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Full up..Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Full upLike a swimmer bursting to the surface, the sun has come out in my life. I have got back in control and back on top of my emotions, my family and my job. I am just, frankly, so goddamn content at the moment.I am settling slowly back into work and my normal working pattern. My beloved daughters are, as ever, gorgeous and I have started exercising regularly and even eating well. I have even started a writing course which is stretching my writing and making me consider seriously whether I am, in fact, a fiction writer, or, as I think I am, a poet..So, you see, my life is full and brimming. Thank you all so much for all...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - May 9, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Definitely DownEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So the past month has been horrible; a time to forget, and move on away from. I have been so down, but down without fully realising what has been happening to me. My concentration is shot to pieces, any work takes me hours and I never seem to finish. The stress generated by my inability to work to my previous standards engenders, naturally, even more pressure. I can't sleep, and when I wake in the morning, I can't get up. The joy has gone from my life and I am irritable with all I love, save my girls, for some reason. And, every time I am irritable with someone I love, I beat myself up completely about it. I have written...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - March 23, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

FinallyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Finally, the clouds are lifting. At last, my mood seems to be climbing up again having been really low over the past month or so. I have been irritable, grumpy with those I love and sleeping an incredible amount. I have also wondered, to be honest, if I was depressed and contemplated meeting a doctor and going onto anti-depressants. I used to be on them, and in fact, only came off in the early Summer after being on them for over twenty years. Because I am a manic depressive, I do have a very sensitive antenna as far as my moods are concerned so when my mood started turning on Sunday I was concerned lest it was a blip of ha...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - February 26, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

IronyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
How ironic that having faced what was, probably, the greatest fight of my life, that I am struggling so much with dealing with real life. When you are dying, everything gets slightly left. After all, what on earth is the point of painting the house, fixing the car, sorting out the junk, when you are not going to be around to see it?But now, now that I am not going to 'shuffle my mortal coil', for a certain time, I feel as though I really can't cope. I am snowed under at work, but unable to concentrate so everything is taking twice as long. Other people, dear family and friends, have naturally ratcheted up their expectation...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - February 16, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

MemoEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have cancer - how bizarre is that? Tonight I drove past a Centre which is being built next to my hospital for people who are living with cancer. Just one week ago I was talking to a counsellor about being a regular visitor there and about telling my children that I had secondary cancer.Just a week ago, I was having the CT scan which has changed my life. I have never had a day like Friday where, suddenly, the world's worries were completely lifted from my shoulders. I completely understand how someone on Death Row feels after a pardon, because I truly felt that I was really alive...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 23, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Questions.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So how does that happen? How do I get diagnosed with secondary cancer in my thymus and right axilla in September and then cancer free in January? Let's review the evidence;September: CT scan which reveals that thymus gland is enlarged. Could be as a result of chemo but Prof wants to check with a PET scan.Late September: PET scan which reveals cancer around the thymus and under the right axilla.October: Needles put into right armpit to try and take out some cancer cells for analysis. No cancer cells found.December: PET scan reveals that cancer has spread from thymus and right armpit into the neck as well. Doctor reluctant...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 20, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

NewsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Brace yourselves, this will be a shock.. As of today, as of this morning, I am cancer free. Yes, you did read that right. The CT scan showed No Sign of Disease otherwise known as NED. I am crying with relief as I write this. I do not have cancer, but I have a future with my children, I have a career, I have a life.Back when I have calmed down!In exultation,Minerva
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 18, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Fritghtened.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Frightened.I am so scared that I am physically feeling sick. I keep crying at silly stuff on television and tears spring into my eyes every time I talk to someone I care about. I so want someone to take me away from all this fear.I keep telling myself that it is either that it is spreading or that it isn't; that this is something that I can be logical about; that the first diagnosis is the worst, and you know what? It isn't working.What on earth did I do to deserve this? What can I do against such an implacable, fierce enemy that stops at nothing, that plunders and ravages my body without stopping? How can I possibly conve...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 17, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

FrightenedEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
.I am so scared that I am physically feeling sick. I keep crying at silly stuff on television and tears spring into my eyes every time I talk to someone I care about. I so want someone to take me away from all this fear.I keep telling myself that it is either that it is spreading or that it isn't; that this is something that I can be logical about; that the first diagnosis is the worst, and you know what? It isn't working.What on earth did I do to deserve this? What can I do against such an implacable, fierce enemy that stops at nothing, that plunders and ravages my body without stopping? How can I possibly convey the shee...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 17, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

BoxesEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
are what my life consists of. On the one hand I have home, family, children, school. I have life, options, plans, careers and a future. I have warmth,love, fun, laughter, enjoyment and fulfillment.On the one hand, I am the luckiest girl on the planet.On the other hand, I have Cancer. I have sickness, hospitals, drips, gowns, tests and scans. I have death lurking at my elbow, illness breathing down my neck and disability clinging to my every step. On the other hand, I am hellishly unlucky.My life at the moment is utterly compartmentalised and to be honest, if that works for me then that should be fine. And, to be fair, in t...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 15, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Big "Week.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Big WeekThere is a lot on this week. My CT scan is tomorrow afternoon and the results on Friday. A CT scan to double check the results of my PET scan before Christmas.I have to say that I have completely submerged my Cancer reality somewhere below the Titanic's resting place at the moment. There is, in my current life, no time, no space and no place for illness, disease and debilitation. I am writing lesson plans like there is no tomorrow, furiously scribbling to-do lists and organising my three children as well as trying to plan a holiday in the summer. Additionally our headmaster is doing on the spot observations of our ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 13, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Sick and Tired.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am fed up of this cancer lark. I can't deny that all the attention was fun in the beginning but it really is beginning to be a bit of a drag, I mean, all these scans and doctors. I mean, anyone would think I was actually sick because I certainly don't feel it! I supposedly have cancer now in three places: thymus; right armpit and now, the left side of my neck. But do I feel ill?The hell I do. I am decidedly stressed because of school. I have so much to do still, get my book written, maybe get this blog published, write diaries for the girls, plan my lessons for next week, and see my friends who I have been neglecting of ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 11, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

StressEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
My path has turned uphill recently and I am finding the road hard. It is full of stones which keep making me falter and the steep gradient and twisted signs mean I keep getting lost and disheartened. Actually talking or trying to face the situation that I am in makes tears prick at my eyelids and the sheer effort of getting up in the mornings for work, is, for the first time in four years, hard. I ache constantly in my hips and my knees and standing after sitting for any period of time means my muscles contract and I limp for the first few paces.I am tired, so very tired. Sleep is constantly just beyond my fingers' grasp, ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 9, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

2008Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
2007 is waving goodbye: its pale fingers just disappearing over the horizon as 2008 blazes into view. I am thrilled to be saying goodbye. 2007 was a horrid year for me marked by docetaxel, disability and dread. 2007 wasn't just stained by cancer, it was soaked by it, drenched in it and even though I face 2008 with the same diagnosis, I feel more accepting of the future.A New Year still holds a thrill, even after all the years I have seen come and go. The white blank page of those days waiting in front still hold a fascination. Who will remember us this year? What world will await us in December having started with such hi...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - January 2, 2008 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

A FindEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
FindingsI found this today on my peregrinations across the web. It is beautiful, moving and speaks so loudly as the kind of person that I long to be but so often fail. Please go and read the full piece and offer your sympathies. Someone dying is awful at any time of year, but terribly poignant at Christmas.Minerva
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 30, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Peace DayEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
The 27th December in our house is called Peace Day after two years ago when exhausted by Christmas and the social rigours of Boxing Day we had a day entirely house bound. Peace Day is defined by laziness: pyjamas are de rigour; returns to the bedroom and duvets are entirely expected and playing games, eating lots of chocolate are the order of the day.A wonderful day until around 3pm when a derisory flick of the radio switch told us of an act which completely undermines Peace Day and the movement for peace the world over: the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. Now I have no insight into the allegations of corruption or anythi...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 29, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Still on EdgeEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Still On EdgeI am so touchy at the moment. I can't seem to take perfectly normal comments and laugh them off as usual. I snap or bite back and can't control myself. I don't do it to people I don't know but those I love most in the world and I have no idea why.I know that my beloved daughters are off tomorrow to their father's for a week and that may have something to do with it, or the return to work next week, or even that the curtain that shrouds the Christmas season from the rest of the year is slowly closing. Certainly, next year will be an even tougher year than this one. I have no idea if I will be celebrating next C...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 29, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

The MomentsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
.So what was really special about this Christmas? I have tried, here, to sum them up.Creeping into my girls' bedrooms to place their stockings at the end of their beds and giggling when the floorboard went. Our wonderful Christmas Eve meal where we laughed with joy at the sheer anticipation of the night and day ahead. The new tradition we established this year of buying each other Secret Santa presents worth a maximum of £3.00 each and laughing at the silliness of them all.The pound of excited feet up the stairs at 9.01am as they realised those lumps on their feet were stockings filled with exciting packages. The hug of o...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 28, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

MishapsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Last year, the house started leaking. My daughter's wall and ceiling stained brown from a leaking pipe and it took a plumber at exorbitant rates to find the leak, and then fix it, which as any gullible punter knows costs double and requires at least 5 visits to numerous hardware shops on behalf of the plumber.This year, it's the lights. My boyfriend and I decided to rewire our dimmer switches and 'pop!' the lights went. I sit here waiting for an emergency electrician to arrive. I tried calling 8 all of which were 'busy' over Christmas. I was asked to wait until the 2nd of January and with no downstair lights at all, that w...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 28, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HomelessEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I have been sitting here for hours. It is so cold I can feel the concrete through my thin blanket and my feet are completely lost to any sensation. I have a sign telling people I am homeless, found the pen in a chip shop and the card is a piece from a box left out in the rain. I have given up looking at the eyes of the shoppers: I feel so ashamed, so ashamed to be begging when others are out shopping for their loved ones. Mine are at home: I had to run away after my father walked out and my step father moved in. I can't bear the arguments, the shouting and the tears. I had to walk out, had to find my own way.And here it is...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 23, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Internet shopping ISN'T easier...Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Internet shopping ISN'T easier.I mean, that isn't strictly true. Yes, the packages have been rolling in through the second week of December and, to be honest, I am nearly done without really having to sniff a shop. But now, the situation has turned critical. My nephew's present was delivered to work instead of home and I have had to get another one delivered to my home address. And my mother's present which was meant to be delivered a couple of days ago hasn't arrived yet!So what do I do? Today I have waited in all day waiting for these deliveries, because you can bet, can't you, that as soon as I am out of sight of my fro...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 22, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Scared...Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
ScaredI am a little nervous about tomorrow. I have just shrugged it off to others telling them that being told the first diagnosis is the worst, or that they can't tell me anything I don't already know, but my mind is constantly churning. I don't know what they are going to say tomorrow. Will there be a limiter? A two year/one year/ six month sentence? Will it have spread conspiciously to an organ of mine?And then, there's telling the kids. I mean, at the moment, there seems absolutely no point. I am well, I seem to be improving and there is no outward sign that I have this disease at all. My nose hasn't turned green, or m...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 21, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Good news - ish..Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Good News - ish.I suppose it is good news, she says, grudgingly. The cancer in my armpit and my thymus has not grown bigger or advanced. That is great but there is a possible new area in my neck. There is nothing to feel though so it could be a falst postitive as PETs are renowned for it. The problem is that they are so new the doctors do feel uncertain of how to proceed and need backup from other sources. The Prof. feels that it isn't enough to base treatment on so I have had blood tests for markers today and I am having a CT scan in three weeks time to see if they come up on that as well.So why, if it's good news, do I ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 21, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

RushEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Wow, it's been busy. With the end of school and the commensurate celebrations that take place as well as the beginning of our Christmas preparations, I haven't had a minute to sit down and blog. Tomorrow I am off to the hospital again to find out what Mr C has got up to since our last snapshot together and the boyfriend arrives as well.So for today, I am clinging to a life raft of an island away from yesterday and tomorrow. Today we are going to snuggle inside my little house. The girls want to bake this afternoon and I can't wait to spend the time with them. Today, it is just us, just the animals and the girls having fun ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 20, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

MushEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am not, by nature, a church goer or a church follower. I *think* I am still a Christian, but for obvious reasons my faith wavers mightily, like a candle in a draught. But, and it is a big but, I do love carols and churches before Christmas.Tonight, was my school's carol service. And as we sang 'The Holly and the Ivy' and 'Little Town of Bethlehem', I did have a bit of an out of body experience as myself, floating high by the stone columns watched the inner me, down in the pews slowly melt to mush.What is it about an organ, a choir and a harmonious chorus that is so moving? I felt tears prick at my eyes tonight as I looke...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 17, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

My Very Own MiracleEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
. An afternoon spent at the temple of Mammon otherwise known as Ealing Broadway Shopping centre. The place was packed with harassed shoppers carrying huge bags full of boxes, presents and toys. It was more like a dodgem stall than a shopping centre as we blundered into other people, caught by huge bags twisted round hands white with the imprints of thin, cruel handles. Parents dragged small children through the shops, with admonishments of not to touch, not to stray, not to wander. Teenagers hung round corners, chatting with their friends and young lovers scowled with frowns of disappointment as their beloveds didn't telep...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 16, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

FinallyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Finally Christmas really feels just around the corner. Today we decorated our tree, and somehow the ancient ritual smoothed the path to the clearing of Christmas. It started with tidying up my ridiculously untidy sitting room, moving to the second Act of rummaging in the dusty loft for the ancient box of decorations clawed to death by the three cats of the house. The last Act is always finding those lovely baubles which we forget every year only to be reminded just how glorious they are when they come out. Characters from childhood, and even the glittery ones we made the year my husband and I split up and we had no Christ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 15, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

DeathEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Death is all around me at the moment, but I don't mean in a bad way. How much of a paradox is that, or is it an oxymoron? I always get the two muddled. No, death is definitely on my mind, but it isn't in a depressing way or a self pitying way. No, it is rather on my mind like a trip to the supermarket, or getting the children ready for a new school term.I think of it as something to be approached practically and thoughtfully. I have considered visiting the local hospice to prepare myself, thinking of making a living will so that my wishes are respected, and of going to an undertaker's to find out what the options are and h...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 14, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HappinessEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Tonight, the lights are on in my house. Tonight, three gorgeous children are snuggling around me on the old worn blue sofas. Tonight I have a hand on each child, and heads cuddling my lap. Tonight, my fears are calmed and my worries soothed.Tonight, I am a mother. Tonight my children, all my children are home and I am so content. Tonight life is wonderful. Tonight, I am exactly where and how I want to be. Tonight, being a mother at home, watching the television, normally a completely pedestrian activity is heightened to an extraordinary one.There is no greater love than a parent for their children, and tonight, my heart si...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 13, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HospitalsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So, the scan. Same boring routine. Into the hospital, up to Nuclear Medicine and greeted by the same girl as last time. Weighed, measured, and then radioactive material injected into my veins. Or at least that's the theory! The reality? Four jabs at my right arm and each time the veins came up empty. It took us half an hour to finally inject the serum. And how strange is it to have someone holding a lead lined syringe of radioactive material which they are injecting into my veins! An hour then of lying on a bed before an hour and a half in a low ceilinged cylindrical tube.As the material is taken up more quickly by cancer ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 12, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Peace.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
PeaceIt's turned cold in London. The chill kind of cold, where the dampness seeps through your clothes, your scarf and gloves into your bones. The cold that you can't shake off without a fire, and where your feet feel permanently chilled.It's dark as well. Dark when I wake up and dark when I leave work. The sun tries to break through clouds but it is rare, and even rarer seen. Winter has hit us and the snooze button on my alarm clock is in much greater use than before.My next PET scan is tomorrow and winter may be hitting my body too. I get the results in two weeks time and I have to say, that ostrich head of mine is hitti...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 11, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Two QuestionsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
.Thank you to everyone who read the latest post and I am so glad it was helpful. Two questions arose: the first regarding hope and the second about what to say when first diagnosed.Well the second one is the easiest. No matter what, mention it. The situation I was given was that you bump into someone recently diagnosed and they don't mention it. Well, as far as I am concerned, go ahead. I won't mention it to people because I don't know if they know and I don't want to make people cry! If you go ahead and talk about it, that gives me the freedom to discuss it too. Oh, and by the way, mention the cancer word - don't hide aro...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 10, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

10 Top Tips to help someone dying of Cancer.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Whenever I think that my blog is superfluous to the plethora of information there is out there on cancer and dealing with it, someone writes to me and tells me it just isn't true. I received an email two days ago from someone whose close relative had just been diagnosed with Stage IV Cancer. Stage IV means secondary cancer: it means that the cancer has moved on from whereever it was originally and inhabited another part of the body, just like mine. I wrote back immediately but my mind has been percolating over her questions and so, here are my top 10 tips.1. Deal with it away from the person. Find someone who can help you ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 9, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

In MemoriamEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
A grey, blackish, brackish day in London. A day where the clouds begin and the rain ends and there is no sun. A day where death stalks us on the pavement, and where a black pallor hangs like a shroud over London.There it was, or rather, there you were, a dead bird on the pavement. Shuffled to one side, out of the foot fall of walkers, mothers and children you were tucked against a wall, legs clenched up to your chest, beak finally silent and wings held close. Why?Did you give up? Was the cold, the grey sky, the lack of food, the predatory cats that roam the streets too much for you? Was the sheer adversity of living the ul...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 8, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Christmas in the air.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Christmas is in the wind. It flows down the glittering streets, curls its way through the windows and gleams through shop windows. Suddenly, pine trees are everywhere, sparkling and dancing with coloured lights, whispering to all that Christmas is coming... Are you ready?As I drove home tonight, the pale street lights reflected off shopping bags packed with love and thought, ready for sellotape and labels to lie, in anticipation under the trees at home. I can smell the anticipation, the excitement glittering in children's eyes, the tingle in the blood as we slowly count down to Christmas.I am so lucky to have had a happy c...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 7, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Jingle Bells.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Jingle BellsFor my sins I have a dog and three cats. Three gorgeous cats each one full of its own personality and foibles. Bossy Bessy loves to sit one one's knee and yowls until you stroke her, Pickle is a scavenger always looking for an extra morsel of food, and Poppy? Well Poppy is quite honestly mad. She was feral when I adopted her and half siamese, she is extremely vocal when stroked and picked up yowling until she is put down again.Pickle, being male, is quite happy to hang out in front or even on top of the television but the two girl cats, Bessie and Poppy are hunters. Wild, great hunters who have woken me up befo...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 6, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HappinessEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
. For some reason life just seems to be going right at the moment. I feel so utterly fulfilled at work with the boys that I am lucky enough to teach. My children at home are delightful and Christmas, with its sparkly fingers and hands of family togetherness beckons from just around the corner.I think the real reason underlying all is friendship. Last night I went out for dinner with my two greatest friends and it was wonderful. Wonderful because despite being a threesome, we were all loving, interested and supportive, wonderful because great friends who know all about each other, who are honest and committed to the core ar...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 5, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

This Christmas..Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
This ChristmasThis Christmas, I will try to remember it could be my last. That it could be my last without being under the influence of chemotherapy drugs and that it may well be my last with hair.This Christmas I will savour all the delights of my wonderfully warm and dysfunctional family and I will smile through it. I will thank my family for their loving support over the last couple of years and I will try to spread love and happiness through my brother's house on Christmas day.This Christmas, I will be grateful for my brother's smile, my mother's enthusiasm, my sister in law's patience, my step mother's jollity and my ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 4, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

A TargetEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Today something memorable happened. I bought shampoo from the local supermarket. Yes, I finally have enough hair to wash - how exciting is that? When I look back to April and May when I was completely bald, I used to look at the shampoo aisle and realise, after pangs of yearning, that I was saving so much money, no cuts, no shampoo and no conditioner.It seems to be emphasised at the moment as my three daughters all want hair straighteners, or curlers for Christmas. Hair, for a woman, is a big deal and even now, after my shampoo addition to my basket, I still miss my long hair. The hair I had before I got cancer the first t...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 3, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HolidailiesEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Christmas is heralded by many things: terrible advertisements exhorting you to get your gifts now; awful weather; the smell of pine leaves in the air; wreaths appearing in doorways and exoneration from the usual calorie restrictions we impose on ourselves. On the internet, and particularly in the blogging community, Christmas is announced by Holidailies, an opt in community where each blogger vows to update their blog every day from December 1 to January 1.It can be demanding and difficult over the holiday time where there is so much going on, but it can also be fun, and I really enjoyed it two years ago when I participate...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 2, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

