racing and I had an internal sense of total restlessness. I couldn't vacuum because it was 1:00 in the morning so I just laid down on the couch with my eyes open and stared at a picture on the wall. Some might think that this was an episode of hypo-mania but wouldn't any normal person do those things if she couldn't sleep? Don't people sometimes get up and clean the house when they're wide awake during the wee hours of the morning? We are in a precarious situation here. I know every year I say I'm not going back into the hospital but this time I mean it so... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1346158 Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1346158 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1327508&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001150.php I've been so depressed lately that it's hard to write about. My birthday was wonderful and temporarily lifted me out of the doldrums, but the muck is so thick, I have to paddle hard and fast against the tide just to keep my nose above water. I've had no energy, no motivation to do anything and have been isolating myself in the house to the exclusion of everything in the world. Nothing gets me out of the house. Nothing keeps me awake. I've been sleeping my whole fucking life away. I can't describe what pain it is to sit on the couch and do nothing but stare at the wall. I get up and pace from room to room, stopping here and there to touch something, pick up a book, straighten a cushion. Mostly I've slept...18 hours a day, waiting for Spencer to get home, waiting for LTD to come home from wo... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1327508 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 04:00:00 +0100 1327508 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1276069&cid=t_124473_151_f&fid=36047&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.b5media.com%2F%7Er%2Fb5media%2FADozenSteps%2F%7E3%2F245313834%2F Thanks Hal, I needed to be reminded how we can become so inane. I mean, us alkies will stoop to whatever depths we need to to justify our drinking! Offering up a perfect example of old thinking, having quite obviously spent some time with the itty bitty sh**ty committee, Hal was kind enough to drop this inane comment here yesterday. He got caught in moderation (that’s a blog term Hal). I’ll take a screen shot of it because I don’t want to use up valuable space at A Dozen Steps. Here it is, in reference to this post last year: “A Glimpse Into An Alcoholic Mind” “Mark said, ‘It wants us dead.’ If we’re dead, the alcoholic mind won’t have access to alcohol. Can the alcoholic mind commit suicide?” Maybe you might give my friend Alicia a... A Dozen Steps blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1276069 Tue, 04 Mar 2008 06:28:07 +0100 1276069 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1263571&cid=t_124473_155_f&fid=36520&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdrzeusforensicfiles.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F02%2Fbut-i-guess-im-not-as-crazy-as-some.html This is a picture of the "Auto-Icon" the preserved body of Jeremy Bentham at the University College of London, his own skeleton surmounted by a wax head. Supposedly he(it?) attends meetings of the college council, being recorded in the minutes as "Jeremy Bentham, present but not voting". Supposedly, he only casts the deciding vote in favour of the motion when the council is split. I don't know if this an elaborate joke on Bentham's part, or the University College of London, or whatever. There was another man who wanted to be the type specimen for Homo sapiens who might have gotten his wish. Personally, I kind of want to achieve immortality, like Woody Allen, by not dying. But I know that's not possible. And I don't want to achieve immortality by marrying my stepchild. Or is that infamy? (S... Dr. Zeus's Forensic Files blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1263571 Wed, 27 Feb 2008 21:59:00 +0100 1263571 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1259966&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F02%2Fspooky.html So I like to think I am a very enlightened, tolerant and open minded sort of gal. I have my own little quirky life filled with my own little quirky likes and dislikes and as such maintain a motto of, “Whatever melts your butter.” While I may not agree with or even remotely understand others and what they do in their lives I also don’t like to harsh on anyone’s mellow by being all judgmental and shit. Everybody has to do their own thing, right? So along with being enlightened, tolerant and open minded I am also mentally about as mature as a teenaged boy. A very poorly brought up, over imaginative, and under stimulated adolescent male. Combine that with an uncontrollable reflex to joke about inappropriate things and I am exactly the wrong person to take to a funeral, bris, beat poet... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1259966 Wed, 27 Feb 2008 08:34:00 +0100 1259966 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1238187&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F02%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-sunday.html I've been busy shopping and cleaning and getting ready for my cousin to visit on Monday. She is almost 20 years old so I have to make my pad as cool and groovy as possible. This is no small feat and I am, frankly, exhausted already.Yes, I know by saying cool and groovy and pad I've just earned all 20 year olds' distain forever. Like, who totally cares?Yoshi has been helping me out by sleeping the whole weekend and keeping her shedded fur in a small easily contained area. However, she has resorted to some creative coping postures to avoid the pungent stench caused by me scrubbing and wiping with vinegar. My apartment smells like a salad. Environmentally safe for everybody but none too pleasant for sensitive noses.Regular cute sleeping posture.Smell avoidance sleeping posture. (Source: Von K... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1238187 Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:32:00 +0100 1238187 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1230332&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001145.php There seems to be no explanation or rule as to how I spend my days now, no hard and fast system that gets me easily through the hours. At times I am so frozen by inertia that I am choked, grabbing at my throat and sucking in nothing to feed my lungs. Other times I am busy with the industry of simple housekeeping, but I am always aware that my life, by no ordinary measure, ticks away with the second hand to an unsatisfactory demise. What will become of me? Will I always spend these days with time so unforgivingly stretched out before me? Will there always be such tortuous indecision crowding the hours that I spend those sweet minutes just walking from room to room? There is no routine to my life. Sometimes I sleep, other times I don't. Sometimes I'm tired and want to do nothing. Other tim... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1230332 Wed, 13 Feb 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1230332 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1219473&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F02%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-fur-child.html Discovered a new game today...Playing Airplane!Checking out the horizons. Totally relaxed.The soles of my feet are still tingling from all the purring.God, I love my cat. Who needs kids?* It has been brought to my attention that what I mean to type is Gymboree. As noted above I do not have kids so these errors are practically mandatory. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1219473 Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:46:00 +0100 1219473 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1207453&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F02%2Fon-being-cool-and-groovy.html Me: So how was your day?Mom: Nothing went right today. I didn't get much done. It was a total fustercluck.Me: What? Wha...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! *chokes on own spit* Do you mean clusterfuck?Mom: OH! Um...yeah.Me: I like your version better.Mom: Me too.So from now on 'fustercluck' is an official word to be used by 74 year olds when their day goes to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1207453 Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:39:00 +0100 1207453 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1207385&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001143.php I went in for neuropsych testing yesterday. They don't seem to know what to do with me. Is the problem medical? Is it mental? Who can tell? They did the testing anyway and I'll have to go back in a few weeks to get "feedback," which is just the name for the interview that tells you how badly you're fucked up...or not. It could all be in my head. I believe with everything that's holy that my brain has been damaged. Even though they say ECT doesn't cause it, I think it did. I think I have brain damage. The neuropsych testing could prove or disprove that, in either case, I will still believe that something is very wrong with my brain. We were going along swimmingly, after taking the MMPI (567 questions) and doing some design copying with red and white blocks, we got to this portion of the te... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1207385 Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1207385 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1173179&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001140.php Had an appointment with Dr. K today that was so boring, I almost felt like lying to spice things up. I must be the dullest patient he has. "How are you sleeping?" My sleep is off. Sometimes too much, sometimes not enough. "How are you eating?" I've lost ten pounds in two weeks from drinking water. "How is your mood?" Blah. It's just blah. That was basically the entire session. Next time I go in I'm going to tell him I'm having an affair with a priest (again). I'm going to say it's not affecting LTD at all since she's so worried about my stealing and drinking. I may even tell him I've taken up smoking crack to help boost my moods a bit. LTD's goal this weekend is to get me out of the house. HA! We'll see. She may need machinery to do it. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do any... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1173179 Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1173179 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1162034&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F01%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-yoshis.html Every blue moon I cook up a huge pot of tomato sauce to spoon into small serving sized containers for my freezer. I hate cooking so this is the only way I can avoid scurvy. One nasty cooking hour resulting in several wondrous microwaving minutes at later dates.Yoshi should count her blessings that this phenomenon doesn't happen more regularly because her aversion to the smell of onions being cut up is very dramatic and fraught with anguish and despair.As I start chopping the onions (said in a Creole accent-Onyons!) I can see her out of the corner of my eye sniffing the air with a decidedly peevish cast to her ears.Then the obsessive head tossing and lip smacking begins.This part lasts for several minutes.By this time most likely the onions are in the skillet and the worst is over. My strea... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1162034 Sat, 19 Jan 2008 05:05:00 +0100 1162034 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1149699&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001138.php My medicine sometimes makes me high as a kite. I don't know why or what medication is the actual culprit, but after taking morning meds, I occasionally blast off through the roof. Like today. It begins with a buzzing in the lips, accompanied by dizziness, rapid thoughts and speech, and an incredible feeling of spinning. It's probably why I don't mind taking morning meds, but unfortunately, it doesn't happen that often. I watch for symptoms of mania so closely that depression sneaks up on me when I least expect it. The other day I sat on the couch for so long, I couldn't walk when I finally decided to get up. I was sitting with one leg tucked under me and ignored the prickly feeling you get when an extremity is falling asleep. For five hours it felt like a charley horse in my calf. Of cou... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1149699 Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1149699 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1140971&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F01%2Fwritten-equivalent-to-nyquil.html So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I could write about for my first official non-Yoshi related post for 2008. I was hoping to come up with a story from the holidays or some new personal conclusion for the New Year but I’ve got nothing. Well, nothing very interesting anyway. Things have been rather scattered lately and so have my thoughts. Not a bad thing but not great for a decent blog post. In point form here is what is new with me: -I had a good Christmas with my family and there was lots of great food and company yet I emerged from the season feeling somewhat empty. This is nobody’s fault but my own. Despite my best intentions I got caught up in the petty stresses of the holiday worrying about shopping and The Perfect Gift and if this was enough for that person and that was ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1140971 Thu, 10 Jan 2008 07:58:00 +0100 1140971 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1142427&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001137.php It gets to be a major outing just to go to the store for milk. It is something to do, something that needs to be accomplished. Being out of work does that to you. While my doctor continues to maintain that I'm not ready to go back, every day I think about getting a job. Would I be able to pull it off? Would they notice the hesitation in my voice? Would they feel the fear? Would I be able to walk in there with all my wits about me and fake readiness? The meds are keeping my mood stable. I can feel this palpably. It feels somewhat like a big hand holding my head down. Aside from a few episodes of short-lasting mania, I've been okay. I've been okay except that I have all this time on my hands with nothing to fill the hours. Writing only takes me so far before I believe that what I'm doing i... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1142427 Thu, 10 Jan 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1142427 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1133876&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001136.php Did I forget to mention that I'm seeing a therapist? Let's call her Dr. G. She has a fruity sounding name and actually, her entire name sounds like something a porn star would use as a pseudonym. She is not the Lioness, but she is close to it. We talk for an hour and then she repeats, almost verbatim, exactly what I told her. And she gives assignments, which I love. I don't know how I get so lucky ending up with the right doctor, but it happens. And the way I found her was total kismet... LTD and I were renting a car to pick Spencer up from the airport when he came back from Boston at Thanksgiving. My tags were surrendered and LTD has a truck that only holds two comfortably, so the rent-a-car was necessary. While we were inside the office, a woman was waiting for a car and the staff kept ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1133876 Mon, 07 Jan 2008 05:00:00 +0100 1133876 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1107021&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F12%2Fcan-you-fear-me-now.html My mom, at the age of 74, just got her first cell phone on Monday.Me-I guess this means you'll be calling me a million times a day.Mom- NO! Why would I do that?Me-Because you can.Mom- *evil giggle*Kalki wrote a while back about things that make her feel like an adult. I asked my mom and she said using her new phone made her feel that way. I guess this means you are never too old to feel like a grown-up. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1107021 Thu, 20 Dec 2007 07:33:00 +0100 1107021 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1109814&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001132.php July 15, 2005 FROZEN IN CELLULAR HELL PERSONAL INSANITY One neuron sloths through the syrupy muck within a sappy synaptic underworld, fighting through tentacles caked by a goop that sucks it back by some sadistic reversal of the process, pulling it away from its natural forward course...the search for the idea, the thought, the ah-ha resting place. It just stops, suspended in a quicksand of hollowed out impotence, suspended somewhere between the brightening of an idea and the expression of a simple word. It sits there and frowns, wrinkles the skin that encases the frontal lobe, and it stops all movement while the word, whatever the word....umbrella or chasm or tea bag wreaks an absolute tortuous havoc on the psyche that causes more pain than is necessary. That's where I live. That's wher... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1109814 Thu, 20 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1109814 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1107004&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001131.php My friend Kelly wants me to take lithium. I actually considered it for a moment until I remembered what it did to me. It was the first medication I was on when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I remember that my moods almost immediately stabilized. But it made my eyes feel big. I didn't blink as much as someone should. I was always thirsty. And I gained nearly 100 pounds before I could stand it no longer and took myself off it. This is the way with bipolar drugs...each positive response will be matched with a equally negative side effect. But Kelly has a point. Lithium is the only approved drug for bipolar disorder alone. It is not used to treat seizures (like all the other mood stabilizers on the market). It is not used to treat migraine headaches. It is for bipolar disorder only...... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1107004 Wed, 19 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1107004 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1100123&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001130.php I fell asleep last night at about 12:30. Not too bad, eh? I woke up at 7:45 to get Spencer off to school and then went back to bed. I slept until 1:00. The day before I slept until 4:00. My sleep is fucked, as are my awake hours. It is already 6:00 p.m. and I have accomplished nothing. The pacing from room to room continues. I have done my best to fluff this off to medication changes. My dose was doubled. Surely that has something to do with it. I am still on house arrest. My 30-day tag surrender was up yesterday but I won't be able to get my new tags until Wednesday, when LTD is off work, and when I have disability money to pay for it. I'm about to start hating this imprisonment and am ready to venture out on my own. I don't know if it's readiness per se, or if it's just being so sick and... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1100123 Mon, 17 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1100123 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1097217&cid=t_124473_112_f&fid=34728&url=http%3A%2F%2Fobgynkenobi.