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Home for the HolidaysEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I really do like this time of year. Actually, from October through January, it is a fun time to be alive. Halloween offers pumpkins, the coolness of the spooky, and the first taste of cold weather. Thanksgiving offers food, friendship, the family we choose. And Christmas/Solstice is, for me, an excuse to bake and share the stuff I make. And to examine my life, figure out what is working, what is not. And make changes accordingly A terrific lady from the ferret shelter just left my place with her arms loaded with cheerios bars (three kinds) and about 36 cupcakes. She is having some sort of gathering with the kids she tea...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 13, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

BetterEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
For decades, the best part of having a Dad who was a member (and often President) of the local Civitan's Club in North Carolina was the Brunswick stew. The group, mainly consisting of older guys, made themselves useful by performing acts of civic awareness. They built ramps for the wheelchair-bound in the community, they delivered food to homeless shelters, and did all sorts of cool things for people with developmental disabilities. And they raised money two ways; a hot dog stand at the city's 4th of July street fair, and an annual Brunswick Stew sale. This was some heady stuff, this stew. Prepared in huge cauldrons, st...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 11, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Day four, only notEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am done digitizing for the night. My gift to Mom, and if they want it, the rest of the family, is the entirety of the family album. Every photo we have taken as a family or individuals, from 1950 to the present, reconstructed, refined, corrected, and placed in an archival album. The upside? All the photos on disk, in DVR format, and also stored in a glossy archival quality album that replaces roughly three feet of photo album space on the families' bookshelf. And mine, of course. The downside? All the tricks and tweaks I learned as a graphic restorer makes this thing come out to about ten minutes per photo, on average....
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 10, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

day 3 p 2Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Adam is asleep in his chair, which is par for the course on our Sunday night standing date. I just cleaned out the ferret cage, installing the new supercool Superpets bed I won yesterday at the shelter holiday party. Richard won a flea egg comb, which looked enough like a lice nit comb for me to give him hell about it. He said I could have it, so now I finally have my nephew something for his stocking. All in all, a good weekend. Had terrific food, watched some cool movies with my two best Atlantans, played about five hours' of DDO with my dear friends from across the country (and around the world) and am just about don...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 8, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Day 3 p.1Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I know it's rather presumptuous of me to write Part One of a blog, when I haven't even taken time to write both parts yet. But I woke up this morning with two distinct ideas in my head, and would rather split them up than write a schizophrenic blog. Of course, I have certainly done so in the past. Just not on purpose. Pedestals. Something a good friend wrote in the "comments" section of an earlier blog forced me to examine a few things, and not exactly without some painful realizations. I suppose any realization that's worth anything is at least a little painful It was recently brought to my attention that there has bee...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 7, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Day 2Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
A fever dream, from the arctic explorer, lost in the wilderness, in which he fancies himself on another life, in another time. A freelance writer and recovering actor in the American south. And whilst he enjoys the snark of this particular series, another world, arguably a real one, does creep in from time to time. It is cold here, but not snowing. Woke up a few days ago with a montrous crick in my back/neck. Sleeping the last few days seems to be making it worse, but Ibuprofen helps some. I am writing this stooped over, as it seems to the the only comfortable position. Perhaps later, I will try a soak in a hot tub, thou...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 6, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

jkinatl2 in exile Day 1Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
It has been a stormy day. The winds have taken the stars. Our camp has decided to hoist tents for the duration. The dogs are restless, perhaps seeing something, someone, that we do not. I am trying to get drunk from the medical supplies, in a vain attempt to forget the obvious; that my party and myself are scoured from the group. We are in exile. We are forcibly removed because we dared to be smart and strong. Smarter, perhaps, and stronger than we deserved. We, our group, still had much to contribute to the cause. We value science, to the last of us. We value honesty, to a fault. We want to make places safe, make them ...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 5, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

My high standards of literacyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
It has come to my attention that I have been mean to someone. Someone who was not at all kind to me, and has not been kind to other forum members for a while now. Apparently, by calling the person on his behavior, whilst never once mentioning his literacy or his word usage, I am mean. Apparently, people who are cruel and dismissive of others are allowed to behave badly, whereas those like myself who treat them as adults and hold them to standards of behavior, not literacy, are punished. This bodes badly for the forums, when voices like my own are silenced, and attacks on me and others are allowed to perpetuate. I am s...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 5, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

cocoon envyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Benjamin ferret doesn't care much, anymore. I wake him up from deep sleep, and all he wants to do is crawl on my chest and lick my nose and mouth. It seems to give him joy, so I let him. He is amazingly gentle and never nips. And sometimes, is so overcome by his moment of contact that he draws back from licking me, and licks his lips with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, a ferret sign of rapture. But when I let him out to play with the others, there is not so much joy or interest. He wanders the apartment for a little while, then finds a piece of cloth on the floor or spends time opening the animal carrier in the corner, ...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - November 12, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Days of the DeadEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
This weekend exists out of time and space for me. Whatever I am going through, Halloween is a great opportunity to step outside of myself and be someone else. In pagan ritual, this was meant to confuse the dead. Sometimes I think I do this for the same reasons, today. Just finished carving my Jack O'Lantern out of a pumpkin Adam brought from the zoo. Adam and i were going to hang out tonight, while I finished my Captain Kirk costume (need to cut the boots and dye the strings on the sweats). But he was tired, and bummed. I was sorta hoping to be a cheerleader of sorts tonight, give him some distraction (food and TV) that ...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 31, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

StayEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Adam makes a joke about snapping Benjamin's neck, and I almost get angry. Of course, he ALWAYS makes the same joke about Benjamin, whenever I ask him to assist me in trimming their nails (I scruff and hold them, and he deftly clips the nails). “Look at him, he is so ugly. Bald and wrinkled and God, he smells bad.” Benjamin yawns, washing the both of us in breath that can charitably be described as corpselike. Adam shudders, pulls away. “Just juice it,” he says, “or let me snap it's neck.” “No one's neck is being snapped,” I reply, a little testier than I ought to. It's been a long night, and I am sleep...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 26, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Water BabyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am falling, or maybe flying. I have met the Under Toad, and he is me. I am three years old, maybe four. Possibly only two. Swinging my chubby feet in the warm chlorinated water. Mom sits in a lounge...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - August 13, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Keep breathingEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Breathe in, breathe out. Easy enough, most of the time. Forgive my indulgence, I really wanted to give a heads up to where I have been since, well, forever. Woke up the other night unable to do those things. Ended...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - August 1, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Don't Leave me This WayEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
It's proven to be an interesting process. Sometimes, like today, I am not altogether certain I enjoy it with the zeal it deserves. Woke up with Richard, snuggling in a King Sized Bed (do I cuddle with all my friends?...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - July 6, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

LuckyEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I had an ex once who derisively noted that I do not refer to myself as an adult. Grown-up, guy, and a thousand other euphemisms, sure. Thing is, I don’t FEEL like an adult. I don’t feel like authority,...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - June 4, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Armed for BearEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
It's 9:45 AM on Saturday. I have been up for about half an hour. Am sitting on my futon, sipping Irish Breakfast tea and eating some dry breakfast cereal, despite neither being thirsty nor hungry. A fella has to...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - May 31, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

FaustianEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I just got back from my ID doctor. I made her laugh. Giggle, really. Which, according to my late father, is important in dealing with those who have power over you. Make yourself memorable, make them like you, and...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - May 28, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

RosesEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I sit in the uncomfortable wicker chair, made only marginally bearable by the thick pillow in the seat. The air is bordering on the dry, enough to make my lips chapped. It is hot, though a brief snow flurry cascades...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - February 29, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Heart MurmursEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I am furious with myself today, for I am faint of heart. On my birthday, I called my Mom to thank her for giving birth to me. Mom, less than two weeks out of the hospital after undergoing emergency surgery....
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 30, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Birthday wishesEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So the ferrets are sitting in a pile. Zachary and Duncan are on one level of the cage. Benjamin is bored, and has curled up in the bottom of the cage. For the longest time, Zachary and Duncan have been...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 29, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Damage ControlEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Just got off the phone with my Mom. She is recovering very well from her recent heart surgery. Neither of us knew just how close to death she really was, until she flatlined on the table while they were putting...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 26, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Catching upEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
It’s been a while. I apologize. The iBook gave up the magnificent ghost in October, and my greatest shame is that my desktop, while still a powerhouse for digital stuff (in it’s own sweet, oddly pathetic, slow way) is no...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 24, 2008 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

VotiveEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I have some kickass candles. And I like lighting them, usually at least one a day (the votives burn for a whopping 12-18 hours each. Seriously kickass). I like the way they smell, I like the soothing nature of...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 22, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

For ChristineEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Dirge without Music Edna St. Vincent Millay I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground. So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind: Into...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 18, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

new doctor, numbersEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So I meet with my new doctor last week. My favorite doctor, Dr. Kagan, finally and inevitably moved from clinician to researcher. I knew this would happen. I have a special affinity for science geeks, and given the changing face...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 2, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Wuthering HeightsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So a combination of offhanded drug therapy, combined with a Benadryl for allergies and a whole Klonopin (I usually take half) for this lingering unease I can't seem to shake made their way through my bloodstream tonight. I played...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 25, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

ZanarkandEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
People suck. And I say that because, as people, I suck. Tonight anyhow So I waited until 1:30 for the guy to call. I spent yet another weekend waiting for a call that did not come. And I spent another...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 23, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Party CityEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Current T Cell count – negligible Current Viral Load – Lottery winning Current mood – Cool with that So I’m at the Party Store, browsing. I do this a lot, wander through places like that, planning, getting ideas, for dates...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 19, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Brett SomersEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Brett and Charles, thanks So this weekend I find out that yet another childhood icon had died. Brett Somers, the ex-but not ex-wife of Jack Klugman and erstwhile Match Game panelist has died at age 83. After a long battle...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 18, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Courage = fear-timeEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Last night, I took my pills. Tonight, I am not going to. There are things stronger than logic, stronger than fear of death, stronger even than my great love for science. Feeling like crap, and the prospect of continuing to...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 12, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

StillEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I drag Benjamin out of his silent sleep, and kiss his face. He is almost bald, the cancer having taken his fur and his finery. His skin is thin, and tender, and my touch is not necessarily gentle, considering. But...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 8, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

My New Best FriendsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
In the last month and a half or so, I started a regimen of antivirals I would seriously not recommend, nor am truly eager to discuss. It’s not something I am taking for the long haul. I am taking them...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - September 2, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Baby BookEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I stumbled across mine when I was home visiting Mom. Old, cracked, dusty. But there were milestones listed, pages of firsts. First steps. First lock of hair. First words. I could not help but notice that the baby...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - August 4, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

substanceEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Ghosts appear and Fade Away -Colin Hays (men At work) Benjamin ferret walks with a waddle, dragging his hind quarters a little. He has advanced adrenal disease, and even a melatonin implant does not seem to be quite helping. Surgery...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - July 14, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

hurtingEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
ack, these treatments hurt a lot. Note to self, when dipping down to the twenty-something level of T Cell activity, try not to expose yourself to fungus. Fungizone sucks. Oh, and Fungizone is a registered trademark. Any use of this...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - July 4, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

HaterzEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
from the comments: "This is the biggest pile of self-serving, crybaby bull that I've heard in years. If you aren't taking your meds you don't get better. Pity parties are for cowards. 23 years with HIV and 2 bouts of...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - June 21, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Going through the motionsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
"I touch the fire and it freezes me. I look into it, and it’s black Why can’t I Feel? My skin should crack and peel… I want the fire back." from Buffy The Vampire Slayer Say what I might about...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - June 16, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

My Brave FaceEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
My brave face Haven’t blogged lately. Or written much of anything at all in the last few months. Been terribly tired, presumably recovering from PCP. But recovery is a tricky thing. In the case of pneumonia, it’s an excrutiatingly slow...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - June 8, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Time enoughEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
We all decide what, and whom are worth our time and energy. And with relatively advanced illness, those expenditures of energy become more precious and more thoughtful. Last weekend, I went to the Renaissance Faire with my friend Richard. It...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - April 24, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Reports of my death have been highly exaggerated.Email this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
When I last posted, I was on the absolute cusp. Could have gone either way, and was so beaten down by over six month’s worth of exhaustion and pain that I simply failed to care much, one way or the...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - April 18, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

denouementEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Joey Baby Don’t get Crazy Detours Fences I get Defensive It is not an easy world to maneuver, when we know that the person in front of us is precisely whom s/he represents. It is not an easy world where...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - April 18, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

AliveEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
There is magic in this world. There is beauty and hope and splendor. There are enchantments, magnificent deceptions. There are places to meet your birth, and your death. There are truly marvels, if we are open to recognizing and accepting...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - February 13, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Rock Paper ScissorsEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I had some energy today, and decided to write two blog entries. One dry and boring about Kaletra and maudlin stuff like dying, and racing time, whatever. This is the other one. My best friend is giving me two...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 26, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

The Devil You knowEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
So I am staring at my pile of pills. Two Kaletra, an AZT, two Invirase, Bactrim. Add to the mix a Claritin and a couple of Tylenol for the inevitable headaches. I will wash it down with a teaspoon of...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - January 26, 2007 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Home for the HolidaysEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I wake up, drenched from head to toe again, but still feeling unnaturally hot. My bed clothes and pillows are clammy and damp. Its like trying to sleep in a pile of laundry which has been washed in saltwater, but...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 19, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Happy WADEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
HIV is bullshit. AIDS is bullshit. Waking up seven times a night to find the smaller and smaller dry spot in the bed is bullshit. Doing laundry when I feel like crap because I went through SIX sets of sheets...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - December 2, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

CelestialEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
I went to get the mail tonight, taking the ferrets in my little geeky pet stroller. Anyone who has had ferrets knows that, barring carrying them in your arms (slippery eels, ferrets) it’s the only way to travel. They love...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - November 19, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

UnafraidEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
This has been a tough week, just one infection after another, and now I have to go back to the doc for more poking and prodding. Twice a year I spend two months sick, sinus infection becoming bronchitis or pneumonia,...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - November 6, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Just Fade AwayEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Jeff getty died. For folks who don’t remember, he was an amazing AIDS activist who was most prolific in his struggles in the years before Protease Inhibitors. He pushed and pushed, advocated for access to experimental, even dangerous, sometimes foolish,...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 16, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs

Autumn in AtlantaEmail this article to a colleague. Save this article to My Clippings. Discuss or comment on this article.
Okay, I know I wasted over half of it already, what with being sick and stuff. But it’s time to take back October. The antibiotics are doing their antibodywork, the anti thrush meds are, um, dethrushing me. I am back...
Source: Jonathan's HIV Blog - October 15, 2006 Category: HIV AIDS Source Type: blogs