The Joy of Forgetting.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am one of those people who always forget where they have put things, especially keys. Every morning, every evening, I mislay them. I can't find them constantly at school forever looking 'in the last place' I had them for those miscreants. If you met me, you would see me ever searching pockets, bags and shelves for the elusive place where I put them last.I have always cursed this terribly impractical memory of mine. Telephone numbers aren't a problem, but keys, glasses, books and wallet somehow sneak under the radar. At the moment though, I have to say that forgetting is a blessing, for I seem to be forgetting that I have...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - December 1, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Real LifeEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Real life has trampled on any idea of mine of luxuriating in my secondary status. No, it has elbowed any thoughts of immuring myself in a cancer bubble bath for the moment. Books need marking, eldest daughter has has friends over for the weekend, and the daily jobs are just piling up. Worries about what to buy twin 1, 2 and Eldest daughter for Christmas have completely elbowed all thoughts of cancer and premature life spans out of the way.Frankly, thank goodness! We cancer victims forget that other people's lives and worries are just as valid as our own sometimes. I still meet people who had their run in with cancer years ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - November 25, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Saying GoodbyeEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So how does a mother say goodbye to her children? How do I communicate my love, my joy and the fact that I really do always want to be there to my children? I have been thinking about this all week, about how to start.I have started boxes. The girls call them the 'depressing boxes' and they contain letters, photographs, poems, cards, pictures and drawings that they have made through the years. I am a hoarder: I can't throw anything away at all. What a blessing all that clutter is! I haven't been able to approach the letter writing though. That all seems unnecessary at the moment although when I am with them, I find that I ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - November 8, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Enough is Enough.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
EnoughEnough is enough. I have had it. The results of the ultrasound scan are through. They put the needle in my lymph nodes four times to find cells to analyse and the results are back. No cancerous cells at all and the nodes looked normal on ultrasound. Now that doesn't mean it isn't there, but it does mean that it isn't growing exponentially, that it hasn't become a discernible tumour yet, and that I have hope. Not just a tiny crack of hope that squeezes its way through a chink in the cancer nightmare, but a huge glaring beam of it.I am resolute and determined. Tomorrow I start a new regime. Green tea, salads, and exerc...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - November 4, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Thank youEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Thank YouThank you to everyone who has been so wonderful to me over the past 10 days. I have been so low... Of that, more later, but for now, a new friend has sent me the following and I can't tell you how much it has helped me...MinervaDaily Survival Guide by Thomas L. McDermitt a long-time cancer patient and skepticToday I am going to try to live through this day only, and not dwell on or attempt to solve all my problems at once. Just focus on the piece that is today. I can do something for several hours that would be difficult to even think about continuing for several months.Just for today, I am willing to accept the p...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - November 3, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

Grief.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
GriefI feel like I have been in tears for three days straight. I started on Sunday night and I can't seem to keep a lid on the feelings like I could in the last month. I even had my ultrasound scan yesterday and just wept like a child all the way through, tears sliding down my cheeks during perfectly rational discussions about lymph nodes and needles.It is grief, pure untrammalled grief. Grief for the life of the woman whose dancing days are over. Grief for the future of my children, of those weddings that I may not get to see or be at, for those days where a mother's arms are needed and aren't there. Grief for a life not ...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - October 31, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

HopelessEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I think I am grieving..or rather I hope I am for at the moment I am on the edge of a horrible precipice where every tiny glimpse over the edge makes me cry. I cry for the lives of my children, un mothered, the life of my brother, un sistered, the life of my boyfriend, un partnered, and my mother, un daughtered. I am all undone, like a Christmas tree, the day after, looking rather sad and bedraggled. I can't stop and get off this hope less treadmill. Someone talked to me of three to ten years and I have just thrown my hands in the air. I know it to be three: that as it was given three to fifteen months to come back and is b...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - October 29, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

ForgettingEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Slowly but surely the pain is receding. I have learnt that my mind is like a giant library and I seem to have stuck the cancer box with all its attendant fears in a white plastic box right at the back, on a top shelf behind humour and getting on with life. The only time it raises its lid is when I am treated diffidently by someone when I long to shout at them that I have secondary cancer, that I only have a limited time to live and they should treat me with respect... Luckily, the rational part of my brain then springs into attention and slams the box shut before it is opened too far.I am in Spain for half term. My childre...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - October 22, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

ScansEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
The postal strike in England has now resolved and suddenly my door mat is awash with letters from hospitals. The first appointment is an ultrasound scan to try and find the cells under my arm, and if they can see them, to take some to check the oestrogen receptor status. Why is this so important? Oestrogen receptive tumours tend to be less aggressive (usually!), and they do what they say on the tin, they are fed by oestrogen which means that if you strip the body of the hormone, the tumour itself should shrivel up. My first tumour, (what an expert I have become!) was oestrogen positive but the second recurrence in the lymp...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - October 16, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs

ShockEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am in a room with a monster who sits in the corner. A monster which is black, silent and deadly. A monster whose gaze digs into my back when I turn away, a monster whose presence I can forget for moments at a time, who retreats when I am teaching, sleeping or doing something which requires all my concentration. As soon as that activity stops, it starts again, staring into my heart and my mind, its tendrils snaking their way into my deepest fears and worries.I have been unable to cry. I just feel utterly numb, a little stressed which expresses itself in a shorter temper. I can't sleep properly and haven't been able to sin...
Source: A Woman of Many Parts - October 11, 2007 Category: Cancer Authors: Minerva Source Type: blogs