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F12%2Ffeliz-naviblah.html So where was I? Oh yes, Thanksgiving travel with an infant. The day started out well enough. We had splurged on the extra luxury of actually departing from the teensy tiny airport in Whooville, as opposed to driving 2 hours to BigCity to fly out as per usual. The flight left around 9, so we got to the airport and checked in around 8. No baggage to check (thanks to Mr. Whoo), but I did have my (oh so stylish) breastpump, a diaper bag, and a 14 pound infant in the baby bi.jorn. The first two puddle-jumping flights were great. I had a bottle of freshly pumped milk so that I didn't have to get half naked in one of those itty bitty planes. Bean had his second breakfast and filled his diaper in that order, and all was right with the world. We arrived in the BigCity airport with just enough time ... Ob/Gyn Kenobi blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1097217 Sat, 15 Dec 2007 12:56:00 +0100 1097217 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1097226&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001129.php I never know when to keep my mouth shut. For two nights in a row I have been unable to fall asleep, even though the medicine is supposed to make me drowsy. I find myself wide-eyed looking at the those illuminated numbers on the alarm clock at 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, 2:30. It seems like it will never end. And while I know I'm not sleeping, that hypomanic symptoms are starting to rear their ugly heads, I become more and more anxious, requiring the use of Klonopin, which I have been trying not to take...or rather, I'm trying not to medicate every little ailment with this tranquilizer. Going outside? Take a Klonopin. Going to Walmart? Take a Klonopin. Can't sleep? Take two. I'm taking that Trileptal in the morning now. The dose doubled today, and yet, I feel nothing different...except that I can't ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1097226 Sat, 15 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1097226 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1085596&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001127.php Another adjustment of the medication and I am holding on. I have been sleeping all day and staying awake all night long, pacing, watching TV, watching LTD sleep, writing, moving slowly in circles in the kitchen...nighttime is a dangerous time for a manic on the move. I notice that all my clocks are set on different times. The hall closet door won't shut. There is a dip in the wood in the hallway, a slant noticeable even by the naked eye, but part of the charm so many of these houses in this old neighborhood share. I am down to 73 books on my bookshelf, having sold most of them to a used bookseller for gas money months ago. There is really nothing else I can do but count things, straighten things out, move furniture, talk to the dog, watch the cat sleeping soundly on the bed, where I should... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1085596 Mon, 10 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1085596 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1081527&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001126.php I started that new medicine last night, the Trileptal. It seems the decrease in Topamax made me a bit hypomanic and something had to be done. But oh. my. god. This Trileptal is kicking my ass. I took the lowest dose possible and slept for 13 hours. Now I'm walking around like I have bricks in my legs. My arms feel like concrete. The funny thing is, my head feels clear. What is this shit about medicine anyway? You can either be clear-headed and not be able to move, or you can feel fine physically and not be able to think of the word for chair or snowman. Is there no fucking medicine that can make you clear-headed and be able to walk? (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1081527 Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1081527 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1074965&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001125.php When LTD and I went to see Dr. K last Friday, I asked him to order an MRI for me. I told him I was certain that ECT was causing brain damage. He maintained that my symptoms were due to medication side-effects and that ECT didn't cause brain damage. I still don't believe that ECT doesn't do damage to the brain, but look at this little ditty I found in a book I purchased on my last trip to Borders... From the book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder by Julie Fast and John Preston: Your bipolar brain often creates problems instead of helping you cope with them. Often it simply isn't possible to think clearly, problem-solve, and maintain an appropriate measure of emotional control, because certain brain structures that regulate emotions lose their ability to function appropriately. This appears t... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1074965 Thu, 06 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1074965 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1071026&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001124.php Every day that LTD works and Spencer's in school, I have 7 hours alone. These hours are often filled up with pacing from room to room, anxiety-ridden moments of boredom or despair, when I find myself questioning my sanity and filling my lungs to capacity with deep sighs. I don't know how to manage my own time. LTD leaves lists with small, easy tasks that I either accomplish by early morning and face the rest of the day with nothing else to do or that are left undone because I find myself frozen, statued by (...unable to find the word here). I can't find the word. This house-arrest lingers on. I'm sure I wouldn't leave the house even if I could but just knowing that I can't makes leaving the one thing I want to do. Where would I go? There is no place for me to go. Tonight LTD and I were... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1071026 Tue, 04 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1071026 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1064220&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001123.php Having coffee with Daniel at Borders today was almost a religious experience for me. Coversation was nearly effortless and I felt a calm I have not felt in public for a very long time. There was no one staring at me, no terrorist activities going on around me, and no familiar faces I needed to place to put my world in order. I didn't trust it at first, but then I stopped trying to--stopped trying to trust it. There was no need to. It was simply coffee at Borders with a very good friend. There are miles to go, I know this, but this tiny nugget of sanity was like a silvered jewel in the palm of my hand...and not one I needed to fist so tightly as to cause my skin to tear, but one I could roll around and play with. I was out in public, without LTD or Spencer to anchor me, and actually walke... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1064220 Sat, 01 Dec 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1064220 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1062805&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001122.php LTD and I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday with a list in hand. We've been keeping track of all my symptoms and I was more than prepared to have all my medications stopped and was going to skip out of his office a woman free of all mind altering substances. He cut my Topamax in half. I was fine with that. I'm always fine with going down in meds than adding more on....but then he had to go ahead and suggest adding Trileptal. Trileptal? Was he fucking joking? Nobody uses Trileptal anymore. I tried to act like I knew why, but I didn't. Even when I got home later and researched it, I couldn't find the specific reason why doctors aren't prescribing it aside from the fact that it is a very old drug and there are newer and shinier meds on the market. He's still trying to push the Depakot... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1062805 Fri, 30 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1062805 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1057337&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F11%2Ffabulous-yoshi-stuff.html Hey everybody! Time is running out on the Yoshi Calendars. Canada Post's suggested deadline to get items to you by Christmas is December 10th. Do you need a fun office gift? Short on stocking stuffers? How about a hostess gift when you do your Holiday Party rounds?AND! Introducing Yoshi Christmas Cards (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1057337 Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:04:00 +0100 1057337 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1051245&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001119.php I am effectively on house arrest until December 16th, 2007. It seems in the state of North Carolina that if you let your car insurance lapse for any amount of time at all, you get a nice little fine and you get an added bonus of having to surrender your tags for 30 days. My insurance ran out last November when I ran out of money to make the premium. I went a month or two without insurance, changed carriers and then all was right with the world....until my tags expired. This recent episode of agoraphobia is coming in quite handy, I think, or I'd be going stark raving mad right about now. (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1051245 Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1051245 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1051244&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001120.php There is a term I'm looking for. There is a term for letting loose of all you're thinking of, for letting go of everything in your brain without pause. I know there is a word for it, but I can't remember what the word is. This is how my brain works these days. I could take you to Borders. We might have to get there in a very creative way, taking several side streets and backtracking through a few neighborhoods along the way, but we'd get there. I couldn't tell you how to get there. In my head, I could not explain how to take one street and then turn left on the next street and then keep going straight until you get to the first street light. This is the same way wet brain works. From A to C, somewhere B gets dropped. My responses are delayed. From the outside it may look like I'm just wai... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1051244 Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1051244 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1044009&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001116.php We are preparing for tomorrow's ambush at Best Buy. We have our camping chairs and table, blankets, and well, I would list the other items but my brain is quite empty at the moment. Is it a parka? A rain jacket? I can't remember the word for it. The forecast for tomorrow is cold and wet. Yes, a storm is rolling in. We made a trip to Best Buy to get some general information and were told that the line will begin forming mid-afternoon. By 10:00 p.m. it will wrap around the back of the building, slice through the parking lot and disappear around the Macaroni Grill restaurant. And it will be raining the whole day. I'm setting a personal goal to be first in line. Now, about the other storm. I keep breaking down in sobs. Three times today, for absolutely no reason at all. Once in a restaurant,... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1044009 Wed, 21 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1044009 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1033480&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F11%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-drool.html Postponed due to superfabulousfeeln'goodwannalaydown migraine meds. Will crush Yoshi once spinning stops. Weeeeeee! (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1033480 Sat, 17 Nov 2007 06:56:00 +0100 1033480 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1032946&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001113.php The Lioness has been dead for more than a year. I cannot tell you how much I feel her absence right now in my life. I am a therapeutic orphan. Psychiatrists don't perform any outrageous feats of therapy. They are not built that way. Glorified pharmacists are about as close as you get these days. Rapid thoughts? Take a pill. Anxiety? Take a pill. Flashbacks from childhood? There's a pill for that, too. Hell, there are several pills for that one. But you are left to wander in the wasteland, child, pained and disillusioned by any artwork that moves you, filled up with the emotion that can't be expressed, because there is no one to listen to your pain, no one who has the time to flesh out the grumbling discontent that is choking you into oblivion. It's right there, growing like a malignant tum... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1032946 Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1032946 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1027179&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=35448&url=http%3A%2F%2Fseemedlikeagoodideathetime.com%2F2007%2F11%2F14%2Fcheap-and-easy-psych-test%2F The Bathtub Test    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a  teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”   “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the  bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”  Get ready…… Are you ready?…… Can’t believe I answered this wrong. Guess I am truly craaaaaazy….. The sane answer……   “No” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”... bipolar chicks blogging blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1027179 Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:42:58 +0100 1027179 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1025395&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F11%2Fright-of-passage.html I was not so fondly recollecting all my past wounds and woes a while ago and suddenly came to a startling realization; I am half cursed. Not wholly, completely or utterly cursed but only demi cursed. Specifically on my right side. If something is going to go wrong with me it disproportionately happens to the right side of my body. For instance: -Back in my college grocery gal days I pulled my right lower back and sprained my right wrist. I also got carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist after a couple years. Most of this can be explained as I am right handed so that side of my body would suffer the most wear and tear. -Same when I got attacked by the huge dog. It ripped a chunk out of my right forearm and right foot. Also logical as you’d think that is what arm and leg I’d use to ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1025395 Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:51:00 +0100 1025395 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1025380&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001112.php She is not afraid of me. LTD is not intimidated by my illness, has never backed down from it, nor cowered in a corner by its ferocity--for that matter has she challenged it, bowed up to it or tried to frighten it away. She has merely accepted it for what it is and sparred with it in the ring when she found herself there unwittingly. She gives it all she's got, never takes cheap shots, and never leaves--even when leaving would be best for her, when it would be best for all of us. She stays. And she takes me and my demons out into the world believing the distraction is the best therapeutic response. Surprisingly, it has worked, despite the horrendous tragedies being played out in my mind. We've been bowling. We've played Bingo. We've gone to Buffalo Wild Wings to play Trivia. While the inne... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1025380 Tue, 13 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1025380 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1019364&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001111.php We were driving back from spending time with friends tonight when LTD said, "You're lost, aren't you?" She is beginning to be quite adept at reading the aberrance when it presents itself, even when it does so with silence. I was lost, but it was a comfortable loss since I wasn't the one driving. I've been getting lost for weeks now everywhere I go, even inside my own house, from room to room, from house to mailbox, from car to front door. I've been getting lost in North Carolina, one moment driving in Winston Salem...the next moment thinking I'm driving in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I've gotten lost twice now driving home after having dropped Spencer off at school. I've been driving down streets having no clue where in the world I am--just driving, turning down streets, turning around, back... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1019364 Sun, 11 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1019364 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1012356&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001109.php It's that feeling you get right when you've realized you've locked your keys in the car and the baby's inside...that feeling of horror you feel when you've taken one step too many off the stage...it's just that feeling, over and over again that I keep experiencing for no reason at all. It lasts for a split second but it happens about 20-35 times every hour. ECT has gotten inside my brain and awakened the fear factor. That's what it feels like...like someone is coming up behind me every few moments and scaring the living hell out of me. There used to be a time when I felt blessed with this disease. I did. I figured the moments of creativity were worth the mania and strife and the moments of actual down time caused by depression weren't that lengthy or severe anyway, so it was all an even ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1012356 Wed, 07 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1012356 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=1009427&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001108.php Yesterday before the switches were pulled the doctor discussed turning up the juice on the ECT machine. It would be my last treatment, why not go out with a bang? Why not, indeed? I don't know how high we topped out, but I seemed to have been emptied of quite a bit of brain matter. My mood? Stable. My memories? Scattered. My brain is frantically trying to remember something--as it builds up the memory blocks in the right order, it feels like my brain is on fire and these blocks are rolling and tumbling, scrambling to fit into the right order--but nanoseconds before I latch onto what that memory is, an explosion occurs and leaves me with nothing but smoldering ashes. This happens every ten minutes or so. I've chosen to ignore it. I think if I have any more ECT I will be left with permanen... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=1009427 Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:00:00 +0100 1009427 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=991836&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001107.php From the time I arrive for ECT until the time I leave, I am overwhelmed by hands. LTD and I are beckoned to a small room where I change into a gown and a pair of "shock socks." I am helped onto a gurney and a nurse immediately begins the search for a good, juicy vein. It will not be easy. Another nurse will enter and begin the search on the other side. I can feel their hands everywhere. The veins they can hit will roll or blow and I will be crying by the time they've finally started the IV. Three sticks is considered a success. They will apologize. One of the nurses will administer a medication through my IV that will make my mouth very dry. LTD will make small talk. She will hold my hand. When we are alone I will say something like, "Let's go" or "Let's run." She won't joke around. LTD ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=991836 Tue, 30 Oct 2007 04:00:00 +0100 991836 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=970079&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001104.php I had a treatment Friday and then we went to Walmart. I don't know if we went Friday or Saturday, but I would not suggest doing this at all. If you are planning to have shock treatments any time soon you should probably avoid Walmart for five to seven days afterwards. That is my Tracy Shock Treatment Tip for the day. LTD & I were strolling through the frozen food section looking for petite quiches when all of a sudden...and I mean like a hammer dropped...everyone looked familiar. I wish I could convey how utterly disturbing this is. Of course you know how annoying it is when you see one person in public that you recognize and you can't quite place them....did you go to school with them? Do they shop at the same grocery store as you? Is it your neighbor? Your landlord? Your banker? Your c... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=970079 Mon, 22 Oct 2007 04:00:00 +0100 970079 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=954069&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F10%2Fupdate-and-physical-anomaly.html My dad came home today from the hospital and is carefully lurching around on his own with his giant crutches. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this but my dad is 6’5” and my mom is 5’3”. His crutches are literally almost as tall as she is. Anyway, I got to hand over his briefcase and cell phone and he resumed his role as boss man of his business. Instead of his executive chair he is ruling the roost from the couch. I have taken a secondary role as his legs for the next month or so until he can get around on his own again. Thanks so much for all your kind comments. So while I cannot say I am stress free I am not at def-con 5 at this time. In other news: Presently I am going through an invisible stage in my life. Periodically I seriously wonder if people cannot see me bec... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=954069 Tue, 16 Oct 2007 05:46:00 +0100 954069 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=952117&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001103.php Being disabled has never applied to me before. At least, I never let the word wrap itself around me like a snake and push out all the air. And I guess it doesn't now, except that I'm letting my perception of its meaning grasp me around the middle and make me gasp for my life, the meaning of my life, the purpose of my life. I can't work. I can't even get through a simple interview. My doctor won't release me back to work and even going behind his back, sly as a snake and thinking I'm so big and powerful, I end up getting crushed under the guises of my disease, left sweating it out like a junkie on the rebound of withdrawal, outside in my car with all the windows up, shaking, sweating, jerking out my embarassment, grabbing at my face, only able to anchor myself to reality by snatching a fist... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=952117 Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:00:00 +0100 952117 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=933178&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001101.php The big joke in this house is that I have a boyfriend named Daniel, who happens to be a chaplain, who happens to be married and that I happen to be a lesbian. That's a pretty big joke. Even Kim said on the phone one day, "C'mon Trace, everyone in the blogosphere knows you have a big fat crush on Daniel." I'm not sure why we have to label these sorts of attractions women have for men, feelings a woman might have for a man that go beyond the usual friendly feelings crushes, but we do. It's another example of fitting something aberrant or unusual into a box that we can close a lid on, satisfied that it fits somewhere in our psyche. I could actually say I'm in love with Daniel, but not in the traditional sense of how the populous might perceive that concept. I'm in love with him in the sense... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=933178 Sun, 07 Oct 2007 04:00:00 +0100 933178 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=896445&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=35465&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychlaws.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F09%2Foprah-on-bipolar-and-violence.html Andrea Petrosky killed her child. On The Oprah Show today, she talks about it, and about her bipolar disorder.Petrosky is one in a long line of mothers whose untreated or wrongly treated severe mental illness had such a sickening result. In fact, of children killed by a parent, 15.8 percent of defendants had a history of untreated mental illness.What she has to say about it sounds very familiar.Andrea says the person who killed her son "wasn't me. It wasn't the real me. It was a very sick me, because I would never hurt him. Never," she says.Her voice is an eerie echo of many who have been through similar circumstances. Like Naomi Gaines, who killed her 14-month old twins."I know how I was feeling that day. I know I was not the same Naomi who got up with my kids a million times before and f... Treatment Advocacy Center blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=896445 Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:52:00 +0100 896445 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=896051&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001099.php I woke up in a very, very mood, as Pooh might say. The light was too harsh, the birds were too loud. The dog was too white. The cat, too black. The kid was up and ready for school, which annoyed me for some reason. LTD left the coffee on for me and I drank copious amounts. I had a pounding headache. Nothing good was going to come from this day, I suspected. I didn't suspect, however, that terrible things would occur, with no warning, and things would transpire over which I would had no control. My disability ran out. Poof. Just gone. Long-term is not scheduled to kick in until mid October. I don't know how they expect people to get from one point to the next. How do you feed a 14-year-old on nothing? I haven't finished paying this month's rent. How am I going to pay the next? The system,... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=896051 Mon, 24 Sep 2007 04:00:00 +0100 896051 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=849991&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001096.php I had to see another psychiatrist for the Disability circus. The appointment was at 5:40, so I knew it was going to be rushed and half-assed and led by someone who was tired and wanting to get home. I had no idea it was going to be like speed-dating. I could barely understand what she was saying. Her name was Dr. Chukameanuckasakalama. It went like this: Dr. C: Do you know what day it is? Me: Yes, Tuesday. Dr. C: It's Wednesday. Me: Oh. (I really thought it was Tuesday. I've been off a day all week.) Dr. C: Spell "world" backwards. Me: d-l-r-o-w. Dr. C: Are you sleeping at night? Me: No. I go to sleep at midnight and get up about 3 or 4 a.m. Dr. C: Count backwards by 7 from 100. Me: (I couldn't do it. I never can.) Dr. C: What's the capitol of this state? Me: Raleigh? Dr. C: If you found ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=849991 Fri, 07 Sep 2007 04:00:00 +0100 849991 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=949173&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=36503&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeeds.feedburner.com%2F%7Er%2FAzureone%2F%7E3%2F164520504%2Fdepressive-end-of-spectrum.html When depression hits me it is an endless buzz of pain that paralyzes. Stuck in bed but unable to sleep. I feel constant self hatred. My skull seems to collapses in on my brain. The pain is extreme -- it seems there must be some physical manifestation, for example, a blood trickle out of my nose, eyes or ears seems reasonable. A siren (think car alarm) relentlessly screams its spittle on my face. Assaulted and frozen in a white hell I cannot escape. No end. No help. No way to make it stop. Ahhh and then the thought comes. It will stop if I stop. Death becomes the solution. Relief is death. Death the logical choice.My family and friends find it odd that I would ever choose suicide because I love life. I have always tried to live as deeply, as large as possible ("suck the marrow out of bones"... azureone blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=949173 Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:58:00 +0100 949173 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2512990&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=36503&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FAzureone%2F%7E3%2Fi2GpOXSB8lg%2Fday-two.html I am wondering if it makes sense to really post this site so the outside world can see it. My concern about making this public is that blogging seems like a very 'navel-staring' act, an act which is quite foolish. I began this exercise (of a blog) yesterday as a means to express my ideas for me and I thought it would be fun to create the blog. Now I am uncertain if this was the right choice, yet here I am typing away on day two. I listed this blog with a few blog lists so I guess I will see if anyone visits and go from there. For right now this is a personal exercise which is just fine with me. (Source: azureone) azureone blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2512990 Mon, 03 Sep 2007 01:32:00 +0100 2512990 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=2512991&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=36503&url=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F%7Er%2FAzureone%2F%7E3%2FizNDY4S55Q4%2Fwhy-hell-am-i-here.html Do you know? I don't know. All I can tell you is that I was diagnosed with Bipolar II and ADHD this year. First I was frozen and then the mania joined my depression and three sleepless nights later I found myself designing the scene of my death. I am lucky because some section of my diseased brain decided that I wanted to see my brother again and decided to call him prior to going into the light. Yup you guessed it.... a trip to the hospital and a handful of meds a day for the past seven months have given me 'stability.' Meaning the hypomania and mania are gone but the depression lingers keeping me up, making we cry, pushing my self-destructive tendencies. I hate having to actively grab and hang on for life (hands clenched to desk, table, door whatever to hold on). Will this go away? Is th... azureone blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=2512991 Sat, 01 Sep 2007 21:53:00 +0100 2512991 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=835474&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F08%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-my-head-is.html I’ve never claimed to be a patient person but right at this moment I am losing my fucking mind. So much so that Yoshi is in danger of a head crushing for reals. After my own head explodes. Ok, here is the thing. I went to sign-in to my Flickr account today and was immediately diverted to a Yahoo sign-in page. Ok, whatever. I know all about how these sites buy each other out so I did what they told me and signed into my Yahoo! account. It then took me to a page where it asked if I wanted to start up a new Flickr account or associate my old one with my Yahoo! account. Well, obviously, yes, I would very much like to merge the two accounts opposed to starting up a new one. So it asked me to provide my Flickr account ID and password to do that. This is where it gets very ugly. I have all m... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=835474 Fri, 31 Aug 2007 19:23:00 +0100 835474 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=833403&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001094.php And the Lamictal goes up, up, up as the mood goes down, down, down. Be quiet, be still, be complacent and compliant. Just be. Just hush. If I knew the mystical placement of my feet, the exact motion of my arms, the perfect tilt of my head, and of course, all the right answers, I would get there, and present that self to all the powers that be and not have to down these pills. But could I, really? Isn't that what got me to this point in the first place? I was dancing too fast. I was twirling too close to the precipice. I was spinning out of control. But whose precipice? Whose control? What a shining moment of aberrance it is when you are singled out, when the spotlight hits that piece of you when you have fallen off your guard. There really isn't a place to hide when you're the only one o... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=833403 Thu, 30 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 833403 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=821346&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001092.php It seems these days you can't say anything without offending some person, group or faction in the world. We're so afraid. I'm so afraid. Maybe we need to be scared. Who's to say? This was one topic of conversation I had with Daniel, yesterday at Borders, whilst sipping a cool and creamy vanilla mocha caramel frozen java concoction. Yes, I went out into the world again and socialized. I tell ya, I'm getting BRAVE! I don't know how we stumbled on it, but I think it was Daniel who used the term "African American" that I jumped all over. I hate it. I hate that we distinguish between people of color, whether that color is black, white, tan, red, brown or yellow. And if we're going to do it, we should do it across the board and distinguish everyone by their ancestral background. Call me a Germa... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=821346 Fri, 24 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 821346 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=814197&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001091.php When LTD and I picked up the refill for my Geodon, they only had 20mg tablets. I have to take 180mg at dinner. 180mg. As if I don't already take enough fucking pills as it is. Nine fucking pills at a pop. If I took all the pills I'm supposed to take on a daily basis at the same time, I wouldn't have to eat anything. It would be a meal in itself. But the taste of that Lamictal would distinguish itself among the others. It is a bit like chalk laced with battery acid. And it's shaped funny, so it sticks. If I don't choke on it, I have to drink and drink and drink to get it down. The Metformin is about a foot long. And the Chantix makes me sick as a dog. Pill time around here is so fun, lemme tell ya. Last night I had resolved never to take another pill in my life. After taking the handful at... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=814197 Tue, 21 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 814197 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=801390&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001089.php Midnight seems to be the magic hour. If I'm awake, I'm conscious that the shaking stops. I can hold both arms out in front of me and my hands are steady with no sign of that fine tremor. My eyes stop feeling big. The staring stops. My head relaxes because the tension in my neck just gives way. My shoulders suddenly slump. Kim would say, "Get your shoulders out of your ears." That's what happens. My shoulders fall out of my ears. The stiffness in my trunk gives way and allows movement at the waist to go in both directions, opposite of my legs. I feel like one of those dancers on those Hanes commercials. Limber, loose...unmedicated. Salient. Is that a word? Is it appropriate for what I feel? Solvent. Does that apply? I'm just picking these words right out of my ass because the sound of them ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=801390 Wed, 15 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 801390 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=794203&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001088.php When I look into the mirror, I see a psych patient looking back. I do. I have that look now. I know it comes from an interaction of two or more of the fifteen psychotropic medications I'm taking these days, but I don't know which ones, and I'm not really sure you can say it's this one and this one and this one. I think it's an under-current of neuroleptic coupled with a mood-stabilizer with a sprinkle of anxiolytic that somehow sloughs off an aura of insanity that I carry with me everywhere. It's obvious now that I'm on meds. Some people might not be able to tell, but they certainly walk away thinking something is amiss. I don't blink enough. My pupils are dilated. I stare too much. The muscles in my face get stiff sometimes and freeze a bit, usually in the shape of a frown, which is muc... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=794203 Sun, 12 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 794203 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=793481&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F08%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-more-of.html I got some more pics of my Doggy Princesses from last weekend's Pride Parade. Behold their lacy pink cuteness.Xiola showing off. Quite the diva.Seriously, could she be any cuter?Me and my special girl, Lulu.I just want to squeeeeeeeeeze them. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=793481 Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:28:00 +0100 793481 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=786739&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F08%2Fbetter-than-cross-dressing-i-guess.html I have just finished a cross-stitching marathon lasting a full 7 hours. I cannot quite believe this but the clock tells me it is true. I was recently turned on to cross-stitch by Julie at www.subversivecrossstitch.com and haven’t stopped since. And then to add to the madness I bought a cross-stitch pattern program online where I can make my own patterns as well. Frankly, I cannot be stopped. Family and friends may as well know now that they will be getting some sort of cross-stitch item for their birthday, Christmas, or any holiday that involves gift giving. Partly because we all know how much people love to receive home-made gifts that take hours and hours and HOURS to create but look so very unsubstantial and moderately hokey. *ahem* But also because I can only put so many of my own ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=786739 Wed, 08 Aug 2007 06:07:00 +0100 786739 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=783909&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001086.php I was supposed to be discharged from the Partial Program Friday but my doctor decided I was decompensating and needing some medication adjustment. Instead of going home that day, I got admitted to the inpatient department on the psycho ward. They did major tweaking of my meds over the weekend (read: added a shit-load) and sent me on my way this morning. This is what it takes now to keep me upright. It took me over an hour to fill that pill dispenser and I still don't think I got it right. LTD is looking it over and finding discrepencies from one day to the next--one blue on Monday night and two blues for Tuesday, one white pill missing from Friday morning. You'd think it was fucking rocket science. The problem is, they made so many changes Friday when I was admitted that I'm not sure w... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=783909 Mon, 06 Aug 2007 04:00:00 +0100 783909 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=774171&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F08%2Fmemories-of-summers-past-well-last.html Friend: I really love your purse.Me: Thanks! I just got it. It is a vegan purse.Friend's Boyfriend: What? It is made out of vegans? (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=774171 Thu, 02 Aug 2007 03:55:00 +0100 774171 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=771630&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2Fplease-stand-by.html I would love to post but I am busy making dog costumes for Gay Pride Weekend. Stay tuned.Will there be photos? Oh yes... (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=771630 Wed, 01 Aug 2007 03:15:00 +0100 771630 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=761524&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2Fi-just-finished-watching-entire-first.html I just finished watching the entire first season of 'The Office' (US version) and can’t quite get that ucky feeling out of my gut. Don’t misunderstand. I laughed my ass off and really enjoyed the show but it is almost a little too lifelike in many ways. I guess that is the beauty of it. You watch and relate viscerally on some level based on your past or present experiences in the work-place. Those ugly and dark employee moments one tries to forget every Friday night at happy hour before you go home and have a real life on the weekend. Here are just a few lovely work related past incidences I wish I could scour from my memory.-When I was in high school I had a cushy summer job at a nearby town’s city hall. It was not unusual to find yourself sharing an elevator with the mayor. He ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=761524 Fri, 27 Jul 2007 02:04:00 +0100 761524 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=758672&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001085.php Well, it's not so much a helmet as it is a strap. ECT begins tomorrow. And because my brain reacts so well, or rather, so much to shock, we are spacing out, pardon the pun, the treatments. I'll have a jolt tomorrow, two next week and then one the week after. Four more and I'll be done with my course. And my very own Dr. K (or his colleague, Dr. R) will be doing them. Anyone will be better than Dr. Little Man. I will tell you the horror story about Dr. Little Man one day. Oh hell, I have time...why not now? He was the doctor who gave me the four treatments while I was in hospital a few weeks ago. Or was it a month ago? I don't know. Time means nothing to me now. The first very strange thing about his technique is that the treatments hurt. Yes, they hurt. I've had, what?, forty or so treatm... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=758672 Thu, 26 Jul 2007 04:00:00 +0100 758672 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=752864&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2F8-random-things-meme.html HAR tagged me for a meme asking that I present 8 Random Things you might not know about me. Or don't really care about. In turn I am supposed to pick another 8 bloggers to do the meme and so on and so on...I pick YOU! If you want to do this meme then please do. And let me know so I can come by your blog and poke fun at all your idiosyncrasies (as I know I am going to be harassed for mine).8 Random Things About Me -I fold my underwear. Panties, bras, everything. -I like complete sets of things. For instance if I break a glass or two I will pack up the rest for the second hand store and get a brand new set. I do not like to mix and match unless it is intentional. -Before you start thinking I am an anal freak-show I also rarely make my bed. Only if I am having visitors. -I almost always eat... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=752864 Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:50:00 +0100 752864 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=747660&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001083.php So I've been attending this Intensive Outpatient Program for mental health stabilization. It's like an outpatient traninging camp kindergarten for people not ready for prime time, which would be me. And I've been rolling along thinking it's all a big joke. Why should I have to be doing this? I'm doing well. I'm taking my meds. I'm washing my laundry. I'm making my bed and doing the dishes every night. I'm maintaining my life. We had this assignment today. A situation. Name a time in your life when you didn't think you were going to make it. List some strategies you used to help get you through it. Discuss with a panel of three of other patients how you got through it. And write down key points that you could use in your current situation. Everyone got to work. I started by coloring in o... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=747660 Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:00:00 +0100 747660 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=733667&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001081.php It's been happening every night about this time....as low as I can go, plunging down into depths I have never known before....there I go swimming into the muck. The tightness I feel in my throat is like a sickness, sucking the sides of my neck inward until it cuts off the flow of oxygen and I swear to God I can't breathe a hint of air. Sometimes I know death is just right around the next corner. I know it like I know the sun will rise, like the next wave will flow in, like the next minute will tick through. And it's not a scary thought. It's just an inevitability. I'm not afraid to die. I'm not at all afraid to die. It's not living that scares me half to death. (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=733667 Thu, 12 Jul 2007 04:00:00 +0100 733667 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=728466&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2Five-got-nothing.html It is hot and I am in the middle of a craft project that is making my brain hurt with concentration. Yoshi is either sleeping or being really crabby. The only thing going on right now is the electric fan.However, we both got over our pitiful selves long enough to do some much needed housework last night.In the style of this. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=728466 Thu, 12 Jul 2007 03:01:00 +0100 728466 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=721328&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001079.php I went to church yesterday and could only stay twenty minutes. It was the same Unity Church that I had attended a few weeks back (months back?), but this time, I did not cry tears of release or joy. I did not feel an overwhelming sense of belonging and serenity. I felt only stifled and cold and because I was unable to sit still, excused myself to the person sitting next to me and left while the minister spoke of blessings for which we should be grateful. Walking out, I silently ran through the list: I am grateful for my child. I am grateful for LTD. I am grateful I have a car to drive. I am grateful I can function on two hours of sleep. I am grateful that madness has not eaten little holes in my brain...yet. I am grateful that Dr. K said I do not yet have to undergo more ECT treatments. ... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=721328 Mon, 09 Jul 2007 04:00:00 +0100 721328 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=716608&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2Fall-sick-and-twisted-roads-lead-to-my.html Once again I have compiled a tremendous list of how various people have found their way to my blog. One could argue that a blog stat counter might just provide information better left unknown. I say knowledge is power and, in this case, pretty fucking bizarre.Here is a list of searches terms that resulted in a visit to this site; -gay hermit -ladies peeing while running London marathon -Yorkie haircuts -why is my poop long and skinny -cross dressers in hair rollers -homemade catshit -fembot nipples -asshole burning by dominatrix -love it when she moans -penis crushing video -getting fucked in slut boots ripping assholes -I am completely alienated how can I fix the world -long johns fever -cute constipated girls -sexy farting women -pussy cancer -butch haircut suck -crush pet hard -shiny bo... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=716608 Fri, 06 Jul 2007 04:06:00 +0100 716608 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=713183&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F07%2Fmemories-of-summers-past.html Many MANY years ago when I lived in my parent’s basement I was working in my jewellery studio at some ungodly late hour when my dad came creeping downstairs holding my brother’s old childhood air rifle. He asked me if I had heard any strange noises outside in the back yard. I totally had not because I was not only using my jewellers’ drill thingy but I also had some sort of music cranked up pretty loud. I turned down my music and grabbed my trusty pepper spray from my purse ready to kick some thief ass and have another great father/daughter bonding moment. I joined my dad at the back door with our ears to the crack trying to hear if anybody was trying to break into the cars or worse, into the house itself. We crouched down in a commando stance and whipped the basement door open hopi... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=713183 Wed, 04 Jul 2007 04:43:00 +0100 713183 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=700928&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F06%2Fok-now-its-getting-silly.html You know what? Most guys ask for your number or for a date. Not these guys. They come on a Saturday night to lurk around my building bothering the neighbours with their sirens and flashing lights.Stalking me under the pretext of checking on a sick old lady. Saw right through that one, I did.And then they came back on Monday night too. Jeeez, guys! Seriously, just send me some flowers or a box of chocolates. Leave the poor old lady from across the street alone.FINE! I'll go on a date with you. As long as you wear those cute boots and suspenders. Clearly, my 'glowing' skin and matching outfit really dazzled these guys. I can't get rid of them. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=700928 Thu, 28 Jun 2007 04:28:00 +0100 700928 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=683169&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F06%2Fin-nutshell.html It is alive…ALIVE! Many apologies for the appalling lack of posting. I have entirely lost my ability to make my boring every day life seem remotely interesting. Thoughts have been popping into my head here and there and I’ve been posting those through my Twitter feature on the right hand side of my blog. But in a nutshell this is one of the highlights of my last week We had another little fire incident at the apartment. Not the scale that went down last August but nevertheless a pain in my ass because each of these wee situations requires me to walk down and up many flights of stairs carrying a cat in a box. Most of the time I ignore the fire alarm as it usually is a result of construction happening on the roof. This time it all unfolded a little differently. So I was getting into ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=683169 Tue, 19 Jun 2007 06:54:00 +0100 683169 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=675918&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F06%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-return-of.html She insinuates herself into the linen like a bad smell.And then lurks in the shadows... (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=675918 Sat, 09 Jun 2007 02:07:00 +0100 675918 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=675410&cid=t_124473_135_f&fid=35274&url=http%3A%2F%2Facidrefluxweb.com%2F%3Fp%3D887 Yesterday was not a great day. Dealing with Typhoid Mary have been building all week as I was taking the live vaccine. Everyday has been a struggle, as I approach the afternoon, my ability to deal with my physical self (energy ) and emotional self would disappear. I kept having to remind myself to stay away from shit that would might be a flashpoint to which I mike react in a way that was disproportional to what was going on. I had made it through the week pretty good. Then a friend wanted me to check out a controversial site on a subject that always gets me going at the best of times. I got the subject matter, and provided some stuff I’d written on it. But then he asked me to look at the site, and what do you know, that flashpoint hit. I just couldn’t help but let the owner of this ... acidrefluxweb.com blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=675410 Fri, 08 Jun 2007 11:32:59 +0100 675410 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=675919&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F06%2Fgetting-all-betty-crocker-on-your-ass.html Over the last few years I seem to be in constant conflict with the food I eat. I have a lot going against me as I am a picky eater, a vegetarian and a disinterested cook. The good news is that while fussy I still like lots of fairly adventurous flavours and I no longer get one of those looks saying, “You goddammed freakin’ hippy-dippy moron.” when I tell people I don’t eat meat. I am still usually the only vegetarian in the bunch but not quite the pariah I was 15 years ago at dinner parties. Of course recently a whole new wrench has been thrown in the works with my cancer diagnosis. There is a lot of data out there that suggests that diet plays a huge part in disease and eating well is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Now being a veghead I’ve never eaten a lot of ... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=675919 Fri, 08 Jun 2007 04:31:00 +0100 675919 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=658906&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001065.php I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2:30. I've been up ever since and have gotten much accomplished. Yes, I'm taking the meds. Seems they take forever to kick in, though, doesn't it? Which brings us naturally to funeral songs. The other night at the BBQ with Ann and Debbie, we all came up with songs we'd like played at our funerals. I've had mine picked out for some time now. MINE: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE" by Bon Jovi LTD: "TIME FOR ME TO FLY" by REO Speedwagon ANN: "SPIRIT IN THE SKY" by The Kentucky Headhunters DEBBIE: "FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY" by The Beastie Boys All appropriate choices, if you ask me. What's yours? (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=658906 Tue, 05 Jun 2007 04:00:00 +0100 658906 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=655499&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001063.php I'm making this quick post to let y'all know that the cook-out was lovely. We had hotdogs and baked beans and chips and it was all just casual and laid-back. Our friends Debbie and Ann are amazing conversationalists and we talked about everything and about nothing at all. Another moment in the partaking of life itself. LTD manned the grill, of course, despite Ann's obvious desire to do so. If you know anything about butches, you'll know what I'm talking about. And now I'm off to church. I have not stopped in my quest to find a place where Spencer and I will fit. This is a Unity Church and I have high hopes. MCC and the United Church of Christ (both gay-friendly churches....hell, MCC is gay centered!). But neither were right for us. I will let you know how it went. I'm nervous about it and... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=655499 Sun, 03 Jun 2007 04:00:00 +0100 655499 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=655498&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001064.php My medicine makes my bed turn in slow circles each time I lie down and close my eyes. At first it is an easy, soothing feeling. I just roll into it, feel it spin me clockwise into these bits and pieces of sleep...promises of dark enchantment. Sleep is an escape for me these days...it is a welcomed reprieve from the constant mood shifts and swings. I'm like a junkie just starting to nod off as the delicious drug makes all the ugly world go away. And then I jolt awake, my head jerking forward as if I've just awoken during a boring class lecture. I've been sparring with sleep these days. At night, when I want it, I get nothing but jabs. I duck and move. During the day when I want to get things done, it comes. I fight it as hard as I can, but it's so seductive, so absolutely exotic and tempt... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=655498 Sun, 03 Jun 2007 04:00:00 +0100 655498 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=650995&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001061.php Blah, blah, blah, blah. I could write this whole entry like that the way I feel right now. I'm having good days and bad days. Yesterday I got so much done! I wrote several articles. I re-edited some very bad writing from a few years ago. I cleaned the house. Did some laundry. Today, I found myself on the couch watching Celebrity Fit Club. All day. Something very wrong there. I'm back on the meds, which is good, but they are kicking my ass. I can barely stay awake and did in fact sleep for hours off and on all day today. I'm actually getting paid for the articles I'm writing now. I should be very excited about that. But I'm not. I also had a major disappointment with school. Seems they didn't get me registered in time and I'm not on the roster and because it's a summer course, they coul... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=650995 Fri, 01 Jun 2007 04:00:00 +0100 650995 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=651087&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F05%2Ffinally-pokey-mcslowerson.html Here it is! What you've been waiting for. A piccie of my post reconstruction hooties and post chemo hair grow-out. I am wearing pink to celebrate with Sharkey. Also because it makes me look hawt. Or maybe that is the hot flashes.~Nipples Not Included~ (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=651087 Thu, 31 May 2007 05:47:00 +0100 651087 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=650996&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001060.php So LTD and I are sitting outside Dr. K's office yesterday. I was feeling a bit nervous and not wanting to go in. (He did start me back on meds, by the way.) Anyway, I was thinking that this was the last place I wanted to be in the world when LTD looks at me and says, "Damn baby, you look like you're about to be electrocuted." Ha ha. Ha ha. It's a riot a minute with this one, folks. (Source: Time for Your Meds) Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=650996 Thu, 31 May 2007 04:00:00 +0100 650996 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=638154&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F05%2Fcrush-your-cats-head-friday-compliments.html Last week I received a package from Mrtl and inside were items of such awe-inspiring magnificence I curled up on the floor and wept like a leeeetle guuuurl. Thanks, Mrtl. Seriously, thanks.Aren't I FAAAAAbulous?Like...whatevER!Can it get any better? Oh, yes. Yes it can.*faints dead away with emotion* *Humbly accepts applause from devoted fans*Relaxing in Cannes. (Source: Von Krankipantzen) Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=638154 Fri, 25 May 2007 18:23:00 +0100 638154 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=603598&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F05%2Fcatching-up.html I was driving around my old neighbourhood today and saw the most charming sight although my first impression was of shock but not for what you’d think. Initially what caught my eye were two huge muscular guys walking down the street. Like enormous hulking guys. Bald. Wearing wife beaters. Picture Mr. Clean but covered in tattoos including their heads. Mr. Dirtys as such. Really tough and scary. That was the shocking part. The part that charmed me was that they were holding hands. It made my day. Sunday was the Vancouver Marathon and the route turned out to go right by my apartment. Not a big deal since I live in a hip urban centre and such. This is all part of the package. What was not so great was that people lined up outside at 7:30 am and started cheering and clapping. Then what adde... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=603598 Wed, 09 May 2007 05:29:00 +0100 603598 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=583826&cid=t_124473_136_f&fid=35315&url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrankipantzen.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F05%2Fon-roll.html I have been very remiss in my blogging duties lately and each night I fully intend to sit down and write something highly interesting, intellectual and introspective but then suddenly see something shiny out of the corner of my eye and I thereby enter a trance-like state of sorts and forget all about my blogging intentions. The fact is this; for some reason I am going through a highly Energetic Phase which is very unlike my normal Every Day Lethargic Phase for the last couple years. Between breast cancer, multiple treatments, 5 surgeries, horrific anxiety and my very own personal pity party I have been sitting on my ass watching a lot of TV lately and doing very little else. Why so hyper now? I am not sure if it is Springtime, my fabulous antidepressants kicking in or melamine poisoning i... Von Krankipantzen blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=583826 Wed, 02 May 2007 05:51:00 +0100 583826 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=479545&cid=t_124473_111_f&fid=34909&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crazytracy.com%2Fblog%2Farchives%2F001045.php When I hear songs from a certain Frou-Frou CD, I am immediately taken back to two summers ago when I lost my mind. I listened to that CD day in and day out, moved to some semblance of sanity, all while my brain slowly disintigrated. I heard one of those songs today, just listening to the radio while cleaning the house, and I lunged at the stereo and shut it off. I used to think the term "losing one's mind" was pretentious, at least when it applied to me, but I'm now almost certain that I'm mere pills away from total destruction...not just during the summer, but now...right here, right now. When I "forget" to take my medicine, even for one day, my mood spirals out of control. I can be depressed enough to pray for death and the next hour, I'm flying weightless through the ether, high as he... Time for Your Meds blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=479545 Wed, 10 Jan 2007 05:00:00 +0100 479545 http://www.medworm.com/index.php?rid=552270&cid=t_124473_140_f&fid=35465&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychlaws.blogspot.com%2F2006%2F08%2Fit-is-mental-health-system-that-is.html Reading through newspaper clips today sparked an epiphany. It is not the mentally ill that are stigmatized by the public as much as it is the mental health “system” that is responsible for their care. Another revelation is that the mental health system’s apparent impotency is responsible for the virtual extinction of successful “not guilty by reason of insanity” (NGRI) pleas. In Canada, one observer lamented the “crazy system” that is responsible for 2 people found NRGI there. The writer gives the impression that he is not so much concerned that “[t]he system is willing to take a chance that the offender, with the right medication and therapy, can be released into the community without re-offending.” What he really found scary was “What if he goes off his meds?” Such ... Treatment Advocacy Center blogs http://www.medworm.com/rss/comments.php?id=552270 Fri, 11 Aug 2006 19:35:00 +0100 552270